# HELP! Any of you Computer Guru's?! S.O.S.



## random3434 (Oct 4, 2009)

I bought a new color printer today, keep trying to install it, but it is telling me my computer is not meeting the Ram required to install the program.

It says:

Current is 447 megabytes

Minimum is 512 megabytes

Recommended is 1024


WTH do I do to increase the computers RAM? 

HELP! I'm going crazy! 

Thanks!



{It's an HP Officejet J4580 all in All-in-one}


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## dilloduck (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> I bought a new color printer today, keep trying to install it, but it is telling me my computer is not meeting the Ram required to install the program.
> 
> It says:
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buy some


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

Step 1) Go to Best Buy and buy some ram.

Step 2) Open your computer.

Step 3) Take out old antiquated ram.

Step 4) Install new ram.

Step 5) Close up your computer.

Step 6) Go!


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

Go to crucial.com

Choose "scan my computer" and it will check to see how much RAM you have and how much your computer will allow. Then it will give you the option to purchase.

I purchased from this company because I found the RAM they were selling was competitive with other prices. But once you find out what you need, you can shop around.

Make sure once you have purchased your new RAM, that you find a _*MAN*_ that can install it.

BTW...what printer did you purchase (or steal)?

EDIT: I see you mentioned the printer.


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

xotoxi said:


> Go to crucial.com
> 
> Choose "scan my computer" and it will check to see how much RAM you have and how much your computer will allow. Then it will give you the option to purchase.
> 
> ...



Male chauvinist pig.


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## Diuretic (Oct 4, 2009)

Xotoxi meant "male."  Everyone knows only a fourteen-year old lad can do this stuff.


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

Dis said:


> xotoxi said:
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Instead of saying "male chauvinist pig", couldn't you just say "chauvinist hog" and it would save you some keystrokes?


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## random3434 (Oct 4, 2009)

So wait a minute, I have to go BUY some RAM? WHY?


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## dilloduck (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> So wait a minute, I have to go BUY some RAM? WHY?



You could stand out front and beg ---


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> So wait a minute, I have to go BUY some RAM? WHY?



Because you bought your computer at least 100 years ago and have done nothing to upgrade it in the last 99 years?


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## random3434 (Oct 4, 2009)

Dis said:


> Echo Zulu said:
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> > So wait a minute, I have to go BUY some RAM? WHY?
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It's an Acer. I bought it at Circut City in May of 2007. Yeah, it's a piece of *%$#


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## dilloduck (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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get a rich boyfriend---quick


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## random3434 (Oct 4, 2009)

dilloduck said:


> Echo Zulu said:
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Let me just jet right over to Afghanistan, I'll be back shortly!


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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There's an up side to that, and a down side to that.

The up side: You won't need any ram.

THe down side: You'll need a babysitter.


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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How to Add RAM - Cyberwalker.com


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## sitarro (Oct 4, 2009)

Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?


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## Said1 (Oct 4, 2009)

Sitarro, how do I get the web cam to work with the Imac. It says it won't work with system 10, but shouldn't have a higher OP system higher than that? It's brand new (not mine).


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## Shogun (Oct 4, 2009)

sitarro said:


> Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?



yes, that is exactly what that means.  I wouldn't wipe my mexican chilli explosion asshole with a mac.  Go rub on your single button mouse, computer failure.


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## sitarro (Oct 4, 2009)

Shogun said:


> sitarro said:
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> > Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?
> ...



You're not very current on Apple products are you Shogun? I have a wireless "Mighty Mouse" by Apple. It has the action of 5 buttons plus a ball on the top that allows you to navigate your pointer left, right, up and down........ easily the best mouse I have ever used.


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

You two really ought to be proud of yourselves for fastest thread derailed by insignificant bullshit.. If you didn't have anything helpful to add, you *could* have just STFU and moved on.


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## sitarro (Oct 4, 2009)

Said1 said:


> Sitarro, how do I get the web cam to work with the Imac. It says it won't work with system 10, but shouldn't have a higher OP system higher than that? It's brand new (not mine).



What are you doing with the camera? I haven't used mine, I'm sure it shouldn't be hard to use. OSX is the latest OS, the latest version is 10.6 Snow Leopard.        

The camera does work with iMovie...... open and go to file .......... import from camera. A new box will open up and in the lower left hand corner will be a selection for camera........ click on built-in isight. When you hit capture, you will begin a movie of yourself.

It also comes up in ichat, you need an account with one of a number of groups to use that.

I'm sure there are other ways to access it but I don't know them.


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## sitarro (Oct 4, 2009)

Dis said:


> You two really ought to be proud of yourselves for fastest thread derailed by insignificant bullshit.. If you didn't have anything helpful to add, you *could* have just STFU and moved on.



