# The Science of Cougar Sex: Why Older Women Lust



## High_Gravity (Sep 22, 2011)

The Science of Cougar Sex: Why Older Women Lust









> Men who cheat on their spouses have always enjoyed an expedient explanation: Evolution made me do it. Many articles (here is one, and here is another), especially in recent years, have explored the theory that men sleep around because evolution has programmed them to seek fertile (and, conveniently, younger) wombs.
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> But what about women? If it's really true that evolution can cause a man to risk his marriage, what effect does that have on women's sexuality?
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Read more: Study: Why Older Women Have Higher Sex Drive - TIME


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## techieny (Sep 22, 2011)

Grrrrrrrrrr....


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## High_Gravity (Sep 22, 2011)

Cougars rule.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 22, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> The Science of Cougar Sex: Why Older Women Lust
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Of course, all this assumes the women in question can find someone to have sex WITH.  After all, the men in their own age group have a decline in their libidos at the same time these poor ladies are revving up; plus, if the woman in question is single, most of the men her age either are married, or have a very good reason for not being, if you catch my drift.  And if the cougar in question has a taste for younger men, that leaves her competing with women half her age for them.

Seems like rather a cruel joke for Mother Nature to play on some of these women.


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## dilloduck (Sep 22, 2011)

Poorly timed hormonal peaking didn't help out makes much either.


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## Michealleo147 (Sep 29, 2011)

I love this thread


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## BDBoop (Sep 29, 2011)

Why older women lust - Because we're not dead?


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## High_Gravity (Sep 30, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> High_Gravity said:
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Actually I was with a couple women in their 40s back when I was in the service and I found them to be less clingy than their 20 year old counter parts and actually better in bed, I think cougars have alot to bring to the table, maturity is a big thing if you are going to have casual sex without feelings.


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## Katzndogz (Sep 30, 2011)

As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.  

As men age, they develop the idea that they are most sexually appealing to women in early to middle 20s.  This isn't true they just believe it to be true.  As a consequence men in middle age and up believe that women their own age should be terminally grateful for whatever attention they get.   This makes them obnoxious.  The contempt just leaks out of their pores.   Younger men bring the attitude that older women are more experienced and more adventurous.  A 25 year old man is likely to show up at the door of a 40 year old woman with flowers and a bottle of wine.  A 40 year old man is likely to break a date with a 40 year old woman because he THINKS he can get one with a 39 year old woman.


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## High_Gravity (Sep 30, 2011)

Tipsycatlover said:


> As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.
> 
> As men age, they develop the idea that they are most sexually appealing to women in early to middle 20s.  This isn't true they just believe it to be true.  As a consequence men in middle age and up believe that women their own age should be terminally grateful for whatever attention they get.   This makes them obnoxious.  The contempt just leaks out of their pores.   Younger men bring the attitude that older women are more experienced and more adventurous.  A 25 year old man is likely to show up at the door of a 40 year old woman with flowers and a bottle of wine.  A 40 year old man is likely to break a date with a 40 year old woman because he THINKS he can get one with a 39 year old woman.



For a man in his 20s being with an older woman can be a great experience, it definently was for me. Younger women are ok with being with an older guy if he has money and can treat them to nice dinners and vacations and stuff, I have definently seen that.


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## Truthmatters (Sep 30, 2011)

Its all about propagation of the species.

Your body is programed in these ways to try and create offspring.

Give into your bodies programing or not.

Its your choice.

I prefer to opperate my life more with my head than my primal urges


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## BDBoop (Sep 30, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


> Its all about propagation of the species.
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> Your body is programed in these ways to try and create offspring.
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Oh, SO not true, grasshoppah. This discussion isn't about sexually active or no. I am not, but only because I'm still married (and he's living with someone else.) And men make me nervous, and I'm a hermit. None of that has any bearing on hormones and sex drive.

Being 53 and sans relationship? It's like I have an off switch on the urges. It's a blessing. Now if I ever start dating again and my off switch remains locked? I'll be seeing a doctor, because then I will know something IS wrong.


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## editec (Sep 30, 2011)

> Seems like rather a cruel joke for Mother Nature to play on some of these women.


 
One of many Mother Nature likes to impose of us.

_Too soon old, too late smart_ is another.

And what's up with the MN's plan wherein boys go from having ZERO sex drive to being nearly completely obsessed with sex _for years_ before most of them are remotely spongeworth?

