The Death of Good Manners - OR - Were These People Raised by Wolves?

[Dis]

Some people do that intentionally. They skip the funeral, errrr ... wedding ceremony and just show up for the party after.

I find that tacky, unless you were specifically invited in that fashion, or had some reason you simply couldn't make the wedding. Also, if you must do such a thing, you should at least bring a present. None of these people did.

Totally classless. There are people out there that were not brought up with good manners. You can't go wrong underestimating people.

In this day and age, sadly, people have to be reminded explicitly not to be tardy, that formal attire is required. Although, I don't know how you can tactfully say that they have to bring a present...

If I was at that wedding, I would have been chagrined to see people dressed in jeans. Young people now-a-days have the mistaken belief that dressing like you don't care is cool. To me it shows a lack of respect and laziness as well. I'm just wondering if the people who dressed in jeans and didn't bring presents were even close to the bride and groom. And if they were, I am also wondering if the bride and groom expected this sort of behavior.

You ask about people close to the bride and groom...

You forgetting the people that just invite scores of people so they can get more "stuff"? Of a wedding for 350 people, how many of those 350 people do you actually think are "close"?

 

[strollingbones]

okay let me be clearer...i aint dressing up to go to no fucking zoo...where some damn monkey is jacking off or tossing feces at me....you want a formal wedding and all....do a formal venue...i am sick of spending 500 or more to go to weddings....by the time you do this shower and that shower blah blah blah.....then formal dress etc...i will just stay home

 

[strollingbones]

and fuck a bunch of presents when most of the time the couple's kids are the flower girls and ring bearer

 

[PoliticalChic]

I find that tacky, unless you were specifically invited in that fashion, or had some reason you simply couldn't make the wedding. Also, if you must do such a thing, you should at least bring a present. None of these people did.

Totally classless. There are people out there that were not brought up with good manners. You can't go wrong underestimating people.

In this day and age, sadly, people have to be reminded explicitly not to be tardy, that formal attire is required. Although, I don't know how you can tactfully say that they have to bring a present...

If I was at that wedding, I would have been chagrined to see people dressed in jeans. Young people now-a-days have the mistaken belief that dressing like you don't care is cool. To me it shows a lack of respect and laziness as well. I'm just wondering if the people who dressed in jeans and didn't bring presents were even close to the bride and groom. And if they were, I am also wondering if the bride and groom expected this sort of behavior.

You ask about people close to the bride and groom...

You forgetting the people that just invite scores of people so they can get more "stuff"? Of a wedding for 350 people, how many of those 350 people do you actually think are "close"?

I don't think it's about the presents since not everyone gives a present that is equivalent to how much it cost the bride and groom to have him/her there. I'm not a big fan of lavish weddings, but if someone goes to the trouble of having a party and inviting you, you should pay attention to the time and the attire you wear. You don't have to bring an expensive gift, a written poem dedicated to the bride and groom would be better than a purchased gift.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Sometimes I am just appalled at how ill-mannered and socially clueless people have become. While I have no desire to return to a world where it's taboo to wear white after Labor Day and such, it stuns me how little sense of common courtesy and appropriateness people seem to have.

Case in point (and the reason for this rant): I attended a wedding over the weekend. It was held at the zoo in a special reception area they rent out with a patio overlooking beautiful pool filled with flowers, ducks, and flamingos and an glass wall overlooking some of the exhibits. It was a formal wedding, with the groom and groomsmen in tuxedos, the bridal attendants in long gowns, and the bride in an elaborate white dress and veil. It wasn't the most expensive wedding I've ever attended, but the couple spent some bucks on this affair.

Except for the wedding party, members of the bride's and groom's families, and myself, no one bothered to dress nicely for this event. The rest of the guests wore khaki slacks and polo shirts, and some people even showed up in jeans! Not only that, but at 30 minutes past the time that the wedding should have started, only half the people who eventually turned up had even arrived. The minister was late (He had very recently had heart surgery, and had had some related personal difficulties in getting ready, so I can excuse HIS tardiness), but had we been running on time, these charming guests wouldn't have arrived until the reception was already underway.

Now seriously. What sort of barn do you have to be raised in to think it's okay to arrive 30 minutes late, dressed like you just stopped by after your golf game, to a formal wedding? Or quite frankly, to ANY wedding. Hell, my husband and I basically eloped, and the handful of guests we had with us dressed better than that.

Your "reception area" sounds like the zoo cafeteria for one thing.. For another, a "formal" wedding is going to be held in a more "formal" setting.

Since when is a persons attire more important than their presence at such an event?

Also, when you're having the ceremony and the reception in the same place, it stands to reason that those people that have chosen to attend just the reception are going to look "late" to those that have chosen to attend both.

Sounds to me like your panties are twisted just a little too tight. Doesn't sound the least bit formal to me.

There is no "zoo cafeteria". Did you look at the website? No. Did I ask you to decide whether or not the wedding was formal? No. I said it was, and unlike you, I was there. I have been extremely patient with being called a liar, but now I'm not. People hold fancy weddings in outdoor and semi-outdoor venues all the time. Unless the invitation states that they're having a casual wedding and barbecue, you don't show up in jeans.