Really???? Who gives a shit dis? What have you added to this thread. These imaginary rules of "thread etiquette" are really cute and all but really, you fuck up threads every time you post on them.


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## Dis (Oct 4, 2009)

sitarro said:


> Dis said:
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> > You two really ought to be proud of yourselves for fastest thread derailed by insignificant bullshit.. If you didn't have anything helpful to add, you *could* have just STFU and moved on.
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Quick instructions, and a legitimate link, puppy.  Which is a far cry better than your attempted slam at anything that isn't a Mac.


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## Xenophon (Oct 4, 2009)

EZ, RAM looks like long thin black wafers:







They fit into slots on your PC's motherboard.

There are different kinds, do not just buy 'any' RAM it may not be compatible.

To add RAM, you have to open the PC case, remove the old RAM from the slots and install the new. Most PCs run best if you have two equal amounts of ram, one to a channel (the dual arrangment makes for smoother running).

Be VERY CAREFUL if you open the case, if you touch the board or the chips and have a static charge you can fry them and ruin your PC. 

If you are not PC savy take it to someone like Geek squad and let them do the work, it will cost more but you will be sure you didn't mess it up.


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## KittenKoder (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> So wait a minute, I have to go BUY some RAM? WHY?



If you have a USB port free on the computer you can get a pen drive and configure the computer to use it as extended RAM ....



.... if you were using Linux it's easy, Windoze not so easy.


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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The RAMs in Afghanistan are too hairy.


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

sitarro said:


> Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?


 
This is all I remember about macs:


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

Shogun said:


> sitarro said:
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> > Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?
> ...


 
Single mouse button 

It would be like having one hole through which you shit, piss, have sex, and eat.


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## xotoxi (Oct 4, 2009)

Xenophon said:


> EZ, RAM looks like long thin black wafers:
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Do we really need to bring family into this conversation?

Especially something as graphic as inserting long black things into a bored mother's slots.


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> I bought a new color printer today, keep trying to install it, but it is telling me my computer is not meeting the Ram required to install the program.
> 
> It says:
> 
> ...



From one computer dummy to another(?), I would suggest that you delete the old print programs and see if that frees up some RAM. That was the problem with the last printer I bought, and realized I still had two old programs taking up space.

That said, printers in general suck. When I worked full-time, most of the problems the staff encountered that required a computer tech to fix concerned the printers. It's amazing the number of them that wound up at the recycling center because after a few months they began acting up and just weren't worth the trouble, so the company would simply replace them with more dogs. We tried everything: HPs, Canons, Epsen, Kodak and reliability was always a problem.

The last one that went goofy from my home was the last time I have even had a printer. Now when I need a hard copy, which is rare, I just forward it on to either my office to print or my next-door neighbor to print out for me.


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## KittenKoder (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo, one thing, how much on board RAM do you have (ie the total)? If you have enough on board RAM reboot your computer in "safe mode" (assuming it's Windoze), in Windoze that's the lowest possible memory used. If that doesn't offer enough free RAM for installation then you'll have no choice but to upgrade your OS (to Linux) or your on board RAM (what everyone else already recommended).


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## PLYMCO_PILGRIM (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> I bought a new color printer today, keep trying to install it, but it is telling me my computer is not meeting the Ram required to install the program.
> 
> It says:
> 
> ...



This might help you with upgrading your RAM Hack Attack: How to install RAM - DIY - Lifehacker


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


> From one computer dummy to another(?), I would suggest that you delete the old print programs and see if that frees up some RAM.


This is a good suggestion. There is actually a utility I believe, in Windows that finds this type of stuff and clears it up.


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## Shogun (Oct 5, 2009)

post the model number of your pc, or the motherboard model, and someone will tell you what ram to buy.  If you are rocking 256mb and take Koder's ubuntu advice all you are doing is putting a band aid on a hemorrhaging wound.  Just so you know, installing ubuntu doesn't make 256 mb of ram perform like 8 fucking gigs of ram even if the zombies let you assume as much.  sometimes, ram goes bad and needs to be replaced.  I'm a little unsurprised that our local experts didn't mention this already.


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## KittenKoder (Oct 5, 2009)

Shogun said:


> post the model number of your pc, or the motherboard model, and someone will tell you what ram to buy.  If you are rocking 256mb and take Koder's ubuntu advice all you are doing is putting a band aid on a hemorrhaging wound.  Just so you know, installing ubuntu doesn't make 256 mb of ram perform like 8 fucking gigs of ram even if the zombies let you assume as much.  sometimes, ram goes bad and needs to be replaced.  I'm a little unsurprised that our local experts didn't mention this already.



Okay, now I know you work for a MS brainwashed company, no sane person who knows anything about computers would say anything like that. You also didn't even read what Echo was asking.


