Pedro de San Patricio
Gold Member
The year before the election the parties basically select their most viable candidate and try to destroy the other party's candidate through mudslinging and any possible discovered or manufactured scandal in their career history. Both candidates are confirmed through a pilgrimage to the all holy party donors whose endorsement can decide the election before it even happens. The race then begins in earnest with both candidates moving to convince a dozen or so states to vote for them since all of the other states' votes are decided based on party lines before either speaks a word. The whole thing is basically just a game of shifting positions as necessary while decrying the opponent as an untrustworthy bastard for shifting positions all the time. The people then go to the polls. Democratic operatives move to ensure that as many illegal immigrants, convicted felons, and people who have been dead since 1983 vote as often as they can without getting caught. Republican operatives then subvert the voting systems to change as many of those Democratic votes to Republican ones as possible without getting caught. The electoral college then holds the actual election since their votes are the only ones that really matter at all. Their votes are then used to rubber stamp the final decision of the wealthy private donors from before the race proper, with the whole rest of the election essentially being a meaningless spectacle designed to make the process look more complex than "the one who convinces the most money that he's a safe bet wins".