# Walks Into A Bar Jokes



## S.J. (May 7, 2018)

Got any good ones?


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## S.J. (May 7, 2018)




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## S.J. (May 7, 2018)




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## Ridgerunner (May 7, 2018)




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## Ridgerunner (May 8, 2018)




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## Darkwind (May 8, 2018)

S.J. said:


> Got any good ones?


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## williepete (May 8, 2018)

Three cannibals are sitting at a bar drinking beer when a clown walks in.

After a few sips, the cannibals club the clown over the head killing him. As they start to eat him, one of the cannibals says,

"Hey guys, do you taste anything funny?"


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## williepete (May 8, 2018)

*A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.*
*"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."*
* "Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"*

*
"Rustling," said the bartender.*


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## there4eyeM (May 8, 2018)

Réné Descartes walks in to his usual bar. The bartender says, "Hi, your regular?"
Réné says, "I think not....."


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## Wyld Kard (May 12, 2018)

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."


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## Ridgerunner (May 12, 2018)




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## Wyld Kard (May 12, 2018)




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## williepete (May 12, 2018)

*A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.*

*"Hey mister! Nice pants!" it says.*

*He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again.*

*“Hey mister! Sweet shoes!”*

*Again, he looks around, sees nothing but a bartender who is busy attending to other customers. Shaking his head, he sips once more.*

*“Hey mister! Cool shirt!”*

*He puts down his drink, frustrated at this phantom voice, and signals to the bartender, who comes over.*

*“Hey barkeep,” he begins, “what is that high-pitched voice I keep hearing?”*

* “Oh, those are the peanuts,” he replies. “They’re complimentary.”*


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## Wyld Kard (Jun 2, 2018)




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## Ridgerunner (Jun 2, 2018)




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## Billo_Really (Jun 2, 2018)

S.J. said:


>


Why did the dyslexic cross the road?

_To side to the other get to the._


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## Billo_Really (Jun 2, 2018)

A woman walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a beer."  Bartender says, "Anheuser Busch?"  And the woman responds, "Oh fine, how's your dick?"


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## Billo_Really (Jun 2, 2018)

A Chinese guy walks into a bar and tells the black bartender, "Give me a jigger, n*gger."  And the bartender says, "That's not any way to speak to others.  How would you like it if I treated you that way?  In fact, you come behind the bar and we'll reverse rolls.

So the black guy walks up to the bar and says, "Give me a drink, chink."  And the Chinese guy turns around and says, "Sorry, we don't serve n*ggers!"


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## fncceo (Jun 2, 2018)

Darkwind said:


> S.J. said:
> 
> 
> > Got any good ones?



What that Chris Rock?


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## Billo_Really (Jun 2, 2018)

Here's a joke no one gets...

An Indian walks into a bar and asks for a drink.  While the bartender is getting the drink, the Indian looks down, sees a cockroach and says, "Ummm, cockroach!"  The bartender says, "Squash it!"  And the Indian responds, "No, cockroach!"

That's the joke!


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## Billo_Really (Jun 2, 2018)

A guy stands up in a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes!"  Another guy stands up and says, "Hey, I resent that!"  The first guy says, "Are you a lawyer?"  And the second guy goes, "No, I'm an asshole!"


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## Skull Pilot (Jun 2, 2018)

A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says, " Hey why the long face?"


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## S.J. (Jun 2, 2018)

Billo_Really said:


> Here's a joke no one gets...
> 
> An Indian walks into a bar and asks for a drink.  While the bartender is getting the drink, the Indian looks down, sees a cockroach and says, "Ummm, cockroach!"  The bartender says, "Squash it!"  And the Indian responds, "No, cockroach!"
> 
> That's the joke!


It took me a minute or two but...*"squaw shit" * lol


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## Billo_Really (Jun 3, 2018)

S.J. said:


> It took me a minute or two but...*"squaw shit" * lol


Very good!  I think you're the first person who got the joke without me having to explain it.


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