Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
I was walking home to my penthouse after work one evening, having just left my job for the day at a quarter of 3pm at a prestigious equities firm on Wall Street. I heard a voice from an alley say “Hey, buddy? You one of them big and powerful Wall Street executives with a dinosauric penis?” I stopped, curiosity piqued, and replied “Of course!”
The man in the alley was a scraggly looking Asian gentleman. He motioned me forward, asking “I bet you like the Rolex, eh?” I am thinking, right… this street urchin is going to try to sell me a fake Rolex. Just who the fuck does he think he’s dealing with? I really should have blown him off, but I knew my wife’s personal trainer, Buck Shaft, was at the penthouse with her and that her workout would not be finished for another hour or so. Therefore, I had time to kill.
I approached the Asian street man and said, “Ok, what do you have for me, Chief?” Well, lo and behold, that guy pulled a Daytona Platinum out of his disgusting overcoat and held it out to me, saying “You ever seen one of THESE, Chief?” I was shocked…totally lost for words. I think I gasped. Upon inspection I found it was indeed genuine. The Asian man then said “Yeah, it’s real. Even a nice gent like yourself would have a hell of a time getting his hands on one of THESE! Heh heh heh! A HELL of a time!”
I managed to ask him if he was selling. He said vaguely “Everything has a price, my friend.” Then a thought crossed my mind: the Rollie was probably stolen. As if the Asian man could read my thoughts he said “No, it is not stolen, my friend. It is as real as your and I. But it HAS a price.”
Finally, I asked him for the price. He said $150,000.00 cash and a blow job. “There it is”, I thought to myself. I am so fucking sick of these ridiculous, glorified used car salesmen thinking they can take advantage of us with a heightened horological affection. This was uncalled for, and most likely criminal. But, it was an authentic Tona Plat.
“Done”, I said. I returned in 15 minutes with the cash and then consummated the deal. The whole thing was humiliating enough as it was. But the Asian man kept on haranguing me during the act, calling me his “little bitch” and other such demented bullshit that is common to such peasants.
After I was finished I got the Tona and headed off. But right before I turned and walked away the little Asian guy said “Oh, uh, don’t get that stupid shitter wet.” Curious, I looked up at him to ask why, but the strange man was gone. “That’s odd”, I thought.
I was absolutely ecstatic on my trek home. I knew that my wife was going to be thrilled! My success is her success. So essentially, this is a big win for both of us. But I decided to selfishly bask in the moment a little more before going home. So I went to a cigar bar I frequent called “Smoke Up Your Ass”. I had a couple drinks, smoked an Arturo Fuente, and flexed with my new watch. It garnered a LOT of attention from the other Rolex aficionados! I was pleased with myself.
I finally got home around 8:00pm. My wife was passed out drunk on the couch, still clutching an empty wine bottle in her hand. Oh well, her loss. I went into my study and spent the next two hours admiring my new acquisition and posting wrist shots online. I even went down to the parking garage and took some steering wheel shots in my Porsche. Later I made some witty and clever captions for the steering wheel shots and posted them online.
At 1:30 am I decided to retire for the evening. I found my wife laid out across our bed, lying face down in what appeared to be her own vomit. I sighed, deciding I would sleep in my easy chair tonight. I was getting quite tired by then. I needed rest, as tomorrow was going to be an early day for me. I am expected in a meeting at 11:45 am.
Before sleep I summoned our housekeeper, Maria, from her servant quarters to fetch me a glass of water. I know I could get it myself, but Maria does such a good job: Perrier lime chilled at exactly 62 degrees Fahrenheit, a light salting along the rim of a crystal glass, and containing exactly 3 drops of Glenlivit 18 lightly stirred into the water for 3 minutes exactly while refrigerated to maintain the integrity of the beverage. When Maria served me my glass of water, properly prepared, I smacked her on her butt to indicate my approval and told her she could go back to sleep. Maria is absolutely in love with me. She has been crushing on me hard ever since she accidentally walked in on me in the bathroom while I was muscle flexing nude in front of the mirror with an erection.
Anyway, as I was enjoying my beverage I drifted off to sleep. I dropped my water, soaking my crotch and getting water all over my new Daytona. I jumped up, immediately irritated at what had happened. I yelled for Maria, but she must not have heard me. I vaguely recalled the words of the old Asian man about getting the watch wet. “Hogwash!”, I said to myself. Then something unexpected happened.
I felt my Rollie tightening down on my wrist. Upon inspection I became increasingly startled. My Daytona was … changing …. changing right in front of my eyes!!! It was no longer a Tona, or a Rollie. It trans-morphed into a … Seiko turtle with a Pepsi bezel!! I was horrified!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?!?
I fainted. My head hit an end table in my living room as I went down, accounting for all the blood when I woke up. Dizzy, I got to my feet, wondering what happened. A short walk around the flat revealed that both my wife and Maria were gone. I was puzzled, as my position on the floor as I lie there unconscious would have been readily observable to someone approaching the door to exit the apartment.
I looked at my watch again. It said 1:23 p.m. Looking out the window I saw that the sun was shining. I was gutted. I then remembered what had happened overnight with the watch. “Motherfucker!”, I thought. That son of a bitch in the alley fucked me! This is not a real Rolex at all!
I contacted the police but they laughed at me. I also tried to locate the Asian man, but had no luck. I decided to stop in at the cigar lounge, have a belt and a smoke. But I got laughed out of there. They claimed I had stopped by yesterday and was bragging about the new Platinum Daytona on my wrist, but when they saw it I was actually wearing that fucking Seiko turtle. I fucking swear that if I ever find that Asian guy I am going to give him a piece of my mind and demand my money back! That is the absolute last time I go gray!
