My Campaign Announcement

[g5000]

Whereas there is a vacancy for Speaker of the House;

Whereas any American citizen over the 25 can be elected by the House of Representatives as Speaker of the House;

Whereas the US Congress has an 11 percent approval rating, making it obvious any member selected from within their ranks will be incompetent, idiotic, and insurrectionary;

Whereas no one else more qualified has stepped forward to petition the American people and the federal Legislature for the position of Speaker of the House;

I hereby humbly submit my name into consideration as the next Speaker of the House of Representative of these United States.

As Speaker, I will focus on the following three priorities:

a) Tax reform. The US House of Representatives has become an American Politboro, with a turnover rate of only two to four percent each election. Much of this is due to campaign contributions from special interests to preserve the $1.2 trillion in annual tax expenditures which are bankrupting our nation. I will focus on legislation to eliminate all of these tax expenditures, thus removing the incentive to bribe our House, and simultaneously producing a massive revenue surplus which can be put toward lowering tax rates for everyone, and paying down the debt.

b) Entitlement reform. Rather than waste time allowing dozens of repeals of the ACA to make it to the House floor for a vote, I will focus on legislation to raise the eligibility age for Social Security and Medicare to 70, indexed to 9 percent of the population going forward. We are living decades longer than our hard working ancestors who enacted these programs, we should be working longer than they did.

c) Regulatory reform. Rather than a lot of regulations, we need good regulations. As with tax expenditures, special interests also make campaign contributions to ensure some regulations stay in place which do nothing to protect the public, but only serve to inhibit competition. I will shepherd legislation to eliminate these anti-free enterprise regulations. We also have a problem with some industries being improperly or under-regulated as a result of special interest campaign contributions. This, too, will be ended on my watch.


Dear Representatives of the American People, I hope you will give me all due serious consideration for the esteemed office of Speaker of the House.

Thank you.

 

[Vigilante]

Sounds like you are running for an Obuma third term! Fuck the Congress, I'll do it the fucking way I want to do it myself!

They didn't say janitor of the Speaker of the House's restroom was available! Sorry to disappoint you!

 

[g5000]

Sounds like you are running for an Obuma third term!

Know your Constitution! The Speaker job for which I am applying expires at the end of the 114th Congress.

Try again.

 

[g5000]

Another thing I would do as Speaker is eliminate the debt ceiling. It's a political farce.

Let's say my credit card was maxed out, and I then used it to buy a refrigerator, and then immediately ran to the bank to have my credit limit raised.

The new refrigerator is already in my house. So I really, really, really need my credit limit raised before the appliance store goes to the bank for the money.

And imagine I am also the bank officer who approves credit limits.

And then I howled and wailed about raising my own credit limit as I approved my own application. And I howled and wailed about the asshole who bought the refrigerator.

That would make me batshit insane, right?

Well, that is EXACTLY what Congress does.

 

[Vigilante]

Sounds like you are running for an Obuma third term!

Know your Constitution! The Speaker job for which I am applying expires at the end of the 114th Congress.

Try again.

Yes, and?..... YOU sound like a fucking dictator, NOT someone willing to work with the other side, JUST LIKE KING Obuma!

 

[Vigilante]

Another thing I would do as Speaker is eliminate the debt ceiling. It's a political farce.

Let's say my credit card was maxed out, and I then used it to buy a refrigerator, and then immediately ran to the bank to have my credit limit raised.

The new refrigerator is already in my house. So I really, really, really need my credit limit raised before the appliance store goes to the bank for the money.

And imagine I am also the bank officer who approves credit limits.

And then I howled and wailed about raising my own credit limit as I approved my own application.

That would make me batshit insane, right?

Well, that is EXACTLY what Congress does.

Another Socialist idea, let there be NO LIMIT on what money we can produce.... Weimer Republic!

 

[g5000]

Another thing I would do as Speaker is eliminate the debt ceiling. It's a political farce.

Let's say my credit card was maxed out, and I then used it to buy a refrigerator, and then immediately ran to the bank to have my credit limit raised.

The new refrigerator is already in my house. So I really, really, really need my credit limit raised before the appliance store goes to the bank for the money.

And imagine I am also the bank officer who approves credit limits.

