# How to Put on a Condom



## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

The following conversation inspired me to begin this thread :



Samson said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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Comments?


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

Condom?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

the major reason condoms fail is people dont realize how to use them..

1.  never use novelty condoms.....

2.  do not use lambskin or other natural condoms..the condoms are porous and allowed the aids virus to sneak in

3.  leave a bit of the tip of the condom free...dont pull it snug over said dick...or when said dick climaxes the condom can be dislodged by the force of the sperm if the condom is too tight

i am sure i have more advice


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## YWN666 (Sep 9, 2010)

*Reminds me of the joke about the guy who followed the instructions on the condom box and kept having kids. It said to "place the condom on your organ" and he didn't have an organ so he put it in the piano.*


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> the major reason condoms fail is people dont realize how to use them..
> 
> 1.  never use novelty condoms.....
> 
> ...



You knew all this this FIRST TIME you used one???

You hill folk are born with all sorts of useful skills, aren't you!


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

http://www.teachthefacts.org/curriculumdocs/Grade10-CondomLesson.pdf


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## Mr Natural (Sep 9, 2010)

And when buying condoms, if there's a cute girl behind the counter, always ask for the extra large size.


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

did i mention i taught sex ed?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

aids wasnt a problem when i was  young.....we used the lambskins


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

Mr Clean said:


> And when buying condoms, if there's a cute girl behind the counter, always ask for the extra large size.


so you find a retailer with an ugly condom sales person to get the proper size?


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## masquerade (Sep 9, 2010)

I didn't know they still sold condoms behind any counter.


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## Jos (Sep 9, 2010)

The instructions never say roll-back foreskin before putting on, as during sex the foreskin will roll back inside the condom putting strain on the latex


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

they dont....they are right therer next to the astroglide in walmart etc


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

what is this foreskin you speak of?


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> aids wasnt a problem when i was  young.....we used the lambskins




*Witch!*

So you had to butcher a lamb whenever you wanted to have sex?

This explains quite a lot.


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> they dont....they are right therer next to the astroglide in walmart etc



But only to be used in approved positions and applications in my area of the world.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

masquerade said:


> I didn't know they still sold condoms behind any counter.



I too got them from the Condom Elves.


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## Blagger (Sep 9, 2010)

Apart from the obvious risks and consequences posed by sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, surely you're just better-off not telling a woman where you live. Instead of using contraception.

Or is that just me?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

fourtex or something was the name....they came in a little plastic case....the hardest thing was getting them out of the case lol


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

Swagger said:


> Apart from the obvious risks and consequences posed by sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, surely you're just better-off not telling a woman where you live. Instead of using contraception.
> 
> Or is that just me?



just you...the rest of us...are the ...we all need to get laid...club members


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## masquerade (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> what is this foreskin you speak of?


Mmmmm ... yeah ....
I can't answer.  I want to answer, but damn it I'll loose control.
I'm leaving this thread now Samson.  Leaving!  Not cumming back!  I'm going to my User CP now and unsubscribing from this thread before I get myself into trouble.


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## Jos (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> what is this foreskin you speak of?



Foreskin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia contains pictures of of a graphic nature


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

Ahh there is a small town around a seminary not far from hte that is opposing a national chain drug store openeing there.  One reason is because they will openly display condoms.
btw tobacco sales are not allowed in town.  No law just peer pressure.


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## uscitizen (Sep 9, 2010)

Our forefathers had foreskin.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> fourtex or something was the name....they came in a little plastic case....the hardest thing was getting them out of the case lol



You bought them by the CASE???

Jeeze, bones................



masquerade said:


> strollingbones said:
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HA!


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

i was joking guys....


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

uscitizen said:


> Our forefathers had foreskin.



Pics?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

about the foreskins...little cases....with one condom..they were blue....


