# The Husband Store



## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband.   Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

<b>"You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

 Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.</b>


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

It's lonely here on the 5th floor...

(sigh)


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> It's lonely here on the 5th floor...
> 
> (sigh)



 

I'd imagine it is... Whatever do you do to pass the time?


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> I'd imagine it is... Whatever do you do to pass the time?




besides watching all the beautiful women pass by??  Not much.


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> besides watching all the beautiful women pass by??  Not much.



Poor baby...  :baby4:


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, *help with the housework*, and have a strong romantic streak.





			
				dmp said:
			
		

> It's lonely here on the 5th floor...
> 
> (sigh)



What are you doing on the 5th floor?



 :funnyface


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## The ClayTaurus (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> I'd imagine it is... Whatever do you do to pass the time?


Don't feel bad; he's just washing the windows. He'll be to the 6th floor after he finishes here.


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

misterblu said:
			
		

> What are you doing on the 5th floor?
> 
> 
> 
> :funnyface



Well.. He IS cute, he loves his kids dearly, he does have a job, he sounds like he has a strong romantic streak, and he's <b>said</b> he helps with housework.. No solid proof on that one, tho...


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> Well.. He IS cute, he loves his kids dearly, he does have a job, he sounds like he has a strong romantic streak, and he's <b>said</b> he helps with housework.. No solid proof on that one, tho...




I help all the time with housework:

"mary - next on your list is to vacuum.  After that, put up molding in the bathroom and paint.  What EVER would you do w/o me organizing your tasks??"


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

misterblu said:
			
		

> What are you doing on the 5th floor?
> 
> 
> 
> :funnyface




...sittin here waiting for the right woman to 'buy' me.


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> Well.. He IS cute, he loves his kids dearly, he does have a job, he sounds like he has a strong romantic streak, and he's <b>said</b> he helps with housework.. No solid proof on that one, tho...



I could be persuaded to believe that he _might _do housework, as long as it doesn't involve tools.


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> I help all the time with housework:
> 
> "mary - next on your list is to vacuum.  After that, put up molding in the bathroom and paint.  What EVER would you do w/o me organizing your tasks??"



  Shame on you.  Back down to the 4th floor with you.


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## The ClayTaurus (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> I help all the time with housework:
> 
> "mary - next on your list is to vacuum.  After that, put up molding in the bathroom and paint.  What EVER would you do w/o me organizing your tasks??"


Someone needs to supervise, quality control, inspection, performance review, etc. These are all important.


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## GotZoom (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> ...sittin here waiting for the right woman to 'buy' me.



Cheap but not easy right?


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> Shame on you.  Back down to the 4th floor with you.




When we first wed I did more housework - until having to hear 'You did it WRONG!'.

Now, she does most of the housework required while I'm here, slaving away for TheMan, posting on USMB.



And Jon - I can DO tool shit...but she actually LIKES it - so I let her.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

GotZoom said:
			
		

> Cheap but not easy right?




Right...it'd just take the occasional 'flirtation' I'd suppose.  I'm emotionally hungry.


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

The ClayTaurus said:
			
		

> Don't feel bad; he's just washing the windows. He'll be to the 6th floor after he finishes here.



Let's see.  We know that there are no males on the 6th floor.  Yet you're saying that D is going to the 6th floor after he washes the windows. 

Are you saying D isn't a man?


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## The ClayTaurus (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> When...I did...TheMan, I shit...but she actually LIKES it - so I let her.


What a weirdo...


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> When we first wed I did more housework - until having to hear 'You did it WRONG!'.
> 
> Now, she does most of the housework required while I'm here, slaving away for TheMan, posting on USMB.
> 
> ...



Oh, it was never a question of whether or not you're capable.  Rather, I was suggesting that you don't LIKE to.  Therefore I figured you wouldn't.

 :funnyface

Turns out I was right.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

misterblu said:
			
		

> Oh, it was never a question of whether or not you're capable.  Rather, I was suggesting that you don't LIKE to.  Therefore I figured you wouldn't.
> 
> :funnyface
> 
> Turns out I was right.




It's not that I don't 'like' to so much as she REALLY likes to. Get it?  I'm sensa-teev to that.  I'm a 'giver'.


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> It's not that I don't 'like' to so much as she REALLY likes to. Get it?  I'm sensa-teev to that.  I'm a 'giver'.



