- Oct 31, 2012
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The Senate voted for a $1.2 trillion spending plan to fund the government early Saturday morning, avoiding a shutdown that sent the measure to President Joe Biden for his signature. "Well that about does it", declared the President. "Now we will have to start auctioning off things since we no longer have the ability to pay interest on all our massive debt."
This man seen in the image below got the best deal of the day, the podium in Senate chambers that was auctioned off for only $10. "I will use it for kindling", said the man, "Since I can no longer afford heating and cooling my home the old fashioned way I simply have to make do with what I can. I mean, who can afford to heat and cool their homes these days?" However, once he admitted to what he was going to do with the podium, the Capital police surrounded them and shot him dead for attempting to burn the podium which would release deadly carbon emissions into the atmosphere. No investigations will be conducted into the shooting as all the Capital police were declared instant heroes. Of course, their names will also remain anonymous for their protection, but I think that is only common sense.