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## Mr Natural (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> fourtex or something was the name....they came in a little plastic case....the hardest thing was getting them out of the case lol



Yeah, Four-X.  You had to practically bite the fucking plastic box open and then the damn things weren't even rolled up, they were folded and by the time you got it on it was too late , and they were about as thick as a contractor grade Hefty bag.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

strollingbones said:


> i was joking guys....



That's OK.

I think you've all made my point: None of you knew how to use a condom the first time you used one.

Or, in some cases, you still don't know how to use one.


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

Mr Clean said:


> strollingbones said:
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> > fourtex or something was the name....they came in a little plastic case....the hardest thing was getting them out of the case lol
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just tell me  you didnt have a 67 mustang.....or go to terry sandford high?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

yes they were folded i had forgotten that...and pricey....


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Mr Clean said:


> strollingbones said:
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> > fourtex or something was the name....they came in a little plastic case....the hardest thing was getting them out of the case lol
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Couldn't you pre-roll them?

I mean, what else was there to do in your cave, around the fire?


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## strollingbones (Sep 9, 2010)

pre roll them?  

no it was funny that case was hard to break....hell i remember that more than the sex


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## Mr Natural (Sep 9, 2010)

On the other hand, if you're too dense to figure out how to put on a condom without instructions, should you really be having sex anyway for fear of fucking up the gene pool?


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


> strollingbones said:
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I was raised in eastern New Mexico.  No hills.  Flatter than a pancake.

As for "knowing all that the first time", yeah.  You act like this is all secret, arcane info.

1)  You pretty much have to look for novelty condoms.  The easiest, most obvious places to buy condoms - supermarkets, drug stores, convenience stores - don't sell novelty.  They sell real ones.  And schools, clinics, etc. that hand out free ones?  Ditto.

2)  Nearly every condom on the shelves at your average store are latex.  You have to really hunt for lambskin, or any sort of non-latex, and will probably only do so if you're allergic to latex.  The average teenager wandering into Walgreens to buy a condom is going to walk out with a standard, latex box of Trojans or the like, just because the odds say so.

By the way, neither of these has anything to do with how to actually USE a condom.  They're about how to BUY a condom.

3)  You don't have to "leave a bit at the tip free".  Condoms are made with a reservoir tip that accomplishes this goal for you, and have been for as long as I've been having sex.  Were they before that?  I have no idea.  As for "pulling snug", most men of my acquaintance WISH they were so well-endowed that the condom was "snug".  

Pretty much, applying a condom is exactly what I said:  rolling a latex sock over a simple column.  I'm sorry if you find that complicated.

I WILL tell you something that not everyone knows about condom usage, though:  never use an oil-based lubricant with a latex condom, because it will degrade the material and make it more like to rip.  Water- or silicone-based lubes are the way to go, if you happen to require lube.


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## Jos (Sep 9, 2010)

Mr Clean said:


> On the other hand, if you're too dense to figure out how to put on a condom without instructions, should you really be having sex anyway for fear of fucking up the gene pool?



Some people practiced putting them on for years before having real sex,  Wank Royale


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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Practically everything you've said is at odds with 'Bones.

If ADULTS cannot agree, then how do you expect a 14 year old to know how to use a condom by "Just looking at it?"


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Jos said:


> Mr Clean said:
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> > On the other hand, if you're too dense to figure out how to put on a condom without instructions, should you really be having sex anyway for fear of fucking up the gene pool?
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Hummmm..........so, what about girls?


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## Yukon. (Sep 9, 2010)

Swine !


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## Jos (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


> Hummmm..........so, what about girls?



I think I'm ready for them, bring it


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Jos said:


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^^^^
This is why I'm having a chastity belt fitted for my daughter.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Mr Clean said:


> On the other hand, if you're too dense to figure out how to put on a condom without instructions, should you really be having sex anyway for fear of fucking up the gene pool?



