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How would you feel if your could have no privacy?
Somewhat violated, perhaps?
14 year old girls cannot and should be asked to share their private lives entirely with their parents.
I know and I am very sympathetic to the fact that you do not want your kid to get hereself into trouble.
But you've got to start letting go while they're still in the home, so that when they do leave, they've already learned some of the hard lessons they're going to learn (by doing dumb things) while they're STILL mostly safe because they're under your roof.
I don't when it happened, but kids today think they have "rights". I made it clear to my boys that I own everything they have and if they break the rules laid down by their mother and I, there would be consequences which I always followed through with.I'm trying to establish better communication with my 14 yr old daughter, my youngest and last child. She's fallen down on the job, as she's starting to spread her wings in her first year of High School. She's a great kid, strong-willed, highly intelligent, plays soccer, responsible student, and very pretty, blue-eyed blond adorable.
So, because of the fact that she failed to get approval for going to her friend's house after school, I took her phone away for one week. I could have imposed a harsher judgement but chose to be rational and not over react.
She's taken it well, we had a good talk about. The only thing is, I looked at her phone, and she's put a lock code on it, so I can't check it out to see what she's been up to. I feel that this is a continuation of her tendency toward secrecy. I'm sure she would be concerned about her privacy.
So, I can either take the phone to the closest U.S cellular technician who has the ability to retrieve the code (60+ miles away), without my daughter knowing I was snooping, or else I can tell my daughter that I want the code. The third option is to continue to allow her to keep her privacy. I've never thought of snooping before.
The issue with these cellphones is that, unlike earlier times when all calls came to the house, and parents knew who was contacting their child, these days it's much harder for parents to keep tabs on their child.
How would you feel if your could have no privacy?
Somewhat violated, perhaps?
14 year old girls cannot and should be asked to share their private lives entirely with their parents.
I know and I am very sympathetic to the fact that you do not want your kid to get hereself into trouble.
But you've got to start letting go while they're still in the home, so that when they do leave, they've already learned some of the hard lessons they're going to learn (by doing dumb things) while they're STILL mostly safe because they're under your roof.
My advice to you: Sit down with your kid and ask her to take out the cell phone and lay it on the table between you. Ask her for the security code, if she doesn't give it, confiscate it until she does. Kids need strong parental units to guide them. They feel secure when they get it and depressed when they don't. Besides, they don't understand until later in life anyway.
One thing I know, teenagers of today are given way too much freedom. A lot of them are handed the keys to the car, or given their own cars, without much accountability. There is social pressure on parents, as well, to cave into this unfortunate societal norm. Especially our daughters need our protection and oversight, in these days when giving blow jobs not considered anything more than making out, and some girls will do anything to keep a boyfriend. Date rape drugs can be easily slipped into drinks at parties, with dire results, as is what happened in these parts only very recently.
Teenage girls are naive and vulnerable.
One thing I know, teenagers of today are given way too much freedom. A lot of them are handed the keys to the car, or given their own cars, without much accountability. There is social pressure on parents, as well, to cave into this unfortunate societal norm. Especially our daughters need our protection and oversight, in these days when giving blow jobs not considered anything more than making out, and some girls will do anything to keep a boyfriend. Date rape drugs can be easily slipped into drinks at parties, with dire results, as is what happened in these parts only very recently.
Teenage girls are naive and vulnerable.
The bible also says it's ok to sell your children into slavery to make a few extra bucks, but I wouldn't recommend you follow something that is thousands of years outdated. If you seek an outlet for your faith, put it in the daughter you raised for the last 14 years.The Bible tells us that we should discipline our children, but it's unwise to antagonize them, so I want to be careful.
One thing I know, teenagers of today are given way too much freedom. A lot of them are handed the keys to the car, or given their own cars, without much accountability. There is social pressure on parents, as well, to cave into this unfortunate societal norm. Especially our daughters need our protection and oversight, in these days when giving blow jobs not considered anything more than making out, and some girls will do anything to keep a boyfriend. Date rape drugs can be easily slipped into drinks at parties, with dire results, as is what happened in these parts only very recently.
Teenage girls are naive and vulnerable.
