# How Not to Start a Novel:



## longknife (Jul 21, 2014)

Four Things to Avoid on Page One

I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:



> They had ridden for half a turn of an hour glass in silence. Fernando silently rehearsed what he had to say, uncertain of her response. His necessity to tell her came, not from feelings of his heart, but the obligation incurred by his father many years before. At last, as they turned on the path toward her hacienda, he gathered himself.
> 
> Teresa. I am going to enlist in the cavalry.



Well? Did I get it or not? Remember, this takes place in 1742, if that helps.

Anyhow, read more of this very good piece @ How Not to Start a Novel: Four Things to Avoid on Page One | The Passive Voice | A Lawyer's Thoughts on Authors, Self-Publishing and Traditional Publishing


----------



## rightwinger (Jul 21, 2014)

Best way to start a novel is to figure out how you want it to end and then write the plot threads that get you there


----------



## Mr. H. (Jul 21, 2014)

I've just about finished my first novel.

Afterwards, I think I'll read another.


----------



## Pennywise (Jul 21, 2014)

longknife said:


> Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> 
> I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
> 
> ...



While this line paints a picture, it's also as awkward as reciting the alphabet with a mouthful of water.


----------



## Pennywise (Jul 21, 2014)

I read the link and don't fully agree with the opinion offered. All you need to do to start a good story is give the reader no choice but to read on. That means you don't have to start with action, you have to start with anything literate and interesting. Your fist line can be a simple declarative statement about state-of-mind, atmosphere, geography, philosophy, emotion, etc. 

Where I agree strongly, is not spending time describing characters, or their motivations or thoughts in blatant terms. You want to create the character by their actions and dialog. For instance, if you have a woman who has been abused, this is what not to do-

"Gertrude reacted as she had all those year ago, when Billy's relentless taunts and physical abuse left her a shadow of the woman she once was."

Do this-

"Gertrude flinched instinctively."

One of the lessons I learned by reading great writing is that it seems effortless and unfettered because a good  author understands that you can say much with very little, when the words are just right.


----------



## Book of Jeremiah (Jul 21, 2014)

longknife said:


> Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> 
> I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
> 
> ...



I like it, Longknife!  It has an old world romance - nobility, honor, respect -  to it and I believe you have captured the time period quite well!  Well done!


----------



## Pennywise (Jul 21, 2014)

Buy this book- [ame]http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Anniversary-Memoir-Craft-English/dp/1439156816/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405973720&sr=1-1&keywords=on+writing[/ame]


----------



## emilynghiem (Jul 21, 2014)

Hi [MENTION=39846]longknife[/MENTION]
Here is a bad example of how NOT to start a novel:



			
				Romance Gone Wrong said:
			
		

> Agonizing in deeper anguish than a thousand brides "never-to-be," trapped in tragic torment beyond their lack of control, Emma threw her "broken engagement" ring as hard as she could, being a girl, banging her disheartened head against the wall, as it rolled across her grandmother's handcrafted lace linens, holding crumbs from her lost lover's last leftover breakfast of French toast and English muffins still haunting her table, and came to rest at the foot near his right sock also missing its mate, as a lone reminder of her battered-and-torn heart that went flying with it.
> 
> With each bitter tear she fought to restrain, she felt the salty sting of prolactin mixed with
> self-pity burning like pepper spray, painting her naturally hazel eyes a painful blood red, seeping through her colored lenses that could not mask the sorrow suffocating her soul beneath their ultra-thin veils.
> ...






longknife said:


> Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> 
> I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
> 
> ...


----------



## sameech (Jul 21, 2014)

longknife said:


> Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> 
> I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
> 
> ...



"half turn of an hour glass" is an awkward reference IMO.  very few people will know what you are talking about.  That is better the sort of period flavor to add into a quote than the writer's POV as far as I am concerned since it is not written in the first person.


----------



## longknife (Jul 23, 2014)

sameech said:


> longknife said:
> 
> 
> > Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> ...



Well, I could've used "half an hour" but was trying to establish the time frame. No clocks in that part of the world at that time.


----------



## Pennywise (Jul 23, 2014)

longknife said:


> sameech said:
> 
> 
> > longknife said:
> ...



If I may, use distance instead of time, such as-

"They had ridden almost two miles..."

This will allow the reader to gauge time themselves, and it uses a unit of measure completely compatible with traveling. 

You have good language skills, but it seems like you are trying really hard to write eloquently. Let it flow naturally. You have the talent.

And of course, this is all just one asshole's opinion, so feel free to ignore me.


----------



## sameech (Jul 23, 2014)

longknife said:


> sameech said:
> 
> 
> > longknife said:
> ...



I understand, and it would make sense in the first person, but I think third person period pieces sometimes need the author's voice to be their interpreter and not get too lost in period nomenclature and the like.  You may feel differently, obviously.  Just a matter of personal preference.


----------



## longknife (Jul 24, 2014)

Thanks to all. Just to add a bit, here's the start of another:



> Bill answered the phone, &#8220;Medical Research Command. Sergeant Sampson. May I help you?&#8221;
> 
> &#8220;Hey Bill, this is Marty. How&#8217;s it goin&#8217;?&#8221;
> 
> ...