And then I howled and wailed about raising my own credit limit as I approved my own application.

That would make me batshit insane, right?

Well, that is EXACTLY what Congress does.

Another Socialist idea, let there be NO LIMIT on what money we can produce.... Weimer Republic!

You are the rube for whom the Congress puts on the kibuki theater over raising the debt ceiling.

The Republicans and Democrats allocate the spending which will necessitate the raising of the debt ceiling, and then they wail and howl over the raising of the debt ceiling due to the spending they did!

Batshit insane. And you buy into their theater every time. "Those darned bad spenders must be stopped! Vote GOP!" BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

 

[g5000]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

 

[Vigilante]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

 

[g5000]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

By taking away tax expenditures, I take away the incentives to donate.

By taking away regulations intended to inhibit competition, I take away the incentives to donate.

I am a huge believer in the right of association. My changes would not impinge on that right in any way. But it would remove the warped uses to which that right has been put.

I would also de-centralize government. I would strip out federal preemptions from federal legislation. And let me tell you something. Republicans are just as guilty of the federal preemption practice as Democrats.

The more you concentrate power at the top, the easier it is to capture. So again, the incentive to donate is taken away.

 

[Vigilante]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

By taking away tax expenditures, I take away the incentives to donate.

By taking away regulations intended to inhibit competition, I take away the incentives to donate.

I am a huge believer in the right of association. My changes would not impinge on that right in any way. But it would remove the warped uses to which that right has been put.

I would also de-centralize government. I would strip out federal preemptions from federal legislation. And let me tell you something. Republicans are just as guilty of this practice as Democrats.

The more you concentrate power at the top, the easier it is to capture. So again, the incentive to donate is taken away.

Starting to sound like a conservative...better watch that, it's catching!

 

[g5000]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

By taking away tax expenditures, I take away the incentives to donate.

By taking away regulations intended to inhibit competition, I take away the incentives to donate.

I am a huge believer in the right of association. My changes would not impinge on that right in any way. But it would remove the warped uses to which that right has been put.

I would also de-centralize government. I would strip out federal preemptions from federal legislation. And let me tell you something. Republicans are just as guilty of this practice as Democrats.

The more you concentrate power at the top, the easier it is to capture. So again, the incentive to donate is taken away.

Starting to sound like a conservative...better watch that, it's catching!

I've been a conservative since the womb.

 

[Vigilante]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

By taking away tax expenditures, I take away the incentives to donate.

By taking away regulations intended to inhibit competition, I take away the incentives to donate.

I am a huge believer in the right of association. My changes would not impinge on that right in any way. But it would remove the warped uses to which that right has been put.

I would also de-centralize government. I would strip out federal preemptions from federal legislation. And let me tell you something. Republicans are just as guilty of this practice as Democrats.

The more you concentrate power at the top, the easier it is to capture. So again, the incentive to donate is taken away.

Starting to sound like a conservative...better watch that, it's catching!

I've been a conservative since the womb.

And your pick for president?

 

[Coloradomtnman]

I'd vote for you.

 

[g5000]

I'd vote for you.

Too bad you aren't a Representative!

 

[g5000]

If you look at my first plank in my platform, I will produce a massive surplus by taking away the biggest government gift giving programs. Specifically, an $800 billion surplus.

This would allow for lowering tax rates for EVERYONE.

This has somehow convinced Vigilante I am another Obama. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

You make no provisions for PACS, & for self financed candidates, and since we are still able to contribute as a citizen, as has happened before thousand of EMPLOYEES of special interest can donate, and NO ONE IN CONGRESS would take that opportunity away from the America people!

By taking away tax expenditures, I take away the incentives to donate.

By taking away regulations intended to inhibit competition, I take away the incentives to donate.

I am a huge believer in the right of association. My changes would not impinge on that right in any way. But it would remove the warped uses to which that right has been put.

I would also de-centralize government. I would strip out federal preemptions from federal legislation. And let me tell you something. Republicans are just as guilty of this practice as Democrats.

The more you concentrate power at the top, the easier it is to capture. So again, the incentive to donate is taken away.

Starting to sound like a conservative...better watch that, it's catching!

I've been a conservative since the womb.