Oh yeah,_ those years of wanting but not being wanted_  doesn't  make most men forking nuts when it comes to the male female relationsips for the rest of their lives, now, does it?


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## High_Gravity (Sep 30, 2011)

editec said:


> > Seems like rather a cruel joke for Mother Nature to play on some of these women.
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From what I understand when men get married they get denied sex so much they just don't really want it as much when the woman gets older and hits her prime, it seems older ladies and younger men are a good match physically.


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## Truthmatters (Sep 30, 2011)

BDBoop said:


> Truthmatters said:
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I think you misunderstand me.

This is natures way of getting a woman to do a last chance child.

The same is for the middle aged man finding younger women compelling.

Its a last ditch effort to spread the seed.

Diversification of the species is the aim of this natural cycle.


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## BDBoop (Sep 30, 2011)

I don't have a storage tank.

And you said "I prefer to opperate my life more with my head than my primal urges", which is exactly what I responded to. It's not an 'either/or' scenario, to my mind.


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## masquerade (Sep 30, 2011)

Tipsycatlover said:


> As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.
> 
> As men age, they develop the idea that they are most sexually appealing to women in early to middle 20s.  This isn't true they just believe it to be true.  As a consequence men in middle age and up believe that women their own age should be terminally grateful for whatever attention they get.   This makes them obnoxious.  The contempt just leaks out of their pores.   Younger men bring the attitude that older women are more experienced and more adventurous.  A 25 year old man is likely to show up at the door of a 40 year old woman with flowers and a bottle of wine.  A 40 year old man is likely to break a date with a 40 year old woman because he THINKS he can get one with a 39 year old woman.



As a ... I can't bring myself to refer to myself as a cougar ... I have to disagree.  I'm in my 40's and I find older men ( mmmm ... 50's ) to be more attentive than any younger man.  And the ones I know and adore WOULD show up with flowers and a bottle of wine and perhaps a little something else to enjoy the night with.


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## masquerade (Sep 30, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> editec said:
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Meh ... it depends on the relationship.  If we throw children into the mix here, well I can understand exactly why women shy away from sex.  In my opinion, men ( husband / father ) don't think nearly as much about all the things that need to be done and taken care of, as much as the woman ( wife / mother ) does.

What's sad is when the children grow older and the woman doesn't come back around to enjoying sex.


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## Care4all (Sep 30, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


> BDBoop said:
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 I think this is a certain possibility....it does make great sense in a scientific realm.


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## High_Gravity (Sep 30, 2011)

masquerade said:


> Tipsycatlover said:
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> > As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.
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I'm 29 and I will prove you wrong.


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## High_Gravity (Sep 30, 2011)

masquerade said:


> High_Gravity said:
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Thats why alot if not most marriages crash and burn, even for older folks. My parents were married 20+ years and now they are divorced. Sometimes its the other way around, the kids leave home and the woman gets rejuvenized and wants to go out and have fun, and the husband is so beaten down after so many years of child rearing he just wants to take it easy and go to bed at a decent hour, one of the cougars I was with in California was like that, her daughter turned 18 and joined the Military and suddenly she was free, she started going out alot more and getting too wild for her husband so they split up, I met her shortly after, we had some awesome times. She used to party like a college girl.


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## kwc57 (Sep 30, 2011)

Tipsycatlover said:


> As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.
> 
> As men age, they develop the idea that they are most sexually appealing to women in early to middle 20s.  This isn't true they just believe it to be true.  As a consequence men in middle age and up believe that women their own age should be terminally grateful for whatever attention they get.   This makes them obnoxious.  The contempt just leaks out of their pores.   Younger men bring the attitude that older women are more experienced and more adventurous.  A 25 year old man is likely to show up at the door of a 40 year old woman with flowers and a bottle of wine.  A 40 year old man is likely to break a date with a 40 year old woman because he THINKS he can get one with a 39 year old woman.



This 54 year old man says you're all wet.  No pun intended.  I'd take a woman within 5 to 10 years of my age any day over a girl in her 20's or 30's.


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## kwc57 (Sep 30, 2011)

masquerade said:


> Tipsycatlover said:
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> > As an ex-cougar, I can say with some certainty that a woman in her 40s is treated much BETTER by a man in his 20s, than she is by a man in his 40s.
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At this age and stage, we've both learned how to slow down and savor the experience.  As we age, we learn that some times the bigger turn on is in getting our partner off instead of just being in it for me.