The man in the alley was a scraggly looking Asian gentleman. He motioned me forward, asking “I bet you like the Rolex, eh?” I am thinking, right… this street urchin is going to try to sell me a fake Rolex. Just who the fuck does he think he’s dealing with? I really should have blown him off, but I knew my wife’s personal trainer, Buck Shaft, was at the penthouse with her and that her workout would not be finished for another hour or so. Therefore, I had time to kill.
I approached the Asian street man and said, “Ok, what do you have for me, Chief?” Well, lo and behold, that guy pulled a Daytona Platinum out of his disgusting overcoat and held it out to me, saying “You ever seen one of THESE, Chief?” I was shocked…totally lost for words. I think I gasped. Upon inspection I found it was indeed genuine. The Asian man then said “Yeah, it’s real. Even a nice gent like yourself would have a hell of a time getting his hands on one of THESE! Heh heh heh! A HELL of a time!”
I managed to ask him if he was selling. He said vaguely “Everything has a price, my friend.” Then a thought crossed my mind: the Rollie was probably stolen. As if the Asian man could read my thoughts he said “No, it is not stolen, my friend. It is as real as your and I. But it HAS a price.”
Finally, I asked him for the price. He said $150,000.00 cash and a blow job. “There it is”, I thought to myself. I am so fucking sick of these ridiculous, glorified used car salesmen thinking they can take advantage of us with a heightened horological affection. This was uncalled for, and most likely criminal. But, it was an authentic Tona Plat.
“Done”, I said. I returned in 15 minutes with the cash and then consummated the deal. The whole thing was humiliating enough as it was. But the Asian man kept on haranguing me during the act, calling me his “little bitch” and other such demented bullshit that is common to such peasants.
After I was finished I got the Tona and headed off. But right before I turned and walked away the little Asian guy said “Oh, uh, don’t get that stupid shitter wet.” Curious, I looked up at him to ask why, but the strange man was gone. “That’s odd”, I thought.
I was absolutely ecstatic on my trek home. I knew that my wife was going to be thrilled! My success is her success. So essentially, this is a big win for both of us. But I decided to selfishly bask in the moment a little more before going home. So I went to a cigar bar I frequent called “Smoke Up Your Ass”. I had a couple drinks, smoked an Arturo Fuente, and flexed with my new watch. It garnered a LOT of attention from the other Rolex aficionados! I was pleased with myself.
I finally got home around 8:00pm. My wife was passed out drunk on the couch, still clutching an empty wine bottle in her hand. Oh well, her loss. I went into my study and spent the next two hours admiring my new acquisition and posting wrist shots online. I even went down to the parking garage and took some steering wheel shots in my Porsche. Later I made some witty and clever captions for the steering wheel shots and posted them online.
At 1:30 am I decided to retire for the evening. I found my wife laid out across our bed, lying face down in what appeared to be her own vomit. I sighed, deciding I would sleep in my easy chair tonight. I was getting quite tired by then. I needed rest, as tomorrow was going to be an early day for me. I am expected in a meeting at 11:45 am.
Before sleep I summoned our housekeeper, Maria, from her servant quarters to fetch me a glass of water. I know I could get it myself, but Maria does such a good job: Perrier lime chilled at exactly 62 degrees Fahrenheit, a light salting along the rim of a crystal glass, and containing exactly 3 drops of Glenlivit 18 lightly stirred into the water for 3 minutes exactly while refrigerated to maintain the integrity of the beverage. When Maria served me my glass of water, properly prepared, I smacked her on her butt to indicate my approval and told her she could go back to sleep. Maria is absolutely in love with me. She has been crushing on me hard ever since she accidentally walked in on me in the bathroom while I was muscle flexing nude in front of the mirror with an erection.
Anyway, as I was enjoying my beverage I drifted off to sleep. I dropped my water, soaking my crotch and getting water all over my new Daytona. I jumped up, immediately irritated at what had happened. I yelled for Maria, but she must not have heard me. I vaguely recalled the words of the old Asian man about getting the watch wet. “Hogwash!”, I said to myself. Then something unexpected happened.
I felt my Rollie tightening down on my wrist. Upon inspection I became increasingly startled. My Daytona was … changing …. changing right in front of my eyes!!! It was no longer a Tona, or a Rollie. It trans-morphed into a … Seiko turtle with a Pepsi bezel!! I was horrified!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?!?
I fainted. My head hit an end table in my living room as I went down, accounting for all the blood when I woke up. Dizzy, I got to my feet, wondering what happened. A short walk around the flat revealed that both my wife and Maria were gone. I was puzzled, as my position on the floor as I lie there unconscious would have been readily observable to someone approaching the door to exit the apartment.
I looked at my watch again. It said 1:23 p.m. Looking out the window I saw that the sun was shining. I was gutted. I then remembered what had happened overnight with the watch. “Motherfucker!”, I thought. That son of a bitch in the alley fucked me! This is not a real Rolex at all!
I contacted the police but they laughed at me. I also tried to locate the Asian man, but had no luck. I decided to stop in at the cigar lounge, have a belt and a smoke. But I got laughed out of there. They claimed I had stopped by yesterday and was bragging about the new Platinum Daytona on my wrist, but when they saw it I was actually wearing that fucking Seiko turtle. I fucking swear that if I ever find that Asian guy I am going to give him a piece of my mind and demand my money back! That is the absolute last time I go gray!
