# Happy Wife Happy Life and why thats total Bullshit



## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?  

Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.

A woman can be happy and it will have nothing to do with you at all.  As a guy tho, when we are happy we share in it.  When we are happy we WANT our woman to be happy because as a provider it makes you feel good to do so.   Ya dig.

What a woman will do is try to convince you that if you do a specific set of things...a specific secret type of way...then that will unlock her happiness.  If you've seen any cop show you know what happens when you give in to the Hostage taker.  He takes the thing he claimed he really wanted and will ask for more things as long as you play the sucker.

Do not fall for this.  Men, put your happiness first.  She may even have a problem with the thing that makes you happy.  Dont waiver from it because when you do something you like you'll come home a different person.  We spread the happy around!  She'll even mention how "different" you are afterwards or even better she'll ask when you are doing that thing again whenever you feel angst.  

Whatever makes you happy does NOT get in the way of the relationship


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## Dont Taz Me Bro (Feb 4, 2014)

I'm guessing you're either single and/or divorced


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Dont Taz Me Bro said:


> I'm guessing you're either single and/or divorced



Married for 3 years with her for 13 bro.  The only fear men have is the fear of what she will do.  

How can this be bad advice?  Where is the pitfall here?

You're happy and shes happy.  You can do it the other way and just continue to just hope that her happiness trickles down but you'd be waiting for a while.

You married?


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## Connery (Feb 4, 2014)

^^^

This all sounds very curious...

I say be loving, be gracious, be yourself, comb her hair, massage her  and give her a special treat once per day. She will love you forever....







....at least that is what I do for my little girl in my signature....


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Connery said:


> ^^^
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> This all sounds very curious...
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Well Dogs are different they are with you no matter what and dont pretend the whole time like they dont need you lol.

But be honest...Every guy has been through this.  Some female tells you that if only you did (take her out, be kinder, gentler, go here, go there etc) that things would be totally different.  Then once you put together the master plan and deliver suddenly thats not enough anymore.  Orrr even better, you do that thing that she always wanted with hopes of getting the "reward" that was offered.

Then your face changes once you deliver and she says "you just did that so you can get blank" then decides you deserve none of it because you should do it without seeking reward.  

The one I would hear most often is "Thats only for my husband".  No one has ever seen a trifling chick do a 180 once a ring was put on.  If she is a problem GF she will be a problem wife.


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## Connery (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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I have heard that statement and knew that could not be true, no more than if I made such a demand would I change.

I am who I am, either the woman loves me or not.  I have broken a few hearts and had my heart broken a few times..

I still play my guitar, sing a sweet tune, cook a nice meal and be who I am......

The heart wants what the heart wants....no amount of time or distance could ever change that.


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## Octarine (Feb 4, 2014)

There's a HUGE difference in doing something for her without it having to be asked for or even hinted at as opposed to doing it because she has resorted to asking or hinting. 
Little things mean alot.


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## Connery (Feb 4, 2014)

The OP speaks to an ultimatum or emotional blackmail or people pleasing IMO....


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
> 
> ...




Yeah, fine, you're a homosexual. Everyone knows by now. If that's your thing, whatever. No one cares. You can stop trying so hard.


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

Connery said:


> I have broken a few hearts and had my heart broken a few times....





I've had my nose broken about a dozen times. And all my fingers, and a few ribs, one wrist, all my toes, a foot, my skull 2-3 times...but never by a woman. Love is a lot more dangerous than all that.


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Connery said:
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Alright already! You don't like women. We get it! Give it a fucking rest.


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## Sunshine (Feb 4, 2014)

When a woman stops nagging it doesn't mean she is happy.  It means she has given up on the relationship.  And when she walks out the guy always feels like he was blind sided.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Not just guys I think anyone on the receiving end of a break up pretends that they were blindsided.  But really it's just they had the information in front of them they just chose to ignore it.


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## Wolfsister77 (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
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> ...



I don't think you get it. There is no top secret code that women use to manipulate men. There is no big deep, dark secret to making her happy. And frankly, you've got it all wrong. Hopefully, someday you'll figure it out.


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## Big Black Dog (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
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> ...



You don't sound like a very happy person to me...  Remember, when you point your finger at somebody you have 3 pointing right back at you.


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## boedicca (Feb 4, 2014)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms9xmBn7Z-Y]No Life Without Wife[/ame]


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Wolfsister77 said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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Thats the lazy way of looking at it IMO.  Humans have human actions.  Men typically behave one way and women do as well.  Its not a top secret code to manipulation I agree...its just manipulation.  Now I could just believe that things just happen absent sense or reason but that in itself is unreasonable. 