If you aren't considerate enough to make that much little effort for someone who's shelling out serious bucks, may I ask what makes you think your presence is so all-fired wonderful that they should be thrilled to have you around? I just thought people wandered around acting like boors because they hadn't been raised any better. Now I see that in at least some cases, it's because they're conceited jackasses.

They look late because they ARE late. I'll say it again: unless you were only invited for the reception, or were unavoidably detained (like a doctor on an emergency call or something), it's rude to ignore the event and just show up for the food and booze.

Sounds to ME like you're one of the crass wolf-people I was complaining about. The problem isn't that you don't know how to behave. The problem is that other people expect you to contribute more to the world than just breathing, instead of just being grateful to co-exist with you.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I dont see anything wrong with wearing khaki slacks and polo shirts. Though I wouldnt wear a short sleeve.

Thats my "formal casual" wear. My idea of formal is either a friggin tux or a nice suit. I have the money for neither at this point in my life.

Then you decline the invitation.

 

[Cecilie1200]

LOL @ Reid Park Zoo.

Yeah, khaki slacks and polo shirts were entirely appropriate.

No, they weren't. You weren't there. I was. What it sounds like is that you're another one who thinks good manners are unnecessary because everyone should just be so grateful to have you in their space, and you're trying to make excuses now.

"Outdoor wedding venue" does not mean "casual clothes". The fact that you have to be told that merely emphasizes what I've been saying about people no longer knowing the appropriate way to behave.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Some people do that intentionally. They skip the funeral, errrr ... wedding ceremony and just show up for the party after.

I find that tacky, unless you were specifically invited in that fashion, or had some reason you simply couldn't make the wedding. Also, if you must do such a thing, you should at least bring a present. None of these people did.

Totally classless. There are people out there that were not brought up with good manners. You can't go wrong underestimating people.

In this day and age, sadly, people have to be reminded explicitly not to be tardy, that formal attire is required. Although, I don't know how you can tactfully say that they have to bring a present...

If I was at that wedding, I would have been chagrined to see people dressed in jeans. Young people now-a-days have the mistaken belief that dressing like you don't care is cool. To me it shows a lack of respect and laziness as well. I'm just wondering if the people who dressed in jeans and didn't bring presents were even close to the bride and groom. And if they were, I am also wondering if the bride and groom expected this sort of behavior.

Some of them were from the groom's work, but I don't know who the rest were. And these days, you almost have to expect this sort of behavior.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I find that tacky, unless you were specifically invited in that fashion, or had some reason you simply couldn't make the wedding. Also, if you must do such a thing, you should at least bring a present. None of these people did.

Totally classless. There are people out there that were not brought up with good manners. You can't go wrong underestimating people.

In this day and age, sadly, people have to be reminded explicitly not to be tardy, that formal attire is required. Although, I don't know how you can tactfully say that they have to bring a present...

If I was at that wedding, I would have been chagrined to see people dressed in jeans. Young people now-a-days have the mistaken belief that dressing like you don't care is cool. To me it shows a lack of respect and laziness as well. I'm just wondering if the people who dressed in jeans and didn't bring presents were even close to the bride and groom. And if they were, I am also wondering if the bride and groom expected this sort of behavior.

You ask about people close to the bride and groom...

You forgetting the people that just invite scores of people so they can get more "stuff"? Of a wedding for 350 people, how many of those 350 people do you actually think are "close"?

Well, if you feel you're being exploited, don't go. Assumed tackiness on the part of others doesn't excuse being tacky yourself.

 

[Agnapostate]

In my best manners...Begging your pardon, my good lady, but would you do us the honor of please shutting the fuck up?

 

[RodISHI]

LOL @ Reid Park Zoo.

Yeah, khaki slacks and polo shirts were entirely appropriate.

No, they weren't. You weren't there. I was. What it sounds like is that you're another one who thinks good manners are unnecessary because everyone should just be so grateful to have you in their space, and you're trying to make excuses now.

"Outdoor wedding venue" does not mean "casual clothes". The fact that you have to be told that merely emphasizes what I've been saying about people no longer knowing the appropriate way to behave.

Being late was obviously rude. The couple could have noted on their invites formal or non-formal.

 

[Cecilie1200]

okay let me be clearer...i aint dressing up to go to no fucking zoo...where some damn monkey is jacking off or tossing feces at me....you want a formal wedding and all....do a formal venue...i am sick of spending 500 or more to go to weddings....by the time you do this shower and that shower blah blah blah.....then formal dress etc...i will just stay home

Okay, let ME be clearer. If you can't find it in yourself to behave appropriately, stay the hell home. With your attitude toward the "expense and inconvenience" of having friends, I sincerely doubt you have all that many, anyway. But don't curmudgeon your way in the door, looking like you just got done cleaning the garage, and ruin the occasion for everyone else.