Uh - huh.


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

I found my husband on the 4th floor. He was a pretty good bargain.


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> It's not that I don't 'like' to so much as she REALLY likes to. Get it?  I'm sensa-teev to that.  I'm a 'giver'.


If you really LIKE to, I have a toilet here that keeps running.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> If you really LIKE to, I have a toilet here that keeps running.




I'd just replace the parts inside - or, if it has a floating rod-thing in the tank, bend the rod a bit, so the floating thing shuts off the filler, sooner!


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> I'd just replace the parts inside - or, if it has a floating rod-thing in the tank, bend the rod a bit, so the floating thing shuts off the filler, sooner!



No you wouldn't. Be honest.

 :rotflmao: 

If the Mrs. couldn't fix it, you'd let it sit for a while.  Then, you'd try to talk me into fixing it for you.



BTW, is the lamp in the house fixed yet?  The seat heater in the fitty?

 :funnyface


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> I'd just replace the parts inside - or, if it has a floating rod-thing in the tank, bend the rod a bit, so the floating thing shuts off the filler, sooner!


I raised the rod with that floater thing, and it still kept running, just this tiny trickling sound. I'm thinking maybe a seal around one of the pipes? 

Thanks for the tip!


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

misterblu said:
			
		

> No you wouldn't. Be honest.
> 
> :rotflmao:
> 
> If the Mrs. couldn't fix it, you'd let it sit for a while.



Nope.  She's the builder - I'm the fixer...when I get around to it.



> Then, you'd try to talk me into fixing it for you.




I'd only call you to fix my electrical stuff - like my PS2 which quit working tuesday.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> I raised the rod with that floater thing, and it still kept running, just this tiny trickling sound. I'm thinking maybe a seal around one of the pipes?
> 
> Thanks for the tip!





Check to make sure the rubber-stopper thing is seated properly.  Sometimes ours has gotten the chain under part of it, preventing a complete seal.


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## misterblu (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> Nope.  She's the builder - I'm the fixer...when I get around to it.
> 
> I'd only call you to fix my electrical stuff - like my PS2 which quit working tuesday.



You broke ANOTHER game console?  What are you doing to these things?


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> Check to make sure the rubber-stopper thing is seated properly.  Sometimes ours has gotten the chain under part of it, preventing a complete seal.


will I hurt anything if I pour bleach in there?


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

It was the big black rubber thing on the bottom of the tank. I think it got warped; when I kind of pressed it around the edges, the trickling stopped. Thanks, Darin! You the man!


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## Abbey Normal (Jan 27, 2006)

Who the heck wants a drop-dead gorgeous husband? Nothing but trouble there.


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

Abbey Normal said:
			
		

> Who the heck wants a drop-dead gorgeous husband? Nothing but trouble there.


That's true! Looks aren't nearly as important as loving kids, and helping with housework!


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

misterblu said:
			
		

> You broke ANOTHER game console?  What are you doing to these things?




Mary broke it - playing a DVD for the chiltryns.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> It was the big black rubber thing on the bottom of the tank. I think it got warped; when I kind of pressed it around the edges, the trickling stopped. Thanks, Darin! You the man!




http://www.plumbingsupply.com/images/flapper-a1-thickest.jpg

that piece? Looks like ~$2.00.


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> http://www.plumbingsupply.com/images/flapper-a1-thickest.jpg
> 
> that piece? Looks like ~$2.00.


You're awesome! That's the exact thing!


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> You're awesome! That's the exact thing!




That'll be $15 for my 'consult fee'.

:




/me changes my name to 'A White Winter'


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> It's lonely here on the 5th floor...
> 
> (sigh)



you should join me in the penthouse....there is a bar and dusky maidnes on  brass poles...


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## Abbey Normal (Jan 27, 2006)

I can only imagine how 6 floors of Wives would be described...


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

Abbey Normal said:
			
		

> Who the heck wants a drop-dead gorgeous husband? Nothing but trouble there.



most of the men in san francisco.....


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## Abbey Normal (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> most of the men in san francisco.....



I rest my case.


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

Abbey Normal said:
			
		

> I can only imagine how 6 floors of Wives would be described...



bloomingdales?


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> That'll be $15 for my 'consult fee'.


No problem! Come by and collect it any time!


