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Magnetizing America: Hero-Quest (Exorcists/Heretics)

Abishai100

VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
4,957
250
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Is America a Republic...or an Empire?

This Rapture-yarn was inspired by Terminator Salvation.




:11_2_1043:

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A strange humanoid alien visitor named Magneto from a faraway galaxy arrived on Earth and integrated himself into society, disguised as a circus magician named Mandrake. Mandrake/Magneto had the superhuman ability to control and manipulate magnetic-fields, enabling him to hurl and contort large and heavy metal objects. Magneto was happy working at his travelling American circus-company as the metallurgy-illusionist Mandrake until he saw news on CNN of a global thermonuclear war between America and North Korea. Suddenly, Magneto wondered if he should use his magnetism-powers and keen intellect to 'save the day.'

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Americans were trying to defend the value of capitalism around the world. A special unit of paramilitary crusaders known as 'G.I. Joes' were assigned to deal with a terrible Eastern terrorist organization known as Cobra which was helping North Korea coordinate its nuclear-campaign against the USA. The G.I. Joes infiltrated North Korea and worked from the streets to reach and overthrow the government before the leaders could launch its nuclear missiles. However, the G.I. Joes were ill-equipped to deal with all the relevant issues, and Magneto discovered this while flying around North Korea (using his special magnetic-field flying bubble-shield) invisibly. Magneto wondered how he should help the G.I. Joes contend with Cobra which was busy manipulating North Korea's leaders.

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After some serious meditation, it occurred to Magneto that the real 'problem' with modern global capitalism on Earth was that human beings were over-speculating on risk and fortune and opened up a proverbial tempting 'red door' to the inferno of Hell. This 'red door' led to the underworld and created all sorts of anti-democratic panic regarding the lust for power and the allure of piracy. This opened red door would lead mankind to all sorts of vanities such as technology indulgences (e.g., laser-guns), political opportunism (e.g., fascism), and social betrayal (e.g., Enron). Magneto realized he'd have to negotiate with the G.I. Joes and Cobra to resolve this matter which would surely lead to the annihilation of the human species. Who would be the heroes?

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Adam Smith, the economist-philosopher considered to be the 'father of capitalism-theory' and writer of the seminal capitalism-dissection work The Wealth of Nations, was demonized by anti-capitalists and terrorist groups such as Cobra. Wall Street was simply untrusted and Magneto wondered how he would rid the world of the cynical notion that capitalism (and the American Dream) would only spawn unscrupulous 'fat-cats' and sharks. Magneto wondered if capitalism would be 'blamed' for the excesses of civilization (e.g., the development of 'advanced weapons').

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After some consideration, Magneto decided to construct a giant metal chamber which he said symbolized the claustrophobia of modernism/capitalism ambition-indulgences. These indulgences created a gluttony and moral apathy towards the production of dangerous weapons such as nuclear missiles. Magneto wanted to reference this constructed metal chamber, which he called the Metal Doom-Room, in his special monumental debate with G.I. Joe and Cobra. Would Magneto end up being the unlikely hero in this evangelism-oriented crusade to finally quash the 'social blasphemy' of capitalism (and hence globalization itself)?

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MAGNETO: Imagine we created a modernism abomination such as a female robot sex-slave.
GI JOE: Are you criticizing the 'philosophy' of capitalism/civilization itself?
COBRA: Ambition is never erasable...

MAGNETO: Competition/ambition is natural, yes, but so is teamwork!
GI JOE: How do you promote teamwork in a society obsessed with achievement?
COBRA: Yes, mankind cares deeply about its intellectual trophies (e.g., Fort Knox).

MAGNETO: Well, let's imagine we invent this female robot sex-slave (named Eli).
GI JOE: Alright, so let's suppose then that Eli is perfectly happy being a sex-slave!
COBRA: What's the harm?

MAGNETO: The harm is that we're over-assuming Eli's happiness, simply because we're happy.
GI JOE: So you're suggesting that civilization is creating a sort of 'intellectual hypocrisy'?
COBRA: Eli is therefore a symbol of Hell and apathy!