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## Cecilie1200 (Sep 30, 2011)

BDBoop said:


> I don't have a storage tank.
> 
> And you said "I prefer to opperate my life more with my head than my primal urges", which is exactly what I responded to. It's not an 'either/or' scenario, to my mind.



I think it should always be a mixture.  People who treat their bodies and biological urges as though they're something alien and separate from "You" are screwed-up, in my never-humble opinion.  Your body is as much "You" as your mind or your spirit is, and its needs, desires, and urges should no more be ignored and discounted as those of the other two parts.

Decisions should be made BY the mind, but they should be made in consideration of ALL of the parts of "You".


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## Iridescence (Sep 30, 2011)

I don't know... it just seems some women who stay faithful in their relationships as they age and go sexually unsatisfied become violently bitter or they die the slow death of empty living. This isn't always the case, but it seems to be the rule. Faithfulness doesn't have to mean the end of spice and/or competitive lovemaking... AND a few women unsatisfied sexually set the world on fire with their high frequency brains. 

I probably prefer the company of older men, too, and my experiences prove 'tipsycatlover's' post to be more true than not... However, it isn't about the sex it is about the levels of communication and similar interests that may represent the edge. Perhaps women do mature spiritually faster than men on many levels, but surely not on all because all too often many women ultimately lust after the ones they've left behind.

I'm not sure if 'lust' is really the word... it's more like provoking life to return for many women who resort to straying.


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## BDBoop (Sep 30, 2011)

1melissa3 said:


> I don't know... it just seems some women who stay faithful in their relationships as they age and go sexually unsatisfied become violently bitter or they die the slow death of empty living. This isn't always the case, but it seems to be the rule. Faithfulness doesn't have to mean the end of spice and/or competitive lovemaking... AND a few women unsatisfied sexually set the world on fire with their high frequency brains.
> 
> I probably prefer the company of older men, too, and my experiences prove 'tipsycatlover's' post to be more true than not... However, it isn't about the sex it is about the levels of communication and similar interests that may represent the edge. Perhaps women do mature spiritually faster than men on many levels, but surely not on all because all too often many women ultimately lust after the ones they've left behind.
> 
> I'm not sure if 'lust' is really the word... it's more like provoking life to return for many women who resort to straying.



I far and away miss hugging and kissing more than anything else.


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## Iridescence (Sep 30, 2011)

I miss laughing so freely and making it a point to do special things... dressing up and dancing even. I miss not worrying over who he's going to fight with next.


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## Ropey (Sep 30, 2011)

BDBoop said:


> Truthmatters said:
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BDBoop said:


> Being 53 and sans relationship? It's like I have an off switch on the urges. It's a blessing. Now if I ever start dating again and my off switch remains locked? I'll be seeing a doctor, because then I will know something IS wrong.



I don't think you will have any problem. It's rather like riding a bike after a long layoff.  As soon as you get on the balance begins to return.



masquerade said:


> Tipsycatlover said:
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Far more attentive.


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## masquerade (Sep 30, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


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Bring. It. On.

*grin*


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## masquerade (Sep 30, 2011)

kwc57 said:


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*Exactly!*


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## MeBelle (Sep 30, 2011)

Just backs up my personal philosophy: Get em young (men) and train them as you want.


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## JimBowie1958 (Oct 2, 2011)

kwc57 said:


> Tipsycatlover said:
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> ...



I totally agree. I find my wife to be far more attractive as a whole person than models on the tube, and she doesnt get it. 

Advertisers make so much money making Western women feel insecure about themselves in various ways, and it is a  shame that women with more wisdom and experience cant appreciate what they have to offer for a relationship body mind and soul. They can offer more in a relationship than some young woman with no real world experience or children or personal depth that comes from understanding life's cycle.

How do you share your life with someone that doesnt share anything close to your own generation?

Whatever; each to their own I guess, but I would much rather spend an evening with my wife than anyone else, and were I single, the closer to my own age the better.


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## American Horse (Oct 2, 2011)

When I think of an "older woman" I think decades older than 40, which is referred to as "older" in this piece.  Seventy is definitely not too old to be found to be interesting IMO.  I'd feel like I was robbing the cradle being with a woman of forty.  Fifty would be just coming of age.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 3, 2011)

JimBowie1958 said:


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I'm a little confused about what's so special about "same generation".  Maybe once upon a time, that made a big difference.  In this technological information age, it's incredibly easy for people across the age spectrum to share the same knowledge, hobbies, musical tastes . . .  And let's face it, age is really not much of a guarantor of maturity any more.


