# Substitute Teaching



## Mr. H. (Dec 9, 2014)

I've made a couple of posts in the Coffee Shop but figured to just start a thread. 

I subbed for 5-6 years before, but it's been quite a while. I recently started back up again and wish I'd done so earlier. It's like I picked up where I left off... which is a good thing. I'm comfortable and confident around the kids and that's crucial, because these little shits can smell fear. And they'll take advantage of it. 

These are just fun anecdotal experiences and I'll try to post them when I can. 

Today was High School French. The teacher had me show a couple of the classes the movie Tin-Tin. No other instructions. So I set it up to play in French, with English subtitles. 

Afterwards, asked the classes "did you notice that a dog barking in French sounds the same as a dog barking in English"?


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## regent (Dec 9, 2014)

When schools still had dress standards a parent was called in because her daughter wore clothing not appropriate for high school. The parent attacked the administrator saying, "Why do you people allow her to dress like that"?


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## Mr. H. (Dec 9, 2014)

Whenever I notice a student writing left-handed, I ask "so... how long have you been left-handed"?

They get this puzzled look, then reply "all my life"

To which I reply "me too- true story". 

Sometimes I connect with students on the simplest of levels. 

It builds credibility.


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## Unkotare (Dec 10, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> Afterwards, asked the classes "did you notice that a dog barking in French sounds the same as a dog barking in English"?




But does it look the same in onomatopoetic transliteration?


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## Tom Sweetnam (Dec 10, 2014)

Unkotare said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > Afterwards, asked the classes "did you notice that a dog barking in French sounds the same as a dog barking in English"?
> ...



Why don't you make another horrible music video and leave the adults alone?


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## norwegen (Dec 10, 2014)

My grandmother's husband subbed for a while.  One day, his students told him that the day was early release day, so he dismissed his class.  Needless to say, he wasn't called back.

He was later diagnosed with alzheimer's.


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## Unkotare (Dec 10, 2014)

Tom Sweetnam said:


> Unkotare said:
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> 
> > Mr. H. said:
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What the hell are you talking about, fool?


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## Mr. H. (Dec 10, 2014)

Got a call this morning to sub in a 4th grade class. When prompted, I pressed 6 for "prior commitment".

They don't have an option for "hangover". 

This school district uses an automated system called Sub Finder. It's really cool. The phone rings and a recording announces the school, grade, and (if appropriate) the subject. If you accept, it tells you the times, where to report, and gives a job number. 

I did get a call yesterday to sub tomorrow in a nearby town (half hour drive) for high school math. I'm excited about this one. It's where I attended high school as a freshman back in ought-'69.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 10, 2014)

Glad I didn't take that job today. Had more work at the office than I figured. Also, had a client stop by on her annual Christmas run. Box o' chocolates, jug o' nuts, hats, calendars, planners...

Thought of another funny from the other day...

I was taking roll, reading names from the seating chart (about 20 in that class). I shouted "you'll have to speak up! I've been to a lot of rock concerts the past 40 years and my hearing ain't what it used to be!" LOL


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## Disir (Dec 10, 2014)

I bet you're a great substitute teacher.


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## Hossfly (Dec 10, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> Glad I didn't take that job today. Had more work at the office than I figured. Also, had a client stop by on her annual Christmas run. Box o' chocolates, jug o' nuts, hats, calendars, planners...
> 
> Thought of another funny from the other day...
> 
> I was taking roll, reading names from the seating chart (about 20 in that class). I shouted "you'll have to speak up! I've been to a lot of rock concerts the past 40 years and my hearing ain't what it used to be!" LOL


Teaching up to 5th grade is OK. After that you have to take karate classes or pack some heat.


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## WorldWatcher (Dec 10, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> This school district uses an automated system called Sub Finder. It's really cool. The phone rings and a recording announces the school, grade, and (if appropriate) the subject. If you accept, it tells you the times, where to report, and gives a job number.
> 
> I did get a call yesterday to sub tomorrow in a nearby town (half hour drive) for high school math. I'm excited about this one. It's where I attended high school as a freshman back in ought-'69.




