1srelluc
Diamond Member
- Nov 21, 2021
- 47,857
- 68,296
TLDW cliff notes:
Historical records include gambling, public intoxication, barfights, punching British officers, ordered 500 lashings as punishment, survives 500 lashings, getting shot in the face, killing Indians with tomahawks, stealing horses, burning down tobacco shacks for revenge, having whores use his line of credit to buy lingerie, marries one, who was the daughter of some wealthy dude, so he married up, became a land owner for social status.
Then war breaks out.
Volunteers to be an officer for more status, and Frederick County, Virginia is like this 6'4" unkillable ruthless giant wants to lead our men into battle - sounds good. Approved!
(my county was formed in part from Frederick Co.)
Oh, but there's more!
Travels 23 miles a day, in 21 days to Boston by foot, and are the first ones there by over a week.
Gets suicide squad orders from GW to attack Quebec Canada, so he attacks a barracks by climbing up a ladder, get's blasted in the face, falls off ladder, falls on a cannon, climbs up again, kills 30 dudes, does CQB shit with muskets and swords.
British officer demands he surrenders with hundreds more red coats next to him, so Morgan shoots him directly in the face as his reply, and charges into the line.
The British surround him, demand he lays down his sword, he says from my cold dead hands fuck faces, and a Priest walks up, and he gives it to him instead of the British dogs, and becomes a POW.
He get's offered a pardon if he works for the British, but remembers the 500 lashings, and say's blow me. GW eventually get's him set free a year later.
GW is like you're dope, lead this rifle company, not musket company, so you can kill more shit with accuracy, and go due guerrilla warfare shit aka The Patriot style with professional soldiers, not militia.
1777, Gen Burgoyne wants to cut America in half at Saratoga. Morgan does Morgan shit taking out scouts, so the American's know the battlefield, the British don't.
When the battle kicks off, Morgan picks off like all the officers, and 75% of the artillery men, but the British took the land that Morgan was defending, so technically they won the battle.
But Morgan sees general Simon Fraser, orders one of his men to scale a tree, shoots him in the face. Then they start taking shots at Gen Burgoyne, land 3 shots on him, hat, horse, coat, and he's like fuck this, im out, and surrenders like a bitch.
He get's passed up for two promotions because he's undignified, and not a social class dude, but a poor kid, and says fuck you guy's I'm out, I'm going back to Frederick County Virginia.
General Horatio Gates begs him, Morgan says I'll do it only if you make me a General. Gates is like Congress has to do it, and Morgan tells him thats nice, tell me how that goes, I have cows to milk now. - Annnnd he eventually gets promoted.
So the British are like fuck, Morgan is back again. So they send in Banastre Tarleton (horse dude from The Patriot).
After playing cat and mouse games against Tarleton for months, they say fuck it, let's go - at the battle of cow pens. He baits Tarleton to fight him head on at this shitty camp between two rivers.
Morgan is walking around his camp shirtless, carrying a sword, showing off his scars saying we're going to fuck up the British tomorrow, so Tarleton can take the bait.
Morgan puts the militia in the center of his formation, regulars on the flanks. Total 180 of what you normally due because when the militia routes, you're fucked. Tarleton is like fuck yes, charge that bitch head on, so the militia fires a volley and flees upon a hill - just like they were ordered to by Morgan last night, shirtless, drunk and talking mad shit.
When Tarleton chases them over the hill, and down the hill, he is greeted by the biggest "oh fuck" moment of American history, where 600 formed in ranks continental soldiers are ready to greet the out of ranks running British, and massacre them all as the original flanks of the formation (those regulars) turn, box them in, and send them all to hell.
In the end, Virginian's are the most bad ass American's ever. My AO is home to the biggest American badasses ever. If you disagree, come to Warren/Frederick County, Virginia and we can sort it out.
/mic drop