I'm not confused what makes her happy.  Women want a man who will handle business.  (another crazy idea).  They want a man with credibility (wacky I know)

Please do expound on how I am wrong if you can but if all you got is "nuhh uhh" then thats not much.  I am open for and willing to debate the topic but so far not one point has been challenged.  Which says something in itself..


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## AquaAthena (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
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I wouldn't want to be married to a man that put my happiness before his own. I would never ask a man to give up that which made him happy. I might win the battle but I would lose the war. 

`Sides....._No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.  Mignon McLaughlin _


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## jillian (Feb 4, 2014)

Dont Taz Me Bro said:


> I'm guessing you're either single and/or divorced



ya think?


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## Zoom-boing (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that* the nagging will *cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
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That, right there, is the problem.

If she's nagging that means she had to ask more than once and that is annoying and the more she has to ask the more annoyed she'll get.  If it takes too many times asking it doesn't matter when you get around to it, it's too late by then because she's already annoyed.  Know what women really want?  _Someone else to see what needs to be done and just do it without being asked._  really.  What women really want is their own wife!  Unfortunately, for those of us attracted to men, this shall never be.  

If you don't want to do whatever she is asking _then say so_.  Nothing is more infuriating that when someone says "ok, sure I'll do that" then they don't  and need to be reminded or they do it half-assed or they bitch about it.  If you don't want to do it, don't.  Of course, then you run the risk of her getting ticked because she has to do it herself!  lol  Seriously, I'd much rather do the thing myself then have to ask and remind someone else who doesn't want to do it in the first place.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 4, 2014)

Connery said:


> ^^^
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> This all sounds very curious...
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Relationships are easy.  

Get in to one that you can afford the maintenance on and be nice.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQnVZ_LL4CE]Be Nice from Roadhouse - YouTube[/ame]


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## Toro (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?



Yeah.  All the time.

I married a wonderful woman.


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## Toro (Feb 4, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


> Connery said:
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The cheeziest, redneck movie of all time.


And I love it.  I've watched it 30 times.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 4, 2014)

AquaAthena said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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27% of the reason that young men marry is that they come to know in their hearts that if they don't start living with a woman and stop doing the stupid things young men do when they're single, Medicare becomes a moot issue.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zarsqZCXO8Y]American Breed - Bend Me Shape Me - YouTube[/ame]

36% is the simple fact of a guaranteed date for New Year's Eve.
​


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Zoom-boing said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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Bolded:  You hit the nail on the head and thats with both sexes to a degree.  Men want women to behave more like men and women want men to be more like women.

The problem is that women have succeeded in convincing guys that they need to be more like a woman.  So when someone says something a-typical (like the OP) some men will recoil from it because its not the norm and that is the entire point.

So the first guy says "You must be single".  Wrong.  Then the next guy says "Ok you're gay!"

Putting themselves first is so foreign to them that they cannot fathom how this could be possible. LOL  So their level 1 is to insult or not believe it.  Level 2 would be to challenge it but most people dont have a level 2.  They are all block...no counter punches.  The screams of "Nuhh uhhh" is proof of that.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 4, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


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Just remember... if it has tits or wheels, it WILL give you trouble.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


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If only being nice was the way to happy relationships I would agree but there are millions of stories about how nice people are treated.  In fact there was one story about a Nice Guy and what place he always come in.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 4, 2014)

Yeah...

Just never forget THE golden rules:

-- They can fuck with everything but my attitude.

-- The sooner a Monkey learns that he/she has control over one and only one attitude, the better.


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvSjiq1pLVY]Family Guy Roadhouse - YouTube[/ame]


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 4, 2014)

Your happiness is your responsibility.  Everyone else's happiness is their responsibility.

You can't make your spouse happy, so stop trying.  Make yourself happy and hope she still likes you.


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a-qreb8w0I]Family Guy - Roadhouse! - YouTube[/ame]


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## JakeStarkey (Feb 4, 2014)

Happiness comes from within, for men and women, I believe.

When two such people find each other and have inner happiness already, life is great.


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## Jughead (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
> 
> ...


If you find the right person, these are not issues.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


> Your happiness is your responsibility.  Everyone else's happiness is their responsibility.
> 
> You can't make your spouse happy, so stop trying.  Make yourself happy and hope she still likes you.



Thats true but it reminds me of another rhetorical question:

What does a farmer grow?  Answer:  Nothing.  He simply creates the optimal environment to allow the seeds to see their full potential.

So you're right.  You cant make someone happy but if you understand the person you can create the environment that allows that person to be happy


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

Jughead said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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These are always issues.  Some people get lucky others dont.  But understanding behaviors is never a bad thing.