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## Diuretic (Oct 5, 2009)

sitarro said:


> Hmmmm, with all of the MACs I have owned, I just plug the printer in and print, never had a problem......... come to think of it, I have never had a problem with any of my MACs, no one that I know with a MAC has ever had a problem either.......... I guess that means they suck, right?



Sorry to burst the bubble, I know one person who had a lot of problems with one.  Got a new one, that seems to be fine though.


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## Diuretic (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo could always just bring the box in and get the shop to inspect it and fit the extra RAM right?


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## Big Black Dog (Oct 5, 2009)

xotoxi said:


> Go to crucial.com
> 
> Choose "scan my computer" and it will check to see how much RAM you have and how much your computer will allow. Then it will give you the option to purchase.
> 
> ...



I have always thought it was pretty delightful for a lady to help me out with the ram...


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## Shogun (Oct 5, 2009)

KittenKoder said:


> Shogun said:
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> > post the model number of your pc, or the motherboard model, and someone will tell you what ram to buy.  If you are rocking 256mb and take Koder's ubuntu advice all you are doing is putting a band aid on a hemorrhaging wound.  Just so you know, installing ubuntu doesn't make 256 mb of ram perform like 8 fucking gigs of ram even if the zombies let you assume as much.  sometimes, ram goes bad and needs to be replaced.  I'm a little unsurprised that our local experts didn't mention this already.
> ...



I invite you to point out EXACTLY what you think was so taboo.  the fact that you assumed expertise without nary a fucking specific example just another layer of hilarity upon your zombification.


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## Shogun (Oct 5, 2009)

ps.

Why CIOs are saying no to Macs - Software - Breaking Business and Technology News at silicon.com


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


> MaggieMae said:
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> > From one computer dummy to another(?), I would suggest that you delete the old print programs and see if that frees up some RAM.
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Why thank you, MM. A few nice words from you can make my day. Now I'll try to be nice to you for a day too. In Windows, Echo can find the add/delete programs function right on her desktop under "Control Panel" and it will list all of them. 

Hugs,
MM


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


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I don't worry about making people's day or even making them feel wanted. But I also do not withhold praise of a good point, even when the person making the good point is a dishonest airhead moonbat. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then!


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


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Shit. Now ya got me cryin' agin.


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


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STOP.

READ.

Find where you were mentioned in my post. You weren't. Did I say you were a dishonest airhead moonbat? No.

Why do you wear the shoe if it doesn't fit?


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## Intense (Oct 5, 2009)

When ever I buy anything new I go straight to the company web-site for the drivers before installing anything. I've always done well with HP Printers. I foolishly went to HP on my last computer. It's okay, but allot of disappointments. My Gateways weren't bad. One Dell Laptop. One Apple Lap Top My daughter has had her share of issues with.


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


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Oh I see, "the person" wasn't meant to include me. And I'm _so_ glad I might *not* be an airhead, a moonbat, or dishonest in your esteemed opinion. 
Whew. I was worried there for a minute


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


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It was one of those "if the shoe fits" kinda deals, hence the little badgrin emoticon.

See how much fun we had?


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## xsited1 (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


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So MM thinks MM is a "dishonest airhead moonbat" that's blind.


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

xsited1 said:


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I would never say that about Mountain Man!


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## xsited1 (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


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But I bet EZ would.


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## Midnight Marauder (Oct 5, 2009)

xsited1 said:


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No bet!

But there sure are a hell of alot of MM's here!


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Midnight Marauder said:


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## xsited1 (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


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You two are a match made in message board heaven.  Have you set a date?


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## random3434 (Oct 5, 2009)

Why all of a sudden am I craving this?


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## MaggieMae (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> Why all of a sudden am I craving this?




*Please!! *Satisfy your craving, then come back and tell us if you fixed your computer problem!!


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## random3434 (Oct 5, 2009)

MaggieMae said:


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I will, I'm going to go eat some pasta and a nice spinach salad I made for dinner, then try your advice first and hope that works! 

Thanks!


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## random3434 (Oct 5, 2009)

And a big Thank Youto all who gave me advice. I'm going to try one thing at a time, Maggie's seems the easiest at the moment!


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## PLYMCO_PILGRIM (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> Why all of a sudden am I craving this?



oh someone found the special smoke :


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## random3434 (Oct 5, 2009)

PLYMCO_PILGRIM said:


> Echo Zulu said:
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More like PMS. 


PS-Sorry Maggie, it didn't work. 

The next advice I took was from Dis. I went to the website she linked and ordered some RAM, it should be here in a few days. Now if THAT doesn't work.....................


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## KittenKoder (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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Did you try a "safe" boot yet?


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## random3434 (Oct 5, 2009)

KittenKoder said:


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Not yet. Are they size 9?


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## KittenKoder (Oct 5, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


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Okay ...


