# What Do You Call A Chinese Woman...



## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

...with one leg shorter than the other?

*Irene.*


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> ...with one leg shorter than the other?
> 
> *Irene.*



You might be thinking Japanese. The Chinese don't have problems pronouncing the letter L.


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## S.J. (Apr 7, 2018)

What do you call a man with no arms and legs?

*Matt*


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## S.J. (Apr 7, 2018)

A man with no arms and legs in a bath tub?

*Bob*


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## The Breeze (Apr 7, 2018)

What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms and no legs.        Bob


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Wrong. 
And my thread is in response to the Chinese hacker who hijacked this forum temporarily.


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## theliq (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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But two Wongs don't make it Right


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

The Breeze said:


> What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms and no legs.        Bob


And one who hangs on a wall?

*Art.*


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter. He isn't gonna come to you.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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Not wrong at all. 

I speak Chinese.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

theliq said:


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Wong is Cantonese, Wang is Mandarin. At least you got yours right as Cantonese is the "dialect" of GuangDong which is in China.


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## JoeMoma (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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No one can understand me when I speak Chinese.


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## theliq (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Well here in Australia we know our Wongs from our Wangs,we do a lot of trade with all parts of China and Nippon for that matter.....steve


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## usmbguest5318 (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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If you hadn't written the above, frigidweirdo, I wouldn't have had any idea what he was talking about.

I'd have gotten it had the answer been "Eileen," though that answer would have worked without the ethnic association.  Truly, I'm not sure why the joke needed any ethnic element.


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## usmbguest5318 (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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JoeMoma said:


> No one can understand me when I speak Chinese.


Is your Mandarin so bad that even Chinese people don't understand you?  LOL


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## Erinwltr (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> What do you call a dog with no legs?
> Doesn't matter. He isn't gonna come to you.




Dementedly funny.


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## DOTR (Apr 7, 2018)

Like USMB wasn’t already overrun with leftists we now have Chicoms in the mix?


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

JoeMoma said:


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Well that's usual, the tones are hard as anything.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

Xelor said:


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Well, some people just think they're being smart with jokes

I was out one night and there was this guy who was drunk. He was trying to tell this joke about Penguins and Polar Bears and I was like, they live on the other side of the world from each other..... he was too drunk to be able to cope with such information.


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## ChrisL (Apr 7, 2018)

In your mailbox?  Bill.  

In the leaves?  Russell.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

Xelor said:


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Well... it depends. Usually it's me who can't understand them. I don't actually talk much Chinese to Chinese people.

I'm learning, not that high up. I can do the basics, I can write basic characters and read bits and bobs.


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## ChrisL (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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These two, they must be a BLAST at parties.     The suck is strong with these two.


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## eagle1462010 (Apr 7, 2018)




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## usmbguest5318 (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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frigidweirdo said:


> I'm learning, not that high up. I can do the basics, I can write basic characters and read bits and bobs.


I can read and write one character, but I can chat about basic things -- drinking games and other socializing activities, "bar talk," shopping, traveling, the weather, compliments, restaurant ordering, etc. -- and I can (or at least I could when I was in the PRC for at least a day or two every week) pick up bits and pieces of complex topics.  

I wasn't trying to learn Mandarin, however.  I sought to understand people and to be understood on a basic expression level.  Since I knew I'd never have to write or read hanzi, I didn't bother to learn any of them.


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Not talking about Chinese. Talking about Chinese speaking English.


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

Xelor said:


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It's the Chinese woman sequel to the woman with one shorter leg joke. That one is Eileen.


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 7, 2018)

ChrisL said:


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It started as a spontaneous joke in response to a forum hijacking by a chinese hacker and it became a petty bickering fest. Unbelievable.


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## rightwinger (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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They sold me a college diploma!


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## task0778 (Apr 7, 2018)

The closest I can come to speaking chinese is knowing the words to 'China Grove'.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

Xelor said:


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Chinese takes a lot more effort. I lived in Spain and didn't actively set out to learn Spanish but could speak it by the end of my time there. 