Doesn't your school have the web option?

We had that and you could pick you jobs in advance.  The only time the system really had to call was for last minute absences.


>>>>


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## mgh80 (Dec 10, 2014)

Hossfly said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > Glad I didn't take that job today. Had more work at the office than I figured. Also, had a client stop by on her annual Christmas run. Box o' chocolates, jug o' nuts, hats, calendars, planners...
> ...



Middle school is the worst! High school's a little better (depending on grade/subject).


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## Roadrunner (Dec 10, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> I've made a couple of posts in the Coffee Shop but figured to just start a thread.
> 
> I subbed for 5-6 years before, but it's been quite a while. I recently started back up again and wish I'd done so earlier. It's like I picked up where I left off... which is a good thing. I'm comfortable and confident around the kids and that's crucial, because these little shits can smell fear. And they'll take advantage of it.
> 
> ...


I am going to look into it to.

But not here where I taught and retired, when I move.


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## Roadrunner (Dec 10, 2014)

regent said:


> When schools still had dress standards a parent was called in because her daughter wore clothing not appropriate for high school. The parent attacked the administrator saying, "Why do you people allow her to dress like that"?


My first year, I had a parent call me, and tell me she was going to be in trouble if her kid missed one more day of school, and would I mind stopping by on my way to school, and waking up her 14 year old daughter at her 21 year old boyfriend's apartment and tell her to get her ass to school.

Somehow, I made another 24.75 years.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 10, 2014)

Roadrunner said:


> Mr. H. said:
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> 
> > I've made a couple of posts in the Coffee Shop but figured to just start a thread.
> ...


So far, it's been a hoot. The first few months after I first started (1999) the kids chewed me up and spit me out. I'd get home at the end of the day and collapse. But after the first year they were all telling me that I was the best sub they ever had LOL. 

I word of caution- and maybe this is just true for my State. I had been contributing to my IRA when I first subbed, when I got a letter from the IRS denying my tax-deductible contribution to the IRA. Turns out, the TRS (Teachers Retirement System) was deducting small amounts from my paycheck and putting it into their system which is a "Qualified Retirement Plan". So rather than me being able to contribute, say, $5,000 to my IRA for the year (pre-tax) just a 10 cent contribution to the TRS would negate that whole pre-tax IRA contribution.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 10, 2014)

WorldWatcher said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > This school district uses an automated system called Sub Finder. It's really cool. The phone rings and a recording announces the school, grade, and (if appropriate) the subject. If you accept, it tells you the times, where to report, and gives a job number.
> ...


Good point, thanks. 
I was wondering why I got all these last minute calls LOL. 
Sub Finder does have a website. I'll check that out.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 11, 2014)

Today I drove to a nearby school district where I was a freshman in high school. I transferred after that one year. As soon as I got out of my car, there was one of my classmates! She's a one-on-one teacher for an autistic child to whom she later introduced me. I told her "you realize we haven't been in this building together for 45 years"? Anyhow- lots of memories came flooding back as I walked the halls.

It all went smoothly except for the Geometry class. I handed out worksheets and the entire class seemed lost. They told me the teacher hadn't prepared them for the material. I later relayed this to the Principal and he said "that sounds familiar". Oh- and the classroom was my old Biology class. It's been divided into two separate classrooms. I had fun telling the kids some old stories from my days there.

The last period was Study Hall, and they all signed out to go to the library except four students. So I used that time to fill out a stack of employment paperwork.

The kids called my attention to the window and pointed out a doughnut on the roof that they say has been there for 38 days. So I told them about my ten year old Twinkie. They were impressed.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 12, 2014)

Interesting day today in High School English. Two Honors classes and four English 2 classes.

I was taking roll in one class when I stopped halfway through it and said "why don't we do this the easy way- anyone who's absent, just raise your hand". 

One gal excused herself to go to the restroom. After a few minutes, I went to the back of the room and opened the door to check the hallway for her. Well, as soon as I opened the door she walked in.