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## Luissa (Oct 3, 2011)

I turn 31 today, and I want sex more than I did when I was twenty one. I also enjoy it more.

Maybe it is because we have figured out what we like? And sex is now better?


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 3, 2011)

Luissa said:


> I turn 31 today, and I want sex more than I did when I was twenty one. I also enjoy it more.
> 
> Maybe it is because we have figured out what we like? And sex is now better?



And gotten a lot of the extraneous, bullshit inhibitions out of the way.


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## Iridescence (Oct 3, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> Luissa said:
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Perhaps many of 'us' catch on to the competitive thoughts of our partners and we give them back what they gave.

 Yet then perhaps sex has always been the bi-product of the real addiction, nature's provocation is the physicists' key in the chemical induction of our brains.

 Really, I am clueless.


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## editec (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> editec said:
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I think that's a myth, really.

I doubt that wifes refuse to have sex  so much that their men _don't really want it as much._

In fact, if anything, I suspect its just the opposite.

Men's lust for their partners tends to fade over time, thus it is more likely that wives are sex starved than their hubbies.

I mean that might better explain middle aged women seeking younger men.

When men are younger their sex drives are much strong.


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## Iridescence (Oct 3, 2011)

Yep, I agree with editic. 

Many young men are like nymphs for several months/years into marriage until the reality of unrealized responsibility sets in defeating their mental stamina if they were not adequately prepared.

Many men also party hard and eat wrong until their body bloats and their minds fail... Then it is almost inevitable that the 'monster' they've created during their lustful years of youth would become too much.


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## kwc57 (Oct 3, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


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Oh, I disagree!  While you can share some of the same interests, you are at different stages in life and your life experiences have nothing in common.  I'm 54 and I work with kids from junior high thru college age and then know a lot of folks from college age up thru my age and beyond.  I sit and listen to the 30 somethings talk and they are just at a different place in life than me.  The culture, music, TV shows, everything is totally different from my life experiences.  While I might think they are hot and wouldn't mind having sex with them for sex's sake, I think spending quality companion time with them would be difficult.  I'm at an age where a woman with the battle scars of life is far more appealing to me than a rookie.  She has far more depth, wisdom and experience as a person.  Now, does she still have to be sexually appealing?  Well yeah, but she doesn't have to be the tight, hot bod that she was 30 years ago either.


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## masquerade (Oct 3, 2011)

1melissa3 said:


> Yep, I agree with editic.
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> Many young men are like nymphs for several months/years into marriage until the reality of unrealized responsibility sets in defeating their mental stamina if they were not adequately prepared.
> 
> Many men also party hard and eat wrong until their body bloats and their minds fail... Then it is almost inevitable that the 'monster' they've created during their lustful years of youth would become too much.



Many women in their early 40's are like nymphs. ( uh hum ... clears throat )


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

Luissa said:


> I turn 31 today, and I want sex more than I did when I was twenty one. I also enjoy it more.
> 
> Maybe it is because we have figured out what we like? And sex is now better?



I agree with that.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


> 1melissa3 said:
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I'm worried when I'm in my 40s I won't be able to keep up.


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## BDBoop (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


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Oh. <grin> I think you'll be fine.


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## masquerade (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


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Yes it's true.  Some women hear a reason or excuse not to more often then men do.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


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Hmm, anything I should do to prepare? I have read mens libidos go way down in their 40s but womens soar through the rooff.


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## kwc57 (Oct 3, 2011)

1melissa3 said:


> Yep, I agree with editic.
> 
> Many young men are like nymphs for several months/years into marriage until the reality of unrealized responsibility sets in defeating their mental stamina if they were not adequately prepared.
> 
> Many men also party hard and eat wrong until their body bloats and their minds fail... Then it is almost inevitable that the 'monster' they've created during their lustful years of youth would become too much.



Oh my dear.......trust me, that works in both directions.  There are girls who will use their sexuality to lure a man in and once she has him on the hook and reels him in (marriage), she hangs him on the wall like a trophy.  Courtship is over and it's time to build a home, life and family.  They allow sex to have kids, become stay at home moms and ballon to twice their size.


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

Care4all said:


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Its hormonal.

Its natures design.