Also, in order to find the "right person" you have to know what you like, dislike, can handle or cannot.  These things are learned over time.  I mean, if it was super duper simple the divorce rate wouldnt be where it is.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 4, 2014)

JakeStarkey said:


> Happiness comes from within, for men and women, I believe.
> 
> When two such people find each other and have inner happiness already, life is great.



So everyone is in agreement that the term "happy wife, happy life" is bullshit then?


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## Unkotare (Feb 4, 2014)

No one agrees with you, sad bastard.


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## House (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.



Correct.  It's not enough to simply do something to appease her.  She wants you to WANT to do it.  That's crazy talk.



ClosedCaption said:


> Do not fall for this.  Men, put your happiness first.  She may even have a problem with the thing that makes you happy.  Dont waiver from it because when you do something you like you'll come home a different person.  We spread the happy around!  She'll even mention how "different" you are afterwards or even better she'll ask when you are doing that thing again whenever you feel angst.
> 
> Whatever makes you happy does NOT get in the way of the relationship



Taking that little gem away from this thread, I shall now resume my bi-weekly hooker appointments.

If my wife has any objections, I shall direct her to you for an explanation.


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## Jughead (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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Likes or dislikes, political views or other traits are important, however they mean nothing if there is no chemistry. With the right chemistry, and genuinely caring about the person, other issues are just small detail.


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## jillian (Feb 4, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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i think you're over thinking.


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## Connery (Feb 4, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


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Right now I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have my son and I feel like the most fortunate man on this planet. I laugh, I see life through the eyes of a child, I see his wonder and the mystery of it all. I sing songs that I had  forgotten which bring me joy and a remembrance of promise of a great life from another time, another life.


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## Barb (Feb 5, 2014)

FYI:





But seriously, you have a point. Couples shouldn't have to be joined at the hip or happy for / from the same things. If you're finding pleasure from ALL the same things, what is left to tell each other about? 

I think when women emasculate their men, because they were brought up to believe they must "civilize" them, they then end up completely confused because the very things they civilized OUT of them were the attractions to begin with. 

Men who do similar renovations to the women in their lives end up just as confused and unhappy.


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## Mertex (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Snip



Memorize the following and you will lead a happy life.


*"If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"*


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## Synthaholic (Feb 5, 2014)

Unkotare said:


> Connery said:
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Yeah, I'd guess you get punched a LOT.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> JakeStarkey said:
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Oh, HELL no!

When AVG-WIFE is happy I'm happy.  

It's a system that works... WYGD?


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## Esmeralda (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
> 
> ...



What relationship?  You've got 'doing what  you don't want to do,' 'nagging,' 'false peace,' locked up happiness that needs to be unlocked, hostage, seemingly no honest communication, and simply a very negative tone.


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## Esmeralda (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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I would suggest couple's counseling.  I know people for whom it has worked, yes, actually worked!


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## Esmeralda (Feb 5, 2014)

Barb said:


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The dishwashing thing, very funny!

I am very content doing things on my own and don't enjoy spending 24/7 with my partner.  I never had a problem with him doing his thing without me because I didn't need, and in fact, didn't usually want, him doing my thing with me. To an extent.  We should do plenty of things together, but being joined at the hip?  Horrors!! That's when I'm in a relationship, am not in one now.


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## Bluedog (Feb 5, 2014)

I help with all household chores. Guess who benefits from someone being happy and cared for. Me 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Connery (Feb 5, 2014)




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## Esmeralda (Feb 5, 2014)

Connery said:


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That's a fishwife!  Awful in my opinion.  I need to respect a man, one who is his own man.  Not a brute, but I have  never had any desire to dominate or to be dominated.  A man who would let me push him around wound be a complete turn off.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

jillian said:


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Maybe you're right but thats what psychology is all about.  The real question is why put up barrier of overthinking just on this topic?  We debate politics, motives, meaning etc all day here...


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


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Cool.  Since you're one of the few that responded here let me ask you.

When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy?  Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


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Yes I said all of that and your point is what Es?


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## TakeAStepBack (Feb 5, 2014)

it sounds like you might be doing it wrong. Or perhaps you picked the wrong woman. I understand the point. That she must maintain the happy on her own volition and that it's not your responsibility to "make her happy". I do not see that as a translation to "as a man, I'll do what I want for my happy and she can get her own". I see it as not being codependent. That type of deal never works and leads to disaster. But I do believe happy wife, happy life. The trick is to not spoil them,. You set a bar for what they may expect and then you constantly surprise and surpass that theshold in small ways. If you spoil her, or if she needsyou to do things in order to find her own happiness, you dun goofed, fella.