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> No problem! Come by and collect it any time!



cue cheezy porn music


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## Abbey Normal (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> No problem! Come by and collect it any time!



Watch out, Mom, D might suggest PayPal.


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> No problem! Come by and collect it any time!




whoa....you have a VERY liberal/secure husband...

NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!



'burnt-chicka-bow-wow'

"oh! I've spilled this oil all over myself..."


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## Nienna (Jan 27, 2006)

Abbey Normal said:
			
		

> Watch out, Mom, D might suggest PayPal.


SHHHHHHH!


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## GotZoom (Jan 27, 2006)

Party at Mom's!!!

ROAD TRIP!!!


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

mom4 said:
			
		

> SHHHHHHH!




woot!  Mom actually WANTS me to show up, and "collect".  Nice...this is a weird feeling for me.  A woman who 'wants' my company?


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## dmp (Jan 27, 2006)

About 2500 miles to Cleveland for me...Compared to ~730 miles for you, GZ.

If I left now...I could be there by Sunday.


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## GotZoom (Jan 27, 2006)

dmp said:
			
		

> About 2500 miles to Cleveland for me...Compared to ~730 miles for you, GZ.
> 
> If I left now...I could be there by Sunday.



I could be there in less than 9 hours.


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## USViking (Jan 27, 2006)

Didn't you forget about a floor with a sign saying:

*"These men have seven inches."*


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

USViking said:
			
		

> Didn't you forget about a floor with a sign saying:
> 
> *"These men have seven inches."*



i ain't folding it in half


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## USViking (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> i ain't folding it in half


     
A classic comeback.

And I thought I was being really clever.


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

USViking said:
			
		

> A classic comeback.
> 
> And I thought I was being really clever.



you were...brilliant straight man set up....


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> i ain't folding it in half



OMG!!!!  LMFAO!!!  (chokes on dinner)  Definitely rep worthy.


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband.   Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
> 
> <b>"You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
> 
> ...



I once found the perfect woman, she didn't talk much, didn't spend much money, and had sex with me whenever I wanted.... until one day, I accidentally poked a hole in her side and all the air came out.....


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## Annie (Jan 27, 2006)

KarlMarx said:
			
		

> I once found the perfect woman, she didn't talk much, didn't spend much money, and had sex with me whenever I wanted.... until one day, I accidentally poked a hole in her side and all the air came out.....


Now THAT'S cynical!


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

KarlMarx said:
			
		

> I once found the perfect woman, she didn't talk much, didn't spend much money, and had sex with me whenever I wanted.... until one day, I accidentally poked a hole in her side and all the air came out.....



 No more   for you.


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

KarlMarx said:
			
		

> I once found the perfect woman, she didn't talk much, didn't spend much money, and had sex with me whenever I wanted.... until one day, I accidentally poked a hole in her side and all the air came out.....



the hole is between her legs dude...but you know that now huh


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> the hole is between her legs dude...but you know that now huh




It was an economic disaster, too..... She had my interest rates up, when suddenly I was the victim of deflation!!


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

LMAO!!!  I'm not sure that's where this thread was <i>supposed</i> to go, but it's entertaining as all hell...


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> LMAO!!!  I'm not sure that's where this thread was <i>supposed</i> to go, but it's entertaining as all hell...



Plus, another thing.... she used to take my breath away!!!!!


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

KarlMarx said:
			
		

> Plus, another thing.... she used to take my breath away!!!!!



did she every fly around the room for you?  i love it when they do that


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## Shattered (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> did she every fly around the room for you?  i love it when they do that



Probably when he stabbed her to death...


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> did she every fly around the room for you?  i love it when they do that




Actually, she had a career, she was a float at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade....


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## manu1959 (Jan 27, 2006)

KarlMarx said:
			
		

> Actually, she had a career, she was a float at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade....



did it end badly?


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

Shattered said:
			
		

> Probably when he stabbed her to death...


Yes, you're right I did because I caught her messing around with one of the front tires on my car!!!!


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## KarlMarx (Jan 27, 2006)

manu1959 said:
			
		

> did it end badly?


Well, they let her go after she gained a lot of weight, fortunately, she got a job as The Goodyear Blimp....

Oh yes, her family was somewhat famous, too. Her grandfather was the "Hindenburg"


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