# The Ultimate Racist Joke Thread



## Sunni Man

There is a stereotype of every race and ethnicity.

Spics, waps, gooks, crackers, porch monkeys, chinks, micks, hebs, rag heads, red necks, etc.

 So post your best jokes here.

 I will start out:

Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? 
A. What's toilet paper? 

Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay? 
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.


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## manifold

How does every black joke begin?


*looks over both shoulders to see who is in ear shot*


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## Swagger

Hitler may have killed 6 million Jews, but he sure as hell saved the History channel.


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## manifold

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?


One less drunk.


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## High_Gravity

There are 3 guys in a car, a Black guy, an Italian, and a Puerto Rican, whos driving?

Answer: The Police Man.


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## manifold

How come hispanics don't usually marry blacks?


They're afraid their kids will be too lazy to steal.


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## peach174

Here is a Mexican and German one;

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?

A. A Beaner-Schnitzel


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## Swagger

Two Jews are walking down the road when they spot a stunning looking woman, perfect body, face and everything. One of the Jews says, "Phwoar, I'd lend her one!"


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## manifold

What do Mexicans and cue balls have in common?


The harder you hit them, the more english you get.


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## manifold

Why do Polacks make lousy pharmacists?


The can never seem to fit the prescription bottles in the typewriter.


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## Swagger

What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over him.


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## manifold

What's the difference between an Italian grandmother and an elephant?



40 pounds and a black dress.


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## midcan5

What has 1000 legs and 3 teeth? 

A country music concert


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## High_Gravity

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags? 
A. So Italians can go window shopping.


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## High_Gravity

Q. How do you make an Italian? 
A. Put a black in one hand, a Jew in the other, and slam them together. WOP!!


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## manifold

How was copper wire invented?



Two Jews found the same penny.


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## manifold

What is the definition of a Jewish dilemma? 


Free ham.


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## Swagger

Isn't it ironic: blacks make the best slaves, yet are the worst employees?


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## peach174

I was walking through the Olympic village in Munich when I seen a man walking along with a long stick over his shoulder. I asked the man `are you a pole vaulter?` and he replied `no I`m German and how did you no my name is Volter?`


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## L.K.Eder

the tooth brush was invented in west virginia.


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## driveby

Why are there no puerto rican doctors?



You can't write prescriptions in spray paint.....


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## Swagger

Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fockin' grand! I wonder how the girls got on."


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## manifold

L.K.Eder said:


> the tooth brush was invented in west virginia.




You left out the punchline...

If it were invented anywhere else, it would be called a teeth brush.


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## L.K.Eder

manifold said:


> L.K.Eder said:
> 
> 
> 
> the tooth brush was invented in west virginia.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You left out the punchline...
> 
> If it were invented anywhere else, it would be called a teeth brush.
Click to expand...


i don't get it.


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## peach174

Q: Why do Jewish wives keep their old bras?
A: So they can make Yarmulkes for their husbands.
(For those that don't know, Yarmulkes are those funny little caps that Jews wear on their heads).


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## Tank

Whats the "N" word you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor


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## peach174

What is the bay of pigs?

300 nude polish girls on the beach.


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## driveby

True story, last weekend there was a religious revival at Madison Square Garden. Bishop Fulton Sheen made such a stirring speech that 10,000 people converted to Catholicism. Then Billy Graham got up and did some inspired preaching and 10,000 people converted to Protestantism, then to close the program, Pat Boone got up and sang "There's A Gold Mine In The Sky" and 20,000 Jews joined the Air Force!


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## Tank

How can you tell if a black girl is pregnate?

Stick a banana up her pussy and then look for bite marks.


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## High_Gravity

What&#8217;s the difference between a good ol&#8217; boy and a redneck?
The good ol&#8217; boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.


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## Ali777

q. What do you call a crowd of whites protesting at City Hall.
a. A KKK rally.


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## ekrem

Q: What's a jew with a gas bottle ?
A: Junkie

Q: What's a jew with 2 gas bottles ?
A: Dealer.


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## Sunni Man

How do you fit a hundred jews in a car? 

Throw a quarter in it. 

How do you get them all out?

 Tell 'em Hitler's driving.


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## driveby

Ali777 said:


> q. What do you call a crowd of whites protesting at City Hall.
> a. A KKK rally.



Only a marxist faggot like you could fuck up a thread of good racial jokes......