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## TakeAStepBack (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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Well, it sounds like you're the one who is unhappy the way she points it out. That your relationship seems more liek a burden than a positive addition to your life. Thats certainly how it came across. At the same time, i imagine you're prolly at wits end currently witht he wife and therefore, it seems like you're in the hell.

I hate giving people advice when i do not know the circumstances surrounding a situation, but it does seem like you haven't been happy in years and she is causing you misery. I could be totally misreading into it.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


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Interesting.  Why not?

There seems to be 2 schools of thought here.

1.  The Oprah aka the Typical.  Which is "happy wife happy life" yes thats correct.  How?  It just happens like that.  Which is ok but if someone like myself says the Husband should be happy and explain how that makes everyone happy NOW one party being happy first is suddenly unacceptable.  Thats funny

2. Dont think about it just go along with number 1


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## Pennywise (Feb 5, 2014)

Here's the litmus test that will never fail. When you choose your spouse, you understand that if it were ever necessary, you would willingly sacrifice your desires for that person. I don't mean trivial silliness, I mean when the chips are down you do what you need to do, realizing you made a COMMITMENT and you abide by it.

People unable to go there definitely have no business getting serious with a partner.


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## TakeAStepBack (Feb 5, 2014)

> When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy? Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?



Seeing a loved one happy is enough. It's not necessarily a game of returns. But there are things in action that can be seen as making me happy from my personal experience. I'm not going to dive into that or anything. At the same time the environment is better without any actions. I grew up in a home where someone was always pissed off with someone else to the point the tension could be cut with a knife. I have a keen sense for that kind of tension in the air, and i do not like it. it's like walking on eggshells. Happy wife, happy life, bro.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

TakeAStepBack said:


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I would've like to hear it from Es but no problem.

Sure its a burden.  I am the captain of my ship and if anything goes wrong I am to blame.  Thats part of being a dude.  It is also a positive addition to my life as well.  

No matter what you do in a relationship you will have to make a compromise.  Thats a given.  The Compromise wont always be a happy one.  For example I never go to a dressing room and see guys holding purses with huge dumb smiles on their faces right?  So theres always compromise.

What I'm saying is that if a guy is happy.  He spreads around the happy and described how that happens.  The response I'm getting is just a rhyme that has been told for years without explanation.

So maybe I'm wrong...but in the absense of an opposing point.  How can anyone determine that?  The answer to that is "feelings"


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

TakeAStepBack said:


> > When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy? Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?
> 
> 
> 
> Seeing a loved one happy is enough. It's not necessarily a game of returns. But there are things in action that can be seen as making me happy from my personal experience. I'm not going to dive into that or anything. At the same time the environment is better without any actions. I grew up in a home where someone was always pissed off with someone else to the point the tension could be cut with a knife. *I have a keen sense for that kind of tension in the air, and i do not like it. it's like walking on eggshells. Happy wife, happy life, bro.*



Like I said bro its stops tension in the air but is no tension really happiness?  That was what I said in the OP.  I feel you...believe me but that is in essence saying that it keeps the peace.


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## TakeAStepBack (Feb 5, 2014)

> What I'm saying is that if a guy is happy. He spreads around the happy and described how that happens.


I think your main problem here is this sweeping generalization. First, it's not necessarily true, and second, it sounds like a one way street where only dudes spread the happy around. More often than not, i'd have to call that false in my experiences.


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## TakeAStepBack (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> TakeAStepBack said:
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> > > When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy? Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?
> ...



You can view it that way, sure. In some ways you would be right. in certain situations it's totally true. It's about picking battles though too. I have some pretty strict principles when it comes to what I'm willing to put up with from anyone. I will totally stand my ground when i feel it is absolutely essential to my happiness in a relationship. If I feel I'm being pushed to fay, i will push back on certain things. But, as I age, i've learned to choose those battles very carefully. At the same time, i've been with the same one for oveer 3years now and we, and I mean it, do not fight. About anything. Ever. There are disputes, sure. But they are usually resolved in adult fashions with communication and then the compromise to meet both needs. I may just be lucky on it, and that could also sway my opinion on battle choosing.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> 
> Answer: NO!  What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness.  It wont.  The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace.  Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.
> 
> ...



I honestly don't know bro, I was married for 5 years and I tried to make her happy but evidently I failed there.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

TakeAStepBack said:


> > What I'm saying is that if a guy is happy. He spreads around the happy and described how that happens.
> 
> 
> I think your main problem here is this sweeping generalization. First, it's not necessarily true, and second, it sounds like a one way street where only dudes spread the happy around. More often than not, i'd have to call that false in my experiences.