MAGNETO: Just think. Eli is to modernism evils what the Statue of Liberty was to immigration.
GI JOE: I see; Eli confounds our sense of fair-play and ethics...
COBRA: Eli is the 'Whore of Babylon.'

MAGNETO: So consider my constructed Metal Doom-Room, a symbol of claustrophobia.
GI JOE: So this constructed 'metal room' of yours reminds us of the reality of self-destruction?
COBRA: Are you suggesting that civilization creates articles of toxic potential?

MAGNETO: Yes, 'toxic' is the perfect term, since our indulgences with resources makes war.
GI JOE: I suppose the Gulf War (Iraq) was mostly resource (petroleum) based.
COBRA: So your 'metal room' should remind us of the potential for volatility?

MAGNETO: Yes, and now let's imagine that our robot sex-slave Eli is placed in the room.
GI JOE: So Eli 'trapped' in this 'metal room' represents mankind's insanity regarding ambition?
COBRA: If we 'freed' Eli from this room, would mankind be redeemed (in terms of capitalism)?

MAGNETO: Correct; Eli is the 'saint' of this Metal Doom-Room.
GI JOE: Why should we trust you, Magneto? You're not really involved in politics...
COBRA: Yes, you side neither with G.I. Joe nor Cobra!

MAGNETO: Consider me a simply neutral observer/mediator.
GI JOE: Alright; so Eli is freed from the 'metal room' because man is spiritual about fairness.
COBRA: And so terrorism ends and fascism finally dies; and the demand for slavery is gone.

MAGNETO: To 'magnetize America,' we need to identify the 'priests' of consumerism!
GI JOE: I suppose Facebook, Amazon.com, Wall Street, and the European Union are 'totems.'
COBRA: If we therefore ignore the 'allure' of resource-gluttony, we can build 'castles.'

MAGNETO: Your mission then is to redeem the soul of humanity by freeing Eli!
GI JOE: I think this odd character Magneto has provided us a special 'philosophy.'
COBRA: Yes, Magneto reminds me of Jonathan Swift!

MAGNETO: Remember this...heroism is about rationalism, not expediency.
GI JOE: The Devil's power is to seduce civilization into thinking that opportunity means power.
COBRA: Let's cease our meaningless wars so we can free Eli and create a 'Grand Republic.'


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After Magneto concluded his special deliberation with G.I. Joe and Cobra, he realized that his message was delivered and his special thought-model about Eli the female robot and his special constructed Metal Doom-Room effectively reminded humans that capitalism must always be tempered by humility. Magneto was content that humanity would now harken its intellectual/imaginarium priests/poets such as Isaac Asimov, Jonathan Swift, and Tom Clancy before indulging in its capitalist ambitions to simply dominate! Magneto returned to his own galaxy...satisfied that heroism had been found in the modern world of great vices.

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GOD: Man is fortunate to have had Magneto visit Earth.
SATAN: Yes, Magneto managed to sway humanity...
GOD: The forces of G.I. Joe and Cobra will now work together to resolve differences.
SATAN: I enjoyed Magneto's sex-slave robot and metal room thought-experiment.
GOD: Yes, he managed to sway G.I. Joe and Cobra and thwart nuclear war.
SATAN: Perhaps the Apocalypse has been avoided...
GOD: At the very least, Magneto has reminded humans that temperance is always positive.
SATAN: All we need now is some solid religious insurance.
GOD: Isn't that your department?
SATAN: You always make fun of me; but listen to me here --- vice is a reality.
GOD: Well, perhaps mankind will not need more morality-lessons.
SATAN: In that case, let's go watch I, Robot on Netflix!
GOD: That's a good Asimov-adapted film about dystopian machines/robots.
SATAN: I know; it should remind us of how Magneto instructed man about humility.
GOD: I suppose the conceptualization of 'magnetizing America' does not have to spell evil.
SATAN: Right; social networks conducive to consumerism/capitalism can be beneficial.
GOD: Pride is the ultimate sin perhaps...
SATAN: America has the opportunity to serve as the world's peaceful 'Big Brother.'


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:1peleas:
 

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