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## High_Gravity

What&#8217;s the difference between a northern girl and a southern girl?
A northern girl says you can and a southern girl says you all can.


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## High_Gravity

Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the Tennessee?
Everyone there has the same DNA.


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## Sunni Man

Q: What do you call a Mexican getting baptised?

 A: Bean dip!


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## manifold

How do you get 10 Cubans into a paper cup?


Tell them it floats.


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## Sunni Man

Why arent there any Black people on Star Trek? 

They wont work in the future either!


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## signelect

When will the race hating stop


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## manifold

signelect said:


> When will the race hating stop



I give up.  When?


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## Sunni Man

signelect said:


> When will the race hating stop



 If you don't have a racist joke to share.

 Hit the road retard.


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## manifold

Sunni Man said:


> signelect said:
> 
> 
> 
> When will the race hating stop
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If you don't have a racist joke to share.
> 
> Hit the road retard.
Click to expand...


Oh, he was just being a tard.

I thought it was a joke and he was just holding out on the punchline.

My bad.


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## manifold

OK, let's try to come up with a good punchline for it ourselves.

When will the race hating stop?  


I got it...

As long as there is NASCAR, the race hating will never stop.


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## Luissa

Blagger said:


> Hitler may have killed 6 million Jews, but he sure as hell saved the History channel.



 My friend  and I call it the Hitler channel.


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## Luissa

Sunni Man said:


> Why arent there any Black people on Star Trek?
> 
> They wont work in the future either!



 The guy from Reading Rainbow was on Star Trek. Geez


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## Two Thumbs

What does NAACP stand for?

*******
Are
Actually
Colored
Pollocks


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## manifold

Luissa said:


> Sunni Man said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why arent there any Black people on Star Trek?
> 
> They wont work in the future either!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The guy from Reading Rainbow was on Star Trek. Geez
Click to expand...


And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.


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## Sunni Man

How did Hitler really die?

 He had a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.


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## manifold

manifold said:


> Luissa said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sunni Man said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why arent there any Black people on Star Trek?
> 
> They wont work in the future either!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The guy from Reading Rainbow was on Star Trek. Geez
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.
Click to expand...


Follow-up:  The guy who played Worf (the Klingon) was a black actor too.

Let's give Tank a few minutes to work that into a joke...


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## Tank

Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?

So they have something to unwrap.


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## Luissa

How do you know a girl from Alabama is still a virgin?

She can still out run her dad and brother


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## Tank

Whats the difference between Martin Luther King day and St Patrick's day?

On St Patrick's day everyone want's to be Irish


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## Two Thumbs

Why do Mexicans like low riders?

so they can drive and cut lettuce at the same time


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## Douger

****** x Goat = Weed eater that wont work.


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## Two Thumbs

What's a Jewish womans favorite sexual position?

Facing Macys.


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## Two Thumbs

How many muslim suicide bombers does it take to convert the world to Islam?

Dunno, we're still counting.


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## Luissa

What do you call a Montanan with a truck full of sheep?


a pimp


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## Two Thumbs

Why don't Jewish women date  Christian men?

They are not kosher.


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## Swagger

How do you know a Jewish woman's on her period?

She's only wearing one sock.


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## Luissa

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, &#8220;I have a question that&#8217;s haunted me all of my days on earth&#8230; Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?&#8221;

St. Peter said, &#8220;That&#8217;s a question only God can answer.&#8221; So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, &#8220;God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?&#8221;

God simply replied, &#8220;You are what you are.&#8221;

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, &#8220;Well, did God straighten out your query for you?&#8221; The zebra looked puzzled.

&#8220;No sir, God simply said &#8216;You are what you are.&#8217;&#8221; St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, &#8220;Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.&#8221;

The zebra asked St. Peter, &#8220;How do you know that for certain?&#8221; &#8220;Because,&#8221; said St. Peter, &#8220;If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, &#8220;You is what you is.


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## Luissa

why do white girls date blacks?


to make their father angry


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## Tank

manifold said:


> manifold said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Luissa said:
> 
> 
> 
> The guy from Reading Rainbow was on Star Trek. Geez
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Follow-up:  The guy who played Worf (the Klingon) was a black actor too.
> 
> Let's give Tank a few minutes to work that into a joke...
Click to expand...


What does Worf and a black on welfare have in common?

They are both Klingons


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## High_Gravity

Luissa said:


> why do white girls date blacks?
> 
> 
> to make their father angry



Thats actually kind of true.