This is ridiculous. Perhaps you should just go ahead and call them nazis while you're at it? How irrational. Do not dare substitute ideas about parenting in regards to psychiatric PATHOLOGY. If you actually decided to educate yourself on this matter instead of draw bullshit conclusions from your limited experience of being ONE parent, you'd have known the parents of the Columbine psychopath ran the house very strictly due to military experience. Now that the FACTS are on my side, I could draw the same ridiculous conclusion that being super strict and intrusive leads to school shootings. But the kid had a psychiatric disorder. I would no more blame the parenting for that then if their kid had Down syndrome.Parents who don't monitor their children's interactions with other people end up being parents of Columbine shooters
So are parents, apparently. Age to join facebook or any other social website is 13. The only thing you just "implied" is that you have no clue what you're talking about. So when you go on to say things like "if they need my permission I'm going to monitor it", guess what?! They don't! And let me guess, you still think you should monitor it, which shows your "justification" is a poor attempt at charade. Don't make excuses for your poor reasoning, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't apply because you don't know what you're talking about.Not only that, I think a kid has to be 18 to open a facebook page. That implies something right there. If they need my permission, guess what, I'm going to monitor it. There are all sorts of sick fucks out there, and kids are supremely stupid.
Ah. I see. The legitimate research from across the world analyzing thousands of families that is published after being highly scrutinized in reputable peer reviewed journals can be completely discredit NOT because it's bad research, but because one mom doesn't agree. You just exhibited ignorance in a nutshell. You can't find any research that suggests invasion of privacy in adolescents leads to any good outcomes.Bullshit.
More accessible? Did you click on the download link on that page? The files themselves usually aren't accessible to most people, which is why I hosted them. Nonetheless, here are the links to the National Library of Medicine at the National Institute of Health on both articles:Perhaps you can provide a more accessible link than this one. I'm sure if the information you claim is valid, then it's widely accessible.
I don't think YOU realize there is a difference between invasion of privacy and behavioral control. Read the articles. They explain the differences.I don't think Smarter realizes that there's a difference between reasonable privacy, and parenting.
You say that as if strangers with candy has not been a concern for generations. Avoiding privacy invasion does not necessitate "hands off" parenting.But private time and privacy does not extend to technology that is the primary method sick fucks use to access our kids. They look for kids who have "hands-off" parents, and they exploit and abuse them.
Clearly you didn't read it then:I read the first study and I see nothing in there that says that it's harmful to monitor your child's cell phone and facebook page.
First Article said:As we had anticipated, there were no significant relationships between perceptions of parental control over prudential or conventional issues and self-reported psychological symptoms among adolescents in either country. This is consistent with the view that Personal Domain and Adolescent Psychological Symptoms 825 adult exertion of control over such behaviors constitutes guidance and protective direction (Smetana, 1995; Steinberg, 1990). The significant correlations between parental control of the personal domain (PDS) and the overlapping domain (ODS) and scores on the BSI were for symptoms of internalizing behaviors (anxiety, depression, somatization, interpersonal sensitivity) that would be expected as a result of parental exertion of psychological control (Barber, 1996; Barber & Harmon, 2002)
Self-reports of internalizing symptoms were positively correlated with amount of perceived control over personal issues for U.S. and Japanese students and for parental control over overlapping domain issues for Japanese students. There were no associations between parental control of conventional or prudential behaviors and psychological symptoms.
And there are many MANY more where they came from that all say the same thing.Second Article said:Supporting cultural similarities, in both countries over time, parents psychological control predicted childrens dampened emotional functioning, parents psychological autonomy support predicted childrens enhanced emotional and academic functioning, and parents behavioral control predicted childrens enhanced academic function
Which again shows you don't even SEE the middle ground of being a very hands on parent without being an invasive parent.Kids may think parents are invading their privacy when they take an interest in their lives, but they feel like nobody cares if they don't, and when they make their own rules they establish REALLY bad habits that they will carry for the rest of their lives.
How many here are old enough to have been victims of liberal high school education experiments back in the late 70's and early 80's until they abolished it country-wide?
I was one of those kids.
SmarterthanHick would fit right in with the thinking at the time.
For those not old enough, and therefore have no idea what I am talking about...
Here it is briefly:
1) The Mod system (modular) - too long to explain, don't want to fill the post with trying to explain what that is...google it.
2) Students were given GREAT lee-way with choosing what classes they wanted.
3) A student, on average, had at minimum 1.5 to 2 hours of free time everyday much like universities so students could study...but like colleges, you were not made to study. Schools had "commons" or "common areas" where kids could hang out, play cards or whatever they wanted.
4) Schools had smoking areas, at my school guards sold cigarettes to kids for a dime each (considering packs were about $.50 then - it was a nice lucrative business for them)
5) Students were given punch cards to show teachers that they spent required time in study halls - however this was poorly monitored and kids would simply punch the card in the respective study hall - and then walk outside or go to the commons.
6) Punishment was rare. Kids were sent to "disciplinary counsellors" who would talk about whyyyyyy they were acting out...and give them adviiiiiice on why they should do better.
Needless to say - KIDS LOVED THIS SYSTEM!! - I did too..it was freakin' awesome.
However, after about 10 years of this stupidity, and colleges everywhere complaining about ill-prepared students - the US B.O.E. abolished the system and went back to the traditional system.