Everyone was looking at me with their mouths open and asked "how did you know she was at the door"? 
I said "see these gray hairs? Experience". LOL

No one showed up for morning tutorial and that was followed by a Prep period so that was really boring.
The first Honors English class had some really good kids. I heard a commotion in the hall, and everyone stood up and headed for the door. I'm like "what's up"? It was a fire alarm. Turned out that a smoke detector malfunctioned. Then the rest of the day's schedule was messed up because there was an assembly that afternoon. They let me go home for lunch an hour early since this teacher had a "dead" spot in the altered schedule.


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## mgh80 (Dec 13, 2014)

Roadrunner said:


> regent said:
> 
> 
> > When schools still had dress standards a parent was called in because her daughter wore clothing not appropriate for high school. The parent attacked the administrator saying, "Why do you people allow her to dress like that"?
> ...



This year I had a parent ask me if I would look at essays that she's making her son complete for practice practice. She makes him write an essay every single day and expects me to grade them and have them back by the next day. I honestly don't mind that much...but I just shudder to think what he goes through at home.

Some parents don't get that they can't pass the classes or get good grades for their students.


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## Toro (Dec 13, 2014)

I thought you worked in the energy industry?


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## Unkotare (Dec 13, 2014)

mgh80 said:


> Roadrunner said:
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> > regent said:
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How is the story you related "getting good grades for their students"?


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## regent (Dec 13, 2014)

Unkotare said:


> mgh80 said:
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> > Roadrunner said:
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How is your post related to substitute teaching?


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## Mr. H. (Dec 14, 2014)

Toro said:


> I thought you worked in the energy industry?


Look at crude prices. My paycheck is half what it was six months ago. School lets out 3:30 then I head to my office to take care of business.


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## Meriweather (Dec 14, 2014)

Hossfly said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > Glad I didn't take that job today. Had more work at the office than I figured. Also, had a client stop by on her annual Christmas run. Box o' chocolates, jug o' nuts, hats, calendars, planners...
> ...


I have been a substitute teacher for over fifteen years.  I started out with elementary school students.  They were so cute and adorable.  I loved them!  Then I moved and my assignments were at the high school level.  These students were beautiful.  I loved them!   Then I was talked into substituting middle school math.  These kids are no longer cute, and they are not yet beautiful.  Yes, "monsters" may be an apt description, but I discovred I love these little monsters most of all.  Once they crawl into your heart, you just can't get them out.


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## Meriweather (Dec 14, 2014)

Mr. H. said:


> So far, it's been a hoot. The first few months after I first started (1999) the kids chewed me up and spit me out. I'd get home at the end of the day and collapse. But after the first year they were all telling me that I was the best sub they ever had LOL.
> 
> I word of caution- and maybe this is just true for my State. I had been contributing to my IRA when I first subbed, when I got a letter from the IRS denying my tax-deductible contribution to the IRA. Turns out, the TRS (Teachers Retirement System) was deducting small amounts from my paycheck and putting it into their system which is a "Qualified Retirement Plan". So rather than me being able to contribute, say, $5,000 to my IRA for the year (pre-tax) just a 10 cent contribution to the TRS would negate that whole pre-tax IRA contribution.



I agree...you have to get past that first year, and learn to walk in as if you own the classroom, not as if you are visiting.  I can pull it off because I have now been substituting since before they were born.  But that first year...I was teaching middle school math when the afternoon class came in with the news, "Principal is away!  Vice-Principal is away!  All the counselors are away!  Teacher is away!  No one sit down, let's party!"

When it is thirty against one, you can't make everyone sit down, and I knew this.  I thought for a moment, then ignored them all.  What I could do was pull up a couple of the empty desks close to the board and begin the assignment showing my willingness to help anyone who wanted help with math.  Those two seats were filled quickly, and this didn't surprise me.  What did surprise me is that the rest of the students began pulling desks up close to the board, and before I knew it, all but five students were taking notes and paying close attention.  They told me later, "Those five never pay attention anyway."

