Anything Goes Humor

[Hossfly]

 

[Hossfly]

 

[bluzman61]

My brother told me a funny, but sick, joke today. I THINK I had heard it already, here it is - What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The TASTE....

 

[bluzman61]

OK, here's an original riddle/joke of mine that actually got printed in Maxim magazine many moons ago, but I didn't win anything unfortunately. Here 'tis - Q : How are Dracula's mistress and an aging prizefighter alike? A : They both go DOWN for the COUNT!

 

[bluzman61]

How are brilliant ideas and Einstein masturbating alike? They're both STROKES of (a) GENIUS! OK, THIS one NEVER saw print anywhere.

 

[Hossfly]

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

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funny and agree

 

[Hossfly]

 

[Hossfly]

 

[bluzman61]

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Good one, Hoss! Thanks for the post. I told my sister the joke you posted, I believe a few days back, about the guy and his three wishes which involves lawyers. I think it's one of the best jokes I've ever heard, however, my sister didn't find it funny at all. She IS a bit humor-challenged.

 

[bluzman61]

Here's a wedding joke for y'all - Why did the mysterious lady use a strange name during her wedding ceremony? Because she wanted to use her ALTAR ego.......

 

[bluzman61]

Another wedding joke for you - Why did the MELON refuse to run away with his bride and skip the wedding ceremony? Because he CAN'T ELOPE.....

 

[bluzman61]

OK, one more church themed joke and I won't subject you to any more - Why was the trouble making fellow banned from attending future church services? Because he was a pain in the APSE....... That's it, no more awful jokes, at least for tonight. If you have ANY complaints about these jokes, please call 1-800-FOK-YUUU. We have people standing by, well, actually SITTING by, who may or may not take your call. Depending on their mood. Anywho, Thank Ewe very much for your time and a have a spooktacular evening. And unfortunately for you, I WILL be here ALL week.....

 

[the other mike]

 

[the other mike]

#2 "Don't seek happiness. Happiness is like an orgasm.....if you think
about it too much, it goes away."

 

[Mindful]

We all need a laugh during these bonkers times.

 

[Erinwltr]

Every week, Manny entered the state lottery hoping to win; he never did. Finally, he prayed vigorously and, hoping for God's message, he walked around the local fairground. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing by Nadine's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 tattooed on each of her butt cheeks. He bet on 77, as he thought God had given him a sign. Sadly, he lost again.



The winning number was 707.



Moral of the story; Never under estimate the importance of assholes in your life.

 

[progressive hunter]

Every week, Manny entered the state lottery hoping to win; he never did. Finally, he prayed vigorously and, hoping for God's message, he walked around the local fairground. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing by Nadine's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 tattooed on each of her butt cheeks. He bet on 77, as he thought God had given him a sign. Sadly, he lost again.



The winning number was 707.



Moral of the story; Never under estimate the importance of assholes in your life.

I wanted to get an M tattooed on each of my ass cheeks so when I bent over it said MOM and when I threw my legs in the air it said WOW

 

[progressive hunter]

Here's a wedding joke for y'all - Why did the mysterious lady use a strange name during her wedding ceremony? Because she wanted to use her ALTAR ego.......

did you hear the one about the newly wed cpl that didnt know the difference between window caulk and Vaseline???

,
.
,
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all their windows fell out,,,

 

[progressive hunter]

Every week, Manny entered the state lottery hoping to win; he never did. Finally, he prayed vigorously and, hoping for God's message, he walked around the local fairground. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing by Nadine's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 tattooed on each of her butt cheeks. He bet on 77, as he thought God had given him a sign. Sadly, he lost again.



The winning number was 707.



Moral of the story; Never under estimate the importance of assholes in your life.

my wife just informed me that manny had it all wrong,,
it wasnt a 707 it was LOL for when she threw her legs in the air,,,