Everyone reacts differently to the loss of a loved one but still there are limits

[Dalia]

So I explain to you, at the end of the week I gathered all the people who knew my military friend who died last January and I used to listen with him his favorite song on my terrace.


A couple my friends frankly disappointed me they were also very close to him so we were talking to each other about the moments we have with him. this couple said they said let's talk about Something else and move on.
And they had a bad look, I never see them like that, it was a 360...i was real surprise
it really took me away from his people, I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

What do you think?

 

[Gracie]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

 

[Dalia]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

 

[Gracie]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

 

[Dalia]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

 

[Rambunctious]

I think that no two of us are the same and we all grieve differently...some do not think life ends at death only life's problems end at death so they want to believe your friend is in a better place...
Move on and remember your friend fondly and do not hold your other friends in contempt for how they deal with the loss...
This very same scenario takes place inside very close units in the field....some go on as if nothing happened and others don't do very well but all of them hurt for the loss of their friend and comrade equally...despite their outward appearance....

 

[Dalia]

I think that no two of us are the same and we all grieve differently...some do not think life ends at death only life's problems end at death so they want to believe your friend is in a better place...
Move on and remember your friend fondly and do not hold your other friends in contempt for how they deal with the loss...
This very same scenario takes place inside very close units in the field....some go on as if nothing happened and others don't do very well but all of them hurt for the loss of their friend and comrade equally...despite their outward appearance....

I understand thank you but what shocks me is this way of responding they were there in memory of my friend so it's normal to talk about him. they gave me the feeling that it was not important.
I did not see this couple since his death they could have said something about him instead of saying to move on

 

[Gracie]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

Obviously I didn't say what you wanted to hear, hence you being rude to ME in your own response. But it matters not. I stand by what I said. Let them grieve in their own way instead of thinking of "punishing" them for not reacting the way YOU want them to. Or not. Just be careful when asking opinions. You might not hear what you want to hear.

 

[BlindBoo]

I used to subscribe to Dylan Thomas's view from his famous villanelle "Do not go gentle into that good night". But seeing my own fathers battle with Alzheimer, I pray for a gentle end to his suffering.

Do not go gentle into that good night

 

[BlindBoo]

 

[Gracie]

My friend's husband died 2 days ago. I have been with her to keep her company. We do not talk about him. Sometimes the subject comes up, but she steers it to her garden. Should I think she is not grieving enough?

*eye roll*

 

[Dalia]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

Obviously I didn't say what you wanted to hear, hence you being rude to ME in your own response. But it matters not. I stand by what I said. Let them grieve in their own way instead of thinking of "punishing" them for not reacting the way YOU want them to. Or not. Just be careful when asking opinions. You might not hear what you want to hear.

You are perfect to do morals it does not work with me do it to the new ones if you feel like it just like you did to my arrival, I did not forget I have an elephant memory.

 

[Gracie]

Since you asked....you answered your own question:
Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one. You are showing THEM lack of respect for not reacting the way YOU want them to. And who are you to place limits to how grief is expressed?

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

Obviously I didn't say what you wanted to hear, hence you being rude to ME in your own response. But it matters not. I stand by what I said. Let them grieve in their own way instead of thinking of "punishing" them for not reacting the way YOU want them to. Or not. Just be careful when asking opinions. You might not hear what you want to hear.

You are perfect to do morals it does not work with me do it to the new ones if you feel like it just like you did to my arrival, I did not forget I have an elephant memory.

Well goody for you. Personally, you don't mean that much to me for me to remember whatever you are sniveling about. But..whatever floats your boat. You started a thread, asked opinions, and I gave mine. Carry your grudge, ms elephant. You wear it well.

And I will continue to participate in the thread about grief and death and how people express it differently..since that is what its all about, isn't it? Or do you want to derail it about something you are butt hurt about from when you first joined?

Anyway...I am to go to my friends house again today to hang out with her. I will let HER do the leading on what she wants to talk about without any supposed "morals" she OR I may have about the topic.

 

[Dalia]

Well thank you for your brutal response which is normal for you. I did not answer my own question, I said that his people seemed insensitive a bit like you

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

Obviously I didn't say what you wanted to hear, hence you being rude to ME in your own response. But it matters not. I stand by what I said. Let them grieve in their own way instead of thinking of "punishing" them for not reacting the way YOU want them to. Or not. Just be careful when asking opinions. You might not hear what you want to hear.