I said this before, prompting Samson to start this thread, because he thinks it's very complicated to apply a condom.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Except for the need to leave some slack at the tip - which may have been necessary once upon a time, I have no idea - I haven't said anything at odds with 'Bones.  You DON'T want to use novelty condoms, but you're not likely to encounter them without looking for them.  And I agree that you don't want to use non-latex (unless you're allergic), but they aren't that common, either.  And neither of those things has to do with how to USE one.  They have to do with how to PURCHASE them.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


> Mr Clean said:
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You're both missing the point, and apparently have never been around adolescents.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Wrong.  I have a 14-year-old son right now, and a 20-year-old daughter who still acts like an adolescent sometimes . . . but I digress.  Condoms are not complicated machinery, and adolescents aren't necessarily retarded.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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Ok the two adults cannot agree on ONE point about how to put on a condom.

Thanks for making my point: NOT as easy as "Just looking at it."


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Yeah, applying it IS just as easy as looking at the condom.  I have yet to say otherwise, and no one has yet proven otherwise.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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Your logic is pitifully flawed.


Because you've had experience with TWO adolescents and you think "adolescents aren't necessarily retarded" certainly doesn't mean that many adolescents are perfectly capable of simply "looking at it" and using it correctly.

In my experience, with hundreds of adolescents that are not retarded, I've witnessed many, many, many instances when I've wondered if they WERE retarded. There are even studies to suggest that in many ways, they ARE, "temporarily retarded," by the influx of hormones into their brains.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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Testimony in this very thread proves otherwise.

Please, don't dig your argument any deeper, you're beginning to look foolish.


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## Zoom-boing (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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A 14 year old who can figure out every app known to a cell phone and text directions for using said apps, blindfolded, to a friend . . . can certainly figure out how to put on a condom.


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)




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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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I'm sorry you know a lot of brain-damaged teenagers.  I'm also sorry YOU don't have much experience of teenagers, if you think raising two means you only have experience of those two.

It's a fucking sock.  If you can look at a sock and figure out how to roll it onto your foot, you can look at a condom and figure out how to roll it onto your penis.  I don't care HOW much of a hormone influx you're having.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Ahh, the old "I'm obviously right, just stop arguing" tactic.  Sorry, but no.  Vague references to "I've known dumb teenagers, they have hormones, so it's not that easy" proves nothing except that you have no hard arguments to the effect that condoms are so complicated they require instruction to use.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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## Zoom-boing (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


> I'm sorry you know a lot of brain-damaged teenagers.  I'm also sorry YOU don't have much experience of teenagers, if you think raising two means you only have experience of those two.
> 
> It's a fucking sock.  *If you can look at a sock and figure out how to roll it onto your foot, you can look at a condom and figure out how to roll it onto your penis.*  I don't care HOW much of a hormone influx you're having.



Exactly.  It just isn't that hard.  (that's what _she_ said  )


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## kwc57 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Didn't need to know.  That's the women's job.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Zoom-boing said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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That is actually a requirement for applying a condom, by the way.  You have to put it on an erect penis.  On the other hand, any teenaged boy who gets so close to having sex as to actually apply a condom and DOESN'T have a hard-on you could pound nails with needs to see a doctor.


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## Care4all (Sep 9, 2010)

read the directions on the package.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

kwc57 said:


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In your case, that's probably the safest course of action.


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

but, how and when do you remove it. bwahahahahaha


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## kwc57 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Then you tell her to make you a sammich!


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

Care4all said:


> read the directions on the package.



The last time I gave a box of pancake mix to my 14 yr old to make pancakes, I told him to read the directions on the box.

We had cereal for breakfast.


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## kwc57 (Sep 9, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


> but, how and when do you remove it. bwahahahahaha



Again.....that's the woman's job.


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


> but, how and when do you remove it. bwahahahahaha




You're suppose to remove it?


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

Condom misuse among adolescents. [J Natl Med Assoc. 1994] - PubMed result

almost unrelated:


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## Zoom-boing (Sep 9, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


> Condom misuse among adolescents. [J Natl Med Assoc. 1994] - PubMed result
> 
> almost unrelated:



I'd like to see the penis that condom was made for.