This taught me that even at the middle school level, if I was willing to teach, five-sixths of the class was willing to learn.  Without that knowledge, I don't think I could have come to love that age group as much as I do.  Yes, the remaining one-sixth can make me grumpy, but when I get too grumpy I sign up to teach high school and the beautiful students for a few days.


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## Sherry (Dec 14, 2014)

Humor is the key...in my experience, whether I've taught first graders or adults, laughter connects people. Mr. H, you have always made me laugh.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 14, 2014)

regent said:


> Unkotare said:
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> > mgh80 said:
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Both of you report to the Principals office.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 14, 2014)

Here's a good'n... last week I told a class that their teacher left me with two options - (a total lie of course) - either they can take a 20 question essay test or watch a movie. 

I love bending young minds. And in the end it's harmless. We of course watched the movie.


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## Toro (Dec 15, 2014)

Sherry said:


> Humor is the key...in my experience, whether I've taught first graders or adults, laughter connects people. Mr. H, you have always made me laugh.



He can regale them with hilarious stories from USMB.


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## mgh80 (Dec 20, 2014)

Unkotare said:


> mgh80 said:
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> > Roadrunner said:
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The mother thinks that if she makes her son complete all of this work that he will get better grades/results. But the problem is that she's instructing him incorrectly. Practicing incorrectly doesn't lead to better work. His argumentative essays for example don't include a concession/refutation. That's something that the state is going to be looking for on his essays....but she tells him that they're not important. 

What I really meant by parents who think that they can get the grades for students are the ones who call/come up to school during the 9th week (last week of the grading quarter) and want to know why they're students are failing. You tell them it's because their child refused to do their work, and as a result failed their tests/essays because they were unfamiliar with the material. Parents then ask if their student can make up their work for the entire 9 weeks for partial credit. Sometimes they beg and beg and beg. They think that if they care enough about their student's grades that teachers will play favorites (for lack of a better term) and bend the rules for their students.

My policy is they have 3 days to do makeup work (if a kid's in the hospital or something similar I'll be flexible). Other than that if it's not done-it's a zero. Period. I don't care how much your parents whine and cry and play a violin. 

I don't do this because I don't feel like doing the grading/inputting grades/dealing with parents....but because it teaches the student that deadlines aren't important. It also reinforces laziness, procrastination, and a lack of consequences for the students. But parents still think that if they beg the teacher enough/work with the teacher enough that the teacher will pass their student (hence me saying parents think they can get their students grades).


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## Mr. H. (Dec 26, 2014)

I was awoken from a substitute teaching dream LOL. Big classes, unruly students, papers to return with no names on them. 

What woke me was my phone going off. In the daze, I thought it was a school day and they were calling me to sub. 

The clock said 12:30am and the voice on the line said "dad will you come open the back door?" LOL it was the daughter getting home from night out with friends.


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## Mr. H. (Jan 14, 2015)

Finally got called back in after the holiday break. They also had some snow days recently.

This time it was a few afternoon music classes. Two of them had 40 + students, the 3rd was much smaller- maybe 15. 

Anyhow- what a treat to hear these kids sing! They're either rehearsing for a school musical or an intrastate competition. 

I told one class "how is it that these beautiful voices can come from such a rowdy group of teenagers"? 

Thank goodness they took that as a compliment.


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## Mr. H. (Feb 2, 2015)

I spent Friday subbing at a rural high school in the Ag classes. Here's the view out the school's south door...


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## Mr. H. (Feb 9, 2015)

Put in a couple days last week same school/classroom. The first day, they called me in at 10am but paid for a full day.
Easy $85 

Up and at 'em early again... alas, no phone call. So it's off to the day job...


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## Wry Catcher (Feb 9, 2015)

After watching a science movie, long forgotten, our 8th grade science teacher started to pull back the window shades, as he did so he turned and showed fear when he looked over the students.  It cracked me up, and no one else seemed to see his charade. 

