A question for parents

[Bonnie]

Oh, I circulate quite a bit in reality and have many female friends. I've asked a few out, even, but I've always soon figured out it wouldn't work. As far the computer, right now, I'm home for the summer, and nobody else is, so I do what I can to amuse myself when I'm not at work. There is nothing shameful about having never had a girlfriend. I've seen many successful marriages where the husband and wife never really went out until they got engaged. My hope, although if you don't believe in God, you may think it's unrealistic, but my hope is that my discretion will mean that I will never really develop a serious romantic relationship except with the woman I marry.

Sounds like a good plan to me and one worth working for. I almost wish I had done that when I was your age. Most people don't have their heads screwed on as well as you do.

 

[Nienna]

If you place too many restrictions on dating, your daughters are going to do it behind your back. They will flirt with guys behind your back, go on dates, find boyfriends, mess around and ... um ...... other things.

Not speaking from personal experience, of course...

See, I had the exact opposite experience. My father's advice to me was, "If you can't be good, be careful." I remember once, I was on a second date with this guy (I was 15). We were sitting in his car in my driveway. I was plastered against the car door, and he was plastered against me. I was very uncomfortable, but didn't have enough experience to get out of the situation. I liked the guy, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Well, here comes my dad walking by. He glances at us in the car, and just keeps on walking. I still feel the betrayal of that moment. If my father would have given me more expectations, would have instilled in me the fact that he thought I was too special to have to "put out," I think I would have acted differently. The first time I did it, I was thinking, "Well, it's bound to happen, anyway. Might as well see what it's like."

As far as dating goes, I pretty much agree with you all. I will strongly encourage them to "date around," not "go steady." I also STRONGLY agree that getting kids involved in activities not only keeps them busy, but gives them an identity and makes them feel special. I had no idea that I was anything special as a pubescent girl. My identity was always "So-and-so's girlfriend." I never received specific compliments from my parents, and I was discouraged from activities. I had no idea what my gifts or talents were. There is so much out there, so many opportunities to travel and experience things if you aren't completely engrossed in your boyfriend/girlfriend. This is what kids need to focus on instead of sex. Sex is too consuming. Plenty of time for it later.

 

[Abbey Normal]

Oh, I circulate quite a bit in reality and have many female friends. I've asked a few out, even, but I've always soon figured out it wouldn't work. As far the computer, right now, I'm home for the summer, and nobody else is, so I do what I can to amuse myself when I'm not at work. There is nothing shameful about having never had a girlfriend. I've seen many successful marriages where the husband and wife never really went out until they got engaged. My hope, although if you don't believe in God, you may think it's unrealistic, but my hope is that my discretion will mean that I will never really develop a serious romantic relationship except with the woman I marry.

H, you are handling things very well, IMO. I hope that when my daughter does start dating, she meets a guy as thoughtful as you.

(Don't you find it funny when someone on a Message Board tells someone else they are on line too much?)

 

[dmp]

See, ....

Wow...That really surprises me. Online you seem to be so well-grounded and otherwise free from any issues the 'rest of us' have to deal with. I think in spite of those things you mention, you seemed to have risen above things.

 

[freeandfun1]

Somebody give mom some rep points... right now they show "666" ewh!

 

[GotZoom]

Somebody give mom some rep points... right now they show "666" ewh!

Done.

 

[dmp]

done

 

[freeandfun1]

thanks! I hated seeing a good Christian woman like her have "666" next to her name!

 

[Annie]

I was listening on the Radio the other day - Hannity? Lady was saying her 'date' asked her DAD if he had Dad's permission to ask out his daughter. I think I'd impliment something like that too..

I didn't have 'that' rule, but did insist on meeting the boy/girl the first, second, third time of going out. My biggest and best 'suggestion' was having them all welcome 'here' at my home. Most high school kids don't have more than $50 bucks to spend on an evening, which gets you movie, snacks, and coffee. 'Why not save the coffee/coke and tip, come here and watch a video or play games?' Had pool table and ping pong, yes kids play those and poker! That seemed to go over well, I'd bring snacks down, then pop. Then come to check for 'trash'. Checking up without "snooping."

 

[Bonnie]

Kathianne

was having them all welcome 'here' at my home.

That was my mom's favorite line..LOL

 

[Annie]

Kathianne


That was my mom's favorite line..LOL

Must be a Catholic mom thing? I must say, I was lucky, most of my kids' friends parents were the same. 9 out of 10 times they'd go to a movie and come to one of our houses. It grew to be 'cool' to call home and tell your folks where you were. (I must admit, I was shocked how much they did that!)

 

[Bonnie]

Must be a Catholic mom thing? I must say, I was lucky, most of my kids' friends parents were the same. 9 out of 10 times they'd go to a movie and come to one of our houses. It grew to be 'cool' to call home and tell your folks where you were. (I must admit, I was shocked how much they did that!)

Well the pool table and poker nights didn't hurt either

 

[Nienna]

Wow...That really surprises me. Online you seem to be so well-grounded and otherwise free from any issues the 'rest of us' have to deal with. I think in spite of those things you mention, you seemed to have risen above things.

Thanks Darin, Free, and Zoom! You're all so sweet! I guess it's ABOVE that helps us rise, you know?

 

[Annie]

Well the pool table and poker nights didn't hurt either

Nope, nor the spaghetti dinners night before X-Country meets; trips to lake house and dragging them in tubes or water skiing. I guess it's those things that help kids 'choose' the right things, most of the time. (Well that and a bit of luck!)

 

[Nienna]

I'd bring snacks down, then pop. Then come to check for 'trash'. Checking up without "snooping."

LOL! Our phone was just around the corner from the breadbox, and we didn't have a cordless back then. For some reason my mom always needed A LOT of bread when we were on the phone!