A question for parents

[dmp]

Oh - and one aspect I fear -Cp's kids may miss out on: Interacting with the opposite sex. Learning guys' signals. Learning how to approach a woman at a bar/grocery store, etc. The whole experience of getting 'shot down'. Vital lessons.

 

[Mr. P]

Oh - and one aspect I fear -Cp's kids may miss out on: Interacting with the opposite sex. Learning guys' signals. Learning how to approach a woman at a bar/grocery store, etc. The whole experience of getting 'shot down'. Vital lessons.

I agree...

 

[Abbey Normal]

My daughter is about to enter high school, and will turn 14 soon. We (husband & I) have decided that one-on-one dating is not going to happen for quite a while. Group dates to public places maybe okay. She will have plenty of time in the future to learn about *boys* and the pitfalls of dating.

Our plan is to keep her busy with homework and activities so she won't notice. Think it will work?

 

[Bonnie]

Ok, I've only read this far and have a couple pages to go. Gotta ask, how old are your kids?

Mine are 19, 22, and 24. Thank g, none are or have been or made someone pregnant. No STD's that I know of. No signs of alcohol or drug abuse.

I also teach middle school and have taught in high school, part time.

My take:

Middle school=age 15 tops, should NOT be dating. School dances, group movie or malls with parental pick up/co-shopping, ok. The kids need to know, with parental/chaperone supervision how to say 'yes' or 'no' to accepting/rejecting dances, overtures without being hurtful, appropriate hand placement

Freshmen/Sophomores=for the most part this means 'no cars.' Harder to deal with daughters here, as they often catch the eye of upper classmen. My way of dealing with this was 'no dating' but in groups. I had to meet the 'group.' Only possible on Fri/Sat nights. 10:30 curfew, with grounding if late.

Junior/Seniors=stuck with curfew/grounding, but curfew changed to 11:30, with extension to 12, with phone call and talking with parents that I knew. Mostly they were still 'group dates.' Often ended up at someone's home, often mine, with 8 'couples' watching videos.

Only 'stuck in throat moment' was with daughter, natch! Senior year she started dating a 23 year old. Creepo. The more I got upset, the more she liked him. Suddenly, she didn't. He started stalking. Police and everything. Good luck!

She is the 24 year old. Still dating, but now she 'gets it.' She will tell me about 'good dates' and 'bad dates' but she can handle herself.

I don't think I could 'arrange' my kids 'partners', heck I couldn't arrange my own! I do know that I raised my kids to treat others with respect and to expect the same in return.

Spoken like a true take charge parent. Honestly kathianne my parents pretty much did exactly what you did. For the most part it kept me out of trouble, and for that im grateful now.

 

[Mr. P]

My daughter is about to enter high school, and will turn 14 soon. We (husband & I) have decided that one-on-one dating is not going to happen for quite a while. Group dates to public places maybe okay. She will have plenty of time in the future to learn about *boys* and the pitfalls of dating.

Our plan is to keep her busy with homework and activities so we won't notice. Think it will work?

Been there done that, mine is 17 now...The answer, yes an no..I'll let ya know for sure when I know..

 

[Annie]

Spoken like a true take charge parent. Honestly kathianne my parents pretty much did exactly what you did. For the most part it kept me out of trouble, and for that im grateful now.

That's all one can hope for.

 

[Bonnie]

My daughter is about to enter high school, and will turn 14 soon. We (husband & I) have decided that one-on-one dating is not going to happen for quite a while. Group dates to public places maybe okay. She will have plenty of time in the future to learn about *boys* and the pitfalls of dating.

Our plan is to keep her busy with homework and activities so she won't notice. Think it will work?

The activities idea is a great one I think especially because not only does it keep them busy but it gives them self esteem which goes along way to not allowing bad influences. I did this with my step daughter, in my case she was very spoiled at first due in large part to her mother, and I with the support of now ex worked with her to undo some of that when she came to live with us. Activities helped a lot and a little bit of volunteer work did wonders for an attitude adjustment.

 

[Avatar4321]

Oh - and one aspect I fear -Cp's kids may miss out on: Interacting with the opposite sex. Learning guys' signals. Learning how to approach a woman at a bar/grocery store, etc. The whole experience of getting 'shot down'. Vital lessons.

Yeah I understand that now. I was pretty shy and very sickly when I was younger so I didnt get all that social experience and now Ive realized how much I didn't know so I am cramming to learn how to get women still Yeah Im lame.

 

[dmp]

What has this got to do with Mr.P's question? (I think we're going to have to go back to the health forum)

I had no concept of what sex I would, or would not be having. We didn't marry for the sex, because there wasn't any.

 

[xandy123]

WOW... are you discounting your role in setting the example as what to look for ? I don't think dating is healthy at a young age. It distracts them from what they need to be focused on - school, building friendships and learning responsibility. I guess it really depends on what one's definition is of dating. Again, in my opinion, 15, 16 and 17 year olds do NOT need to be worried about finding a mate. They might need to start thinking about what they would like in a mate or what interests them in a mate, but looking for a mate? Hell, most kids don't even start thinking about what college they want to go to until they are a senior. Why should they start worrying about whom they are going to marry at 16?

You know, finding a mate is what nature intended us all to do.

 

[xandy123]

My daughter is about to enter high school, and will turn 14 soon. We (husband & I) have decided that one-on-one dating is not going to happen for quite a while. Group dates to public places maybe okay. She will have plenty of time in the future to learn about *boys* and the pitfalls of dating.