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## Sunni Man

Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of to help his math! Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. 

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. 

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

 Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math.

 She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

 "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"

 Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that Jewish guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around."


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## Tank

What does a Mexican kid get for their birthday?

You're bike.


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## High_Gravity

What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons?

Jose and Hose B


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## manifold

Tank said:


> manifold said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> manifold said:
> 
> 
> 
> And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Follow-up:  The guy who played Worf (the Klingon) was a black actor too.
> 
> Let's give Tank a few minutes to work that into a joke...
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> What does Worf and a black on welfare have in common?
> 
> They are both Klingons
Click to expand...





I knew you wouldn't let me down.


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## High_Gravity

What did God say when he saw the first black person?

Damnit...I burnt one!


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## Sunni Man

Asians are the only race you can blindfold with dental floss


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## Luissa

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.


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## Luissa

What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!


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## Luissa

Why shouldnt white people go swimming?
Because crackers get soggy when wet.


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## Luissa

This is my favorite one. 
What do you call 200 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.


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## strollingbones

if you toss obama and an apple out of a tree....which hits the ground first?


the apple, the rope should hold


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## strollingbones

a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, they see a young boy...the priest says...lets screw him,,, the rabbi ask 'out of what'?


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## Rat in the Hat

Have you heard about the Polish farmer who tried to raise chickens?

He gave up after he planted 1,000 eggs, and nothing grew.


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## Rat in the Hat

A guy walks into a gun shop and asks for 2,500 rounds of ammunition.

The gun shop owner asks "Why do you need 2,500 rounds?"

"I'm going out to shoot cans"

"2,500 rounds to shoot cans???"

And the guy replies, "Yeah. Africans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans..."


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## Rat in the Hat

How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagon?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 96 in the ashtray.


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## editec

Q: How many WHite Anglo-Saxon Protestants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two.  One to call the building superintendent, and one to mix the Martinis.


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## Rat in the Hat

Why did it take a Polack 3 days to paint his basement window?

He spent the first 2 and a half days digging a hole for the ladder.


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## strollingbones

why do mexicans put those small steering wheels in low riders?



they can drive with handcuffs on


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## manifold

Why do black people have nightmares?

Because the last black man to have a dream got shot.


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## driveby

Five black guys and one white guy, what do you call the white guy?     Coach


Ten black guys and one white guy, what do you call the white guy?     Quarterback


1,000 black guys and one white guy, what do you call the white guy?    Warden


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## manifold

Why do black families in the south all raise chickens?

To teach the children how to walk.


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## Sunni Man

Why do faggots like to use ribbed condoms?

 More traction in the mud.


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## PoliticalChic

How do you sink a Polish submarine?
Knock on the door.

How do Poles make a counterfeit $2 bill?
You take a $20 bill and erase the '0.'


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## yidnar

he looked up his family tree and a gorilla shit in his face!!


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## PoliticalChic

What does a Jewish woman say  during sex?
'Mauve'...the ceiling should be mauve.


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## Sunni Man

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

 Batman can go out at night without robin.


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## PoliticalChic

What do you call a black man in a three piece suit?
The defendant.


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## PoliticalChic

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? 
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it! 

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?      
&#8220;Live ammunition.&#8221;


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## yidnar

stop laughing and reload !!


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## yidnar

identification!!


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## yidnar

they keep the birds from shitting on their lips!!


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## Sunni Man

What do you call mexican basketball?

Juan on Juan.


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## manifold

How do you starve a black man?

Hide his foodstamps under his work boots.


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## manifold

How do you knock an Italian out cold?

Smash the toilet seat over his head when he's getting a drink of water.


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## sitarro

Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror. 
He noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.

In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over, he called his doctor and
told him what had happened.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack,
and told him to drink it all.

Barack drank the concoction and said,

"That tasted like bullshit!"

"It was." the doctor replied, "You were a quart low."


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## Rat in the Hat

Two black guys are walking down the street when they come across a storefront with a sign in the window that reads, "We can turn you white for $9.00".

The first black guy says "Oh man, that would be cool, we could have all the things whitey has if we did that".

They checked their pockets, and the first black guy had a 10 dollar bill, and the second one had 8 dollars in change. After thinking about it for a couple hours, the first one came up with an idea.

"I has an idea", he said. "I'll go in and has it done, and when I comes out, I'll give you the dollar and you can go in".