And your pick for president?

John Kasich for President. Marco Rubio for Vice.

 

[Uncensored2008]

Whereas there is a vacancy for Speaker of the House;

Whereas any American citizen over the 25 can be elected by the House of Representatives as Speaker of the House;

Whereas the US Congress has an 11 percent approval rating, making it obvious any member selected from within their ranks will be incompetent, idiotic, and insurrectionary;

Whereas no one else more qualified has stepped forward to petition the American people and the federal Legislature for the position of Speaker of the House;

I hereby humbly submit my name into consideration as the next Speaker of the House of Representative of these United States.

As Speaker, I will focus on the following three priorities:

a) Tax reform. The US House of Representatives has become an American Politboro, with a turnover rate of only two to four percent each election. Much of this is due to campaign contributions from special interests to preserve the $1.2 trillion in annual tax expenditures which are bankrupting our nation. I will focus on legislation to eliminate all of these tax expenditures, thus removing the incentive to bribe our House, and simultaneously producing a massive revenue surplus which can be put toward lowering tax rates for everyone, and paying down the debt.

b) Entitlement reform. Rather than waste time allowing dozens of repeals of the ACA to make it to the House floor for a vote, I will focus on legislation to raise the eligibility age for Social Security and Medicare to 70, indexed to 9 percent of the population going forward. We are living decades longer than our hard working ancestors who enacted these programs, we should be working longer than they did.

c) Regulatory reform. Rather than a lot of regulations, we need good regulations. As with tax expenditures, special interests also make campaign contributions to ensure some regulations stay in place which do nothing to protect the public, but only serve to inhibit competition. I will shepherd legislation to eliminate these anti-free enterprise regulations. We also have a problem with some industries being improperly or under-regulated as a result of special interest campaign contributions. This, too, will be ended on my watch.


Dear Representatives of the American People, I hope you will give me all due serious consideration for the esteemed office of Speaker of the House.

Thank you.

I'm sure you'll get every bit as much support as you deserve, Jake.

 

[Soggy in NOLA]

Wow.. Congress is irresponsible... what a revalation.

 

[g5000]

Wow.. Congress is irresponsible... what a revalation.

That's why we keep re-electing 98 percent of them.

 

[g5000]

Whereas there is a vacancy for Speaker of the House;

Whereas any American citizen over the 25 can be elected by the House of Representatives as Speaker of the House;

Whereas the US Congress has an 11 percent approval rating, making it obvious any member selected from within their ranks will be incompetent, idiotic, and insurrectionary;

Whereas no one else more qualified has stepped forward to petition the American people and the federal Legislature for the position of Speaker of the House;

I hereby humbly submit my name into consideration as the next Speaker of the House of Representative of these United States.

As Speaker, I will focus on the following three priorities:

a) Tax reform. The US House of Representatives has become an American Politboro, with a turnover rate of only two to four percent each election. Much of this is due to campaign contributions from special interests to preserve the $1.2 trillion in annual tax expenditures which are bankrupting our nation. I will focus on legislation to eliminate all of these tax expenditures, thus removing the incentive to bribe our House, and simultaneously producing a massive revenue surplus which can be put toward lowering tax rates for everyone, and paying down the debt.

b) Entitlement reform. Rather than waste time allowing dozens of repeals of the ACA to make it to the House floor for a vote, I will focus on legislation to raise the eligibility age for Social Security and Medicare to 70, indexed to 9 percent of the population going forward. We are living decades longer than our hard working ancestors who enacted these programs, we should be working longer than they did.

c) Regulatory reform. Rather than a lot of regulations, we need good regulations. As with tax expenditures, special interests also make campaign contributions to ensure some regulations stay in place which do nothing to protect the public, but only serve to inhibit competition. I will shepherd legislation to eliminate these anti-free enterprise regulations. We also have a problem with some industries being improperly or under-regulated as a result of special interest campaign contributions. This, too, will be ended on my watch.


Dear Representatives of the American People, I hope you will give me all due serious consideration for the esteemed office of Speaker of the House.

Thank you.

I'm sure you'll get every bit as much support as you deserve, Jake.

You have me confused with someone else.

As for support, I'd say my chances are about as good as Kasich being elected President.