# SICK, TWISTED, EVIL, DARK, VILE "Humor"



## IlarMeilyr

A bright young lad shared a link to a website with some SICK humor.

I don't care for a great deal of it, since it happens to include lots of racist jokes.

Some of the "humor" there is pretty funny, though.

Like:  

*A man is sitting in a hospital room when the doctor walks in. "I have some bad news," says the doctor, "You have Cancer and Alzheimer's."   The man laughs and says, "Well at least I don't have Cancer!"*


----------



## IlarMeilyr

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seat belt.


----------



## IlarMeilyr

A kid goes down on his own grandmother.

Suddenly he stops and says,  "Grandma, your pussy tastes like horse semen!"

Then, he shrugs and goes back down on her and mumbles, "I guess that's what killed you."


----------



## IlarMeilyr

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."


----------



## IlarMeilyr

A seal walks into a bar and and gets a Canadian Club on the rocks?


----------



## IlarMeilyr

A person called Roman Polanski a "pedophile" to his face.

Polanski replied,  "Damn, that's a pretty big word for a nine year old!"


----------



## IlarMeilyr

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? 








The wheelchair.


----------



## April

I was doing fine until I reached the third post...LMFAO...that is some seriously sick shit.  
I'm going to hell now.


----------



## Sunshine

Mommy, Mommy, why is daddy so pale?

Shut up and dig.


----------



## April

Death By Barbie « The Jailbreak ? Infotainment for Creatives


----------



## IlarMeilyr

Mommy, why do I keep walking around in circles?

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.


----------



## IlarMeilyr

Mommy!  I HATE daddy's guts!

Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.


----------



## IlarMeilyr

Young child holding up hand with thumb pointed out at an odd angle.

Hey.  You were right, mommy.  The baby does have a soft spot on its head.


----------



## Ropey

Mommy, mommy I don't want to be like daddy.

Shut up kid and keep eating.


----------



## Ropey

Mommy, Mommy, Daddy puked all over the couch! 

Shut up kid and get a fork before your sister gets all the big chunks.


----------



## Michelle420

[ame=http://youtu.be/r81UnTGfSfc]Blue Valentine - Child Molester Joke - YouTube[/ame]


----------



## Ropey

Mommy, Mommy, I don't like tomato soup.

Shut up kid. You only get it once a month.


----------



## Ropey

drifter said:


> Blue Valentine - Child Molester Joke - YouTube



What did the Jewish child molester say to the child.

"Hey kid, you wanna buy some candy?"


----------



## Michelle420

What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.


----------



## Michelle420

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitch hiking serial killer.

Killer: Turn down that dark road.
Rapist: I was planning on it.


----------



## Michelle420

How different countries deal with a serial killer: 

- England: Raid the house and arrest everyone inside. 

- America: Raid the house and shoot everyone inside. 

- France: Sit outside the house and wait for the meanie to come out.


----------



## Michelle420

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
      -"You going to eat that?"


----------



## IlarMeilyr

kid to adult, walking into the dark woods:  I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.

adult to kid:  Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.


----------



## Michelle420

IlarMeilyr said:


> kid to adult, walking into the dark woods:  I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.
> 
> adult to kid:  Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.



Already posted


----------



## IlarMeilyr

drifter said:


> IlarMeilyr said:
> 
> 
> 
> kid to adult, walking into the dark woods:  I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.
> 
> adult to kid:  Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Already posted
Click to expand...


There a couple of duplicates.

Oh well.


----------



## April

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything. 

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?" 

Oh, no: I never found her head.


----------



## Ropey

A fellow meets a woman in the bar and they hit it off so well that she asks him over for a nightcap. This turns into a hot and heavy make out session and he begins to do a bit of carpet munching .  She's quite vocally appreciative which turns him on more. 

Suddenly he finds something in his mouth and pulls it out only to find a pea. A green  garden pea. 



Now he's a bit confused but she urges him back into the the munch and he's pretty drunk.  

Again with something in the mouth. He stops immediately and spits out a carrot. Astonished he looks at  her and says, "Are you sick"?

She says, "No, but the guy before you was".


----------



## Michelle420

Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.


----------



## The Professor

As I started fucking her, she said, "Please stop. You must stop. I want you to stop."


"It's nice that she's enjoying it", I thought, "but why is she talking like a telegram?"


----------



## Ropey

drifter said:


> Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.


----------



## April

Q: How do you know when your sister's on her rag?
A: Because your dad's dick tastes funny.


----------



## April

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.


----------



## April

Q: What is the worst thing about sleeping with the dead?
A: Waiting for them to go stiff first.


----------



## IlarMeilyr

What's the WORST thing about fucking your first six year old?

Getting the blood out of the clown costume.


----------



## April

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.

He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."

He says "That doesn't matter."

So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.

A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.

So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.

The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.

The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"


----------



## IlarMeilyr

AngelsNDemons said:


> A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
> 
> He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
> 
> He says "That doesn't matter."
> 
> So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
> 
> A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
> 
> So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
> 
> The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
> 
> The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"



Why does he like his fingers?


----------



## April

IlarMeilyr said:


> AngelsNDemons said:
> 
> 
> 
> A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
> 
> He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
> 
> He says "That doesn't matter."
> 
> So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
> 
> A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
> 
> So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
> 
> The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
> 
> The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why does he like his fingers?
Click to expand...


Cuz he liked the taste?


----------



## April

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"

When he gets home his wife asks "Well what did he say ?"

The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."


----------

