I really really despise men at this point in my life!!!

[Joz]

Why are women attracked "bad boys"? Nice guys are always shuffled off to the side. They're not "exciting".

That's not entirely true. SOME women do go for that kind. I am one who hasn't/doesn't/won't. If a man is not respectful from the get-go he is, in KL's words... 'dismissed'. Not that I am rude or anything of the like, I just realize it's gonna stay right where it's at.

People can also misrepresent themselves. Too many times a person is not what they profess to be. I don't mean when time changes a person. I 've seen actual personality changes in people after they've said "I do". Really creepy.

And love also blinds us to those little early warning signs. We really like this person, they make us laugh, he has a good job, blah, blah. So what if he/she just____________. "It's not all that bad", "I can change them", "It'll be different after we're married", "They really didn't mean to". We want it to be romantic not so clinical.

 

[Sandy73]

It's a hard thing to do. Who can really see the future. I don't blame you or anything else. It sounds as though you two have grown in different directions.

I'd end it.

Finally ! A man's opinion that I agree with ! :teeth: :happy2: :scratch: :bat:

 

[krisy]

I just wanted to chime in here. I am khafley's sister in law,married to her bro-Wolfsblood(obviously)! Her arguement is legit,I will tell you that. Her husband can be a nice guy,he really can-and turn around 5 minutes later and be chewing her ass out for something totally ridiculous and that isn't such a big deal. I have been with Wolfsboold for over 11 years now,which means I have known these 2 for 11 years and I have seen a lot. It makes me sad to see this happening,but this guy can go off at anything. khaf literally puts his dinner in front of him,does EVERYTHING and I mean everything with the boys and does ALL the housework. She has also worked off and on and still done all this alone. Her husband has chewed her out COUNTLESS times in front of me,Wolfsblood,the kids(mine and theirs),her mom and dad. When I say chewed out,I mean yelling at the top of his lungs-in front of many guests!!!! He makes a complete ass of himself and once in a while I might work up the nerve to step in and say something or somweone else will just to break the ice.
I understand the marriage vowels and all that as well,but one can only take being yelled at so long. It makes me sad to see this going on. I would love to see the 2 of them stay together,but at the same time it would be really hard for him to change his ways being that he acts just like his father did when he growing up. Now, even though I am family,that doesn't mean I know everything,but NO ONE and I mean no one deserves the yellings at that khaf gets. Especially in front of other people!!!!! That is a total sign of disrespect. He does work hard at work,but his life is not planned around his family's in any way. He literally comes and goes as if he were single-no doubt about it. My biggest problem with him personally is all the yelling. It embarasses her,and everyone else sitting there having to listen to it.

And to whoever said it(I think d)-there is nothing wrong with a guy wanting dinner,but for shit sakes!!! She is dealing with kids all day,sometimes trying to work,get the kids to the doctor,pay the bills,and keep the house clean for his royal ass! I make my hubby dinner every night,but I don't make the plate and sit it down in front of him and he is fine with that-you know why?!!! Because he knows I am tired too and has some respect for that. His live revolves around our family as does mine. And that getting the bath ready crap-right!!! If he was sick yes-but most mom's are just trying to get the kids in the tub and should not need to worry about a 37 year old man!!!! I work part time,keep the house damn clean,do most of the care of the kids,but when I need to step out for a mental break for just a few,my hubby is there-and that is the way it should be.

Bottom line-I don't want them to get a divorce,but at the very least-he needs to stop yelling at her -especially in front of the kids!!!! He also has to learn about respect for your partners feelings.

 

[Joz]

Her husband has chewed her out COUNTLESS times in front of me,Wolfsblood,the kids(mine and theirs),her mom and dad. When I say chewed out,I mean yelling at the top of his lungs-in front of many guests!!!!

I understand Kaf and why she pulls in her horns.
And for the most part, I believe that problems between spouses should be worked out between them without outsiders. And, too, people don't want to get 'involved'.

Well, someone needs to do something. This man is in need of some serious help. NO ONE should be treated like she's being treated. Just because it's always been yelling doesn't mean at some point it won't turn to hitting. Think of the influence on these children, the damage it's doing. Dad or no dad, get them away from this man.

