# Fifty Shades of Grey: Running commentary



## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

The only reason I'm watching this movie is because it's so infamously bad, and I'm curious.

So far they've introduced the major characters with the female interviewing the male for a news article.  A rather obvious way to do an info dump and yet wasted because we don't even learn that much.

The female is very cute, but they give her a nasty haircut and bad clothes as an obvious way of making her seem clumsy and stupid, which she appears to be because she actually does a pratfall as she enters his office.  To make it clear that she is totally inferior to the male character, he is everything she is not, intelligent, handsome, well dressed, and extremely wealthy.

This is a female fantasy of total male domination, but I'm not judging.  Apparently, this is what some women want to see when they go to the movies.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

Now there's a scene where she is working at a hardware store, and this billlionaire character has shown up to personally buy his own bondage supplies like steel ties and duct tape.  An incredible coincidence, I know, and the fact that a billionaire does his own shopping at a hardware store means this movie really is for people who don't know much about the reality of what it means to be a billionaire.


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## mdk (Dec 30, 2018)

My advice: Stop Reading Bullshit


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

She is the most boring example of a female character I've seen for a long time, she rivals Bella in Twilight for how boring she is, and she's totally passive in her behavior around the male character.  She has no hobbies to speak of apparently, and there is absolutely no reason why a billionaire would be at all interested in her.  But that's the fantasy, a boring uninteresting female gets the attention of male that is way above her league.

I'm still waiting for the movie to get interesting.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

Now he has saved her life from a bicycle.  He says, "I'm not the man for you, I have to let you go."  Weird at this point, because so far, they don't even have a relationship.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

The sheer badness of all this can be explained by the fact that it started as fan fiction in the Twilight universe.  So far, the plot is exactly the same.


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## H B Lowrie (Dec 30, 2018)

Blackrook said:


> Now he has saved her life from a bicycle.  He says, "I'm not the man for you, I have to let you go."  Weird at this point, because so far, they don't even have a relationship.



You really need a life don't you darling


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

H B Lowrie said:


> Blackrook said:
> 
> 
> > Now he has saved her life from a bicycle.  He says, "I'm not the man for you, I have to let you go."  Weird at this point, because so far, they don't even have a relationship.
> ...


Yes, I do.  But I only go this forum once every two or three weeks or so, so it's not so bad as all that.


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## H B Lowrie (Dec 30, 2018)

Blackrook said:


> H B Lowrie said:
> 
> 
> > Blackrook said:
> ...



Sure, you are hardly here posting at all love.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

The movie is still very bad, and the only thing that keeps me watching is knowing there's some very naughty sex scenes coming.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

She is drunk, and he saves her from a date rape, once again proving he is superior to her in every way.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

She collapses in his arms, he takes her to a hotel room, undresses her, sleeps in bed with her, but they do NOT have sex, thus establishing that he is not a rapist, at least, but really, not a gentleman either.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

He orders her around, and apparently she's OK with that.  He says she should not have gotten drunk, and "if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week."

We are still waiting for the interesting part to start.


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## aaronleland (Dec 30, 2018)

I'll probably jerk off to this thread later.


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## Kat (Dec 30, 2018)

You know the book is always better!


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

This is the slowest moving porno I've ever seen.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

"I don't do romance.  My tastes are very singular.  You wouldn't understand."

How is he going to get this plain vanilla girl to consent to S&M?  I guess that' the question we're all asking at this point.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

"I'm not going to touch you.  Not until I have your written consent."

"Wha---?"


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

"Fuck the paperwork!"

Then he attacks her in the elevator.

So far, just kissing.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

Now he's taking her on a helicopter ride.  He doesn't even let her fasten her own seatbelt.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

He makes her sign a non-disclosure agreement.

"Are you going to make love to me now?" she asks.

"Two things:  I don't make love, I fuck.  Hard."

"And the second thing?"

"Come..."


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

He takes her to a door of his "play room", tells her she is free to leave any time, the helicopter is waiting to take her away at any time.

After the big build-up, the room is very impressive, almost worth the wait it took to get here.

He explains he is a dominant, which I guess we already know by this time.

He says there are rules, and if she obeys he will reward her, and if she disobeys, he will punish her.