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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don't ask me. i would only use my tool for urination and procreation.


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

Zoom-boing said:


> L.K.Eder said:
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it is a regular german condom, so i heard.


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## Luissa (Sep 9, 2010)

I know how to put on a condom catheter, I think I can figure it out.  
I just need to remember to not use glue when putting on an actual condom.


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## syrenn (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


> The following conversation inspired me to begin this thread :
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Are you saying you have never used a condom before samson? Are you  asking because you are looking for instruction?


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

^samson?


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

syrenn said:


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No, the question and comments is really directed at instructing virginal adolescents.

So, how did YOU know how to use one the FIRST TIME you used one?


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

apparently, it is not as easy as one would think.


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## Luissa (Sep 9, 2010)

They taught us in sex ed.
See sex education does work.


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

now that is silly.


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## Luissa (Sep 9, 2010)

Is that a personal pic?


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

Luissa said:


> Is that a personal pic?



yes.

wait, i just lied about something else, too.

damn, i can't keep track of my lies.

i am busted.

i suck at lying.

did i write that?


YES, that is my personal pic.


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## kwc57 (Sep 9, 2010)

No one ever told me how to use one and I figured it out just fine.  I never got anyone pregnant until we decided to have a baby.


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## syrenn (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Well I don't need to use one ..lol...taking oral birth control was enough.  But i never dated boys, i dated men who had experience. 

And if your any kind of parent you should TEACH your children how to us a condom so that there is not screwing it up when the time does come. (no pun intended)


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## Samson (Sep 9, 2010)

syrenn said:


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You're lucky.


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## syrenn (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Yes i was. But i somehow dont think the law would have agreed with you.


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## Luissa (Sep 9, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


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I will start calling you Tripod. 
But I really don't know what to believe anymore. Sheesh!


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## L.K.Eder (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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lucky if she did not get std's.  "i don't need to use one, taking oral birth control was enough". burp


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## Douger (Sep 9, 2010)

S
p
i
t


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Care4all said:


> read the directions on the package.



Instructions?  We don't need no stinkin' instructions.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

Samson said:


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Yeah?  My 14-year-old can make pancakes.  He can also make Hamburger Helper (or, in my house, Ground-Turkey Helper), spaghetti, and anything else that comes with instructions.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


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That reminds me.  I just took my son for his annual physical the other day, and the doctor was recommending that I get him the new(ish) Gardasil vaccination for boys.  The kid barely TALKS to girls so far, and the doctor thinks I need to vaccinate him against genital warts?!

Nicky, probably not wanting a shot, promised the doctor that he would tell me before he had sex so he could come in and get it then.


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## syrenn (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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The point of gradasil is to give it to them before they are exposed...I highly recommend it.  HPV is not just warts. He may not know he is positive as men do not suffer symptoms, and give it go a girl ..and it causes cancer.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

syrenn said:


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Yes, I get the concept behind vaccinations.  I also know that HPV is only passed through sexual contact, and as I said, the kid barely TALKS to girls.  His older sister came and talked to me when she was ready to become sexually active, and he already comes and talks to me about questions that make my hair curl, so I trust him to let me know when this vaccination is actually necessary.


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## syrenn (Sep 9, 2010)

Cecilie1200 said:


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 OMG! Dontcha love those hair curling questions?


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## dilloduck (Sep 9, 2010)

Y'all are talkin about rubbers aren't ya ?


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 9, 2010)

syrenn said:


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You haven't lived until you've explained wet dreams to your 13-year-old son.  Or questions about new growths of body hair, that's always fun.


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## kwc57 (Sep 10, 2010)

dilloduck said:


> Y'all are talkin about rubbers aren't ya ?



No ya moran, raincoats!


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## YWN666 (Sep 22, 2010)

L.K.Eder said:


> but, how and when do you remove it. bwahahahahaha




*You're supposed to REMOVE them??????*


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