Nature also gave us brains to figure these things out with.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

kwc57 said:


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Yup, sex becomes as rare as flying pigs in those cases.


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## Big Black Dog (Oct 3, 2011)

If there were more bingo games and chocolate in the world, there would be no cougars...


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## BDBoop (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> masquerade said:
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Neotantra - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## masquerade (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


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What I can say is if you're fortunate enough to have a woman who wants you naked several times a week, tell her you know how fortunate you are to have a woman like her in your life.  And give in, as often as possible.  Unless there is something pressing you need to attend to, everything else can wait.


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

Yeah blaming the opposite sex for the problem will really help you figure it out huh?

why are some do determined to make bad decisions about their lives?


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


> Yeah blaming the opposite sex for the problem will really help you figure it out huh?
> 
> why are some do determined to make bad decisions about their lives?



What in gods name are you going on about now?


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

You really havent read the responses have you


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


> You really havent read the responses have you



Put down the vodka, its too early.


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## masquerade (Oct 3, 2011)

Damn HG!  I gatta spread it around, but KUDOS!


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


> Damn HG!  I gatta spread it around, but KUDOS!



No problem, just trying to save the thread from going off course for a melt down.


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

kwc57 said:


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blaming the opposite sex.

We all should understand the genetics and bodily function behind this for both sexes.


Its a clear case of the natural factors trying to spurn on last chance species diversification.

Its true for both sexes and differs by sex to create it.

Live by your head or live by your loins, its your choice


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## kwc57 (Oct 3, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> masquerade said:
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Perhaps TM could ask the mods to change her name to Major Buzzkill, it would be more fitting all around.


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

Im sorry you find logic so uncompelling


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


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_Several times a week?!  _Try several times a day.  I suggest yoga and Viagra.


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## kwc57 (Oct 3, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


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Do everyone a favor......piss off.  Don't you have some half assed political talking point that needs spreading?


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

dream on


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

Truthmatters said:


> Im sorry you find logic so uncompelling



Sheesh you switched to Goldschlager now haven't you?


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## Truthmatters (Oct 3, 2011)

Is this a joke thread ONLY?

I thought the OP was asking a serious question


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## masquerade (Oct 3, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


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No need for Viagra.  More of a need for the children to be out of the house.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


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Amen to that sister!


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 3, 2011)

masquerade said:


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Not for me.  My middle kid is a teenager.  H'es more than happy to keep himself and his little brother in his bedroom and out of my way.

I do get tired of the deer-in-the-headlights looks from men, though, which is why I suggest Viagra.


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## JimBowie1958 (Oct 3, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> I'm a little confused about what's so special about "same generation".  Maybe once upon a time, that made a big difference.  In this technological information age, it's incredibly easy for people across the age spectrum to share the same knowledge, hobbies, musical tastes . . .  And let's face it, age is really not much of a guarantor of maturity any more.



It is hard to explain. For example, if I were to try to relate something to you about some of my teen sons attitudes, if you havent been through that, you might not get it or would sympathize with my son, perhaps.

When I say that a phone is not something you carry in your pocket, but it is a black thing with a handle on the end of a cord that sits on a phone book on a stand next to the backdoor in the kitchen plugged in to a wall, if you havent lived that you might not entirely get what I am talking about regarding my clunkiness in adopting new technology.

My daughter is amazed that I owned an iphone for over a year and never used it. She thinks I am a barbarian because I dont like to text. My son doesnt even bother and gives me the condescending smirk one might give an ignoramus when we talk about new computer gadgetry, and I am a professional software engineer! lolol

Can you relate to that sort of thing? Maybe you can, if so, then you have more to offer an older guy than just a cute smile and attractive shape.


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## Sunshine (Oct 3, 2011)

There is nothing hornier than a 45 year old women.  Been there.  If you will notice many flowers of the annual variety blossom voluminously just before the frost.  My theory is that a woman's body chemistry causes her to do the same thing just before she becomes unable to reproduce.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 4, 2011)

Sunshine said:


> *There is nothing hornier than a 45 year old women. * Been there.  If you will notice many flowers of the annual variety blossom voluminously just before the frost.  My theory is that a woman's body chemistry causes her to do the same thing just before she becomes unable to reproduce.



This is true.


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## Iridescence (Oct 4, 2011)

_*I honestly used to wonder a bit why so many people are single or become single and cannot seem to retain sustainable relationships... After going through this thread (so far) and many others like it... I no longer wonder. 

