Advice Needed: Birds & Bees

[1549]

Like you, by the time my children were 8, they had the basics down regarding their own sex-proper names, what to expect, changes.

The summer before they started 4th grade, me and my then going on 9 year old, took a ride here, (I know, I'm lucky! ):

http://www.health-ed.org/

There we watched the program film, saw the 'models' which showed insides and out. It's quite comprehensive and if you check around the site, you understand that it's 'age appropriate.' There was no discussion at that point in time about premarital sex, condoms, anal sex, etc. The children were all comfortable and since it was so comprehensive, I didn't have to deal with 'those questions' for at least a week, they had enough answers, they couldn't come up with questions! (I see they've added an AIDs discussion, we missed that!)

What I didn't know at the time I took my daughter, is that their Catholic school and later found out our public schools (with my youngest son), take the 4th graders there for the same program, at the beginning of the year. The same occurs in our school, parents can 'opt out' for their kids, but most seem to like that their children get the basics, can ask questions.

I would say that if you have something like this in your area, utilize it. They gave my daughter a pamphlet on 'periods' and a kit to have, "When you need it." I had already discussed that with her, but she seemed to think it much more 'normal' and less embarrassing when a stranger acted like 'oh well, normal.'

I did follow up with my sons in around 7th grade, about why sex was NOT a good idea, regardless of what others might say. I warned them that others exaggerate and outright lie. I had found a good novel on that, but after searching my son's room, he either has it packed or tossed it. (He is nearly 21!)

My old house was only a few miles from the Robert Crown Center in Hinsdale. I also had to go there on many schoold field trips. Sometimes for Drug education but also for sex info.

 

[Annie]

My old house was only a few miles from the Robert Crown Center in Hinsdale. I also had to go there on many schoold field trips. Sometimes for Drug education but also for sex info.

Hinsdale is a beautiful burb. I always lived in Elmhurst, until moving to Wheaton about 10 years ago. We were neighbors! :teeth:

 

[1549]

Hinsdale is a beautiful burb. I always lived in Elmhurst, until moving to Wheaton about 10 years ago. We were neighbors! :teeth:

I was in Hinsdale's little neighbor, Western Springs. Hinsdale is nice though, there are some huge houses. I am a big fan of Chicago's suburbs. There are a lot of nice towns with good school systems and plenty of conveniences. It was never hard to find a bowling alley either.

 

[Annie]

Birthday parties at the bowling alleys, I used to love them...how many kids are going to have lung problems in the future because of those. I left the parties with a hacking cough, stinky clothing, and a voice that sounded like a 2 pack a day 'nam vet.

I was under the impression that your kids are like 10...I am having a hard time picturing a bunch young kids hanging out at the local pool tables and black jack circles.

Oh no, not 10! The oldest is 24, then 22, then 20, soon to be 21.

 

[Semper Fi]

Watch MTV or BET for about an hour, they'll get it. My parents never had the talk with me, and hopefully never will. I pieced things together as I went.

 

[Annie]

Watch MTV or BET for about an hour, they'll get it. My parents never had the talk with me, and hopefully never will. I pieced things together as I went.

If you had a 'little sister' is that how you would want her to gain her perspective of maturity?

 

[Mr. P]

If you had a 'little sister' is that how you would want her to gain her perspective of maturity?

I think that's how it happens for 99% of the population, male or female.
I asked this question mounths ago in a thread, something like "did your parents ever have the talk?" It seems most never did. My guess is, that's the way it is.

I'd also guess Mom4s daughter knows way more than she thinks she does.

 

[liberalogic]

If you had a 'little sister' is that how you would want her to gain her perspective of maturity?

Do you define maturity as being abstinent?

 

[Semper Fi]

If you had a 'little sister' is that how you would want her to gain her perspective of maturity?

Definately not, that was meant to be a joke. If I had a little sister I wouldn't say anything about it, simply because it isnt my place, and any movies or anything with sexual content would be off whenever she's around. Young women become sluts at an early age, meaning they see the females on MTV and BET and mimick them, or simply dont know anything different; and I wouldnt want that.

 

[Annie]

Definately not, that was meant to be a joke. If I had a little sister I wouldn't say anything about it, simply because it isnt my place, and any movies or anything with sexual content would be off whenever she's around. Young women become sluts at an early age, meaning they see the females on MTV and BET and mimick them, or simply dont know anything different; and I wouldnt want that.