.... *that* was funny, you owe me a new keyboard and damn coffee hurts through the nose. 

Anyhow, open your "shutdown" menu, there should be a "safe boot" selection (not sure what the exact label is). Normally you would use it to get rid of viruses, but it boots with only the kernel and required drivers, using a lot less RAM. You may be able to install it in that mode, then just reboot back to normal.


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## Intense (Oct 5, 2009)

Are you installing drivers from a disc or from the manufacturers web site?

Better to download from the web site, more current.


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## MaggieMae (Oct 6, 2009)

Echo -- if all else fails, return the printer and do with less features, thus less RAM required. No? I assume it does everything but splash cold water on you when you're tired. Ask yourself if you _really really really _need a FAX these days, or even a copier (which in my experience will run through ink cartridges at light-speed).


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## Diuretic (Oct 6, 2009)

My laser printer cartridge ran out.  I need to get a new one but I'm dragging my feet on it.  Anyway I had to write a letter the other day, I'm wandering around moaning about no cartridge in the printer.  Mrs D, "why don't you get a pen and paper and write it?"

Oh, yes of course, we used to do that didn't we?


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## KittenKoder (Oct 6, 2009)

Diuretic said:


> My laser printer cartridge ran out.  I need to get a new one but I'm dragging my feet on it.  Anyway I had to write a letter the other day, I'm wandering around moaning about no cartridge in the printer.  Mrs D, "why don't you get a pen and paper and write it?"
> 
> Oh, yes of course, we used to do that didn't we?



What is this "pen" and "paper" you speak of?


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## MaggieMae (Oct 6, 2009)

Diuretic said:


> My laser printer cartridge ran out.  I need to get a new one but I'm dragging my feet on it.  Anyway I had to write a letter the other day, I'm wandering around moaning about no cartridge in the printer.  Mrs D, "why don't you get a pen and paper and write it?"
> 
> Oh, yes of course, we used to do that didn't we?



Chuckling... Been there too. Yes, those situations are a hassle. What a spoiled, lazy lot we've become. My old computer only took the 4X4(?) floppies for backup, and I recall one day loading a 2-page letter, taking the disk to the library and running a copy on one of their printers. All because I couldn't be bothered hand-writing the damned thing. I convinced myself I 'needed' to check out their video library anyway.


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## Intense (Oct 6, 2009)

LOL. I still do hand Ledgers for Business. My accountant Whom I see every Spring gets a kick out of them.


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## Diuretic (Oct 6, 2009)

If you saw my handwriting you'd be convinced I was brought up in the jungle by a tribe of wolves...


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## random3434 (Oct 6, 2009)

My daughter and myself still write hand written thank you notes, does that count?


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## MaggieMae (Oct 6, 2009)

Diuretic said:


> If you saw my handwriting you'd be convinced I was brought up in the jungle by a tribe of wolves...



Mine has gotten pretty bad over the last ten years or so. I used to rattle off 10 pages completely legible, but maybe it's for lack of doing it habitually anymore that my words (especially long ones) seem to trail off into obliv..............._ionnnnnn......._


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## MaggieMae (Oct 6, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> My daughter and myself still write hand written thank you notes, does that count?



Absolutely. And Christmas and birthday cards.


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## random3434 (Oct 7, 2009)

OK friends. The UPS guy just delivered my RAM ( no dirty jokes please) and I have a question for you all.




WTH DO I DO NOW??????????????????


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## xsited1 (Oct 7, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> OK friends. The UPS guy just delivered my RAM ( no dirty jokes please) and I have a question for you all.
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Here's one site.  There are many.

Hack Attack: How to install RAM - DIY - Lifehacker


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## MaggieMae (Oct 7, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> OK friends. The UPS guy just delivered my RAM ( no dirty jokes please) and I have a question for you all.
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Follow the directions _verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry_ carefully. Good luck!


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## KittenKoder (Oct 7, 2009)

Special note, try not to touch any of the expose metal parts ... or you may wind up wasting your money.


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## Dis (Oct 7, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> OK friends. The UPS guy just delivered my RAM ( no dirty jokes please) and I have a question for you all.
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Stand outside naked until one of those little yellow "Geek Squad" cars drives by - jump in front of his car, and yell "STOP!  I need you to open my case, and slide my RAM in!"

They'll likely do it for free.


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## Xenophon (Oct 8, 2009)

Echo Zulu said:


> OK friends. The UPS guy just delivered my RAM ( no dirty jokes please) and I have a question for you all.
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I sugest you reread what Xenophon said, as he told you what to do.


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## Ringel05 (Oct 8, 2009)

This may not look exactly like your motherboard but what you have will be similar.






Here's a video.  Ignore the steps you've already done.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiFIgSQOY7g&feature=player_embedded"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiFIgSQOY7g&feature=player_embedded[/ame]


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