It seems to me that the average person really has no clue what relationships are about. However, of course, this was not a thread about relationships, it was specifically about sex.*_


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## High_Gravity (Oct 4, 2011)

1melissa3 said:


> _*I honestly used to wonder a bit why so many people are single or become single and cannot seem to retain sustainable relationships... After going through this thread (so far) and many others like it... I no longer wonder.
> 
> It seems to me that the average person really has no clue what relationships are about. However, of course, this was not a thread about relationships, it was specifically about sex.*_



Maybe its not natural for 2 people to stay together for so long and we are just forcing it? but thats a subject for another thread.


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## Iridescence (Oct 4, 2011)

_*NOT natural? I don't know. I couldn't boast to know.*_


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 4, 2011)

JimBowie1958 said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
> 
> 
> > I'm a little confused about what's so special about "same generation".  Maybe once upon a time, that made a big difference.  In this technological information age, it's incredibly easy for people across the age spectrum to share the same knowledge, hobbies, musical tastes . . .  And let's face it, age is really not much of a guarantor of maturity any more.
> ...



I have a teenager, I remember rotary phones and party lines (let alone just land-line phones), and I only text when it's an absolute necessity, and really hate the practice.

Nevertheless, while I date men in their twenties, I don't date STUPID men, and I toss the immature ones to the curb.  It doesn't require one to have a teenager to understand issues with dealing with a teenager, and maybe a little sympathy for him from an objective observer is what I need to give me perspective.  In an information age full of pictures and movies and records of what previous times were like, there's no reason why a reasonably intelligent, informed person shouldn't be able to understand what the world was like before they were born.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 4, 2011)

1melissa3 said:


> _*I honestly used to wonder a bit why so many people are single or become single and cannot seem to retain sustainable relationships... After going through this thread (so far) and many others like it... I no longer wonder.
> 
> It seems to me that the average person really has no clue what relationships are about. However, of course, this was not a thread about relationships, it was specifically about sex.*_



I'm curious as to what you think you know about relationships that others don't.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 4, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> 1melissa3 said:
> 
> 
> > _*I honestly used to wonder a bit why so many people are single or become single and cannot seem to retain sustainable relationships... After going through this thread (so far) and many others like it... I no longer wonder.
> ...



Except that it seems only relatively recently that humans have developed a problem with it.  I personally suspect that we're just too spoiled to be able to manage the sort of self-sacrifice necessary for a lasting relationship.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 4, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> High_Gravity said:
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> > 1melissa3 said:
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Your probably right, that or the previous generations took the until death do us part literally and stayed together no matter how miserable they were.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 4, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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Again, I think that's the "spoiled" part speaking that assumes they were miserable.  Humans are amazingly adaptable creatures; once you take out the flighty, "I can just leave when it stops being a fairy tale" aspect, I'd say most people found a way to be happy anyway.

I say this because I've been married to my husband for seventeen years and counting.  Is it perfect?  No.  Does it have problems?  Hell, yes.  Am I going anywhere?  No, so I work with what's here to be happy anyway.

I think it's also only relatively recently that people have gotten the notion that life is supposed to make them happy, instead of happiness being something that they produce inside themselves.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 4, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> High_Gravity said:
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I think alot of people come into marriage with unrealistic expectations that everything will automatically be better, when that doesn't happen they are running for the door. Unrealistic wedding shows on tv like the Kardashians and Kendra doesn't help either because that isn't the marriages 99% of people are having, but thats what people want.


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## kwc57 (Oct 4, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> JimBowie1958 said:
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> > Cecilie1200 said:
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Understanding and having a "shared" experience are two different things.  I grew up during the 70's and came of age in the 80's.  Some one who grew up in the 80's and came of age in the 90's  or 90's and 00's had a totally different experience.  They have a different perspective on just about everything and a very different world view.  The older one gets, the more it is about the relationship and companionship than it is about sex for sex's sake.  If we're just talking about screwing, yeah, you can do that with anyone at anytime.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Oct 4, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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Yes, unrealistic expectations and lack of commitment.  When you take those vows you have to take them seriously. 

My husband is 12 years younger than I am.  : )  We've been together 21 years.  I always dated older guys before him.  It wasn't planned, it just happened.  I tried to resist him but he was just too funny and sexy and intelligent.  And he loves animals.  All qualities I admire.  