And that is why parents must present the facts and their values at an early enough age. Truth to tell, same with boys. While girls may act out earlier, boys more readily buy into the idea that all the others are 'getting some' and they alone are not. Funny how many, are not.

 

[Emmett]

While I may be known as the joker of usmb who rfeally does not write much (200 and some odd posts) I sometimes am inspired by certain pieces and would be willing to offer you this little tid bit.

I was a single parent and raised two boys. I have had alot of interaction with children in coaching youth sports and other activities. While I am certainly no child psychologist I do believe if you will do the following you will be succesful in your quest to satisfy the need of your young daughter and perform quite well in doing so.

Go into your bedroom or other comfortable area of your home while there is noone around to disturb you. Get down on your knees and fold your hands comfortably together. Think about the fact that you are a mother and all the reasons that you chose to becone one and the wonderful result you have produced. Ask God to guide you as to what to say to your daughter. Don't rehearse it, don't think about it, just do it! You will say all the right things at just the right time. It just happens that way. It will only happen that way though if you believe truely in your heart that you are being guided by God's hand. Together your message will be well recieved by her and she will always remember that it was you who provided her this crucial platform to step on when it comes time for her to do the same with her children.

There is a money back guarentee on this advice! It NEVER fails!!!!!!

 

[Nienna]

While I may be known as the joker of usmb who rfeally does not write much (200 and some odd posts) I sometimes am inspired by certain pieces and would be willing to offer you this little tid bit.

I was a single parent and raised two boys. I have had alot of interaction with children in coaching youth sports and other activities. While I am certainly no child psychologist I do believe if you will do the following you will be succesful in your quest to satisfy the need of your young daughter and perform quite well in doing so.

Go into your bedroom or other comfortable area of your home while there is noone around to disturb you. Get down on your knees and fold your hands comfortably together. Think about the fact that you are a mother and all the reasons that you chose to becone one and the wonderful result you have produced. Ask God to guide you as to what to say to your daughter. Don't rehearse it, don't think about it, just do it! You will say all the right things at just the right time. It just happens that way. It will only happen that way though if you believe truely in your heart that you are being guided by God's hand. Together your message will be well recieved by her and she will always remember that it was you who provided her this crucial platform to step on when it comes time for her to do the same with her children.

There is a money back guarentee on this advice! It NEVER fails!!!!!!

Thank you. :hug:

 

[1549]

To Semper Fi and Kathianne:

What is your definition of a slut and what is reasonable behavior for a teenage girl?

I am not implying any kind of sexism or anything, I am just curious.

I don't think MTV or BET are problems for young girls. Sure there are women and teens on those channels that give themselves to men pretty easily. I for one hope my daughter does more with her life than grind on some guy while wearing an ass high mini-skirt.

The important thing is to teach girls and boys that there is more to live than sex. If I have a daughter she can watch those channels, date, go to clubs and all that fun stuff. Hell I go to clubs with my girlfriend. I will just need her to realize her self worth so that she does not give herself up like a 10 cent ho' as many other guys and girls do.

Judging from my own high school experience, the guys and girls who were the least whorish were those involved in a lot of school activities, activities that they valued. This does not mean they were not sexually active, but they weren't the ones bragging about their exploits or giving/receiving head in a bathroom stall...they had too much self-esteem to stoop to that level.

 

[Abbey Normal]

To Semper Fi and Kathianne:

...
I don't think MTV or BET are problems for young girls. Sure there are women and teens on those channels that give themselves to men pretty easily. I for one hope my daughter does more with her life than grind on some guy while wearing an ass high mini-skirt.

...

15, why do you suppose companies spend millions upon millions of dollars to air commericals for their products? Do you think they would do so if it didn't produce results? The fact is, what is on TV and in magazines does affect many people's judgment, influences their decision-making, and ultimately can alter their behavior. Teens especially are prone to follow what they think everyone else is doing. I hope that when you are a father you will rethink what you will allow to pollute your childrens' minds. My guess is that you will.

 

[Semper Fi]

I hope that when you are a father you will rethink what you will allow to pollute your childrens' minds. My guess is that you will.

On the contrary, if 15 becomes a stickler for what he allows his future daughter to watch, by the time she hits her rebellious stage, it'll hit hard. That, or she'll wind up not enjoying high school to the fullest potential at all.