The only way to move the dialogue is to speak in generalizations.  We couldnt have a discussion on relationships by discussing each kind one by one.

Does every dude spread around happiness?  Hell no.  I'm talking about credible dudes.  If you are man then part of that is providing and protecting.  Every guy likes to do stuff for his wife or GF.  Go in a store and say "throw it in the bag".  At least the guys I know do.  When I asked what happens to make your life happy your response was "seeing her happy is enough".

Which means she did nothing and you take pride in doing for her.  As you should.  BUT I said how does her happiness translate into your own and you listed your heart swelling with pride but NOTHING she does to make that happen.  Thats just how you feel not an action by her.

Its the opposite when the guy is happy.  Like I said he wants to make her happy from being that "provider".  You understand?


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## AquaAthena (Feb 5, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> ...



That might be, because, no one can make someone happy, who already isn't?


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> ...



While I think mostly everything that happens in a relationship is the fault of the guy sometimes who you fall for is out of your control.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

TakeAStepBack said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > TakeAStepBack said:
> ...




I understand but we as men have to be honest and part of being honest is combating this Oprah Winfrey Cosmo magazine woman logic that has been pumped into our heads for the last 20, 30...50 years.  I mean hell, you see women now-a-days thinking they know what "real men" are supposed to do with lists and everything.  Speak on how a "real woman" is supposed to act and watch their faces change like "How dare you?" look. 

My opinion is the Antithesis of all the current advice out there now.  So when it was greeted with shock and horror by dudes I wasnt surprised at all.  I believe that guys have lost their since of self worth and now consider themselves "lucky" to have the woman they have.  Not that they earned the love...they just found someone who was looking to love just anyone and you were standing there. lol


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## Connery (Feb 5, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> ...



You are responsible for your own happiness. You did not fail at all.


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## The Professor (Feb 5, 2014)

Octarine said:


> There's a HUGE difference in doing something for her without it having to be asked for or even hinted at as opposed to doing it because she has resorted to asking or hinting.
> Little things mean alot.



Just for you:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C7SzKv2uLU]little things mean a lot / kitty kallen - YouTube[/ame]


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## Barb (Feb 5, 2014)

Connery said:


>



although...


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

Why not Barb?  What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Not just guys I think anyone on the receiving end of a break up pretends that they were blindsided.  But really it's just they had the information in front of them they just chose to ignore it.



Exactly.

Saying that women (people) stop nagging because they've given up on the relationship is just beyond ridiculous. There is never a reason or an excuse for "nagging" - unless the nagger is very immature.

Your posts have described a unhealthy relationship. That may or many not be fixable but my own opinion is that its probably not. 

Sometimes the best you can hope for is to learn from the past.


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## Unkotare (Feb 5, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> ...




The only real failure is the failure to try again.


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## Connery (Feb 5, 2014)

Barb said:


> Connery said:
> 
> 
> >
> ...






I would rather be doing that and be alone than be with a hag who does that.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Feb 5, 2014)

I don't nag my husband.  There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself.  It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.

I will tell him once about something and that's it.  If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books.  He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make.  Almost destroyed us.  Now he goes to work and that's it.  He does not help out around the house at all.  I do EVERYTHING.  He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.

This is a conscious decision of mine. It is easier for me to just take care of everything than to be constantly bickering and nagging at him.  That's not who I want to be.

He's really kind of worthless any more. He didn't want to get his lazy butt out of bed and come with me when I had to take my beloved dog to the emergency vet.  And he had the next day off, there was no reason he couldn't come along.  And I had to have her put to sleep all by myself and drive home afterwards by myself.

But that's what the vows mean when they say "for better or for worse."  I made a commitment and I'm in it to stay.

I kind of like being so self-sufficient, but damn, sometimes I'd like a shoulder to lean on.

Too much information?


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

Connery said:


>



This is a humorous visual of the concept behind avoiding relationships that one can't afford to maintain.

  Kudos!  Humor ROCKS!!!  ​


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


> That's a fishwife!  Awful in my opinion.  I need to respect a man, one who is his own man.  Not a brute, but I have  never had any desire to dominate or to be dominated.  A man who would let me push him around wound be a complete turn off.




Teamwork is the best work, eh?  



`​


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> I don't nag my husband.  There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself.  It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.
> 
> I will tell him once about something and that's it.  If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books.  He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make.  Almost destroyed us.  Now he goes to work and that's it.  He does not help out around the house at all.  I do EVERYTHING.  He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.
> 
> ...




