# How About a Joke Thread ?



## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny looks out his bedroom door and asks, " Why ?"


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnnys Mom screams, " lil Johnny will you get ready for School ?"


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny snickers under his breath and says,  "lets see if that big pricz can stop this one !  He He !"


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## JustAnotherNut (Feb 14, 2022)

Jokes on you bud, should've posted in the Humor section.........not history. Unless of course it's a very old joke


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

it is, lil johnny has been around for a long time, Lil Johnny has been around as Lil Johnny he has an obstinate disagreement with grownups,  most likely since a Lil Johnny name was incorporated into a Joke.


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## MarathonMike (Feb 14, 2022)

Too complicated. Here's one. Covid numbers are dropping faster than Hunter Biden's pants in front of an underage Asian girl.


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny now a grown Adolescent is in Biology & his teacher is taking a smoke break !


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## Hossfly (Feb 14, 2022)

App'z said:


> Lil Johnny now a grown Adolescent is in Biology & his teacher is taking a smoke break !


Little Susie gets her monthly period for the first time ever. Confused, she decides to tell Little Johnny by dropping her panties and showing him. Little Johnny seeing the blood says, “Susie, it looks like someone ripped your balls off.”​


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## Hossfly (Feb 14, 2022)

At the dinner table, Little Johnny’s father asks him to pray. Little Johnny prays, “Dear God, please send clothes to the naked ladies in Daddy’s computer.”​


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny is now a Senior Citizen and a Respected member of his Community ! 

A visitor to Lil Johnnys store asks him, " what's the best present for my love, I have Roses ?"

Well; Lil Johnny says, "Your question only has one answer, Chocolate"

The visitor asks, " How do I know that she even likes Chocolate and will be pleased ?"

Well Lil Johnny thinks for a few moments and says, " Choc - o - late ". 😎


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny said !


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## frigidweirdo (Feb 14, 2022)

App'z said:


> Lil Johnny looks out his bedroom door and asks, " Why ?"



Plenty of those in the politics section... why another?


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## Moonglow (Feb 14, 2022)

I have yet to find any Martin Luther King Jr candy.


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## Hang on Sloopy (Feb 14, 2022)




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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny said; 


 I smiled and broke my lead off !


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## Hang on Sloopy (Feb 14, 2022)




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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny now a 4 th. grader raised his hand and the Teach asked him to stand.  Well; Lil Johnny says,   "If it isn/t for our Smart phone & i pad will you think we are stupid ?"


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Roger went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.
"Doc Roberts," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed,
I think there's somebody under it.
I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," Doc Roberts said ,
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit." Says Doc Roberts !
"I'll sleep on it," said the man.
Six months later the Dr. Roberts sees Roger on the street.
Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? My Bar Tender Lil Johnny cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?" asks Dr. Roberts
"Lil Johnny told me to cut off the Beds Legs !"


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## BackAgain (Feb 14, 2022)

How About a Joke Thread ?​
I’d recommend any thread started by im.2 or that idiot, Adam_Clayton_Jones. In fact lots of threads started by our liberals are good for nothing _but_ a laugh. 👍


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny is sent to the Principles office for insubordination.
Well The Principal in all his Bespectacled time has never seen such a kid !
So the Principle asks Lil Johnny,  why you in My Office ?"
Well;  you know Lil Johnny and he answers.
"The PTA President wants to wish you good luck finding your next job !"


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnnys wife writes.



Lil Johnny is immediately touched by his Wifes tender thoughts and asks, "Can you bring me a Dude Wipe from the hall closet?"


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lady: Do you drink?
Lil Johnny: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Lil Johnny: 3- 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Lil Johnny: about $9 / 10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Lil Johnny: Maybe 15 years
Lady: So 1- 6 pack cost $9 / 10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900.
In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Lil Johnny: Sort of
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation,
the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Lil Johnny; Sort of Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank,
that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and
after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years,
you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Lil Johnny: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Lil Johnny: "So if you didn't drink for 15 years where is your kids and Farrari ?"


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## MarathonMike (Feb 14, 2022)

App'z said:


> Roger went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.
> "Doc Roberts," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed,
> I think there's somebody under it.
> I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
> ...


That's pretty good, but you need to get out of the history forum.


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## BackAgain (Feb 14, 2022)

Most (maybe not all) of the little Johnny “jokes” are either indecipherable gibberish or simply not funny.

