# Sometimes....



## Coyote (Mar 21, 2014)

life just sucks for a time...just a time

sometimes it gets overwelming 

sometimes you're so busy caring for others you can't care for yourself...


If that's you then...

what do you need?


Bestest


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## TheOldSchool (Mar 21, 2014)

I had a particularly long day at work on Wednesday this last week and it was awful.  When I got home my dog had completely destroyed the trash can and everything in it.  I went to the couch and laid with her for around 2 hours.

Completely reinforced her bad behavior 

Oh well dogs are awesome


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## Pop23 (Mar 21, 2014)

TheOldSchool said:


> I had a particularly long day at work on Wednesday this last week and it was awful.  When I got home my dog had completely destroyed the trash can and everything in it.  I went to the couch and laid with her for around 2 hours.
> 
> Completely reinforced her bad behavior
> 
> Oh well dogs are awesome



And your dog thought:

Bestest day eva!


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## syrenn (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Mr. H. (Mar 21, 2014)

A few years ago, my sister and I were reminiscing on some of the horrid traumatic shit that we dealt with while growing up. I'll spare details, as I've posted some of it before. Plus, I'm out of whisky. 

Anyhow, it suddenly dawned on me the beauty of it. A macabre sort of beauty? I forget how I described it to her. Maybe it was the fact that those experiences partly define us as who we are today. 
The fact that we somehow absorbed or internalized it through survival instinct? Maybe it's that we rose above it, or held on to our most basic of wits which signified our strength. 

But what really blew me away was that she understood me and agreed. It was a fucking watershed moment for me.


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## Coyote (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Connery (Mar 21, 2014)

I am a caretaker by nature. Nothing virtuous, it is just the way I am wired. It does not mean I do not get tired and worn down. I know how to say no to a possible situation where I am being taken advantage of. I just like to make people happy. Sometimes that role is thrust upon my shoulders for various reasons and it really takes a toll out on me.

My son's teacher recently had a severe viral infection and I made some soup for her it took five hours to make, but she has done so many wonderful things for my boy I just wanted to help her feel better.

Short term I go swimming, lift weights or get a massage. Long term I plan once per year to go to Australia. I feel energized and refreshed to face another year of taking care of others.


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## Gracie (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Michelle420 (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Michelle420 (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Michelle420 (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Michelle420 (Mar 21, 2014)




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## Moonglow (Mar 21, 2014)

Bad day....












Super shi-tay day


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## TheOldSchool (Mar 21, 2014)

Moonglow said:


> Bad day....
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I smoked a gas mask bong once in college.  Never again


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## Michelle420 (Mar 21, 2014)

TheOldSchool said:


> Moonglow said:
> 
> 
> > Bad day....
> ...



Me too when I was 12


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## Moonglow (Mar 21, 2014)

The best mask were from the Nam war.....


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## Michelle420 (Mar 22, 2014)

Moonglow said:


> The best mask were from the Nam war.....



before my time


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## Sarah G (Mar 22, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> A few years ago, my sister and I were reminiscing on some of the horrid traumatic shit that we dealt with while growing up. I'll spare details, as I've posted some of it before. Plus, I'm out of whisky.
> 
> Anyhow, it suddenly dawned on me the beauty of it. A macabre sort of beauty? I forget how I described it to her. Maybe it was the fact that those experiences partly define us as who we are today.
> The fact that we somehow absorbed or internalized it through survival instinct? Maybe it's that we rose above it, or held on to our most basic of wits which signified our strength.
> ...



We had another thread awhile back that evolved into reflections of life growing up.  It's surprising (almost) at how traumatized many of us were.  

Our past does define us, some are more sensitive than others but as hard things were, I'd bet it made you stronger.  Not that I'd recommend raising your kids using scaring the shit out of them as a parenting strategy.  

Our kids benefitted from our painful childhoods, we all turned out to be loving and nurturing.  All of us, strong and professional women.  We all knew what we didn't want to be.  

