Helicopter Parenting: A Scourge of the 21st Century

[SweetSue92]

I assume you're all familiar with helicopter parenting: over-protective, over-involved parenting which began in the 80s and really took off in the 90s. I feel like I've been given a front row seat for the debacle. I began teaching in 1993, just when the phenomenon was beginning to catch on. By the time I got my teaching feet underneath me, helicopter parents were in full force. But none of my teaching colleagues had been raised by helicopter parents. We suspected what we were seeing wasn't....good, to say the least.

Well.

Now we know. Now we have this generation of teens and young adults riddled with anxiety and depression, unable to function without strict perimeters. College deans have to include parents on college orientation (!) and teach parents how to 'break away' (!) and there are words for doing things ("adulting") that we just expected to do when we were in our 20s. Why?

We robbed kids of struggle, in short. We decided if we could shelter, protect, and take the challenge away from them, that was better. We decided that the infinitesimal chance of them being abducted if they rode their bike across town at age 12 was not worth it. So we drove them around, activity to activity, until they were 16. Extrapolate that to every activity and throw in a good deal of judgment and a bunch of other stuff, and you have a toxic stew of child-rearing.

There's a lot more to say, but I'll leave it to the board to weigh in. There is a TON of information on this, but here are just a few links to get you started:

The Effects of ‘Helicopter Parenting’

 

[Ringel05]

I assume you're all familiar with helicopter parenting: over-protective, over-involved parenting which began in the 80s and really took off in the 90s. I feel like I've been given a front row seat for the debacle. I began teaching in 1993, just when the phenomenon was beginning to catch on. By the time I got my teaching feet underneath me, helicopter parents were in full force. But none of my teaching colleagues had been raised by helicopter parents. We suspected what we were seeing wasn't....good, to say the least.

Well.

Now we know. Now we have this generation of teens and young adults riddled with anxiety and depression, unable to function without strict perimeters. College deans have to include parents on college orientation (!) and teach parents how to 'break away' (!) and there are words for doing things ("adulting") that we just expected to do when we were in our 20s. Why?

We robbed kids of struggle, in short. We decided if we could shelter, protect, and take the challenge away from them, that was better. We decided that the infinitesimal chance of them being abducted if they rode their bike across town at age 12 was not worth it. So we drove them around, activity to activity, until they were 16. Extrapolate that to every activity and throw in a good deal of judgment and a bunch of other stuff, and you have a toxic stew of child-rearing.

There's a lot more to say, but I'll leave it to the board to weigh in. There is a TON of information on this, but here are just a few links to get you started:

The Effects of ‘Helicopter Parenting’

Dr Spock screwed up a whole generation now it's the helicopter parents turn. At least we had Timothy Leary.......

 

[Kosh]

No having a good economy and having a prosper country breeds a part of the problem..

 

[JakeStarkey]

The children are screwed up because their parents are screwed up.

 

[williepete]

I get twenty-somethings in my class regularly. Most are hard working. They know their job depends on passing. But some make me shake my head and wonder how they got dressed by themselves.

Two weeks ago, I had a 25-year-old in my class. In my world, that's a grown man. His whining got old fast. It was the first and I hope last time in my life a grown man looked me in the eye and said, "You need to do this for me". And he meant it.

His parents did him a huge disservice. These are the little snowflakes who grew up with participation trophies who are now becoming enamored with socialism. With no memory of the Cold War or understanding of 20th century history, they don't understand the murderous, bloodthirsty, tyrannical nature of "free stuff". Or maybe since they grew up having everything done for them and everything provided for them, they're willing to trade in their parents for an all-controlling and providing state.

 

[JakeStarkey]

A friend of mine teaches community college.

He is compassionate and hard working, willing to go the extra mile.

But he requires a minimum to pass.

If a student does not reach the minimum, the results have been failure to graduate from a local college on time or lose an athletic scholarship to a university.

Standards are standards. Whining, begging, and threatening only decrease the change of remediation and change.

 

[Pilot1]

A lot of it is due to the Media, and the constant, 24/7 promotion, and over reaction to every danger, and pitfall known to man. The fact is these dangers have been in steady decline for the past several decades.

You can't guarantee total safety, especially for kids.

 

[williepete]

You can't guarantee total safety, especially for kids.

And for a very good reason.

 

[SweetSue92]

No having a good economy and having a prosper country breeds a part of the problem..

I'm not seeing the 'good economy', but the prosperous country, yes. The helicopter parenting can only really happen when parents have the luxury of time, energy, and resources to devote to it.

We talk about "income inequality" but there's really a lot of "Parenting inequality" too. There's a lot of neglect and a lot of over-parenting, it seems to me. That middle sweet spot gets harder to find. In my opinion....although, things like "unschooling" and "free range parenting" are, I feel, backlashes against the helicoptering.