Is this in History because it involves a history of unfunny humor?


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## Hossfly (Feb 14, 2022)

MarathonMike said:


> That's pretty good, but you need to get out of the history forum.


Maybe flacaltenn can handle it.


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Lil Johnny Jokes are History at its best Funny place !


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## App'z (Feb 14, 2022)

Little Johnny and the History Exam
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well," said Mr. Johnson, "I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Tammy Jackson, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." said little Johnny with his little innocent eyes open large. "Just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Tammy put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'
And you put down TJ.  What you got to say for yourself.
So lil Johnny looks at Mr T. Johnson and says, " your name isn't Jefferson is it ?"

Now thats History a kid will always remember !    Lol


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## App'z (Feb 15, 2022)

Of Course "Lil Johnny's "  gonna send you 'all scattering back to where your decrepit holes !   Count on it !  {Thas What Lil Johnny said ! }   ↑↓→→  ( twljs )


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## App'z (Feb 15, 2022)

Give m Hell Lil Johnny !


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## App'z (Feb 15, 2022)

A visitor to Lil Johnnys store asks him, " what's the best present for my love, I have Roses ?"

Well; Lil Johnny says, "Your question only has one answer, Chocolate"

The visitor asks, " How do I know that she even likes Chocolate and will be pleased ?"

Well Lil Johnny thinks for a few moments and says, " Choc - o - late ". 😎


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## App'z (Feb 15, 2022)

Lil Johnny's on the loose again !


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## App'z (Feb 15, 2022)

Lil Johnny's on Executive Perks today !


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## Captain Caveman (Feb 16, 2022)

What's grey and tickles a horse's arse?

Obama's pubes.


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## App'z (Feb 16, 2022)

Did EE really think EE got something to Loose ?


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## App'z (Feb 16, 2022)




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## App'z (Feb 16, 2022)

Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
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Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
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“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”


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## App'z (Feb 16, 2022)




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## App'z (Feb 16, 2022)

Teacher asks his class one day, “What would you like to be when you grow up?”

Johnny answers first, saying, “I will follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”

Teacher raises his eyebrows, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a policeman.”

“Well, he isn’t,” explains Johnny. “He’s a burglar.”


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## App'z (Feb 18, 2022)

A humous analogy of a mans life as he said it !    TWHS !


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## App'z (Feb 21, 2022)

Rob goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.
Lil Johnny, the dentist takes out a needle to give Rob a shot of Novocain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
Lil Johnny, the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas
but the man again objects. "No gas, the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
Lil Johnny the dentist then asks if Rob has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," said Rob, "I'm fine with pills."
Lil Johnny, the dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
Rob asks, "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."
"It doesn't," says Lil Johnny, the dentist
"but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."


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## App'z (Feb 24, 2022)

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. 
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
 Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about,
 he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down,
 enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest
 were three wide strips of adhesive tape, 
the ultra sticky kind.  Written in large black letters was the sentence,
“Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!”


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## laferia52 (Feb 24, 2022)

App'z said:


> Lil Johnnys wife writes.
> View attachment 601514Lil Johnny is immediately touched by his Wifes tender thoughts and asks, "Can you bring me a Dude Wipe from the hall closet?"


you want to hear a joke  makala harris and joe


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## App'z (Feb 24, 2022)

I work hard, earn more and by god I am a great provider !   TWSS ! (thas what she said )_  ↓↓


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## App'z (Feb 24, 2022)

You do know Joe (bid guy) someone is trying to ruin everything !


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## App'z (Feb 25, 2022)

↑ Lil Johnny, a inspector from the pest-control company..
Is having an affair with a married woman.
One Afternoon they are carrying on in the Wifes bedroom
when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the Wife, "into the Closet Lil Johnny"
and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

↓The husband, however, becomes suspicious and
after a search of the bedroom discovered Lil Johnny in the closet..
"Who are you?" he asked him..

↑"I'm inspector Lil Johnny from Bugs-B-Gone" says Lil Johnny.

↓"What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..

↑" I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' says Lil Johnny

↓"And where are your clothes?" asks the husband.

↑Well; Lil Johnny thinks for a quick moment
while he looks himself over and says,

↓"Those little *******s!"..