 

[Sandy73]

I understand Kaf and why she pulls in her horns.
And for the most part, I believe that problems between spouses should be worked out between them without outsiders. And, too, people don't want to get 'involved'.

Well, someone needs to do something. This man is in need of some serious help. NO ONE should be treated like she's being treated. Just because it's always been yelling doesn't mean at some point it won't turn to hitting. Think of the influence on these children, the damage it's doing. Dad or no dad, get them away from this man.

I am with you on this one too Joz.. This is the crap that keeps a abuse cycle continous ! Mental and Verbal abuse is far worse than physical ! The bruises heal but it takes much longer for the mind to heal ! :crutch:

 

[dmp]

Do you reciprocate-in-kind when your husband hurls insults, etc?

 

[Trinity]

Do you reciprocate-in-kind when your husband hurls insults, etc?

Actually I try to refrain from that, I'm not going to lower myself to his level. However the key word here is try I am not always succesful so yes at times when the kids are outside and can't hear i let him have it back with both barrels.

oops didnt read that right, no I usually just try to ignore him until his steam runs out.

 

[Trinity]

I am with you on this one too Joz.. This is the crap that keeps a abuse cycle continous ! Mental and Verbal abuse is far worse than physical ! The bruises heal but it takes much longer for the mind to heal ! :crutch:

I so agree with you on this., but I must say when he hurls insults, I know better and I don't really give a rat's ass what he thinks, so his verbal and mental abuse just is not working on me!!! maybe thats why he gets so mad because I don't cower down when he screams. I just go in the other room laughing to myself about how ignorant he sounds and looks and he has no clue!

 

[krisy]

Actually I try to refrain from that, I'm not going to lower myself to his level. However the key word here is try I am not always succesful so yes at times when the kids are outside and can't hear i let him have it back with both barrels.

oops didnt read that right, no I usually just try to ignore him until his steam runs out.

You do a good job at letting him blow and just make an ass of himself. I can definitely tell you ladies,(and someguys)-you would not takethis crap from your spouse. Like she said,he almost seems bi polar something. He can be a truly nice guy at times. For instance,when I was pregnant with my son,he came into the pet store that I worked at. Him and his buddy wanted some fish on the top row. It was hard for me to reach and he insisted they get them so I didn't have to reach up being 8 months prego and it was difficult. I have seen other kind acts too. For some reason though,he just blows a gasket out of nowhere sometimes. When Wolf and I started dating,I asked him why he doesn't step in. He said he tried to once and both of them yelled at him,so now he stays out of it,but I see him getting aggravated when we are at their house and her hubby starts with her. Now,sometimes mom in law will say something and I just want to crack up!!!!!!!!

 

[dmp]

Maybe he IS bipolar? Think he'd be up for a check up?

 

[freeandfun1]

More than likely he has a personality disorder. I am very close to somebody with one and it is very similar to being bi-polar. Severe depression usually accompanies a bi-polar disorder, so if he is not depressed, it is more likely he has a personality disorder and therefore, you better get out of the marriage cuz drugs ain't gonna help him.

 

[dmp]

More than likely he has a personality disorder. I am very close to somebody with one and it is very similar to being bi-polar. Severe depression usually accompanies a bi-polar disorder, so if he is not depressed, it is more likely he has a personality disorder and therefore, you better get out of the marriage cuz drugs ain't gonna help him.

do you realize what you just wrote?


"He's ill! He'll probably not get better! You'd better divorce him!"

wow.

 

[krisy]

do you realize what you just wrote?


"He's ill! He'll probably not get better! You'd better divorce him!"

wow.

Out of curiousity d,what do you suggest if he doesn't want help?

 

[freeandfun1]

do you realize what you just wrote?


"He's ill! He'll probably not get better! You'd better divorce him!"

wow.

Yes, I do know what I wrote. I lived with somebody with a personality disorder and it was HELL. No medication will fix it. It is like living with an alcoholic that won't admit they have a problem. If that is what is wrong with him (and that is what it sounds like) then I suggest she get out. Especially if she has kids. Does she want her kids to grow up just like him? Most likely, they will. Personality disorders are generally passed from parents to child and they continue on and on and until somebody admits they have a problem and seeks help. The problem is, part of the problem with personality disorders is that the person suffering from it, does not think they are wrong. They believe that everything they do is right as that is how they grew up and you ain't gonna change that.