From _Waltzing in the Shadows_ available on Amazon.com


----------



## seeJudy (Jul 25, 2014)

rightwinger said:


> Best way to start a novel is to figure out how you want it to end and then write the plot threads that get you there


Besides, the inspiration stemming from an experience, or a scene ...


----------



## Mad_Cabbie (Jul 29, 2014)

I've put down many a book or tuned off the TV because I immediately lost interest and did not want to commit myself to wasting my time.

I completely agree that you need need to grab the reader and hold his/her interest.


----------



## Darkwind (Oct 4, 2014)

longknife said:


> Four Things to Avoid on Page One
> 
> I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
> 
> ...


I don't know that I would use this as the hook for your first page in the novel.  You managed to give the protagonist a problem, but is it the overarching problem that will create the tension for the entire story?  I think that your readers would have to have a little more knowledge of Fernando in order to care enough about him to figure out what burden his father had obligated him to besides having to simply enlist.

Having said that, the initial paragraph, prior to any dialog is internalized.  Why not use that as a means of measuring the passage of time?



> A score of heartbeats marked the silence as Fernando rehearsed what he had to say  to Teresa, uncertain of her response to his news.


The use of 'score' and 'heartbeats' lends an authenticity to the time period you are writing in.  A score being a measure of counting to 20, and heartbeat is a human way of internalizing the passage of time.



> It was not the feelings he held for her in his heart that muted his tongue, but the obligation placed upon him by his father many years past.  As they turned a corner on the path, and the hacienda came into view, he knew he had to speak now or lose the moment.
> "Teresa," he said.  "I am going to enlist in the cavalry."



Your third sentence was ambiguous.  I could not tell if the feelings he held in his heart were not a concern for her or him or his father.

Of course, writing dialog is always done using quotation marks and a description of who is doing the talking if it is not readily apparent.

I think I would add a little more tension to the opening with an anguished questioner an undesired outcome for the protagonist, to set the reader back on their heals right from the start.



> Her temper was renown throughout the territory and the last thing he needed right now is a wailing banshee on his hands.
> 
> A score of heartbeats marked the silence as Fernando rehearsed what he had to say to Teresa, uncertain of her response to his news.  It was not the feelings he held for her in his heart that muted his tongue, but the obligation placed upon him by his father many years past.  As they turned a corner on the path, and the hacienda came into view, he knew he had to speak now or lose the moment.
> 
> "Teresa," he said.  "I am going to enlist in the cavalry."



This would require a lot more polish, but would be a good rewrite of the objectives you were trying to hit.

Good luck.


----------



## Rotagilla (Oct 4, 2014)

longknife said:


> sameech said:
> 
> 
> > longknife said:
> ...



No clocks in 1742?

mechanical clocks were invented around 1200.
The first public clock to strike the hour was in Milan around 1335.
The spring powered clock was invented around 1510 by Peter Henlein.
The first clock with a minute hand was invented around 1577 by Jost Burgi.
In 1656 Christian Huygens invented pendulum clock which remained the most accurate of clocks into the 1930's.


..but people tend to verbosity these days...They think it makes them sound smarter.


----------



## Mad_Cabbie (Oct 4, 2014)

In writing, I will often take liberties in order to make as more interesting story. While clocks were available, wrist watches were not. 

If I am unsure of the fact or if I believe the facts to be obscured by posterity, I will often make it up to suit my inclinations. 

"Pocket watches" were around in the 16th century, but still considered luxury items in the mid 1700's.

Time was indeed, widely available; even if it was somewhat lacking in accuracy.


----------



## longknife (Oct 4, 2014)

Pennywise said:


> longknife said:
> 
> 
> > sameech said:
> ...


Thanks, but it the 18th century, only English colonies used miles. The rest were in leagues. I had to stay true to the place of the story.

Believe it or not, I was/am writing in my own style. It's how I think when I write. I also go back over it later to try to eliminate the superfluous words.

Thanks for the opinion. Always appreciated.


----------



## longknife (Oct 4, 2014)

Darkwind said:


> This would require a lot more polish, but would be a good rewrite of the objectives you were trying to hit.
> 
> Good luck.



Thank you so much for this. Deeply appreciated and has gone into the "save for revision" bin on the folder for the novel.

Will be carefully considered.


----------



## longknife (Oct 4, 2014)

Rotagilla said:


> "half turn of an hour glass" is an awkward reference IMO.  very few people will know what you are talking about.  That is better the sort of period flavor to add into a quote than the writer's POV as far as I am concerned since it is not written in the first person.



Well, I could've used "half an hour" but was trying to establish the time frame. No clocks in that part of the world at that time.[/QUOTE]

No clocks in 1742?

mechanical clocks were invented around 1200.
The first public clock to strike the hour was in Milan around 1335.
The spring powered clock was invented around 1510 by Peter Henlein.
The first clock with a minute hand was invented around 1577 by Jost Burgi.
In 1656 Christian Huygens invented pendulum clock which remained the most accurate of clocks into the 1930's.


..but people tend to verbosity these days...They think it makes them sound smarter.[/QUOTE]

This novel takes place in a small town at couple of days ride from Guadalajara in the 1740s. Only the very wealthy could afford clocks so Fernando would only be used to hour glasses as used in the church to decide when to ring the bells.

And, as he then goes into Baja California, he will not see a working clock until well into the 1770s.


----------