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## App'z (Feb 26, 2022)

A police officer responds to a terrible wreck scene,
where a Male and Female passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage 3 year old Lil Johnny comes up to the Officer near the crash scene.
The officer looked down at Lil Johnny and said, "I would like for you to describe what happened here."
So Lil Johnny looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, Lil Johnny a 3 year old shakes his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," nodded 3 year old Lil Johnny.
"What happened?"
Lil Johnny pretends to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying these victims were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
Lil Johnny nods his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" Says 3 year old Lil Johnny ! ....


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## Feeding Crows (Feb 26, 2022)

Geez, I hope you're not a standup comedian... 

But I do like your effort! poor lil johnny...


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## Feeding Crows (Feb 26, 2022)

lil johnny became a priest. He walked into a bar and met a rabbi and a minister... 

They all got drunk, and climbed to the top of the building. Each of them said, "God will not let me die" as they jumped off the building to their deaths. 

That's the joke...


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## Michelle420 (Feb 26, 2022)

Nobody laughed at my friends stand up but one guy and me.  she was funny.


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## App'z (Feb 26, 2022)

↑↑ the pain, oh the pain ! .....lol 


Seems that when the Lord was creating the world, He called Lil Johnny over and
bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Lil Johnny is disappointed !...
"Only twenty years of normal sex life?"
Yet, the Lord was adamant and insisted that Lil Johnny
could have no more than twenty years of normal sex life.
Then, the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years.
"But, I don't need twenty years, "protested the monkey.
"Ten years is plenty for me."
Lil Johnny spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten years?"
The monkey graciously agreed.
Then, the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years.
The lion, like the monkey, only wanted ten years.
Again,Lil Johnny asked , "can I have the other ten years?"
The lion graciously agreed.
Then, along came a donkey and he too was given twenty years.
But, like the others, ten years was more than sufficient.
Once again, Lil Johnny pleaded, "can I have the other ten years?"
And so, it all makes perfect sense now...
Lil Johnny has twenty years of normal sex life,
ten years of monkeying around,
ten years of lion about it and
ten years of making an ass of himself.


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## App'z (Feb 28, 2022)

↑←↔↓

Apple Does It Again! Today Lil Johnny the CEO of
Apple announced today that it has developed
a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iboob will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup size, speaker size,
and storage capacity.
Lil Johnny states, "This is considered a major social breakthrough,
because women are always complaining about
men staring at their Boobs and not listening to them."...


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## App'z (Feb 28, 2022)




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## App'z (Mar 1, 2022)

The woman is very concerned that she has not had a date or sex in quite some time,
so she decides to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommends that she see the well known sex therapist, Dr Lil Johnny.
So she goes to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Lil Johnny says, "OK take off all your crose."
The woman does as she is asked.
"Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again the woman does as she is instructed.
Dr. Lil Johnny then says, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
So she does.
Dr.Lil Johnny shakes his head slowly and says, "'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried the woman asked anxiously "Oh my god, Dr Lil Johonny, what is Ed Zachary Disease ?"
Dr Lil Johnny Chang sighs deeply and replies "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look edzachary like your arss"..... ...


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## App'z (Mar 3, 2022)

Crazy vids !


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## App'z (Mar 9, 2022)

😍😍😍#cure #foryou #catlover #love #cat #motherlove | TikTok
					

463.6K Likes, 6.2K Comments. TikTok video from catmilk (@catmilk11): "😍😍😍#cure #foryou #catlover #love #cat #motherlove".  Little Do You Know (Speed Up) - Alex & Sierra.




					www.tiktok.com


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## Stashman (Mar 25, 2022)

Lil johnny is sitting at the table doing his English homework.
He looks over at his dad and says,
Dad I need the definition of two words, "Potential and Reality".
His dad says, "Ill do better than that, and give you an example."
" Go into the kitchen to your mother and asked her if for a million bucks if she'd sleep with Robert Redford, and than go to your sisters room and ask her for a million bucks if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt."
So lil Johnny not knowing what dad was up to did as he was told. He goes to the kitchen and asked, "Mom for a million bucks would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
Mom blushes and in a hushed voice says, "Yes, yes I would."
So he than he goes to his sisters room and asked, "Sis, for a million bucks would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
Sis looks at him and says, "Yes, yes I would."
Lil Johnny goes back into the living room and says, "Dad I think I get it. We are potentially sitting on a couple million bucks, but in reality we're living with a couple of sluts."


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## App'z (Apr 1, 2022)

The Pilot of an oversea flight on the intercom to passengers.

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with you with our compliments."