Mr T, looked directly at me and said, "Wry, that really scared the hell out of me", a reference that we had the same sense of humor.

Too many teachers seem to have no sense of humor, or leave it at home.  Learning should be fun, and Mr. T. made it so.


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## Roadrunner (Feb 9, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> I spent Friday subbing at a rural high school in the Ag classes. Here's the view out the school's south door...


I taught for years surrounded by fields, but couldn't see any houses.


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## Moonglow (Feb 9, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> I've made a couple of posts in the Coffee Shop but figured to just start a thread.
> 
> I subbed for 5-6 years before, but it's been quite a while. I recently started back up again and wish I'd done so earlier. It's like I picked up where I left off... which is a good thing. I'm comfortable and confident around the kids and that's crucial, because these little shits can smell fear. And they'll take advantage of it.
> 
> ...


Farts sound the same also....


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## Moonglow (Feb 9, 2015)

My sub teachers would get the Playboy fold out when they pulled down the screen, thanks to the Bart in me...


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## Moonglow (Feb 9, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> Glad I didn't take that job today. Had more work at the office than I figured. Also, had a client stop by on her annual Christmas run. Box o' chocolates, jug o' nuts, hats, calendars, planners...
> 
> Thought of another funny from the other day...
> 
> I was taking roll, reading names from the seating chart (about 20 in that class). I shouted "you'll have to speak up! I've been to a lot of rock concerts the past 40 years and my hearing ain't what it used to be!" LOL


Who's nutz where they?


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## Roadrunner (Feb 9, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> I spent Friday subbing at a rural high school in the Ag classes. Here's the view out the school's south door...




I am curious, what state?

I retired on a hearing disability, I do not know if I could sub or not, but, am thinking of looking in to it.

Do they take out Social Security and stuff like that?


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## Moonglow (Feb 9, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> Whenever I notice a student writing left-handed, I ask "so... how long have you been left-handed"?
> 
> They get this puzzled look, then reply "all my life"
> 
> ...


My Mom was a lefty and school insisted on being right handed, so I learned to write with either hand....


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## Roadrunner (Feb 9, 2015)

Moonglow said:


> My sub teachers would get the Playboy fold out when they pulled down the screen, thanks to the Bart in me...


Every now and then something happens, and I think, God just bitchslapped me for the way we did Mrs. Spence!

I think maybe I taught all those years as penance for being such a bastard to my teachers.

Hey, I was bored, what can I say!


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## Roadrunner (Feb 9, 2015)

Moonglow said:


> Mr. H. said:
> 
> 
> > Whenever I notice a student writing left-handed, I ask "so... how long have you been left-handed"?
> ...


I was a lefty, and my dad a righty.

He always told me I was doing shit wrong.

I showed him though.

First Thanksgiving with him after getting married he asked me to sharpen the turkey slicing knife.

I was putting a razor edge on it when the old bastard told me I was doing it backwards and wrong.

I grabbed his arm and shaved off a 4 inch wide and foot long strip of his forearm clean as a baby's ass.

Fucker never said a thing about my knife sharpening again.


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## Moonglow (Feb 9, 2015)

Roadrunner said:


> Moonglow said:
> 
> 
> > My sub teachers would get the Playboy fold out when they pulled down the screen, thanks to the Bart in me...
> ...


They should be glad that super glue was not on the market when we were kids.....


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## Roadrunner (Feb 9, 2015)

Moonglow said:


> Roadrunner said:
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> > Moonglow said:
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Yeah, but today's kids never have known the innocent joys of cherry-bombing for shits and giggles.


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## emilynghiem (Feb 10, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> I've made a couple of posts in the Coffee Shop but figured to just start a thread.
> 
> I subbed for 5-6 years before, but it's been quite a while. I recently started back up again and wish I'd done so earlier. It's like I picked up where I left off... which is a good thing. I'm comfortable and confident around the kids and that's crucial, because these little shits can smell fear. And they'll take advantage of it.
> 
> ...