Also, if you don't know any more about the zoo than this, sit down and shut your mouth, because you sound like a fool making comments that are utterly irrelevant to the actual topic and zoo at hand. Completely aside from the fact that people were being invited to a wedding in a building that overlooks a duck pond, not to an outing to tour the zoo, all of Reid Park Zoo's major animal exhibits - including the monkeys - are viewed through safety glass, not bars.

 

[We Are They]

Anyone who goes to a zoo has NO respect for animals. Anyone who holds a wedding at a zoo gets what they deserve.

I once left a wedding before the main course was served. Is that bad manners?

 

[007]

See? That's just disrespectful. Not my fault I'm bored waiting for someone and you keep posting in threads I actually want to post in to.

go get beheaded or something.. it dosen't hurt a bit.

Meh, if you'd been through some of what I have, you'd know what real pain is.

Try having a nickel sized hole drilled into your spine, or have your lung cut open...

 

[random3434]

Anyone who goes to a zoo has NO respect for animals. Anyone who holds a wedding at a zoo gets what they deserve.

I once left a wedding before the main course was served. Is that bad manners?

Was it one of the pets from the zoo? Is that why you left?

 

[editec]

Yeah, I think it's rude, too.

 

[Zoom-boing]

The zoo and an outside setting does not sound formal to me. Maybe they should have let their guests know they wanted to dress in formal attire.

The zoo is a formal setting when you're holding it in an area specifically designed for such things. The ceremony itself was on the patio, overlooking the gorgeous flowers and the flamingos (and the photos were all taken in front of the pool, and should be gorgeous). The reception was in the building the patio was off of, spilling out to the patio. And when people send you a fancy wedding invitation with gold embossing and a little RSVP card, it shouldn't take a genius to figure out that you at least wear your Sunday church clothes.

On the other hand, I've seen people at Sunday church in jeans and flip flops, which is just another example in my eyes of how crass and boorish people have become.

Just to clear this up now, the invitation said specifically that the wedding and reception were in the Conservation Learning Center at the zoo, and here is a link to the zoo's website. It has a small picture of one side of the building where the wedding was held.

Reid Park Zoo, Tucson Zoological Society - content - index

I don't know what the zoos where you folks live are like, but ours has spent a great deal of money on renovations and improvements that make it a really beautiful setting for events like weddings.

People do not care. I once saw a guy in church and he was in his pajamas. Pj bottoms and a wrinkled, long sleeved t-shirt top. And it was Easter Sunday! No, some (many?) people simply do not care anymore.

 

[Dis]

You know, Cecile.. My wedding/reception was about as formal as formal gets (sit down dinner, 3 dinner choices, 1 waitress for every 3 tables (also formally dressed), strolling strings (musicians who walked around playing violins for people during dinner), etc. It doesn't get much more formal than that

Had someone shown up in jeans, and a t-shirt, I'd have been less offended than I would have been with the likes of you preaching your holier than thou bullshit that nobody gives a rats ass about.

Why don't you go bitch to the people who so offended your delicate sensibilities rather than insulting the people here who think you're just an over-inflated bag of wind?

 

[Cecilie1200]

LOL @ Reid Park Zoo.

Yeah, khaki slacks and polo shirts were entirely appropriate.

No, they weren't. You weren't there. I was. What it sounds like is that you're another one who thinks good manners are unnecessary because everyone should just be so grateful to have you in their space, and you're trying to make excuses now.

"Outdoor wedding venue" does not mean "casual clothes". The fact that you have to be told that merely emphasizes what I've been saying about people no longer knowing the appropriate way to behave.

Being late was obviously rude. The couple could have noted on their invites formal or non-formal.

I think that's my point. In a time of good manners, nice clothing would be assumed unless otherwise specifically mentioned. It's a wedding, for crying out loud. By definition, it's a special occasion, and therefore calls for better dress than a beach barbecue.

 

[Cecilie1200]

You know, Cecile.. My wedding/reception was about as formal as formal gets (sit down dinner, 3 dinner choices, 1 waitress for every 3 tables (also formally dressed), strolling strings (musicians who walked around playing violins for people during dinner), etc. It doesn't get much more formal than that

Had someone shown up in jeans, and a t-shirt, I'd have been less offended than I would have been with the likes of you preaching your holier than thou bullshit that nobody gives a rats ass about.

Why don't you go bitch to the people who so offended your delicate sensibilities rather than insulting the people here who think you're just an over-inflated bag of wind?

By the same token, why do YOU insist on showing up and telling me, at length, how much you don't care about anything I have to say? Are you trying to impress me with your elaborate efforts to get my attention so that you can tell me I don't matter to you? Has it occurred to you at all that you would have more luck convincing people of your disdain for me if you didn't follow me around, yapping at my heels?

I'd like to say that I'm sorry that my superiority to you in every way is such a thorn in your side, but I can't do so honestly. The truth is, it amuses me to no end. You came, you tried to defend the indefensible, and you got slapped down for being trashy. The end. Buh bye.