Confronting Bullies (and Trolls) with Kindness and Honest Talk

[emilynghiem]

Mom's Inspiring Response to Bullies Who Called Her Fat

Another story of a woman answering to bullies by responding with honesty and kindness,
treating others better than they treated her.

Here's more such stories that really impressed me:

Man Who Posted Sikh Woman's Photo Issues Full Mea Culpa

A woman who confronted a troll and turned the situation around:

What happened when I confronted my cruellest troll

 

[westwall]

And sometimes direct action is what is truly called for....

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[Delta4Embassy]

Was bullied in school. At least until I started hitting people. Then the bullying stopped. Link? Yes.

Bullies are like wolves in the wild. They look for prey. Prey is whatever runs away triggering in wolves the instinct to pursue. As with bullies looking for those they can dominate who wont fight back. If a person fights back the bully gets the subconscious signal, "this isn't prey." And goes off in search of prey.

Most effective way then to stand up to a bully is punch them full in the face. Win or lose you send the signal you're not prey. And if you think this isn't the best way to handle such things, look at it on national scales. It's exactly how nations work. You don't appease the ones who just attacked you, you fuck 'em up.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

I got bullied once in high school. I knocked the biggest emeffer out cold, and called the rest.

 

[emilynghiem]

And sometimes direct action is what is truly called for....

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I also like how the others help the bully get back up on his feet.

Nowadays, even kids trying to defend themselves can face discipline for "fighting"
even if they didn't start it. One student I know got in trouble for "putting up his hands over his face to protect his head" and that was counted as engaging in fighting when he was the one being attacked.

Back in the day, it was different. When my boyfriend was in high school in the 80s,
when nobody else would stand up to the school bully, he took advantage of football practice
to spike the ball in the guy's nose a couple of times after a particular incident.
Everyone knew why he was doing that, and knew the guy deserved a bloody nose.
The Coaches looked the other way and acted like they didn't see it.
That was the way it used to be, where if you fought back against bullies, at least teachers recognized it.

Now it's not even safe to defend yourself.
That's fine if the school has a perfect intervention program, where all conflicts
and abuses can be rooted out civilly in advance before any violence occurs.
But in reality, if there is physical confrontation, even the best self-defense training tactics
are going to require physical force and contact. What do we have to do, go through ALL
potential situations and AGREE what is the "official procedure" in each case that IS allowed in school?

I think we may be coming to that. Like going through the police training and
making sure everyone is trained in and AGREES what the procedures are so
everyone follows along, and it is easier to distinguish which people are trying to comply vs violate standards.

 

[emilynghiem]

Was bullied in school. At least until I started hitting people. Then the bullying stopped. Link? Yes.

Bullies are like wolves in the wild. They look for prey. Prey is whatever runs away triggering in wolves the instinct to pursue. As with bullies looking for those they can dominate who wont fight back. If a person fights back the bully gets the subconscious signal, "this isn't prey." And goes off in search of prey.

Most effective way then to stand up to a bully is punch them full in the face. Win or lose you send the signal you're not prey. And if you think this isn't the best way to handle such things, look at it on national scales. It's exactly how nations work. You don't appease the ones who just attacked you, you fuck 'em up.

Delta4Embassy
It seems when this "bullying" culture translates into politics,
then people play the same games to define who is King of what turf, which people hang in the same pack,
who is going to take who down, and who is where on the pecking order hierarchy.

So where do we get to the real sensible solutions and policy reforms?
If all our time, media, energy and resources are expended playing this BULLYING games
to dominate the next session of Congress or the upcoming elections,
where does that leave us and how much do these games cost us that could be spent on working solutions?

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Was bullied in school. At least until I started hitting people. Then the bullying stopped. Link? Yes.

Bullies are like wolves in the wild. They look for prey. Prey is whatever runs away triggering in wolves the instinct to pursue. As with bullies looking for those they can dominate who wont fight back. If a person fights back the bully gets the subconscious signal, "this isn't prey." And goes off in search of prey.

Most effective way then to stand up to a bully is punch them full in the face. Win or lose you send the signal you're not prey. And if you think this isn't the best way to handle such things, look at it on national scales. It's exactly how nations work. You don't appease the ones who just attacked you, you fuck 'em up.

Delta4Embassy
It seems when this "bullying" culture translates into politics,
then people play the same games to define who is King of what turf, which people hang in the same pack,
who is going to take who down, and who is where on the pecking order hierarchy.

So where do we get to the real sensible solutions and policy reforms?
If all our time, media, energy and resources are expended playing this BULLYING games
to dominate the next session of Congress or the upcoming elections,
where does that leave us and how much do these games cost us that could be spent on working solutions?

You assume politics is fixable. I don't believe it is. I think the government's on a slow-motion collapse. The bullying is simply frustrated people realizing common sense doesn't apply in politics vocalizing that frustration. But it's also we misuse words. Not every confrontational challenge to another is bullying except in the most generalized PC run amok sorta sense. It's become we can't criticize anyone any more for fear of being decried a bully. As with your OP Mom. Did anyone think to look at whether she was in fact fat? If so, is calling her fat bullying or simply stating the bloody obvious? And if she was, what's wrong with calling her such?

 

[emilynghiem]

Was bullied in school. At least until I started hitting people. Then the bullying stopped. Link? Yes.

Bullies are like wolves in the wild. They look for prey. Prey is whatever runs away triggering in wolves the instinct to pursue. As with bullies looking for those they can dominate who wont fight back. If a person fights back the bully gets the subconscious signal, "this isn't prey." And goes off in search of prey.

Most effective way then to stand up to a bully is punch them full in the face. Win or lose you send the signal you're not prey. And if you think this isn't the best way to handle such things, look at it on national scales. It's exactly how nations work. You don't appease the ones who just attacked you, you fuck 'em up.

Delta4Embassy
It seems when this "bullying" culture translates into politics,
then people play the same games to define who is King of what turf, which people hang in the same pack,
who is going to take who down, and who is where on the pecking order hierarchy.

So where do we get to the real sensible solutions and policy reforms?
If all our time, media, energy and resources are expended playing this BULLYING games
to dominate the next session of Congress or the upcoming elections,
where does that leave us and how much do these games cost us that could be spent on working solutions?

You assume politics is fixable. I don't believe it is. I think the government's on a slow-motion collapse. The bullying is simply frustrated people realizing common sense doesn't apply in politics vocalizing that frustration. But it's also we misuse words. Not every confrontational challenge to another is bullying except in the most generalized PC run amok sorta sense. It's become we can't criticize anyone any more for fear of being decried a bully. As with your OP Mom. Did anyone think to look at whether she was in fact fat? If so, is calling her fat bullying or simply stating the bloody obvious? And if she was, what's wrong with calling her such?

Dear Delta4Embassy
if the spirit is to be HURTFUL to a person then that's abusive.
If you are just stating facts to point things out objectively, there is no harm intended.

There is nothing wrong with expressing one's own thoughts, opinions, etc.
even if they are unpopular or uncomfortable/upsetting if the point is to establish
truth and understanding.

But if what you seek to achieve depends on demeaning and belittling someone else PERSONALLY, that isn't healthy or helpful but injurious.

Arguing or expressing POINTS and CONTENT is fine, regardless how painful that can be to discuss honestly.
But not Personal Attacks for the sake
of causing emotional or physical injury.
Do you see the difference?