 

[SweetSue92]

I get twenty-somethings in my class regularly. Most are hard working. They know their job depends on passing. But some make me shake my head and wonder how they got dressed by themselves.

Two weeks ago, I had a 25-year-old in my class. In my world, that's a grown man. His whining got old fast. It was the first and I hope last time in my life a grown man looked me in the eye and said, "You need to do this for me". And he meant it.

His parents did him a huge disservice. These are the little snowflakes who grew up with participation trophies who are now becoming enamored with socialism. With no memory of the Cold War or understanding of 20th century history, they don't understand the murderous, bloodthirsty, tyrannical nature of "free stuff". Or maybe since they grew up having everything done for them and everything provided for them, they're willing to trade in their parents for an all-controlling and providing state.

Honestly--I think in ANY world that should be a grown man. A young man, absolutely. But a grown man. Consider that this man is a full ten years past puberty, a good seven years past legal maturity, four years past even the late drinking age in the US.

By the time my own father was 25, he was married with two children. And it wasn't THAT long ago.

I realize that some young people in this generation are exceedingly hard-working and high-achieving. But I think one thing helicopter parents have forgotten is that raising children is an act of emancipation.

 

[williepete]

By the time my own father was 25, he was married with two children.

Responsibility, accountability, self-reliance and independence. Far too scarce. A generation robbed of priceless survival skills. Worse yet, robbed by their own parents.

Hard to imagine a wave of Millennials storming the Normandy beaches.

 

[miketx]

I have never heard the term "helicopter parents".

 

[JakeStarkey]

Hard to imagine the genxrs or the baby boomers storming the beaches.

 

[williepete]

I have never heard the term "helicopter parents".

I don't cope well with their offspring.

The term "helicopter parent" was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott's 1969 book Parents & Teenagers by teens who said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter; the term became popular enough to become a dictionary entry in 2011. Similar terms include "lawnmower parenting," "cosseting parent," or "bulldoze parenting." Helicopter parenting refers to "a style of parents who are over focused on their children," says Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit and author of Anxiety Disorders: The Go-To Guide. "They typically take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures," Dr. Daitch says. Ann Dunnewold, Ph. D., a licensed psychologist and author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, calls it "overparenting." "It means being involved in a child's life in a way that is overcontrolling, overprotecting, and overperfecting, in a way that is in excess of responsible parenting," Dr. Dunnewold explains.

What Is Helicopter Parenting?

 

[Pilot1]

How do kids learn to problem solve, work things out with each other, negotiate, work as a team, lead, etc when the parents are making all the decisions for them in the name of "safety"?

 

[SweetSue92]

How do kids learn to problem solve, work things out with each other, negotiate, work as a team, lead, etc when the parents are making all the decisions for them in the name of "safety"?

Well. They don't.

Had a chat with an upper elem. teacher late last school year. The kids have trouble playing board games with each other. They can't negotiate the rules with one another; they can't settle disputes. They need adults to intervene. Mind you these kids are not so little--they are nine and ten years old.

We laugh at the way our moms handled this--the moms of the 70s. We try to picture our moms if we would have run inside all day long, tattling on our little squabbles, right? They would have looked up from their Tab and their soap operas and told us to figure it out or come inside and help them fold the laundry. And it turns out they had it just about right. Sure, maybe they could have been a little more sensitive to "bullying" (that's a whole 'nother topic, don't get me started), but all in all, we DID learn to work things out between us. We didn't need their intervention to PLAY.

Sigh.

 

[fncceo]

over-protective, over-involved parenting which began in the 80s and really took off in the 90s.

If you think this style of parenting began in the '80s...

You've obviously never met a Jewish mother.

 

[Pilot1]

If you think this style of parenting began in the '80s...

You've obviously never met a Jewish mother.

Jewish, and Italian mothers are famous for being overly protective, and overbearing. However, that generation did not coddle their kids. As an only child raised by an Italian American mother in the 60's, and 70's, on weekends, and in the summer, I was expected to leave the house after breakfast, and not be seen again until dinner unless I had chores to do around the house, or lawn. We never even saw adults during the day if we had free time.

 

[strollingbones]

parents should stop trying to be their child's best friend.....i never bought into that....i was a parent not a buddy...i see 30 yr old sons living with their parents and not doing anything to contribute...it did not bother me to be the only parent who (fill in that blank) or to be told i was a bitch and he hated me....i considered that just a passage of age...both of ours...parents gave up when cps was a threat....the first time i was threatened with cps...was the first and last time...a 12 yr old has never an my life and never will....i am a firm believer in kids should fear their parents...simple as that...

in the south we have 'come to jesus' meetings.....there needs to be a lot more of that...has nothing to do with religion

 

[strollingbones]

kids arent allowed to be put out with a bagged lunch and water ...you cant tell them stuff like...dont wanna see ya unless there is blood or a bone sticking out...we were expected to entertain ourselves for the day....i expected my son to do the same...