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## App'z (Apr 14, 2022)

A guy took a blonde out on a date one night.
Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point'
where they started making out. After things
started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky.
After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asked his date,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought,
maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and
skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are getting really hot,
so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped.
Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want
to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"


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## App'z (Apr 20, 2022)

U asked the question ?   .....


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## ChemEngineer (May 7, 2022)




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## App'z (Jun 18, 2022)

Well; Lil Johnny and his Girlfriend have decided to get married,
they's been going out for a few years.
Lil Johnny and his Gir really loved each other and wanted everything to be perfect... and
pretty much everything was, except that one thing had been bothering Lil Johnny.
Her sister was a babe and many times Lil Johnny visited, she would flirt with him,
bending over in front of him, things he couldn't acknowledge.
Well a couple of nights before the wedding,
she called Lil Johnny up and asked Lil Johnny over to her place to help her with some boxes.
She was moving out of her apartment.
When Lil Johnny arrived, he found her alone on the couch wearing decidedly little.
Well; Lil Johnny was shocked and she explained to him that she'd always wanted him and
that it was her final opportunity, as these were Lil Johnny's last few days as a bachelor.
Well; Lil Johnny, he didn't know what to do.
She told Lil Johnny she would go upstairs and wait and if Lil Johnny wanted to,
he could follow her, but if he didn't, he could just leave.
So; Lil Johnny thought for a moment, waited and then went outside only to find her dad almost in tears
with joy saying he knew now that Lil Johnny was really the right man and
that Lil Johnny had his blessing to marry his daughter.
This was a test to see just how loyal he, Lil Johnny was!
and the Moral of the story:
always leave your condoms in the car.


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## App'z (Jun 19, 2022)

A state trooper pulls over a Lil Johnny and in the redneck pickup truck on I-65.
He says to Lil Johnny, the driver, “Got any ID?”
Well Lil Johnny, The driver(remembers his dad said,
never freely admit to guilt)
 asks, “‘Bout what?”


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## Feeding Crows (Jun 19, 2022)

Sorry dude, don't quit your day job.


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## App'z (Jun 20, 2022)

Dear Lil Johnny,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right.
As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and
dozens of well-qualified candidates unlike yourself may have failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, try to keep your name on file should an emergency opening need be available.
But, So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me to offer the following reason(s)that
you were disqualified from the competition:
Ll Johnny Your breasts are bigger than mine.
Lil Johnny Your last name is objectionable.
I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it,
or subjecting my future children to it.
Lil Johnny, The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
Lil Johnny, Your inadvertent admission that you 'buy condoms by the truckload'
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
Lil Johnny, You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e.,
I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
Lil Johnny, Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants !
Lil Johnny, Your 'Putting on a few lbs. aren't you babe?' comment,
given the 9 months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.
Lil Johnny, You failed the credit check.
Lil Johnny, I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
Lil Johnny, The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals
an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbearably obvious !
Lil Johnny, The phrase 'My Mother' has popped up far too often in conversation !
Lil Johnny, You still live with your parents, and
attending night classes to get your GED at 28 years old are an obvious slight negative !
Lil Johnny, You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine.
Lil Johnny, Your gift of a 2oz. Hershey Bar, with almonds , showed a Cheapo style.
Lil Johnny, Thes Three final words for you ! ........ Size does matter !
Sincerely, Your Lost Heart Throb ! ..........    (twss)


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## Captain Caveman (Jun 21, 2022)

A teacher asks a class how many of them were a Joe Biden fan.

All the kids except little Johnny raised their hand.

The teacher asked little Johnny why he had to be different.....again.

Little Johnny replies, "Because I'm not a Joe Biden fan".

The teacher asks why.

Little Johnny replies, "Because I'm a conservative".

The teacher asked him why he was conservative and he replied, "Well, my mom is a conservative and my dad is a conservative, so I am a conservative".

The teacher was rather annoyed and snorted back, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?".

Little Johnny replied, "A Joe Biden fan".


