Abishai100
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- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,957
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Sports-culture (and the media megaphones it generates) is a very 'modern phenomenon.' Since the Philadelphia Eagles (NFL) have pulled off arguably the greatest upset-victory in Super Bowl history, here's a 'charm-parable' (alluding to a Ouija-paranoia) I cooked up in Eagles' honor (my last tale) inspired by Jerry Maguire and Mr. Destiny.
Cheers,
====
A fanatical Philadelphia Eagles (NFL) fan named Steven decided to try to use a Ouija board to invoke the mystical spirit of the fabled Arthurian knight Sir Lancelot(!). Lancelot was a complex knight in the magical kingdom of Camelot (Medieval England) who served as a 'first-knight' to King Arthur before being accused of engaging in an adulterous affair with Arthur's wife Guinevere which he attempted to resolve by defending Camelot valiantly on the battlefield. Some legends suggest that Lancelot resolved the matter by deposing of the ominous warlock-rival of Arthur, a gold-hungry illegitimate relative of the king named Mordred. Steven wanted to know how to affirm the Eagles' astonishing upset-victory over the seemingly-indomitable New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52 [2018], since Steven secretly made a deal with the Devil (Satan) to ensure that the Eagles would win. Sure enough, during the big game, the Eagles' tight end Ertz made a controversial catch in the end-zone which was almost called-back had not the Devil stepped in to 'make sure' that the play went through very smoothly.
Steven used his Ouija board to invoke the spirit of the mighty-knight Lancelot whom Steven was sure could help him resolve this terrible 'intrigue' involving the Ertz-catch, the Eagles win, and the Devil-deal which made it all 'smooth.' Steven called out to Lancelot, pleading with him to help him resolve this serious matter. Philly fans celebrated with a festive Eagles victory-parade, and everyone was writing, "The Eagles have pulled off the greatest upset arguably in all of sports history!" Steven was very worried that since he asked the Devil to help the Eagles win, the Ertz-catch would be clouded in controversy, and the Eagles' underdog-triumph would forever be shrouded in some kind of terribly frustrating 'controversy.' Steven was right to invoke the spirit of Lancelot, since Lancelot was a knight who was very shrewd about constructing courage in the face of pure madness. Sure enough, the spirit of Lancelot heard Steven (through the Ouija-board) and answered him.
LANCELOT: Why did you call me?
STEVEN: My name's Steven, and I'm desperate, good knight!
LANCELOT: I am a defender of republican-values...what is your concern?
STEVEN: The Eagles (NFL) managed an upset-victory, but the Devil was involved!
LANCELOT: I suppose you asked the Devil to help the Eagles win...
STEVEN: Yes! The Devil made sure a controversial catch by Ertz (Eagles) was confirmed.
LANCELOT: So the Ertz-catch was ruled legal, but the Devil 'greased the wheels.'
STEVEN: Correct. I'm worried the Devil will do mischief and shroud this valuable win.
LANCELOT: I suppose all of Philadelphia already cheered with great revelry!
STEVEN: Yes. Now, sports-writers might 'sully' the triumph with Ertz-propaganda.
LANCELOT: That is quite a quagmire (Steven); I think I can help you.
STEVEN: What is your fee?
LANCELOT: I need rose-water for the Lady of the Lake.
STEVEN: I can procure that and make a prayer at a Catholic church!
LANCELOT: That is fine. Alright, I'll solve your conundrum.
STEVEN: What should be done about the Devil-Ertz situation, then?
LANCELOT: Post on the Internet, "The Ertz-catch was very very humorous."
STEVEN: I see; no one really is sarcastic towards light-hearted humor!
LANCELOT: Exactly. Readers will think, "Ertz managed a slippery insanity."
STEVEN: Perhaps humor cures insanity then; that is rather odd, good knight.
LANCELOT: Humor is the opposite of sadness, and Ertz' reasonable catch created smiles.
STEVEN: Wow. You really are a 'defender' of working-man values.
LANCELOT: Not everyone agrees; nevertheless, congratulations on the Eagles' surprise!