Chinese is different, maybe it's that I'm older and less willing to punish myself, or just lazy, I don't know, but it's been a long painful process of not being understood.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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It doesn't matter. 

I speak Chinese, I talk to Chinese people quite a lot. You learn what the issues are between the two languages. The Chinese simply don't have a problem with Ls and Rs. 

You based your based on ignorance, now you're trying to squirm out of it by using more ignorance. It isn't going to work. 

Some things are just fact.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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It's what happens when you get your facts wrong. 

Maybe keep your bad racist jokes for the pub where everyone's drunk enough and dense enough to not call you out on your ignorance.


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## Moonglow (Apr 7, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> ...with one leg shorter than the other?
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> *Irene.*


I thought her name was cuntswello?


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## Moonglow (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Looks like Engrish to me..


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## usmbguest5318 (Apr 7, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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frigidweirdo said:


> Chinese takes a lot more effort.


???  Mandarin takes more effort than Cantonese.



frigidweirdo said:


> Chinese takes a lot more effort.  I lived in Spain and didn't actively set out to learn Spanish but could speak it by the end of my time there.


Mandarin is very easy to speak.  I'm sure that if you're taking a class of some sort, the instructor is "nutso" about the tones.  If one just starts speaking it in a "live fire" situation, one who's clearly just learning to speak Chinese -- Mandarin or Cantonese -- need not worry about the tones.  As goes basic pronunciation, I encountered one sound I simply could not accurately utter.  (I can't say why that is. Perhaps having taken French and Spanish (Castilian) has something to do with it?  I don't know.)

As go the tones, we have substantively the same things in English:  

"polish" and "Polish"
"read" (Read the book) and "read" (I read the book last night.)
As a native speaker, if someone whom you knew was a non-native speaker mispronounced "polish" or "read," would you be able to figure out from the context of the conversation what they probably mean?  At least well enough to know how to ask a suitable question so that you can become sure of what they mean?  I suspect you can and would.  So it is in China when one is speaking in one's broken Chinese and just learning.  One's buddies will periodically help one along when it's necessary and not make a big deal about it when it's not.

When I was in the PRC, my translator was the person who helped me.  She very reassuringly told me when I first started Mandarin, in essence:
Don't worry about the tones.  Just try to say the word you want to say.  Eventually you'll get the tones, but it's easier to say the word the way you say it and then learn to say it slightly differently, than it is to worry about saying it the right way from the start.  You'll spend too much time worrying about what your saying and not enough time actually communicating.​From that moment on, Mandarin became easy to speak.  I'm sure I wasn't speaking eloquent Mandarin, but then as a non-native speaker who was just trying to be personable and "do my thing," I didn't need to.  Had I stayed longer, I'm sure I'd have elevated the quality of my Mandarin, but the quality needed to be "functional" moving about in a PRC city is nowhere near that level.

Now, if your goal is to speak "diplomat grade" Mandarin or Cantonese, well, that could be difficult.  I really wouldn't know.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 7, 2018)

Xelor said:


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No, Chinese, Cantonese, Mandarin, whatever, takes more effort than Spanish.

The problem I had with the tones was that I didn't set out to learn them properly. I didn't have a teacher or anything like that, just trying to do it myself. I've learnt to do them more or less now.

With German my biggest problem was remembering if something was der, die or das. Usually I'd ignore it because it's hard to remember. 

Chinese with the tones I have that problem. Is it 1st tone or 3rd tone for this. Practice makes perfect, but with say, Spanish, you don't really have that. La and el are more or less logical.

I also had a problem with phrasal verbs with German, if a verb starts with the same same combination of letters, like auf or an, then I'd get confused a lot. Spanish doesn't do that at all.

Chinese has a lot of things that look similar in pinyin. Gei is a great one, there's only one word with gei. 

But huo, you have perhaps, fire, live, meals, money, capture, be puzzled, misfortune, much, clear, holmium, and loads more. Maybe 40 different characters than can be huo, some of the huo characters can have two different tones too which change the meaning. Then you have words which can go with that.