Good thread, it opened a couple of you up in a surprising way.


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## Sarah G (Mar 22, 2014)

drifter said:


>



I guess peace and strength would be mine at this point.


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## Coyote (Mar 22, 2014)

I am not a caretaker by nature, I tend to be more of an observer, and do more things alone than in company.  But I've often find myself forced into that role and it's an awkward fit for me.  But, like a lot roles I resist or dislike, I think it has helped me grow as a person.  Kicking and screaming at times...but likely for the better


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## Luddly Neddite (Mar 22, 2014)

TheOldSchool said:


> I had a particularly long day at work on Wednesday this last week and it was awful.  When I got home my dog had completely destroyed the trash can and everything in it.  I went to the couch and laid with her for around 2 hours.
> 
> Completely reinforced her bad behavior
> 
> Oh well dogs are awesome



Sounds like she had a hard day too. Lonesome and afraid. She needed exactly what you did.


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## Luddly Neddite (Mar 22, 2014)

Sarah G said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > A few years ago, my sister and I were reminiscing on some of the horrid traumatic shit that we dealt with while growing up. I'll spare details, as I've posted some of it before. Plus, I'm out of whisky.
> ...



That struck me too - about that thread where so many shared their abusive childhoods. I'll never understand how my own mother did, or other parents can beat the crap out of their kids. Why have kids if you hate them to the point of actually hitting them?

There's never a day go by that I don't fight off the effects of that past. I joke that it took me 60 years to finally get it right but I'm very glad I'm spending the last years of my life in peace and serenity.


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## Coyote (Mar 22, 2014)

An overly long, overly cold winter - and what signals it's enevitable passing?  The Grand Migration of Robins back north - we've seen the lawns peppered with these red breasted birds stopping by


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## Coyote (Mar 22, 2014)

Serious comfort food...


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## BlackSand (Mar 22, 2014)

_*"Could Be Worse"*_ *... **Works for me.*


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## Sarah G (Mar 22, 2014)

Coyote said:


> Serious comfort food...



I kind of passed right by the ice cream section at the store today.  Now I wish I wouldn't have.   

Looks good.


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## strollingbones (Mar 22, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> Sarah G said:
> 
> 
> > Mr. H. said:
> ...



i envy you that.....peace and serenity....i am not a good caregiver...i have determined that yes, i can, take care of the estate and make sure she has everything she needs but i can not longer take her verbal abuse...simple as that...the guilt is less now i think


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## strollingbones (Mar 22, 2014)

Coyote said:


> An overly long, overly cold winter - and what signals it's enevitable passing?  The Grand Migration of Robins back north - we've seen the lawns peppered with these red breasted birds stopping by



calling for the biggest snow the winter, here, tuesday


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## syrenn (Mar 22, 2014)

Coyote said:


> Serious comfort food...



My new vitamixer will be getting a workout!!!  I see lots of protein milkshakes on the horizon......


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## syrenn (Mar 22, 2014)

strollingbones said:


> Luddly Neddite said:
> 
> 
> > Sarah G said:
> ...




you are a GREAT caregiver bones..... and its about time you started taking care of yourself too.....


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## Spoonman (Mar 22, 2014)

life is short and this is the only one you get.   you have to make the most of it.  when its over, no one is going to say to you,  not happy with your life, we'll give you another shot.   no matter what has happened in the past, start today and make the most you can of the rest of your life.  take control of it.  drive it where you want it to go.  you put in what you get out.  and you'll find you can be happy as hell with not all that much.   you just need to identify what it is that makes you happy.


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## Luddly Neddite (Mar 22, 2014)

strollingbones said:


> Luddly Neddite said:
> 
> 
> > Sarah G said:
> ...



