Only in Florida...

[Devils_Advocate]

I would definitely be highly upset if some guy laid down in my front yard and started masturbating with a pickle. How do you even report that to 911 without turning ten shades of red?

911: This is 911 please State your emergency.

Old Lady: I do not know how to describe what I am seeing but it is something only Bruce or Mike could ever fathom!

911: Oh, another guy with a pickle pretending to be the magical purple dildo getting it on in your yard!

Old Lady looks at the phone and wonders how many people think like Mike and I?

 

[Oldestyle]

Let's face it, we have all experienced it. We've read a headline after headline of bizarre happenings and wondered, what the actual fuck? Why?

Then we've clicked on the link and found these truly mind boggling incidents, more often than not, occurred in Florida. Is there something in the water?

Example:

Pickle-Packing Perv Popped On Private Premise

MARCH 15--A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit. Responding to a suspici

www.thesmokinggun.com

MARCH 15--A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit.

Responding to a suspicious person call around 4 PM, a cop saw Eric Detiege, 47, lying on his back in front of a townhouse in Oldsmar, a city in the Tampa Bay area.

Detiege, unencumbered by pants or underwear, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Detiege, the cop added, was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating...”




What the actual fuck...

Next...

We actually still arrest the freaks. If he'd been in New York City or San Francisco the Police would have let that behavior go.

 

[hjmick]

Here we go again...

I have never understood how a person can look at a child and have sexual thoughts...


I have never understood how a person can look at a dog, or any animal, and think, "I'd like to slice me off some of that..."

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article249978479.html

An Aventura veterinarian was arrested on Tuesday on allegations he possessed a trove of child pornography — and also sexually abused dogs.

Federal agents took Prentiss Madden, 40, into custody on charges of possession of child pornography, receipt of child pornography and animal abuse. Madden, the medical director of Caring Hands Animal Hospital in Aventura, is being held at Miami’s Federal Detention Center.


As if the child pornography is enough of a reason to end him, he sexually abused dogs...

Seriously, Florida, what the fuck?

 

[Blues Man]

 

[hadit]

Let's face it, we have all experienced it. We've read a headline after headline of bizarre happenings and wondered, what the actual fuck? Why?

Then we've clicked on the link and found these truly mind boggling incidents, more often than not, occurred in Florida. Is there something in the water?

Example:

Pickle-Packing Perv Popped On Private Premise

MARCH 15--A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit. Responding to a suspici

www.thesmokinggun.com

MARCH 15--A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit.

Responding to a suspicious person call around 4 PM, a cop saw Eric Detiege, 47, lying on his back in front of a townhouse in Oldsmar, a city in the Tampa Bay area.

Detiege, unencumbered by pants or underwear, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Detiege, the cop added, was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating...”




What the actual fuck...

Next...

I guess we should be thankful the pickle was uneaten...