12 Things That Are Illegal During Pride Month

[Votto]

12 Things That Are Illegal During Pride Month
WORLDVIEWS·Jun 2, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads

Pride Month has transformed over the years into so much more than rainbows and weirdos in parades. Unbeknownst to many, there are now special laws to ensure every American citizen respects this holiest of state-enforced holidays!

Here are twelve things that are now crimes in America during Pride Month:

1. Buckling seatbelts: Absolutely no "male-to-female" connections.
2. Leaving an empty urinal between two men: Straight to jail.
3. Going to church: Unless it's United Methodist.
4. Driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you put tire tracks on the sacred symbol!
5. Not driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you not let your tires kiss the sacred symbol!
6. Changing the channel when a WNBA game comes on: DON'T LOOK AWAY.
7. Driving any car except for a Subaru: While wearing Birkenstocks, of course.
8. Having straight sex: Obviously.
9. Having straight thoughts: Obviously.
10. Men wearing shorts that go below the knee: Sky's out, thighs out.
11. Watching a movie that doesn't start with the word "Brokeback": The volleyball scene from Top Gun is also acceptable.
12. Purchasing "The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender": Whatever you do, don't order it from the Bee website for $22.99 plus shipping!

Stay safe out there, fam!

 

[ReinyDays]

Maybe outlawing this pathetic six-colored "rainbow" flag ... even folks in Kansas know there's seven colors in the rainbow ...

I feel excluded outside Topeka ...

 

[Augustine_]

12 Things That Are Illegal During Pride Month
WORLDVIEWS·Jun 2, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads

View attachment 957900

Pride Month has transformed over the years into so much more than rainbows and weirdos in parades. Unbeknownst to many, there are now special laws to ensure every American citizen respects this holiest of state-enforced holidays!

Here are twelve things that are now crimes in America during Pride Month:

1. Buckling seatbelts: Absolutely no "male-to-female" connections.
2. Leaving an empty urinal between two men: Straight to jail.
3. Going to church: Unless it's United Methodist.
4. Driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you put tire tracks on the sacred symbol!
5. Not driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you not let your tires kiss the sacred symbol!
6. Changing the channel when a WNBA game comes on: DON'T LOOK AWAY.
7. Driving any car except for a Subaru: While wearing Birkenstocks, of course.
8. Having straight sex: Obviously.
9. Having straight thoughts: Obviously.
10. Men wearing shorts that go below the knee: Sky's out, thighs out.
11. Watching a movie that doesn't start with the word "Brokeback": The volleyball scene from Top Gun is also acceptable.
12. Purchasing "The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender": Whatever you do, don't order it from the Bee website for $22.99 plus shipping!

Stay safe out there, fam!

^

 

[Zincwarrior]

Thou dost protest too much.

 

[BackAgain]

Is it “dost” or “doth?”

 

[ReinyDays]

I think the OP needs to clean out his closet ... he spends WAY too much time on this subject ...

 

[Blaster]

How many gay folks are actually proud of being homosexual?

 

[Zincwarrior]

Is it “dost” or “doth?”

How about: no one better check your websites.

 

[BackAgain]

How about: no one better check your websites.

Or how about: huh?

 

[Blaster]

AN UNHAPPY GAY WANTS TO CHOOSE TO BE STRAIGHT

Dear Abby: I’ll get right to the point – I am gay, but I don’t like being gay. I want a wife and children. I also have a career in which further advancement would be very difficul…

www.chicagotribune.com

 

[westwall]

^

Dumbass doesn't understand satire!

 

[westwall]

Thou dost protest too much.

Thou ist a moron! It's SATIRE you fucking moron!

 

[westwall]

I think the OP needs to clean out his closet ... he spends WAY too much time on this subject ...

Oh look, another idiot who doesn't understand satire.

 

[Zincwarrior]

Or how about: huh?

Protip, clear out all the gay porn you have.

Why Do Neo-Nazis Keep Getting Arrested For Child Sexual Abuse Material?

A surprising number of far-right extremists have been caught with some of the worst content imaginable, is this a trend or is child sexual abuse material just distressingly more commonplace than most realize?

www.vice.com

 

[westwall]

Protip, clear out all the gay porn you have.