So the first one goes in, and the second one waits, happily jumping up and down, thinking how it's finally going to get what it wants.

An hour later, out of the store walks the first one, blond, blue-eyed, and wearing an expensive Armani suit, checking his e-mails on his new Blackberry.

The second one can hardly contain his delight, and yells at the first guy, "Gives me the dollar so's I can be white like you".

The new white man calmly looks him in the eye and says...

"If you want a dollar, get a job, ******".


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## editec

Q: What happens when the Communists take over the Sahara dessert?

A: For the first five years nothing happens, then they run out of sand.


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## Colin

I was outside a French restaurant when a couple came up to me and said, "Avez-vous une table pour deux?"

"Are you calling me a twat?" I asked.

Shocked, the man replied, "Not at all! I thought you worked here; I was asking for a table."

"So you thought I was French?"

"Well yes."

"So, you ARE calling me a twat?"


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## driveby

Why did the black man where a suit and tie to his vasectomy?


If he was gonna be impotent he wanted to look impotent....


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## Rat in the Hat

What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.

Why is there no Polish National Ice Hockey team?
They all drowned during spring training.

How did the Polish guy die in a pie eating contest?
A cow stepped on his head.

What is one idea that never got off the ground?
A Polish Air Force.

Hear about the Polish 727 that crashed into a cemetery outside of Warsaw?
So far they've recovered over 7000 bodies

Hear about the Polish Siamese twins?
They weren't joined.

  The young Polish lad looked into his girlfriend's eyes and said, 
"I really love you.  Would you let me change your name to mine?"
  "Oh, yes, that would be wonderful!"
  From that day on, he called her Sammy.

How can you spot a Polish airplane in a snowstorm?
It's the one with snow chains on the propellers.

The three latest Polish technological discoveries:
   1.)  Solar powered flashlights
   2.)  Inflatable dart boards
   3.)  Helicopter ejection seats

  One day a Polish father decides to take his son ice fishing. 
So they head out onto the ice with all their gear and they 
find a nice spot. So the father takes out his pickaxe and 
starts chipping away.
  They hear a loud, booming voice say, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
  The father, astonished, looks at his boy and says, "Hear that?
It's the fish gods!" 
  So they move a little ways down the ice and start digging 
again. Soon they hear the voice again, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
  The father says to his son, "See? The fish gods are being good
to us - we should move to find the fish."
  So they move a little ways down the ice again and, once more, 
start digging.
  The voice booms once more, "THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER. THERE 
ARE NO FISH HERE!"

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.

  A Pole went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box 
that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
  "Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose,
but what would you want a box like that for?"
  "Well, you see," said the Pole, "my neighbor moved away and
forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."

  Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest 
shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were 
stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to
invade Russia.


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## Sunni Man

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?


"Hey! Watch this!"


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## Ernie S.

BatDing said:


> lol..some good ones.
> 
> What do you call a bunch of white guys in jail?
> AA Affirmative Action



Naaah. They're called guards.


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## editec

Q: What is the diffence between a_ vulture_ and an _Insert ethnic target of your choice American Princess_?

A: A vulture waits until you're dead before it eats your heart out.


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## FuelRod

I was stopped at a stop light yesterday next to a car full of Muslims.  Suddenly from behind an 18 wheeler came flying down the road out of control, crushing the car next to me and killing its passengers.

"Wow, that could've been me, I thought to myself."


So now I'm in Commercial Truck Driving school.


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## Ernie S.

What do you call a Mexican in a Mercedes?

Car thief.


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## yidnar

a pollock walked into a bar with a handful of shit and yelled... hey everybody look what almost stepped in!!


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## Rat in the Hat

A Jew, a ****** and a Polack were fighting in a foxhole during World War 2 when a German tank round landed between them and killed them all. They went to Hell, and were met by Satan at the gate. He explained to them that Hell was getting filled up due to the war, and if they could come up with $100 each, he would return them to Earth.

A short time later, another company of soldiers came upon the foxhole and started recovering the remains for burial. All of a sudden, the Polack's body re-assembled itself, and he came back to life. The captain of the squad was astonished, and asked him what happened. The Polack told him the story about Satan at the gate, and how he came back.

"That's amazing", the captain said, "but what happened to the Jew and the ******?"

The Polack replied, "Well, the last I heard, the Jew had him down to $63.50, and the ****** was looking for a co-signer".


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