Not too much info at all but if I can say so myself is that it seems you are already one foot out the door.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> AVG-JOE said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
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What Happens?  Life happens, Brother!

It's personal, Dude.  Personal to the point of boring.  I'm pretty easy going, and I like it when my partner in life is relatively free of stress and drama.  And I thank (insert your preferred Deity here) every day that our 21st Century existence on this wet rock is.  Not that I didn't make a commitment to be there when stress and drama do attack.  As did she for me, and there's the flip side yet to be mentioned....  I guarantee AVG-SPOUSE is also not fond of walking on eggs when AVG-JOE gets a grumpy on.

There's no speed limits on either side of the two-way road that relationships are.

Like I said, it's a system that works.  And on that, there appears to be a modicum of consensus.  
WYGD?  ​


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

Pennywise said:


> Here's the litmus test that will never fail. When you choose your spouse, you understand that if it were ever necessary, you would willingly sacrifice your desires for that person. I don't mean trivial silliness, I mean when the chips are down you do what you need to do, realizing you made a COMMITMENT and you abide by it.
> 
> People unable to go there definitely have no business getting serious with a partner.



I don't know...  Depends on what you mean by 'serious'.  

I say, as long as everyone is honest and on the same page with regards to where the relationship is at,


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> TakeAStepBack said:
> 
> 
> > > When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy? Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?
> ...




Then why don't you just ask people to post their definition of 'happy'?

Some folks positively thrive on stress and/or drama.  Some of them are posting in the FlameZone as you read this.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 5, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> I don't nag my husband.  There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself.  It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.
> 
> I will tell him once about something and that's it.  If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books.  He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make.  Almost destroyed us.  Now he goes to work and that's it.  He does not help out around the house at all.  I do EVERYTHING.  He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.
> 
> ...



Just curious... What do YOU do?


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## Mertex (Feb 5, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?
> ...




Well, don't take all the blame for it.  It takes two people to make a marriage work.  And, that means you keep working on your relationship even after the warm fuzzies wear off...you make memories together, you support each other through the good and the bad.  Always when a marriage falls apart, one or the other is no longer working on it....it's impossible for one person to make it work.  

And, if you have children, you work harder to make it work, to make it interesting, to make it happy....because the children don't deserve a broken home....but sometimes, if it has gotten to the point that it is affecting the children in a negative way, it is much better to just call it quits.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 5, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > TakeAStepBack said:
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Ennnhh...I thought about it but thats such a vague concept that it can get complicated


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## Kooshdakhaa (Feb 5, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


> Kooshdakhaa said:
> 
> 
> > I don't nag my husband.  There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself.  It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.
> ...



Not sure if this is what you're asking but I:

Work full time making about 2 1/2 times as much money as he does.
Wash all the dishes, cook all the meals.  I mean ALL.
Do all the laundry.
Do all the grocery shopping
Do all the other shopping, including buying his clothes, shoes and other items he needs.
Do all the house cleaning, including taking out the trash.
Shovel the driveway and paths since he can't do it anymore because of his hernia.
Rake the leaves in the fall, luckily we don't have a lawn or I'd have to mow it.
Take care of four dogs and six cats, including cleaning six cat boxes every day, walking the dogs, taking to vet, brushing, trimming nails and claws, etc.
Do all the driving, he doesn't drive so I drive him to and from his work.
Since I'm the driver in the family, I also take care of all vehicle maintenance.
Take care of all the financial matters, pay the bills, balance checkbook, do the taxes.
Do minor repairs around the house, arrange for major repairs and maintenance.

I should mention.  He does fill the cats' bowls with dry food once a day. Umm...that's about it.


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## House (Feb 5, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> AVG-JOE said:
> 
> 
> > Kooshdakhaa said:
> ...



You has a cat?

Dump the loser, I'll drive the car.  

See?  I'm willing to step up!


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## Barb (Feb 5, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Why not Barb?  What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?



There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated,  the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.


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## Kooshdakhaa (Feb 6, 2014)

House said:


> Kooshdakhaa said:
> 
> 
> > AVG-JOE said:
> ...



Actually, you have no idea how awesome it would be for me if someone would drive the car.  I can have problems with panic attacks while driving in some situations, although due to my very tough and stubborn nature I seem to have overcome this enough to take care of what driving needs to be done.  But, man!  To have someone drive me around for a change...awesome!  Are you a good driver?  I have a brand new Hyundai Santa Fe Sport with AWD, too.  Just hit 1000 miles on it.


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## House (Feb 6, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> House said:
> 
> 
> > Kooshdakhaa said:
> ...