I bet if you asked her, she will admit she knew he was a selfish ass before she married him. I might be wrong, but I am thinking not. She probably knew it and just didn't or wouldn't admit it to herself.

 

[dmp]

Out of curiousity d,what do you suggest if he doesn't want help?

First - make sure he's 'sick', not just an 'asshole'
Secondly - make sure he doesn't want help.
Thridly - it's your call...you need to judge for yourself about how important your 'vow' is. You'll need to decide if it's a better example to your kids that you honor your committment or get out, so they don't think it's 'normal' for a husband to be an asshole to his wife. You'll need to decide if thru Prayer and Counseling you can live with him as-is. God works on people's hearts. God's worked on mine - Instead of leaving my wife, I'm coming to terms with her not liking my doting over her; affection, romance, cuddling, and junk. I used to feel confused over the question "Is it doing more harm that my little girl thinks Daddy's are SUPPOSED to sleep on the couch" or would it be worse if I just left her Mommy to find somebody else. It's a VERY tough call.

Perhaps by 'your' example of faithfullness, your husband will come around. Get plugged into a church. Pray. God has affected change on 'worse' men than your husband.

 

[dmp]

Yes, I do know what I wrote. I lived with somebody with a personality disorder and it was HELL. No medication will fix it. It is like living with an alcoholic that won't admit they have a problem. If that is what is wrong with him (and that is what it sounds like) then I suggest she get out. Especially if she has kids. Does she want her kids to grow up just like him? Most likely, they will. Personality disorders are generally passed from parents to child and they continue on and on and until somebody admits they have a problem and seeks help. The problem is, part of the problem with personality disorders is that the person suffering from it, does not think they are wrong. They believe that everything they do is right as that is how they grew up and you ain't gonna change that.

I bet if you asked her, she will admit she knew he was a selfish ass before she married him. I might be wrong, but I am thinking not. She probably knew it and just didn't or wouldn't admit it to herself.

If they are passed-on from parents to kids, leaving her husband won't change what her kids may already have.

 

[Trinity]

Maybe he IS bipolar? Think he'd be up for a check up?

No, tried that aproach read everything on it I could find. I believe he is bi polar I also am starting to think my youngest son may also be bi polar. SCARY!

 

[Trinity]

do you realize what you just wrote?


"He's ill! He'll probably not get better! You'd better divorce him!"

wow.

:rotflmao:

 

[Trinity]

Yes, I do know what I wrote. I lived with somebody with a personality disorder and it was HELL. No medication will fix it. It is like living with an alcoholic that won't admit they have a problem. If that is what is wrong with him (and that is what it sounds like) then I suggest she get out. Especially if she has kids. Does she want her kids to grow up just like him? Most likely, they will. Personality disorders are generally passed from parents to child and they continue on and on and until somebody admits they have a problem and seeks help. The problem is, part of the problem with personality disorders is that the person suffering from it, does not think they are wrong. They believe that everything they do is right as that is how they grew up and you ain't gonna change that.

I bet if you asked her, she will admit she knew he was a selfish ass before she married him. I might be wrong, but I am thinking not. She probably knew it and just didn't or wouldn't admit it to herself.

\


yes he was a selfish ass and no I wouldn't admit it then.


thats excactly what he thinks he is always right!

 

[Mr. P]

He can be a truly nice guy at times.

So was my Dad..Great guy, everyone liked him...The only problem was he beat
the hell outta my mom several times a week.

My Mothers mistake was staying with him.

Hopefully khafley hasn't seen physical abuse yet, but my bet is she has.
If not, from what she has posted, she will..It's just a matter of when.

So, khafley, my advise to you if I may be so bold to give it is this....
Take some positive action to change your situation. I think you've started here
so don't stop now. You may end with divorce, but it's better than living in hell, especially for the children. Believe me.

Just the opinion of someone that grew up in a similar situation.