Horror Strikes Disney’s Floridian

[bendog]

The Republican Governor of Ohio was seized by an unknown reptile as he waded along a beach. Bob and Suzy White, vacationing from Nebraska, described the horrifying scene.

"It was huge," Bob said. "It just appeared out of the lagoon."

"It was disgusting," Suzy added. "It had these ginormous manbreasts that hung to its navel, and mounds of cellulite on its hips."

Bob nodded. "It was orange."

"Like a carrot."

"It grabbed the Governor by his ankle in it’s mouth."

"Oh God," Suzy said shaking. "And then it stood on its hind legs ... and its penis was orange."

"Like a baby carrot," added Bob. "Tiny."

Suzy retched. "But its testicles."

"Yeah," Bob said. "Like little marbles with the scrotum hanging to its knees."

"Orange."

"All Orange, except for the eyes."

"Oh Jesus, I’ll never forget those eyes."

"Puffy and white."

"Just little slits to look out."

"It looked right at me when it backed back into the lagoon."

"The poor Governor yelled ‘I want to go back to Columbus...."

"Then he cried, "Mommy!"

"And the creature went under with the man."

"That poor man."

 

[Silhouette]

That poor man may very well be the next POTUS.

But one thing you left out of the description of the orange crocodile was "and it had a swirling wad of neon-yellow spanish moss covering the top it its head." and "his bow tie said "made in China"....

 

[bendog]

sorry, meant this for the satire thread.

 

[Silhouette]

It is funny. Did you write it before the child was eaten down at Disney? That part isn't funny and unfortunate timing. But I still think your OP was cool, had it not been for the child.