I'm a great driver.  I have to keep my MVR clear, if I want to keep working as a professional driver. 

Before I got my CDL, I'd put about a thousand miles a week on my car just running around... ah, back when gas was affordable...


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 6, 2014)

Barb said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Why not Barb?  What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?
> ...



I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.


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## Toro (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Barb said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
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My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 6, 2014)

Toro said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Barb said:
> ...



Never asked you to do or for anything?  This is a breathing spouse correct?  Not one of those new lifestyle blow up doll situations or something to that effect, right?


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## Barb (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Barb said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
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Yes, but women face the same pressures sometimes, and the same results.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Barb said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
> ...



My ex told me after we broke up that she never wanted a boyfriend who smoked and we were together 5 years, she wanted me to change into a totally different person apparently.


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## Barb (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Toro said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
> ...



It's not necessarily the "spouse," but the relationship. My other half is big on communication (including the listening part!), and while we may get angry at each other from time to time, there is none of the dramatic (and oh, so exhausting) yelling. Additionally, we accept each other (having skipped the "best behavior" stage for true introductions). Most of all, neither of us try to establish any "upper hand" that mars so many relationships. 

This isn't  I've been in much worse places, so has he. We've learned our lessons, and the peace is a breath of fresh air.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 6, 2014)

Barb said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Toro said:
> ...



Communication is key, my ex wife would just shut down during an argument and not speak, which I hated, and my ex gf would raise her voice and just want to shout, I'd like someone who could just speak to me lol.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 6, 2014)

Barb said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Barb said:
> ...



Sometimes but real talk women will look for a dude that has their stuff "together".  Together of course means different things to different women but most of the time it involves having things...Job, Money, car etc.  If not at least they need to be ambitious.

Men will date the fry girl at McDonalds.  Our main requirement is being attractive.  So we'll date a chick on the bus.  When we tell our friends about it they dont say "She dont drive? "How much she make?" etc


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## High_Gravity (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Barb said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
> ...



This is real talk right here.


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## Mertex (Feb 6, 2014)

Toro said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Barb said:
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Okay Toro....you're Mr. Right, right?  Mr. Always Right.......


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 6, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Barb said:
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The problem is that women AND men refuse to admit there are differences.  Men have been whooped so bad that when they saw the OP it was like opening the door on the cell except they didnt realize they were prisoners.

lol


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Barb said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
> ...




*A Difference Between Boys and Girls *


A man and a woman walk in to a party as each others wing-men.  Purely platonic.  Like brother and sister.  Both looking to have a good time and both wishing the other good luck.

Inside they find 100, give or take, evenly split between hotties and hunks.  A target rich environment indeed.

The woman looks around and quickly sees 3 or 4 guys she'd like to be introduced to.  

The dude scans the room and sees 2 chicks he wouldn't do. 

​


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## House (Feb 6, 2014)

AVG-JOE said:


> *A Difference Between Boys and Girls *
> 
> 
> A man and a woman walk in to a party as each others wing-men.  Purely platonic.  Like brother and sister.  Both looking to have a good time and both wishing the other good luck.
> ...



Quoted for truth.


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## Toro (Feb 6, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> Toro said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
> ...



The number of times my wife or I have yelled at each other in 10 years: Once.

My wife is recuperating from surgery.  I'm sitting here, waiting on her for whatever she needs.  She's barely a hassle.  Yet, she asks if she's putting me out too much.  I laugh.


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## BDBoop (Feb 6, 2014)

Toro said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > Toro said:
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Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Mrs. Toro. What a sweetie.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> High_Gravity said:
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> 
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Well if you've been married for a long time you don't really see these things, but I've been single for the past year and a half and I see what you are saying very clearly and there are very distinct differences in men and women when it comes to looking for someone to date or whatever.


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## Esmeralda (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
> 
> > High_Gravity said:
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Look for an equal partner and someone who likes you just the way you are, and you, also, like her just the way she is.  Wanting to change someone, or their dreams, desires, approach to life, etc., is not a good idea.  I think the saying about if the wife is happy, then the husband is happy: that is the image of a controlling woman.  It isn't the  man's job to make sure the couple is happy.  Think about making each other happy.  That's how it should work.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


> High_Gravity said:
> 
> 
> > ClosedCaption said:
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I agree with you however that is SO hard to find these days smh


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## Esmeralda (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> Esmeralda said:
> 
> 
> > High_Gravity said:
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Oh, I think it always has been hard, no different today than before.


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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Like I said I've been married for 3 but been with her for 13 years and I can tell you that like other guys I've read the womans blogs about what they want, spoken to females about what they like, Watched numerous shows etc etc from a womans perspective.