You are perfect to do morals it does not work with me do it to the new ones if you feel like it just like you did to my arrival, I did not forget I have an elephant memory.

Well goody for you. Personally, you don't mean that much to me for me to remember whatever you are sniveling about. But..whatever floats your boat. You started a thread, asked opinions, and I gave mine. Carry your grudge, ms elephant. You wear it well.

it does not surprise since it's only you that counts for you .

 

[Gracie]

Oh boo fucking hoo. You asked, in a thread you started, for opinions. I gave mine and you didn't care for the answer. That's your problem, not mine.
You are being unfair to your "friends" and your loved ones "friends" with this statement:
I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

I did not say i did not care for your awnser .

Obviously I didn't say what you wanted to hear, hence you being rude to ME in your own response. But it matters not. I stand by what I said. Let them grieve in their own way instead of thinking of "punishing" them for not reacting the way YOU want them to. Or not. Just be careful when asking opinions. You might not hear what you want to hear.

You are perfect to do morals it does not work with me do it to the new ones if you feel like it just like you did to my arrival, I did not forget I have an elephant memory.

Well goody for you. Personally, you don't mean that much to me for me to remember whatever you are sniveling about. But..whatever floats your boat. You started a thread, asked opinions, and I gave mine. Carry your grudge, ms elephant. You wear it well.

it does not surprise since it's only you that counts for you .

*yawn*

Still trying to derail your own thread again?

 

[Dalia]

I used to subscribe to Dylan Thomas's view from his famous villanelle "Do not go gentle into that good night". But seeing my own fathers battle with Alzheimer, I pray for a gentle end to his suffering.

Do not go gentle into that good night

I wish you and your dad the best , one of my friends her mother died of Alzheimer,and she was at her side during all her illness, it is a really awful disease.

 

[IsaacNewton]

I think for the first month or two after someone loses someone you should be like a cat. You just go sit next to them. They don't need your 'thoughts' they just need their loving cat lying next to them. I've found even if people talk about it they don't really want or need to talk about it. Death is one of those things in life that just is. You don't fix anything, you don't reason through it, you just have the pain for however long you have it and then you get on with life. For some people it takes a few months, for other a few years. There is no fixed amount of time and your time frame will usually not fit anyone else's.

If you are in the presence of someone you know to still be grieving, if you want to move on but they don't then you should just be quiet. Don't ever tell them to 'get over it already'. Leave if you have to and limit contact if necessary but don't start throwing wrenches into their time clock.

 

[Dalia]

What I'm trying to explain and maybe I'm not explaining myself well enough is that I respect the different ways of mourning what shocks me personally is this style of mourning if we call it a mourning as if the person had never existed is what shocks me I lost my brother on Christmas day 2015 and well I still think of him and I talk about him for he left but I do not not just move on.
It's in my thoughts and especially in my memories so I talk about him to people

 

[JOSweetHeart]

So I explain to you, at the end of the week I gathered all the people who knew my military friend who died last January and I used to listen with him his favorite song on my terrace.


A couple my friends frankly disappointed me they were also very close to him so we were talking to each other about the moments we have with him. this couple said they said let's talk about Something else and move on.
And they had a bad look, I never see them like that, it was a 360...i was real surprise
it really took me away from his people, I would not invite them to chonas this summer for the next meeting because I really do not like this lack of respect for the memory of my friend

What do you think?

I might be in this situation. My newest favorite singer is someone who isn't here anymore and has actually been gone for almost 20 years now. Because of how late I was at coming around to him, I was able to find members of his family at Face Book due to his kids having the uncommon names that they have (Who could've shared more about him with me than his family?) and so far I have written to one of them as well as the widow, she apparently never re-married and so I was able to find her too. When I first wrote to them, I told them that if they thought that my writing to them was an over the line thing to do, that I wouldn't write to them again. Well both have written back to me and so far its all been good. They appreciate my interest and one went as far as sending me musical downloads to my email address. The good thing about this kind of interaction is that whenever they are ready to think about him, they can look at what I write to them. Sometimes the only thing that a person can do is let others decide when a deceased person is acknowledged and how much when they are.

God bless you and the family of my newest favorite singer always!!!

Holly

P.S. The late beautiful precious at the top of this picture is who I am speaking of here, if only I had discovered him sooner, I love him SO much!!!

 

[JW Frogen]

If you loved that soul, then any way you can remember and honor that love with all your heart and soul is true.

Even if only to you.

Only you know how you loved this one and only you can honor that.