After I wrote that, I was thinking about what my life is like now. I have really serious health issues due to old abuse and chronic pain that just never lets up even a little but after 60 years of abuse of one kind or another, I finally have a peaceful loving home that I value beyond words. As long as I have no contact with family, as long as I don't let them into my life, I'll be fine but there are safety issues with that. 

stolling - I don't know enough of your situation to know what the bolded refers to but it seems to me you are care-giver through and through. 

I hope you're getting some of that care-taking back now. And, I hope your cancer is in permanent remission.


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## Esmeralda (Mar 22, 2014)




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## Pop23 (Mar 22, 2014)

Coyote said:


> An overly long, overly cold winter - and what signals it's enevitable passing?  The Grand Migration of Robins back north - we've seen the lawns peppered with these red breasted birds stopping by



Saw fields filled with Sandhills cranes earlier this week. Literally thousands of them and the sky was full of geese heading back north.  Incredible sight. 

Makes one believe that all is good with the world. And truthfully, it is.


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## Moonglow (Mar 22, 2014)

I use pot to relax and unwind cause I have no shoulder to cry on or neck to hug. 
Jokes are my way of beating manic depression I developed as an abused child.

Anything that resembled compassion died out long ago in my family,and I refuse to accept new relationships to hide from the bullet of pain and sadness at their failure also....

Life goes on and the world spins whether you suffer or are at ease..no one will notice my life or my passing..as many billions have in the past.

                          -30-


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## Sarah G (Mar 22, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


>



I would love to wake up to that every morning.  Absolutely beautiful.


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## westwall (Mar 22, 2014)

Yeah, caretaker here too.  When I reeeeeaallly need to blow off steam though...this is how I do it!  We have an outback with the same engine not tuned as much though and thousands of miles of dirt roads.....I go bonkers!


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkyTT-VUoCo]EPIC DRIFT-- SUBARU IMPREZA WRX STI RALLY CAR JAMAICA : RICHARD RERRIE - YouTube[/ame]


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## boedicca (Mar 22, 2014)

Sarah G said:


> drifter said:
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[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsfKpnHEk1A].[/ame]


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## Sarah G (Mar 22, 2014)

Moonglow said:


> I use pot to relax and unwind cause I have no shoulder to cry on or neck to hug.
> Jokes are my way of beating manic depression I developed as an abused child.
> 
> Anything that resembled compassion died out long ago in my family,and I refuse to accept new relationships to hide from the bullet of pain and sadness at their failure also....
> ...



So, you might as well be at ease.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Apr 7, 2014)

I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone. 

What I need I cannot have.  How can I be comforted when my comforter is gone?


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## Luddly Neddite (Apr 7, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone.
> 
> What I need I cannot have.  How can I be comforted when my comforter is gone?



You sound a lot like my past. 

Life can turn on a dime. Never ever give up hope, stay open to living because really, you just never know what is just around the corner.


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## R.D. (Apr 7, 2014)

Moonglow said:


> I use pot to relax and unwind cause I have no shoulder to cry on or neck to hug.
> Jokes are my way of beating manic depression I developed as an abused child.
> 
> Anything that resembled compassion died out long ago in my family,and I refuse to accept new relationships to hide from the bullet of pain and sadness at their failure also....
> ...



A sense of humor is a marvelous way to battle your troubles.  ((((Hugs to you)))).   Compassion is out there, try to be open to it.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Apr 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> Kooshdakhaa said:
> 
> 
> > I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone.
> ...



I just keep marching forward like a robot, when I'm not crying that is.  Everything reminds me of her.  Spring is coming, oh how she would have loved that.  How she loved to lay in the sun and chase tennis balls on the grass.  And eat the grass.  

She was so wild and joyous, and super smart. Quite a handful sometimes, but I didn't care. She was so damn beautiful inside and out.  I've never met anyone else like her in my life, dog or human.