Hi Mr. H. and that's great you are teaching!
The kids have a wonderful advantage to have you as a teacher.

To add to your story, in a way, dogs DO bark in different languages
because people are conditioned to hear the linguistic patterns they assign to the sounds:

How Dogs Bark in Different Languages Psychology Today

When I was nannying for a 8 month old girl,
her name for the dog was "WHOA WHOA"
because that is the sound she heard and could imitate with her limited language skills.

In college the linguistics professor I had put up a whole list of
"what a Chinese rooster" sounds like phonetically, etc.

Fascinating lesson in cultural conditioning,
where we associate sounds and perception by our language.  I'll never forget the lesson where I learned that some cultures DON'T have a separate word -- or concept --
for PINK but call this "LIGHT RED". (And the opposite for AZURE that in English is LIGHT BLUE and not its own color.) If we don't even divide the color spectrum the same because of language, what about the spiritual, religious or political spectrum where we identify things by label? mindblowing!


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## Mr. H. (Feb 10, 2015)

Whoda thunkit? 
Thanks.


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## Mr. H. (Feb 12, 2015)

Oofah. What a day. Middle School science 8:30am-3:20pm. Then jumped in the car for a 40 minute drive to another job at the nursing home where I helped with a Valentine's Day dinner/party. Served tables, delivered trays to residents's rooms, did some serious dancing with the ladies including a few wheelchair-bound gals. There's one resident whose face is half-eaten with cancer but by god we got even her to break out in a smile.  

Tomorrow I take charge of the high school library 12-3:30, after getting caught up at my office in the morning.


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## Mr. H. (Feb 17, 2015)

Ha- I showed up for that Library gig and was told it isn't until March 6. 

Today it's fourth-graders. I should have passed on this one. It's been a long time since I subbed with kids this young. 
Same classroom all day. Same kids. At least the subjects matter will be at a level commensurate with my memory.


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## Mr. H. (Feb 17, 2015)

Well, this was an adventure from the git-go. Found my way to the office, signed in, picked up the day's class notes, got directions to the room, walked in and... it's 50 degrees in there. The only room in the entire school with a failed heating system. Maintenance stops by, principal stops by, next door teacher stops by... and it's 10 minutes until the bell. Luckily the kids were to spend the first hour at the library so I took attendance and sent them on their way. Next door teacher said her kids would be gone from her room next period and that we can use the room for the following hour. After that, we decided to double up the kids in her room so my class hauled their chairs and belongings next door when suddenly we got word about a classroom up on the third floor that was being renovated. So... chairs back to my room and then march them all upstairs. By then, the heat was fixed and our room started to warm up. The rest of the day is a blur LOL. 

But... I'd forgotten how much I dig the younger kids- rowdy as they can be. They're so damn cute and just like miniature adults. Anyhow- I survived but damn that wore me down. Took an hour nap after dinner this evening. If I get called in tomorrow, I'll just press 5 for "hung over".


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## Mr. H. (Mar 2, 2015)

Damn, I got called to do 1-1/2 days but can't since I'll be out of town at a conference. 
That's $120 I could  have used.


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## Mr. H. (Mar 9, 2015)

Make that $280. I got two more calls while I was gone. 

Watched a really good (and gritty) movie last night about a substitute teacher. 

Detachment 2011 - IMDb

It stars Adrien Brody who was in the Pianist and Grand Budapest Hotel 

Anyhow this time change is going to make for an interesting morning today.


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## Mr. H. (Mar 10, 2015)

Gawd what a day that was. Up at 6 (the new 5), to the office for 1-1/2 hours, sub teach 8:30-3:20, back to the office for 2-1/2 hours...

Highlight of the day - no cell phones. A gal was furiously texting on her phone and ignoring my pleas for her to stop. So I removed the "no cell phones" sign from the classroom wall and put it on her desk. She said (while texting) "my books and homework are in my car my car was towed get out of my face". 

So I did. She was close to tears. 

After class I said "sorry to jump you on that- hang in there". To which she curtly replied "no problem". 