For some people the lack of difficult grammar makes it easy, for me, as a visual learner, rather than audio, it can be a massive minefield.


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## ChrisL (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Good LORD!  Shut up and go away if you don't like jokes!  Nobody will miss you.  You are like an unwanted guest.


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## ChrisL (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Nobody cares.  Go start your own thread about yourself.  No one else is interested in talking about you.


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## ChrisL (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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  Holy hell.


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## ChrisL (Apr 8, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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That's a leftist for you.  Everyone knows they suck.


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## RoshawnMarkwees (Apr 8, 2018)

ChrisL said:


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And I didn’t even have to mention trump.


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## Ridgerunner (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


> I don't know, but it's been a long painful process of not being understood.



But you are exceptionally good at it...


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## miketx (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Really? Here's the entire Chines alphabet and there is not ONE L in it.


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## miketx (Apr 8, 2018)

theliq said:


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Those Aussie guy do know them wangs.


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## HereWeGoAgain (Apr 8, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


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  You mean Engrish.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 8, 2018)

Ridgerunner said:


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But you get used to it being on a forum with a bunch of under-educated rednecks.


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## HenryBHough (Apr 8, 2018)

What do you call a liberal female?

One never knows.  Depends on whether or not they've been modified yet.


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## frigidweirdo (Apr 8, 2018)

HenryBHough said:


> What do you call a liberal female?
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> One never knows.  Depends on whether or not they've been modified yet.



What do you call someone who tries to make a joke, but the joke fails badly? 

Henry.


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## miketx (Apr 8, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


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Classic!

Regressive liberal ROE


1. Demand a link or an explanation of the truth they are objecting to. 

2. Promptly reject all explanations as right wing lies. Smoke spin deflect

3. Ignore any facts presented. 

4. Ridicule spelling and typos, punctuation.

* 5. Attack the person as being juvenile, ie: "are you 12 years old", question their education, intelligence.*

6. Employ misdirection,

6a. smear people

6b. attack religion 

6c. attack their rationality.

7. Lie, make false assumptions

8. Play race/gender card/misogynist card

9. Play gay/lesbian card

10. Play the Nazi/Fascist/bigot card

11. Make up stuff/So you got nothing? 

12. Deny constantly

13. Reword and repeat

14. Pretending not to understand, playing ignorant/what did I lie about

15. When losing, resort to personal attacks.

16. Russia

17. Fox News/Alex Jones/Brietbart/infowars/Stormfront/Gateway/hannity

18. You can’t read.


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## HenryBHough (Apr 9, 2018)

frigidweirdo said:


> It doesn't matter.
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> I speak Chinese, I talk to Chinese people quite a lot. You learn what the issues are between the two languages. The Chinese simply don't have a problem with Ls and Rs.
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Ah So Arshole!

Is pity you not *riste*n to Chinese peoples too!


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## PoliticalChic (Apr 27, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> ...with one leg shorter than the other?
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> *Irene.*





ILENE!!!


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## PoliticalChic (Apr 27, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> ...with one leg shorter than the other?
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> *Irene.*





....no arms or legs, on a grill?

Frank


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## Votto (May 2, 2018)

theliq said:


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Ok, how about 3 wrongs?


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## Votto (May 2, 2018)

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan


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## Votto (May 2, 2018)

RoshawnMarkwees said:


> ...with one leg shorter than the other?
> 
> *Irene.*



Did you hear about the Chinese patient with an eye problem?  The doctor asks, "Do you have any cataracts?"

To which the Chinese man said, "No, but I have a Rincoln Continental."


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## SaxxyBlues (May 2, 2018)

Check this out. I was at my bank today; there was a short line … just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady.

It was obvious she was more than just a little irritated … she was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

She asked the teller, ‘Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?’

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations.’

The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people too!’


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## frigidweirdo (May 2, 2018)

SaxxyBlues said:


> Check this out. I was at my bank today; there was a short line … just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady.
> 
> It was obvious she was more than just a little irritated … she was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
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Yen or Yuan?


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