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## the other mike (Jun 21, 2022)

Roses are red violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I.
( Bill Murray in What About Bob)


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## Hossfly (Jun 21, 2022)

*One day when Lil Johnny was 12. he took Lil Jane, also 12 to the movie. Unaware that girls entered puberty sooner than boys he was taken aback when she put a hand on his leg and left it there. After a while he put his hand on her leg. As they were walking home she asked, "Do you want to do something together?" He told her, "Let's wait till we get to your yard." When they got to the gate Lil Jane said,"Where do you want to do it?" and Lil Johnny asked her "How about the porch swing?"  When they got in the porch swing, Lil Jane said "Do you want to do something dirty?" Lil Johnny said, "OK, lets shit on the porch." Lil Johnny never could understand why she slapped him and ran into the house.*


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## App'z (Jun 22, 2022)

The Scout Master is teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
He asks, "What are the three most important things
 you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert ?"
Several hands go up at once, and many important things are suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then Lil Johnny, in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Lil Johnny, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked his Scout Master.
So Lil Johnny replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Lil Johnny ?"
"Well," answers Lil Johnny,
"the compass is to find the right direction,
the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked his Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire,
someone is bound to come up behind you and say,
"Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"


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## App'z (Jun 22, 2022)




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## App'z (Jun 22, 2022)

Wait;  think about it for a moment.  Lil Johnny;  I didn't cause it !


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## App'z (Jun 24, 2022)

"There Lil Johnny think !"


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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Jun 24, 2022)

Moonglow said:


> I have yet to find any Martin Luther King Jr candy.


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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Jun 24, 2022)




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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Jun 24, 2022)




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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Jun 24, 2022)




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## App'z (Jun 25, 2022)

The angel at the gate asks the first man,
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"10 times" the man answers.
The angel gives him the keys to a 2016 Toyota Camry
and says to him, "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times,
the angel gives him a 2022 Lexus and let's him in.
The third mans name is lil Johnny and says, "I never cheated on his wife,
So, Lil Johnny, he gets a 2022 Rolls Royce.
A few days later the 3 men meet up at a heavenly Bar type place and
Lil Johnny appears to be very sad while still sitting in his Rolls Royce is very sad,
So the Other two men get him inside and are sitting around the bar with a Hot chick bartender and
She is so hot that they get off attracted for a few beers !
Well those two guys after a Six pack of Brews get around to asking Lil Johnny
what's the hell wrong wid him,
So Lil Johnny, he replies "I just saw my wife riding around on a scooter.


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## Likkmee (Jun 25, 2022)

Guy driving down the road at 70 mph and gets passed by a chicken ! He cathes up to it and loooooked ?
3 damn legs on it !
Follows it into the farm and ask the owner " Man,driving down the road and "think" I saw a chicken with three legs ? WTF ?
Farmer says "yessiree. gots 3 boys and they all want the leg so I bred some up to have them when I kill one"
Guy says" Wild ! Does it taste normal and good ?"
Farmer says. Fuck if I know, aint never been able to catch one !


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## Feeding Crows (Jun 26, 2022)

I think Lil Johnny is going to get arrested some day... lol


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## whoisit (Jul 4, 2022)

Red Skeletin joke,
Beggar walks up and said "I'm so hungry I haven't had a bite in a week", so I bit him.


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## Captain Caveman (Jul 6, 2022)

I was chatting this liberal chick in a bar who told me that I should be more open to Muslim culture. 

So I raped her


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## Captain Caveman (Jul 6, 2022)

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they try and vote again for independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.


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## Captain Caveman (Jul 6, 2022)

The exit polls were predicting a landslide victory for the Democrats at 4pm today. However it was neck and neck by 5.30pm when the Republican voters finished work and got to the polling stations


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## Captain Caveman (Jul 6, 2022)

Police say their investigation into the shooting at the YouTube headquarters has been hampered by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness


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## Captain Caveman (Jul 8, 2022)

My neighbour just banged on my door there and shouted "Can I use your phone? There's been an accident along the road. A Democrat has been run down' He's bleeding to death".

I asked him "What's wrong with your own phone?"

He said "The camera's shit on mine".


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## App'z (Jul 24, 2022)




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## App'z (Jul 26, 2022)




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## App'z (Jul 27, 2022)




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## App'z (Jul 29, 2022)




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## App'z (Sep 26, 2022)

Look: NFL World Excited By The Peyton Manning News
		


Professional sport ( NFL ) and (NASCAR) are getting desperate!