No partner is going to be perfect, so you have to decide if their flaws are ones you can live with, or not.   Never think you're going to change them, that's the wrong attitude going in! My husband has plenty of flaws, but his good qualities far outweigh his flaws.  I just overlook the flaws, no sense in nagging about them.  Most of the time, anyway. : )


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## JimBowie1958 (Oct 4, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> JimBowie1958 said:
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In TV shows, movies, songs, pictures etc, its just data. The experience of living it is much different.

Connecting to another person is not just a matter of being able to repeat various facts; it has to do with living those facts and the expectations that that upbringing leaves us as we live in a time where gadgetry has surpassed anything we ever really thought would happen.

You have a computer, in all likelihood, that is more powerful than the top of the line CRAY supercomputers when I was in high school. You and I may live to be 150, see the cure of cancer and be the first generation that has a complete  youthful regeneration of their bodies, etc.

Wouldnt you rather go through life with a partner that shares you amazement instead of dismissing it as an inevitability because they grew up with that sort of thing in their Saturday morning sci-fi cartoons? (Saturday? they run 24/7 now, Lord Almighty!)


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## JimBowie1958 (Oct 4, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> Nevertheless, while I date men in their twenties, I don't date STUPID men, and I toss the immature ones to the curb.





Cecilie1200 said:


> I say this because I've been married to my husband for seventeen years and counting.  Is it perfect?  No.  Does it have problems?  Hell, yes.  Am I going anywhere?  No, so I work with what's here to be happy anyway.
> 
> I think it's also only relatively recently that people have gotten the notion that life is supposed to make them happy, instead of happiness being something that they produce inside themselves.



Well, I am starting to understand why you may be so happy.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 5, 2011)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> High_Gravity said:
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I agree with you, marriage is a commitment and it is very, very hard work. I see so many people that expect marriage to be a happily ever aftter scenario and when they see the type of hard work it really is, they fold like a belt. All the fun stuff you did when you were both single and all the nightly sex romps comes to a grinding halt when you are married with kids and you are building a home and a family.


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## kwc57 (Oct 6, 2011)

There comes a point where it's just better to stick to your own age range.   I'm 54 and this 71 year old chick leaves me cold.

"Chick," 71, And Man, 54, Busted In Naked Car Romp | The Smoking Gun


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 6, 2011)

kwc57 said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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I can't say it's ever been a huge factor in my relationships that "Ooh, he went to video arcades, too".  Mind you, I can actually compare.  I have a husband who DID share the exact same time period with me (his birthday is the day after mine), and I have boyfriends who are significantly younger.  While it is entertaining to sometimes discuss what it was like to grow up when I did versus what it was like when they were growing up, our relationships are based much more on what we share NOW (and no, I don't just mean sex).

I suspect it's more important to share the same social class and family type than the same time period, in all honesty.  I note that my boyfriends usually come from solid, middle class families, often with both parents in residence but with a good relationship between them if divorced, just as my husband and I do.


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## William Joyce (Oct 6, 2011)

This thread totally makes me want to watch cougar porn.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 7, 2011)

JimBowie1958 said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
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I can honestly tell you that it has very little impact one way or another on my relationships.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 7, 2011)

JimBowie1958 said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
> 
> 
> > Nevertheless, while I date men in their twenties, I don't date STUPID men, and I toss the immature ones to the curb.
> ...



It has its ups and its downs.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 7, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> JimBowie1958 said:
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If you don't mind me asking is your husband allowed to see other people too?


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## AquaAthena (Oct 7, 2011)

I don't think age has anything to do with wanting good sex. I think it has more to do with how a woman perceives her own body and how her mate or flavor- of -the- month, responds to it. When a woman likes the way she looks in a mirror, hot sex is just a glance and a touch, away.   

Pheromones do not disappear under the right circumstances.....


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## High_Gravity (Oct 7, 2011)

AquaAthena said:


> *I don't think age has anything to do with wanting good sex. I think it has more to do with how a woman perceives her own body and how her mate or flavor- of -the- month, responds to it. When a woman likes the way she looks in a mirror, hot sex is just a glance and a touch, away.   *
> Phermones do not disappear under the right circumstances.....



I think you are spot on Aqua.