I had a bi-lingual student in another class who had a personal interpreter. I took the time to try and converse with them in what little Spanish that I know. They really appreciated that. 

Got a call this morning to sub yet again, but today's plate is already filled. Another $80 lost opportunity.


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## Muhammed (Mar 10, 2015)

When I was in the eleventh grade, one of my favorite instructors was a substitute teacher. Actually, I had a major crush on her. :blush:


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## Mr. H. (Mar 11, 2015)

Middle school science today.
Tomorrow- back to the country school and the Ag classroom. 

Maybe I'll take Friday off and get stinkin' drunk the night before.


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## Mr. H. (Mar 12, 2015)

I quickly learned that I can only take 3 days per week of this. Oofah. I've done Tue/Wed/Thur and need a break. At least that's $240 I didn't have before the week started. 

I got three calls to sub tomorrow, but I've got an 8am meeting and duties at my office. Besides, the oil needs changed in the Jeep (long overdue) and I've got to have it at the shop by 9am.

Today I went back to the Ag classroom at the "country" school. Surprisingly, most of the kids remembered me. The teacher had plenty for each class, but invariably they descended into controlled chaos during the last 15 minutes.

Another teacher brought a student to me during my "prep" (free) period. A sixth grade dancer. The teacher knows my daughter is a dancer and wanted me to share her experiences. I was flattered.

During study hall, I heard one kid complain about how he hates the "job shadowing" assignments. He's expected to go to Wal Mart 15 miles away and spend the day with the manager. I told him that he's welcome to spend a day with Mr. H. and learn about the oil business. He really perked up at that. So we're trying to get it arranged for next month.

In the Ag classroom, there were posters illustrating the different cuts of beef. I asked the class if they knew the difference between "loin" and "sirloin". I told them that sirloin was knighted and that's why they call it sir loin.


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## Mr. H. (Apr 18, 2015)

The job shadowing with the high school senior went really well. We spent three hours at my office, went to lunch, then spent about 2 hours at the oilfield. 

I was in a meeting yesterday morning when a call came in. I recognized the number, so stepped out in the hall to take it. They needed a sub ASAP, so I told them I'd be right over after my meeting. 

5 and 6 graders this time. The highlights:

One little girl came up to my desk mumbling something. The only word I recognized was "Bible". She asked me "do you believe it"? I told her that it was not an appropriate topic of discussion to have in a public school setting. 

That afternoon, another 5th grader told me how his dad thinks that Obama uses the Constitution and the Bill of Rights for toilet paper. I told him it wasn't an appropriate topic of conversation for the classroom, but that I didn't disagree with his dad.


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## Moonglow (Apr 18, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> I quickly learned that I can only take 3 days per week of this. Oofah. I've done Tue/Wed/Thur and need a break. At least that's $240 I didn't have before the week started.
> 
> I got three calls to sub tomorrow, but I've got an 8am meeting and duties at my office. Besides, the oil needs changed in the Jeep (long overdue) and I've got to have it at the shop by 9am.
> 
> ...


No wonder the kids are dumb....


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## Mr. H. (May 1, 2015)

Today wore me out! Morning went fine, but the afternoon dragged on and on. 

The geometry class had 7 boys and one girl. The guys were rowdy and the girl picked up her things and stormed out. I read those shits the riot act about manners, respect, and behavior. I told them they had to stay in there seats for 30 seconds after the bell. When the bell went off, they were sitting there bummed out until I stood up and said "You know what? I changed my mind. Get out of here! ". 

In another class, a student told me that I inspired her to draw a cartoon character. Last week, I shared my creations with her and told her about my copyright. I gave her some suggestions and tips. She appreciated that. 

One class had a Black kid named John Long.


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## Abishai100 (May 30, 2015)

*Masked & Artsy
*

"I walked into an inner-city classroom, filled with mostly African-American and Latino junior high school students.  I was a substitute teacher, and I introduced myself.  It was a social studies class, and the curriculum was scheduled to instruct a lesson on language development in cultures.  I asked the class, 'Did you know that my great-great-grandfather was the fellow who invented the term Baker's Dozen (a market lingo used to describe the convenient packaging of 13 items in a baker's parcel maintaining the 12-count term of _dozen_)?'