Maybe she taught me something that I'm going to need in the next part of my journey. The only reason I don't kill myself is it might jeopardize the possibility of a reunion with her in the afterlife. (well, that, and also because I'm a chickenshit).  Which may or may not happen, probably won't, there probably is no afterlife, but since I don't know I prefer to be on the safe side and not jeopardize it. So I'll try to be a good person for that reason. How pathetic, then you die and are just gone and it's like...the joke is on you. There never was any grand purpose.  hahahaha


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## Kooshdakhaa (Apr 7, 2014)

Moonglow said:


> I use pot to relax and unwind cause I have no shoulder to cry on or neck to hug.
> Jokes are my way of beating manic depression I developed as an abused child.
> 
> Anything that resembled compassion died out long ago in my family,and I refuse to accept new relationships to hide from the bullet of pain and sadness at their failure also....
> ...



I'm like you...I have no one to comfort me. That's why I'm coming on a message board and boring everyone with my grief.

When my dog had her medical emergency in the early hours of Saturday morning, January 4, my husband declined to come with us to the emergency clinic.  Another time before that he had declined because he had to work the next day.  Well, this time he was off work, but still wouldn't go. He just didn't want to be bothered with it.

When I got home after making the horrible decision to put her to sleep, I was hysterical and he told me I should go to sleep.  Which wasn't all that bad of advice, but the main thing is he didn't want to spend any of his precious time comforting me.

Since she died he has given my arm a squeeze, and said "I miss Greta, too." And he also gave me a quick hug at one point, but it was stiff and awkward. That's it.

So, I'm with you on that, I have no one to comfort me either.  And after losing my Greta I don't think I ever want to love someone that much again, so looks like you and I agree on that point also.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Apr 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> Kooshdakhaa said:
> 
> 
> > I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone.
> ...



Except death.  We know for sure that death is around the corner somewhere eventually...inevitably. That's why I'm trying to understand death. It's odd, but since Greta has died I am putting all my hopes on death and getting what comfort I can from learning about death.  Hoping that it isn't the end, that there are better things to come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil.  But I'm far from convinced of that.


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## Grandma (Apr 8, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone.
> 
> What I need I cannot have.  How can I be comforted when my comforter is gone?



I felt much the same way when my Kitty had to be put down. I cried for two years. I was sad for several more.

Don't do that. Get another friend. 

I was reluctant, I didn't want to get attached to another pet and have to go through putting it down eventually. I didn't want some animal "replacing" Kitty. 

But we got Mystic last summer, and she's a joy. She's very different from Kitty, so there's no "replacement" issue. All the same Mystic fills a large hole that Kitty left. 

Get a new friend. Maybe a different breed. I'm sure it will help.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Apr 8, 2014)

Grandma said:


> Kooshdakhaa said:
> 
> 
> > I was an alcoholic, lived in misery for many years because of it, had an abusive relationship where the guy liked to slap me around, sent me to the emergency room a few times.  I've lost my mother and my father.  Had two marriages break up.  My current marriage is kind of worthless.  But by far the hardest thing I've ever had to face was losing this dear, special soul. 94 days today, she's gone, and it's not getting any better. She was my joy, but she also enabled all the other joy in my life. Without her, all the joy is gone.
> ...



I still have four dogs and six cats.  They do not fill the hole she left.  The day she died I told my husband, I want to go with her!!! He told me no, I can't, because Hannah needs me.  Hannah is my other doberman, Greta's half-sister. She is about nine months younger than Greta.  And she does need me.  So, I stayed.

If all of my other animals had died at once, it would be easier than losing Greta.  Same now, it would be easier to lose all of my other animals instead of Hannah.

Having now owned dobermans, I cannot imagine having anything else. Such noble, intelligent, playful,  funny, loyal, brave and joyous creatures! And Greta stood out, even among dobermans. Hell, even among people.

Some day I might get a puppy.  But I work too far from home to come home at lunch and check on a puppy.  And it's way too soon.  I feel like I'm betraying Greta even thinking of it.


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