There is a happy medium, but in my opinion it is impossible to reach. 1549's idea is good. What my parents have done with me is give me more responsibility and trust than most of my peers got. Faced with all this, theres no way I could disrespect them enough to throw partys when their out of town or sleep around. I suppose their is no set-in-stone way for parenting, especially when it comes to this issue. I think one of the best bets is to adapt to situations as they come, using sound judgement and the sixth sense when it comes to intervening in 1549's future daughter's life.

 

[Abbey Normal]

On the contrary, if 15 becomes a stickler for what he allows his future daughter to watch, by the time she hits her rebellious stage, it'll hit hard. That, or she'll wind up not enjoying high school to the fullest potential at all.

There is a happy medium, but in my opinion it is impossible to reach. 1549's idea is good. What my parents have done with me is give me more responsibility and trust than most of my peers got. Faced with all this, theres no way I could disrespect them enough to throw partys when their out of town or sleep around. I suppose their is no set-in-stone way for parenting, especially when it comes to this issue. I think one of the best bets is to adapt to situations as they come, using sound judgement and the sixth sense when it comes to intervening in 1549's future daughter's life.

Semper, trusting your child and being responsible about what images are thrown at them are two different things. A good parent can do both. When you are a parent, you will be better able to discern this. When I was very young, I didn't want my parents restricting what I could watch, either. Fortunately for them and for me, things were less skanky then.

Btw, my daughter is 15, and though we allow no MTV, and no internet porn, there have been no rebellions yet. She actually seems pretty happy.

 

[Semper Fi]

Semper, trusting your child and being responsible about what images are thrown at them are two different things. A good parent can do both. When you are a parent, you will be better able to discern this. When I was very young, I didn't want my parents restricting what I could watch, either. Fortunately for them and for me, things were less skanky then.

Btw, my daughter is 15, and though we allow no MTV, and no internet porn, there have been no rebellions yet. She actually seems pretty happy.

I had to laugh at the internet porn part...

"Mom..can I get on the internet and look up pornos?" Haha, how awkward would that be.

I'd say around 15 or 16, the rebellious stages start to die and you either run with it or are past it. If she's past it (which it sounds like she is), then she'll start to realize the kind of person she wants to be, which is when individualism and self-actualizing of her morals and principles occur. Meanwhile, you stand back and pat yourself on the back for doing a good job parenting.

 

[Abbey Normal]

I had to laugh at the internet porn part...

"Mom..can I get on the internet and look up pornos?" Haha, how awkward would that be.

I'd say around 15 or 16, the rebellious stages start to die and you either run with it or are past it. If she's past it (which it sounds like she is), then she'll start to realize the kind of person she wants to be, which is when individualism and self-actualizing of her morals and principles occur. Meanwhile, you stand back and pat yourself on the back for doing a good job parenting.

Pretty awkward!

Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think I should hold off on the self-congratulations until she is at least out of high school,and even then I can only take 50% credit; she gets the rest. I am sure that she will continue to have her share of mistakes in judgment. Raising kids feels like you are sending them off running through a mine field. We can only do our best and pray a lot, lol!

 

[1549]

15, why do you suppose companies spend millions upon millions of dollars to air commericals for their products? Do you think they would do so if it didn't produce results? The fact is, what is on TV and in magazines does affect many people's judgment, influences their decision-making, and ultimately can alter their behavior. Teens especially are prone to follow what they think everyone else is doing. I hope that when you are a father you will rethink what you will allow to pollute your childrens' minds. My guess is that you will.

Keep in mind that I did not say MTV and BET are good; it is brainless television. However, with a good sense of self worth--and a balanced social/academic/extra-curricular life--a person can take it for what it actually is...simple entertainment.

There is a misconception that every teen that watches MTV is an airhead. There are quite a few, but it is a generalization. My girlfriend's sister watches it religiously. She graduated high school with a 4.0, did fine in her first year at NYU, and is planning on attending med-school.

 

[Abbey Normal]

Keep in mind that I did not say MTV and BET are good; it is brainless television. However, with a good sense of self worth--and a balanced social/academic/extra-curricular life--a person can take it for what it actually is...simple entertainment.

There is a misconception that every teen that watches MTV is an airhead. There are quite a few, but it is a generalization. My girlfriend's sister watches it religiously. She graduated high school with a 4.0, did fine in her first year at NYU, and is planning on attending med-school.

I don't think they are necessarily airheads. In fact, it is what is filling up their heads that worries me. There are always examples we can find of people who break the mold. And just think for all the great stuff her sister could be learning or doing with all those hours.