The kids at first didn't believe me, but I explained that the point of my inquiry was to stir their curiosity about the economics of lingo with personal perspective."

How much attention we give to a school's ability to recruit interested and educated substitute teachers will affect our historical perspective on storytelling.





Dangerous Minds (Film)


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## Unkotare (May 30, 2015)

Abishai100 said:


> How much attention we give to a school's ability to recruit interested and educated substitute teachers will affect our historical perspective on storytelling.




Why?


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## Mr. H. (Oct 8, 2015)

I finally got called in on a sub job for tomorrow. Morning only. I guess school lets out early for the holiday weekend. 

It always takes a month or two for the calls to roll in after the start of a new school year. Ah well... $40 easy money.


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## Mr. H. (Oct 8, 2015)

Mr. H. said:


> Got a call this morning to sub in a 4th grade class. When prompted, I pressed 6 for "prior commitment".
> 
> They don't have an option for "hangover".
> 
> ...


Don't know if I mentioned this already, but I did end up taking a job in the 4th grade. I figured what the hell. 
I was so glad that I did. I forgot how damn cute and fun those kids can be.


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## Mr. H. (Nov 17, 2015)

I walked into the library this evening on my way to a meeting, when I noticed a couple of kids that looked familiar. I had substituted in their middle school class just yesterday. We all stopped and pointed at each other and then one of them said "best substitute teacher ever". 

Yeah, I got cred on the street too.


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## anotherlife (Nov 18, 2015)

In my senior year at high school, I asked if I could do some substitute teaching and get paid.  Too bad, the principle told me that substitute teachers must be adults.  So much for substitute teaching.  I was really good at my subject though (maths) good enough to teach it.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 8, 2015)

It's what's been keeping me busy of late. 
Subbed today in a new district for the first time. Very nice middle school about 40 minutes from here. Great kids.


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## Mr. H. (Dec 12, 2015)

I showed a video to the middle-schoolers the other day, "The Nixon Years". Which of course covered Watergate. I told them that in fact it wasn't a security guard who discovered the break-in, but Forrest Gump. Some of them got the joke. 

But with another class, I changed the tone a bit. The video included protests against the war and for women's rights as well as gay rights. I asked them if they noticed when the camera panned a big banner of a panther. You could also see some people in the background with raised clinched fists. Some of them were able to name it as the Black Panther Movement. 

I went on to tell them about one of my best college friends, a black guy from East St. Louis, and how we had many honest and frank discussions about race and race relations. I also said how I wished that was how people discussed such issues today... honestly, intelligently, and frankly. They got quiet all of a sudden LOL. 

I hope I don't get fired.


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## Toro (Dec 13, 2015)

You probably will.


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## Mr. H. (Feb 12, 2016)

Earlier this week it was a driver's ed class. I had to watch the same two dated corny films over and over and over...

But it was fun because we had time at the end of each class for me to recount some hair-raising experience during my decades of driving. 

Today I covered for a science teacher. A couple of his classes had 30 students. Oof. One was Cosmology. Before we got started I asked "So, since this is a Cosmetology class are we going to be doing make-up and hair"?


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## Mr. H. (Mar 9, 2016)

Yesterday I had my first fight of the school year. Two eighth graders were going at it really good. They were each landing some decent blows. So I got them separated (without touching either of them), sat one kid down, and took the other to the office. I simply told the principal that there was a fight and that he can get this guy's story and them come get the other one. 

I was very cool and calm. After school I stopped by the office and told the principal my account. He said it matched everyone else's. 

The incident led to the other students asking me if I ever got into fights. So they had fun listening to Mr. H.'s cool school stories LOL.


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## Unkotare (Mar 9, 2016)

Sometimes a lot worse than a little fist fight happens.


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