Our plan is to keep her busy with homework and activities so she won't notice. Think it will work?

Good Idea 14 is way to early to be alone with 16 or 17 is when you should ease up. Once they learn how to drive...my rents wouldnt let my sister date until she was 17 because she was way to naive. Looking back though she says they were preachy and condescending. And she hates me cause they never bothered me

 

[5stringJeff]

Just now seeing this thread.

The fad in the Christian subculture of courting, not dating, popped up about 8-10 years ago, mostly stemming from a book by Joshua Harris entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." His thesis is that dating as we know it today is not Biblical, and that courting is how we should find our mates. Frankly, I'm really happy that it worked for him, and I wish him the best, but I have yet to find a Biblical prohibition against activities that go on during a date (except sexual contact, obviously).

So I will allow my daughter to date, when she turns old enough. Probably 16. And I think I might require her first date with any guy to be a dinner date with him, her, and Dad. Good way to screen potential losers, IMO.

 

[dmp]

Just now seeing this thread.

The fad in the Christian subculture of courting, not dating, popped up about 8-10 years ago, mostly stemming from a book by Joshua Harris entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." His thesis is that dating as we know it today is not Biblical, and that courting is how we should find our mates. Frankly, I'm really happy that it worked for him, and I wish him the best, but I have yet to find a Biblical prohibition against activities that go on during a date (except sexual contact, obviously).

So I will allow my daughter to date, when she turns old enough. Probably 16. And I think I might require her first date with any guy to be a dinner date with him, her, and Dad. Good way to screen potential losers, IMO.

I was listening on the Radio the other day - Hannity? Lady was saying her 'date' asked her DAD if he had Dad's permission to ask out his daughter. I think I'd impliment something like that too..

 

[5stringJeff]

I was listening on the Radio the other day - Hannity? Lady was saying her 'date' asked her DAD if he had Dad's permission to ask out his daughter. I think I'd impliment something like that too..

Frankly, I just want to make sure the guy knows how to dress, how to speak like an adult, and how to run faster than my gun shoots if he misbehaves!

 

[Hobbit]

I'm not a parent. In fact, I'm a single 22 year old, but here's my stance.

1) Do not date someone you don't know very well. Blind dates are totally out of the question.

2) If, at any time, you cannot envision youself marrying this person, it's time to end the relationship.

3) There are several things that typically fall between first sight and marriage, such as first date, first kiss, meeting the parents, going "steady," engagement, etc. While these things may be done in just about any order at just about any time between meeting and marriage, They should not be clustered at the beginning of the realitionship, since if you're not ready to get married, yet you've done all these things that typically fall between first sight and marriage, there will be a lot of sexual temptation, since there's nowhere else for the relationship to go.

At 22, I have never had a girlfriend, but I've dodged several bullets where bad relationships could have started by following these rules.

 

[Nuc]

I'm not a parent. In fact, I'm a single 22 year old, but here's my stance.

1) Do not date someone you don't know very well. Blind dates are totally out of the question.

2) If, at any time, you cannot envision youself marrying this person, it's time to end the relationship.

3) There are several things that typically fall between first sight and marriage, such as first date, first kiss, meeting the parents, going "steady," engagement, etc. While these things may be done in just about any order at just about any time between meeting and marriage, They should not be clustered at the beginning of the realitionship, since if you're not ready to get married, yet you've done all these things that typically fall between first sight and marriage, there will be a lot of sexual temptation, since there's nowhere else for the relationship to go.

At 22, I have never had a girlfriend, but I've dodged several bullets where bad relationships could have started by following these rules.

All good points, but if you've really never had a girlfriend maybe it's time to get off the computer and start circulating a bit more in reality. Life is short, do you want to die without ever having enjoyed the company of at least one sexy woman?

 

[Gabriella84]

If you place too many restrictions on dating, your daughters are going to do it behind your back. They will flirt with guys behind your back, go on dates, find boyfriends, mess around and ... um ...... other things.

Not speaking from personal experience, of course...

 

[Joz]

I had no concept of what sex I would, or would not be having. We didn't marry for the sex, because there wasn't any.

The questions & comment's I havve regarding this should not probably be here. If you would like, I'd appreciate something started in the health forum.
I'm not gonna do it. It looks already like I talk about nothing but sex.!

 

[Hobbit]

All good points, but if you've really never had a girlfriend maybe it's time to get off the computer and start circulating a bit more in reality. Life is short, do you want to die without ever having enjoyed the company of at least one sexy woman?

Oh, I circulate quite a bit in reality and have many female friends. I've asked a few out, even, but I've always soon figured out it wouldn't work. As far the computer, right now, I'm home for the summer, and nobody else is, so I do what I can to amuse myself when I'm not at work. There is nothing shameful about having never had a girlfriend. I've seen many successful marriages where the husband and wife never really went out until they got engaged. My hope, although if you don't believe in God, you may think it's unrealistic, but my hope is that my discretion will mean that I will never really develop a serious romantic relationship except with the woman I marry.

 

[GotZoom]

If you place too many restrictions on dating, your daughters are going to do it behind your back. They will flirt with guys behind your back, go on dates, find boyfriends, mess around and ... um ...... other things.

Not speaking from personal experience, of course...

So is that why you are the way you are?

(couldn't resist)

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