Why Do Neo-Nazis Keep Getting Arrested For Child Sexual Abuse Material?

A surprising number of far-right extremists have been caught with some of the worst content imaginable, is this a trend or is child sexual abuse material just distressingly more commonplace than most realize?

www.vice.com

Way more of your antifa retards are trannies, pedophiles, and queers.

 

[BackAgain]

Protip, clear out all the gay porn you have.

Why Do Neo-Nazis Keep Getting Arrested For Child Sexual Abuse Material?

A surprising number of far-right extremists have been caught with some of the worst content imaginable, is this a trend or is child sexual abuse material just distressingly more commonplace than most realize?

www.vice.com

I have never downloaded your porn collection.

I kinda like people of the (actual) female persuasion.

 

[Zincwarrior]

I have never downloaded your porn collection.

I kinda like people of the (actual) female persuasion.

Sure you do.

Trump Campaign Adviser Pleads Guilty to Child Porn, Sex Trafficking

An informal adviser to Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign who testified in the Mueller probe pleaded guilty Monday to charges of child sex trafficking and possessing child pornography.

www.courthousenews.com

Ex-RNC staffer gets more than 12 years in prison in child porn case

Probe that snared Ruben Verastigui allegedly involved at least 18 others, including a former Commerce Department aide.

www.politico.com

Rhode Island MAGA Neo-Nazi arrested on child porn charges - National Zero

The “It’s never a drag queen” meme crowd are going to love this one: The Boston Globe reports that Portsmouth, Rhode Island Neo-Nazi Stephen Thomas Farrea, 34, was arrested last week on felony charges of possession of child pornography charges. Farrea’s a member of the Nationalist Social...

nationalzero.com

 

[BackAgain]

Sure you do.

Trump Campaign Adviser Pleads Guilty to Child Porn, Sex Trafficking

An informal adviser to Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign who testified in the Mueller probe pleaded guilty Monday to charges of child sex trafficking and possessing child pornography.

www.courthousenews.com

Ex-RNC staffer gets more than 12 years in prison in child porn case

Probe that snared Ruben Verastigui allegedly involved at least 18 others, including a former Commerce Department aide.

www.politico.com

Rhode Island MAGA Neo-Nazi arrested on child porn charges - National Zero

The “It’s never a drag queen” meme crowd are going to love this one: The Boston Globe reports that Portsmouth, Rhode Island Neo-Nazi Stephen Thomas Farrea, 34, was arrested last week on felony charges of possession of child pornography charges. Farrea’s a member of the Nationalist Social...

nationalzero.com

Said ^ zinc as if it was in any way responsive to what I had posted.

 

[g5000]

12 Things That Are Illegal During Pride Month
WORLDVIEWS·Jun 2, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads

View attachment 957900

Pride Month has transformed over the years into so much more than rainbows and weirdos in parades. Unbeknownst to many, there are now special laws to ensure every American citizen respects this holiest of state-enforced holidays!

Here are twelve things that are now crimes in America during Pride Month:

1. Buckling seatbelts: Absolutely no "male-to-female" connections.
2. Leaving an empty urinal between two men: Straight to jail.
3. Going to church: Unless it's United Methodist.
4. Driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you put tire tracks on the sacred symbol!
5. Not driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you not let your tires kiss the sacred symbol!
6. Changing the channel when a WNBA game comes on: DON'T LOOK AWAY.
7. Driving any car except for a Subaru: While wearing Birkenstocks, of course.
8. Having straight sex: Obviously.
9. Having straight thoughts: Obviously.
10. Men wearing shorts that go below the knee: Sky's out, thighs out.
11. Watching a movie that doesn't start with the word "Brokeback": The volleyball scene from Top Gun is also acceptable.
12. Purchasing "The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender": Whatever you do, don't order it from the Bee website for $22.99 plus shipping!

Stay safe out there, fam!

Does someone think this is clever?

You should ask a gay person to help you write comedy. They can be very funny people.

 

[Votto]

Is it “dost” or “doth?”

Neither, it's done did it.