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## Leo123 (Sep 26, 2022)

Three old women sitting on a park bench bragging about their sons.   One says "My son is a doctor and just built 2 hospitals"   Other one says: "My son is a developer and just built a huge hotel. "  3rd woman says "My son is gay, doesn't work, and lives in a penthouse with 2 men"   One man is a doctor and just built 2 hospitals....The other man......(you finish it)

Milton Berle told that joke.....LOL


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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Oct 4, 2022)

*The correct use of grammar is to keep her in the basement after she's passed, so you can collect her SSI.*


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## App'z (Oct 5, 2022)

Saudi POC don't care about the World Economy, they only care about their gas profits.  They are a gas station, just like OPEC members and USA producers !  All are owned ! Of course their profits is all that matters any way they get them !  If we don't support protection to these pieces of crap Russia & China will Nuke threat them till the cowards hide in tunnels.  Understand weakness is a strength that we know all about !


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## App'z (Oct 8, 2022)




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## App'z (Oct 14, 2022)

3/4ths the world is either at war or wanting war.   My thought is F U !


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## App'z (Oct 14, 2022)

U can do it Dude !


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## App'z (Oct 16, 2022)




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## App'z (Oct 16, 2022)




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## BackAgain (Oct 16, 2022)

Any thread begun by IM.2.


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## App'z (Dec 8, 2022)




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## ChemEngineer (Dec 8, 2022)




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## App'z (Dec 8, 2022)

The Company just said they were putting $24 billion into securing my pension plan for the next 5 years.  I asked what about me?  No raise in the future,  high prices, unending health insurance bills?  Who's gonna put on the new Roof?


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## ChemEngineer (Dec 8, 2022)

App'z said:


> The Company just said they were putting $24 billion into securing my pension plan for the next 5 years.  I asked what about me?  No raise in the future,  high prices, unending health insurance bills?  Who's gonna put on the new Roof?


Supposed to be a joke thread.  Your personal whines are no joke to anybody.


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## App'z (Dec 8, 2022)

Marrieds are asleep in their Timber Mountain Home about 200 miles from the Coast and The Cell rings at 2 A.M.
The Blond checks her 14 Pro, listens for some minutes and asks
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?"
Well, shortly she breaks off the conversation, most likely with a Blond!
So the Blond Wifes half drunk husband, who has been erotically disturbed asks,
"Who was that?" Well the Blond Wife says,
"I don't know, some young woman was wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."


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## App'z (Dec 9, 2022)

Chem sometimes I have a lil bit of dry humor, maybe just move on to the next joke.  Its like a Lil Johnny joke.  How many are actually funny!  The joke about retirements is pretty much a thing for most all insist is a joke.


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## ChemEngineer (Dec 9, 2022)

App'z said:


> Chem sometimes I have a lil bit of dry humor, maybe just move on to the next joke.  Its like a Lil Johnny joke.  How many are actually funny!  The joke about retirements is pretty much a thing for most all insist is a joke.


Wah, wah, wah.  I have no company retirement plan.  Like many other business owners and independent contractors,
I funded my own SEP/IRA and Roth IRA.   You sound like educators making jokes out of the pittance they claim they are paid.
In fact, their retirement incomes are far better than most anybody else's except crooked politicians, who give themselves the farm we bought and paid for.  In my town, many teachers earn six figures for only nine months work.


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## Captain Caveman (Dec 10, 2022)

Good sex is like a belt

If its not tight enough try another hole


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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Dec 10, 2022)




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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Dec 10, 2022)




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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Dec 10, 2022)




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## Baron Von Murderpaws (Dec 10, 2022)




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## App'z (Dec 11, 2022)

^ ^ While having a mild Comedic outlook!


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## App'z (Dec 11, 2022)

Ladies can you make all you want to after 70 years of Age?


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## Natural Citizen (Dec 23, 2022)

What's Blonde and dead in a closet? 

The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995.

Heh heh heh...


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## App'z (Dec 24, 2022)

A blonde and a redhead meet in a bar after work for a drink, and are watching the 6 O'clock news. A man is threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bets the redhead $50 that he won't jump, and the redhead replies, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, he jumps, so the blonde gives the redhead the $50. The redhead says "I can't take this, you're my friend."
The blonde answers, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead says, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
Well the Blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't believe he'd jump again!"


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## Stann (Dec 25, 2022)

App'z said:


> A blonde and a redhead meet in a bar after work for a drink, and are watching the 6 O'clock news. A man is threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
> The blonde bets the redhead $50 that he won't jump, and the redhead replies, "I'll take that bet!"
> Anyway, he jumps, so the blonde gives the redhead the $50. The redhead says "I can't take this, you're my friend."
> The blonde answers, "No. A bet's a bet."
> ...