Its the same advice over and over.  Basically guys you do this this this this and that for her and wait...something good should happen and if it doesnt its still your fault!

Besides just receiving women arent advised to do anything that a man wants or likes.  Both men and women are getting advice from only women.  Thats fucked up because if you notice we are being told to always be less "man".  Dont be angry, dont be aggressive etc etc.

Bottom line High you have to know your worth.  Are you a good dude?  Are you a provider?  Do you have your self "together"?  Then act like it.  Confidence is the key to every fucking thing....And Confidence is the key to fucking everything


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 7, 2014)

And dont get me wrong I dont have all the answers at all, just offering an alternative to the typical advice.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

Esmeralda said:


> High_Gravity said:
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Well, today our divorce rate is through the roof and people don't try as hard in relationships. People my age and younger dont want to wait on anything good we want everything our way right now and easy, in the past you would see couples married 30, 40 years staying together through thick and thin, now if you cough at the wrong time or say the wrong thing the relationship is over just like that, hell you don't even get a chance these days smh


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


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You just nailed it again Chief


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

Toro said:


> ClosedCaption said:
> 
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> > Toro said:
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Your marriage sounds like mine. We're both very lucky. 

I hope your wife recovers with no problems.


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> Esmeralda said:
> 
> 
> > High_Gravity said:
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Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. It serves no one. Not the couple and certainly not the children. 

Its time we stopped thinking or saying that staying married is more important than being happy. 

Make getting married hard and getting divorced easy.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> High_Gravity said:
> 
> 
> > Esmeralda said:
> ...



Well I agree with you there, however when you get married or in a relationship its not going to be peaches and cream all the time and one big honeymoon either.


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

Kooshdakhaa said:


> AVG-JOE said:
> 
> 
> > Kooshdakhaa said:
> ...



How often do you have to dust him?


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## ClosedCaption (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> Well I agree with you there, however when you get married or in a relationship its not going to be peaches and cream all the time and one big honeymoon either.



And this is why people bail.  Once the new car smell wears off they run for the hills.  The key is maintaining the relationship.  No one wants to admit this but theres an element of manipulation, seduction and psychology involved in relationships.  You have a choice play the game or dont...Everyone is playing the game...Even if you choose NOT to play the game you are making a choice right?

Finding the "perfect mate" seems like a great idea but if you were a fly on the wall you'd know if it exists its rare as fuck.  What most likely will happen is you will need to employ tactics to make things the way you want them.  And if it doesnt work take the loss...because really when you walk away from something that doesnt fit you its not really a loss to begin with


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> Luddly Neddite said:
> 
> 
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I stayed in a shitty marriage with an abusive alcoholic for 25 years because I believed I should honor the commitment I had made. I never asked my spouse to change because I also believe I am the only person who I can change. I never asked for anything and never got anything - including sexual fidelity.

I never expected peaches and cream but I would not advise anyone to stay in a crappy marriage.


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

ClosedCaption said:


> High_Gravity said:
> 
> 
> > Well I agree with you there, however when you get married or in a relationship its not going to be peaches and cream all the time and one big honeymoon either.
> ...



I don't think there is any such thing as a "perfect mate" because human beings are not perfect. 

I really do believe in the sappy maxim of "don't sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff". 

Anyone who corrects the way their spouse loads the dishwasher deserves exactly what they get.


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> High_Gravity said:
> 
> 
> > Luddly Neddite said:
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Well in your case you had every right to leave, I agree.


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## Luddly Neddite (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> Luddly Neddite said:
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> 
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Why "my case"?

Why should anyone stay in an unsatisfying marriage?

For the kids? That has been used as an excuse but why make kids miserable too?


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## BDBoop (Feb 7, 2014)

High_Gravity said:


> ClosedCaption said:
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> > High_Gravity said:
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I believe the French refer to that as vive le difference!


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## High_Gravity (Feb 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> High_Gravity said:
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> 
> > Luddly Neddite said:
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Dude your blowing this out of proportion, I'm just saying people give up too easily on their commitments these days and you are taking it as if I said everyone MUST stay married, I got a divorce after 5 years so I know what you are saying.


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## AVG-JOE (Feb 7, 2014)

Luddly Neddite said:


> High_Gravity said:
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> 
> > Esmeralda said:
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It shouldn't necessarily be about the paperwork being an artificial bureaucratic nightmare...  It should be about educating the young 'uns about the consequences of entering in to legal contracts with others, the marriage contract among them, and encouraging them to marry for the right reasons.

It's also about teaching them the consequences of pretending to be married, how to play the games safely, and taking responsibility for fuck-ups.


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