# Snickering



## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

Is this bad? Am I being bad? I'm sorry. But I couldn't help but laugh.


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## Lumpy 1 (Nov 18, 2013)

Hey, I've been called a pompous crotch waffle..now I know how they were able to string 3 words together...


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_IzYUJANfk#t=57[/ame]


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

Lazy Douche Pilot


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

Gracie said:


>



See now, DATZ how you getz a mutha fukkah to get his grub on for some greens son!


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

I peed myself a little bit reading that one, son. 


Two Thumbs said:


> Gracie said:
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> 
> >
> ...


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

HOW DO COURT REPORTERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

since Snickers is in the title, we put some in your fruit salad


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

omg. I peed A LOT reading this one (commentaries). omg omg omg...LOL

[ame=http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Creme/dp/B000KKNQBK/?ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top]Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml: Amazon.co.uk: Health & Personal Care[/ame]


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

Well, we have a lol critters, so I thought I would do a snickering/omg/peeyerpants minus lol*critters* thread. I had to change my pants already.


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

Two Thumbs said:


>



I guess I have a dirty mind.


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

Gracie said:


> omg. I peed A LOT reading this one (commentaries). omg omg omg...LOL
> 
> Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml: Amazon.co.uk: Health & Personal Care



Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

well duuuuhhh


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## MeBelle (Nov 18, 2013)

Two Thumbs said:


> since Snickers is in the title, we put some in your fruit salad



Well, I did come here looking for candy bars!


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

Two Thumbs said:


> Gracie said:
> 
> 
> > omg. I peed A LOT reading this one (commentaries). omg omg omg...LOL
> ...



More VEET comments:



> After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
> I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
> At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
> The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
> ...


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

wrong thread


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

well that sucks...


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

ooo, deja post


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

> Whenever I'm having a bad day, I stop and give thanks that this is not my family.


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

Gracie said:


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I will never be able to unsee that


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

One for the ladies


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## Gracie (Nov 18, 2013)

My stomach hurts from laughing. Time for a break! Y'all do the huntin' now, lol.


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)




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## Two Thumbs (Nov 18, 2013)

and one for my bros


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## Mojo2 (Nov 18, 2013)

Gracie said:


> HOW DO COURT REPORTERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
> 
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> ...



I'm a sucker for these kinds of jokes when I don't see them coming.



> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral...


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## Gracie (Nov 19, 2013)

bump.


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 19, 2013)

Gracie said:


> bump.








bumpit


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## Two Thumbs (Nov 19, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 19, 2013)

Two Thumbs said:


> Gracie said:
> 
> 
> > bump.
> ...



I hate that look. Which makes me think of that horrible Flo on Progressive insurance commercials. And of my sister...who still wear a hairdo from the 1970's.


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## Gracie (Nov 25, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 25, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 30, 2013)




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## Gracie (Nov 30, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)




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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)

[MENTION=40540]Connery[/MENTION]  [MENTION=16165]alan1[/MENTION]  [MENTION=20285]Intense[/MENTION]

Can you change the title of this thread to* Snickering* or *Funnies *or *Hilarious*.....or whatever you deem is better than SNICKERS. Everyone thinks it's about candy bars, lol.

Thanks in advance.


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## Gracie (Dec 2, 2013)

Thanks, whomever did it!

And now..on with the show, lol.


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## Gracie (Dec 4, 2013)

HEY!!! Where is everyone? Things are getting gnarly so take a time out. Make me laugh, already!

Post something funny. NOT POLITICAL.

Come on. Humor me. Literally.


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## Gracie (Dec 4, 2013)

Kinda small. Sorry. It says underneath ....RIGHT BEFORE YOU SNEEZE.


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