The invisible man finally met an invisible woman and they got married, now they even have kids but they're not much to look at.


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## App'z (Dec 29, 2022)

The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell.
You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it.
You may choose one of these three doorways.
Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."

The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing
on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads
on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing
knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose."
The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."

The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?
After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying,
"Coffee break's over, get back on your heads!"


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## App'z (Dec 30, 2022)

Lil Johnny's out walking and he meets a dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
Lil Johnny checks his Wallet, extracts ten dollars and asks,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replies.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Lil Johnny then asks him.
"No, I don't gamble," the poor man said.
"I need everything I can beg just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Lil Johnny says.
"Are you NUTS!" replies the filthy man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a loose woman instead of food?" Lil Johnnys then asks him .
"I can get a great disease for ten lousy bucks?" exclaims the Derelict!
"Well," says Lil Johnny, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The Panhandler is amazed. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing this?
I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting, Lil Johnny !"
"That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like
after he has given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."


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## Stann (Dec 30, 2022)

App'z said:


> Lil Johnny's out walking and he meets a dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
> who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
> Lil Johnny checks his Wallet, extracts ten dollars and asks,
> "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
> ...


On a billboard in front of a Veterinary Clinic. " Free belly rubs with exam. Sorry, pets only. "
Last month's billboard posting, " I used spot remover on my dog...
He disappeared. "
Next month's billboard sneak preview, 
" Our dog swallowed a bag of Scrabble tiles. The vet is checking him out. 
No word yet. "


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## App'z (Jan 5, 2023)

WELL; Lil Johnny, a Father of three is on his Deathbed
His Lil Wife Joan is there with him carrying for him.
So, Lil Johnny knows he is near his last breaths,
he struggles with each breath to say a word,
asks his Lil Wife Joan: "Shall - we - let - John - take - over - the -Family - business?" Coughs and choking sounds.
Lil Johnny's Wife Lil Joan says, "Jimmy's better in business, lets ask John to help run it." Well, Lil Johnny wheezes and coughs.  
"OK," says Lil Johnny, " Lets - let - Jimmy - run - our - families - business - but hacks and coughs and hacks -should -we - let - the - F150 - go - to -Jack." cough, hack, cough & coughs and hacks.  Lil Johnnys Lil Woman Joan replies, "But* John *is better at maintaining it." Let's let John have it." "OK," says Lil Johnny more wheezes and coughing and struggling with each word, " should -- we -- let -- Jack -- have -- our -- Ford -- Mustang?"
Lil Johnnys wife Joan answers, "Can he share it with Jimmy?" 
Lil Johnny is caught up in a coughing spasm for many minutes but still has some game in him so after some more coughs, So
Well after resting for some minutes Lil Johnny last words were to Lil Wife Joan,
"What --- -----should ------ --I ---- ---- leave ---------- ------- for ------------- -------------- --------- Jack ?"


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## Ringo (Monday at 9:11 AM)

- I don't understand vegetarians. An animal can fight off a person. Or run away. And plants are generally defenseless...


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## App'z (Monday at 3:47 PM)

The really Hot dressed Blond is hard up for money,
So, She stands at the corner with a sign,
Can work for $100 ! so she walked around with
her Sign, back and forth Blond, hot & dressed to kill,
well, She has it all together & intends to find a job paying up.
She entices Lil Johnny, 'the man' who says I will give you work.
"I need my Porch Painted white & all you do is paint it.
Here is a bucket of paint, brush and rag" So he goes on.
Later Lil Johnny gets back, parks his F150 in the Alley
behind his House & walks into the Kitchen, chuckles and
tells his brunette wife Who is Pouring Wine,
fixing Steaks & Baked Potatoes,
what he has paid to paint the front porch.
"Lil Johnny, the porch covers half of the house!
You're getting it done really cheap!"
Three hours later, the blonde is at the side door,
dressed in Hot pants, halter top and 6" heals,
wanting her $100 while giving the brush back to Lil Johnny!
Lil Johnny, The Man, gives her the Cash, $$$, then asks,
"how did you paint it so quickly?"
"It takes time, but it was easy." the Wet Sweaty Blond replies.
The Blond so very Hot, skimpily dressed with her 6" heals,
Swings her head, blond hair waving free says,
"Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
"Do our Plants feel Pain when we get hungry?"


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## App'z (Tuesday at 12:53 PM)




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