STEVEN: I will put rose-water for the Lady of the Lake and enjoy a Philly cheesesteak.
LANCELOT: Good luck (and don't call me again or tell anyone of this visit).
====
Cheers,
====
A fanatical Philadelphia Eagles (NFL) fan named Steven decided to try to use a Ouija board to invoke the mystical spirit of the fabled Arthurian knight Sir Lancelot(!). Lancelot was a complex knight in the magical kingdom of Camelot (Medieval England) who served as a 'first-knight' to King Arthur before being accused of engaging in an adulterous affair with Arthur's wife Guinevere which he attempted to resolve by defending Camelot valiantly on the battlefield. Some legends suggest that Lancelot resolved the matter by deposing of the ominous warlock-rival of Arthur, a gold-hungry illegitimate relative of the king named Mordred. Steven wanted to know how to affirm the Eagles' astonishing upset-victory over the seemingly-indomitable New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52 [2018], since Steven secretly made a deal with the Devil (Satan) to ensure that the Eagles would win. Sure enough, during the big game, the Eagles' tight end Ertz made a controversial catch in the end-zone which was almost called-back had not the Devil stepped in to 'make sure' that the play went through very smoothly.
Steven used his Ouija board to invoke the spirit of the mighty-knight Lancelot whom Steven was sure could help him resolve this terrible 'intrigue' involving the Ertz-catch, the Eagles win, and the Devil-deal which made it all 'smooth.' Steven called out to Lancelot, pleading with him to help him resolve this serious matter. Philly fans celebrated with a festive Eagles victory-parade, and everyone was writing, "The Eagles have pulled off the greatest upset arguably in all of sports history!" Steven was very worried that since he asked the Devil to help the Eagles win, the Ertz-catch would be clouded in controversy, and the Eagles' underdog-triumph would forever be shrouded in some kind of terribly frustrating 'controversy.' Steven was right to invoke the spirit of Lancelot, since Lancelot was a knight who was very shrewd about constructing courage in the face of pure madness. Sure enough, the spirit of Lancelot heard Steven (through the Ouija-board) and answered him.
LANCELOT: Why did you call me?
STEVEN: My name's Steven, and I'm desperate, good knight!
LANCELOT: I am a defender of republican-values...what is your concern?
STEVEN: The Eagles (NFL) managed an upset-victory, but the Devil was involved!
LANCELOT: I suppose you asked the Devil to help the Eagles win...
STEVEN: Yes! The Devil made sure a controversial catch by Ertz (Eagles) was confirmed.
LANCELOT: So the Ertz-catch was ruled legal, but the Devil 'greased the wheels.'
STEVEN: Correct. I'm worried the Devil will do mischief and shroud this valuable win.
LANCELOT: I suppose all of Philadelphia already cheered with great revelry!
STEVEN: Yes. Now, sports-writers might 'sully' the triumph with Ertz-propaganda.
LANCELOT: That is quite a quagmire (Steven); I think I can help you.
STEVEN: What is your fee?
LANCELOT: I need rose-water for the Lady of the Lake.
STEVEN: I can procure that and make a prayer at a Catholic church!
LANCELOT: That is fine. Alright, I'll solve your conundrum.
STEVEN: What should be done about the Devil-Ertz situation, then?
LANCELOT: Post on the Internet, "The Ertz-catch was very very humorous."
STEVEN: I see; no one really is sarcastic towards light-hearted humor!
LANCELOT: Exactly. Readers will think, "Ertz managed a slippery insanity."
STEVEN: Perhaps humor cures insanity then; that is rather odd, good knight.
LANCELOT: Humor is the opposite of sadness, and Ertz' reasonable catch created smiles.
STEVEN: Wow. You really are a 'defender' of working-man values.
LANCELOT: Not everyone agrees; nevertheless, congratulations on the Eagles' surprise!
STEVEN: I will put rose-water for the Lady of the Lake and enjoy a Philly cheesesteak.
LANCELOT: Good luck (and don't call me again or tell anyone of this visit).
====