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## lilbug (Oct 10, 2011)

First, I detest the phrase 'Cougar' and it's connotations.  My theory and my own experience...It has nothing to do with procreating or "speading the seed" at all.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Gone are the worries of birth control..diaphragms, pills, IUDs, shots.  Along with this, no more worries about PMS, monthly cycles and all the things they entail.  Not having to fuss with all that and not having to worry about pregnancy has a surprising effect on one's desire for sex.  It's liberating.  Also, older women have usually raised their kids and there are fewer children related demands, household chores, bills, etc., that distract them and drain their energy.  Aside from that, hopefully over the years, women have educated themselves beyond what mom told them about sex, and have gotten more intuned with their bodies, their needs and desires and have developed a voice to let their partners know and once you've been 'there'  there's no going back to mundane sex.  

Also, I don't think it has anything to do with wanting younger guys. Personally, I want someone who has some experience, has developed his control of urgency to not overcome him, and has learned that pleasing a woman leads to not only better mutual sex, but a lot more of it.  Young pups, while they may be good eye candy and nice thoughts for fantasy and the ego, don't have the experience, the knowledge, the patience, at least not for me.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 12, 2011)

lilbug said:


> First, I detest the phrase 'Cougar' and it's connotations.  My theory and my own experience...It has nothing to do with procreating or "speading the seed" at all.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Gone are the worries of birth control..diaphragms, pills, IUDs, shots.  Along with this, no more worries about PMS, monthly cycles and all the things they entail.  Not having to fuss with all that and not having to worry about pregnancy has a surprising effect on one's desire for sex.  It's liberating.  Also, older women have usually raised their kids and there are fewer children related demands, household chores, bills, etc., that distract them and drain their energy.  Aside from that, hopefully over the years, women have educated themselves beyond what mom told them about sex, and have gotten more intuned with their bodies, their needs and desires and have developed a voice to let their partners know and once you've been 'there'  there's no going back to mundane sex.
> 
> Also, I don't think it has anything to do with wanting younger guys. Personally, I want someone who has some experience, has developed his control of urgency to not overcome him, and has learned that pleasing a woman leads to not only better mutual sex, but a lot more of it.  Young pups, while they may be good eye candy and nice thoughts for fantasy and the ego, don't have the experience, the knowledge, the patience, at least not for me.



I think alot of the older women that pursue younger men do so because they know no real relationship can come of it, just fun and good sex.


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## Care4all (Oct 12, 2011)

to answer the question of the op,

 I would imagine that the older women that go after younger men, do so for the same reasons that some older men go after younger women....

to make themselves feel better.

it could be the thought of still being attractive to a younger person, it could be for the need to dominate, for the need to be sexy, for their own lack of self esteem.....?  Who knows, a number of things that are self serving....?


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## Sky Dancer (Oct 12, 2011)

Power to the Cougars!


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## Iridescence (Oct 12, 2011)

omgorsh.... opportunistic women provoke a bit of envy, for sure....


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## manifold (Oct 12, 2011)

So older chicks who like like younger dudes are called cougars.

You know what they call older dudes who like younger chicks?

Dudes.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 13, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> Cecilie1200 said:
> 
> 
> > JimBowie1958 said:
> ...



He's welcome to.  He rarely has any interest in availing himself of the privilege.


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## Cecilie1200 (Oct 13, 2011)

High_Gravity said:


> lilbug said:
> 
> 
> > First, I detest the phrase 'Cougar' and it's connotations.  My theory and my own experience...It has nothing to do with procreating or "speading the seed" at all.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Gone are the worries of birth control..diaphragms, pills, IUDs, shots.  Along with this, no more worries about PMS, monthly cycles and all the things they entail.  Not having to fuss with all that and not having to worry about pregnancy has a surprising effect on one's desire for sex.  It's liberating.  Also, older women have usually raised their kids and there are fewer children related demands, household chores, bills, etc., that distract them and drain their energy.  Aside from that, hopefully over the years, women have educated themselves beyond what mom told them about sex, and have gotten more intuned with their bodies, their needs and desires and have developed a voice to let their partners know and once you've been 'there'  there's no going back to mundane sex.
> ...



And I prefer to train my own.


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## High_Gravity (Oct 13, 2011)

Cecilie1200 said:


> High_Gravity said:
> 
> 
> > Cecilie1200 said:
> ...



Cool.


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## Montrovant (Oct 13, 2011)

manifold said:


> So older chicks who like like younger dudes are called cougars.
> 
> You know what they call older dudes who like younger chicks?
> 
> Dudes.


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