# Union Worker jokes



## Philobeado

1. wo guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?"

"Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.

The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.

Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long term disability."


2. One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a union worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The accountant said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good.

The chemist said his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive.

Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"

The union worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. 

3. This one is an actual true story that really happened.

My grandfather was a company V.P. An employee came in and tried to get workers comp because apparently he had injured himself in the factory.

He lifted his arm up partway and said that's as far as he could lift it.

My grandfather said, "And how high could you lift it before?" The idiot lifted it way over his head. My grandfather kicked him out of his office.

True story.


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## California Girl

It is a little known fact but Christopher Columbus was actually the first Democrat. He set off without knowing where he was going. When he arrived, he didn't know where he was. 

And he used other peoples money to do it.


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## Mad Scientist

Philobeado said:


> My grandfather was a company V.P. An employee came in and tried to get workers comp because apparently he had injured himself in the factory.
> 
> He lifted his arm up partway and said that's as far as he could lift it.
> 
> My grandfather said, "And how high could you lift it before?" The idiot lifted it way over his head. My grandfather kicked him out of his office.
> 
> True story.


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## Mini 14

For me, the phrase "union worker" is pretty funny all by itself.

Show me a "union worker" who has been a member more than a year or two, and I'll show you a lazy, mindless lump.


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## xsited1

AFL-CIO =  American Federation of Leaches, Criminals, Ingrates, and Oddballs

UAW = United Against Work

CWA (Communications Workers of America) = Can't Win Anything


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## Anachronism

I've got a good one....

I work in a Union position for a Major utility company. The company has lost four of its last five regulatory requests. 1200 MANAGEMENT workers (out of 6200) are losing their jobs. Not a single Union employee is losing their job. Guess the joke is on the three departments that chose not to Unionize when we did three years ago.


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