The plot is totally non-existent at this point.  This is more like a "S&M for Dummies" than a real story.


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## Blackrook (Dec 30, 2018)

I guess it makes me judgmental but I don't think it's moral to use instruments of torture on another person in order to experience sexual pleasure, even if they sign a written consent form.

At this point I'm wondering how explicit they are going to get, will they actually show him hurting her, or will it all be done off-screen?

Will they show the bruises and lash marks she would get if this actually happened to a real person, or will they avoid showing that?

I have to say that I've never experienced this kind of reluctance to continue watching a movie.


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## Kat (Dec 31, 2018)

I would stop. Period.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Finally, she reveals she is a virgin, amplifying the fantasy level to 11.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

I will continue, but if it gets too gory I will stop.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

OK, apparently now they're going to have some normal sex so he can take her virginity without any S&M stuff going on.

He's being totally gentle so this is the opposite of what he said earlier about not making love.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

He's not using a condom and since she's a virgin she's not on birth control, but hey, whatever.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

This movie is still very boring.


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## theHawk (Dec 31, 2018)

Blackrook said:


> She is the most boring example of a female character I've seen for a long time, she rivals Bella in Twilight for how boring she is, and she's totally passive in her behavior around the male character.  She has no hobbies to speak of apparently, and there is absolutely no reason why a billionaire would be at all interested in her.  But that's the fantasy, a boring uninteresting female gets the attention of male that is way above her league.
> 
> I'm still waiting for the movie to get interesting.



Sounds like a good representation of a good majority of women.  The only reason a billionaire would be interested in her is the same reason any man would: she’s cute and he could use a pump ‘n dump.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

They've had normal, gentle sex twice now and the male character has totally forgotten that he's an S&M pervert who NEVER has normal sex with women because "that's the way I am."

So far this movie is all hat and no cowboy.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now she's making breakfast for him.  I think they forgot this is an S&M movie.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now, they're taking a bath together, again, perfectly normal sex without any S&M.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

OK, now he's tying her wrists with duct tape.  His mother walks in and they stop.   I'm getting the distinct impression this movie is never going to deliver.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

"She's excited (the mother).  She's never seen me with a woman before."

Wait?  Isn't this the apartment where he has sex with women?  The mother showed up like she's been here before.  This makes no sense.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Why does Mom show up at this guy's bondage cave?  That's just weird.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now she's going home, and guess what, no S&M yet.  This stupid movie is just going to drag on.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now they're going for a walk in the forest.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

"I never took anyone in my helicopter.  I never had sex in my bed.  I never slept together.  Only with you."

OK, now I get it.  She's going to cure him of S&M perversion and make him a normal guy, with her magic virgin power.

This movie is spinning out of control story wise.  He's a completely changed man and the movie is only half over.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now they're having normal sex again, this time with an ice cube.  I mean her hands are tied to the bed and she's blindfolded, but this is still normal sex.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

They explained the S&M contract, which includes she should take oral contraceptives, but that horse is already out of the barn because they've had unprotected sex three ttimes already and now they're doing it a fourth time.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now they're cuddling in bed after sex, so basically this entire movie is based on the male character saying he will do one thing and then doing the opposite in reality.

I understand this a female fantasy movie so it doesn't have to make sense, but this is worse than Twilight.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Earlier he said he wouldn't take her out to dinner, but now he's asking her out to dinner.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Apparently you're not supposed to keep track of what this guy says and how it totally conflicts with what he does.  Or, you're supposed to believe that this man who has dedicated himself totally to the S&M lifestyle can be turned into a totally normal guy with totally normal sexual impluses when he falls in love with a virgin.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

She's now denied him sex, and so now he no longer has control, she does.  He's begging her to sign his contract which makes him dominant, but now she's the dominant because she's telling him she hasn't made up her mind.  She literally has his testicles in a lock box now, this is a very disappointing development, the movie is totally failing to deliver on all its promises.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Also, earlier he said he didn't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but someone has introduced him as her boyfriend and he didn't object.  This is the worst movie ever, because everything he says early in the movie turns out to be total bullshit.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

Now he's spanking her.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

I hate this movie more than I've ever hated a movie.


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## Blackrook (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm going to give up now because I've finally had enough of this very bad movie.


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