Zone1 Dear Dr. Laura: Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

[Zebra]

Dear Dr. Laura: Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?​

This intelligent satirical letters can be found in many forums.
Now it can also be found here.
Did you know it already?

*Note, I didn’t write this; but it’s been floating around the internet for a few years now, and every time I read it, it makes me smile (especially since my wife is Canadian!).

It highlights the real difficulty of *situational* use of the Bible as an authority, which doesn’t work for reasons we’ll discuss a little later.

Here comes the full text:

Dear Dr. Laura: Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

Beliefnet Voices - B. Dave Walters

www.beliefnet.com

 

[Zebra]

Here is the letter:

“Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?




I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim”

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

Dear Dr. Laura: Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

Beliefnet Voices - B. Dave Walters

www.beliefnet.com

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

Jim has many valid questions. Did this self-appointed "Dr." ever give him answers? I expect not, as she's just another self-appointed gossip monger looking to make money from the brainless sheeples that never question her.

 

[Zebra]

I have known this satirical letter for many years now.
And I find it witty and intelligent.

Did you also know this letter before?

 

[Zebra]

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Isn't that nice?

 

[luiza]

If the Canadian was Blocked Ghanaian I would chuck it into the nearest lake before its depression enveloped me , the next village , the region . the universe----- and to stop the world ending with everybody snivelling .

 

[Zebra]

Who has known this letter before?

 

[Zebra]

Again i am asking:

What do you think of this satirical text?

 

[Zebra]

Has anybody now read that letter?

 

[Zebra]

Jim has many valid questions. Did this self-appointed "Dr." ever give him answers? I expect not, as she's just another self-appointed gossip monger looking to make money from the brainless sheeples that never question her.

Yes, Jim has many valid qustions!

 

[SweetSue92]

The letter is not clever and it's not new. It's just another take on people's vast misunderstanding of the OT. The OT laws were written for ancient Israelites and can be broken into three categories:

--Ceremonial
--Civil
--Moral

Christians do not have use of ceremonial laws as we do not worship at the Tabernacle or Temple. We have no use of the civil laws as we are not the nation of Israel.

The Moral Laws--those outlined in the Ten Commandments for example--remain.

 

[Zebra]

The letter is not clever and it's not new. It's just another take on people's vast misunderstanding of the OT. The OT laws were written for ancient Israelites and can be broken into three categories:

--Ceremonial
--Civil
--Moral

Christians do not have use of ceremonial laws as we do not worship at the Tabernacle or Temple. We have no use of the civil laws as we are not the nation of Israel.

The Moral Laws--those outlined in the Ten Commandments for example--remain.

That letter is not new - but still it is very intelligent.

 

[SweetSue92]

That letter is not new - but still it is very intelligent.

It's not, for the very reasons I stated.

It would be like crowing about the fact that parents set a 7:30 bedtime for you when you were 5, and now you no longer have to abide by it. Hahaha isn't that silly?

No.

Because everyone understands that a bedtime is a necessary rule for the right time. And then you don't need it anymore.

Same idea. Got anything in response?

 

[Zebra]

It's not, for the very reasons I stated.

It would be like crowing about the fact that parents set a 7:30 bedtime for you when you were 5, and now you no longer have to abide by it. Hahaha isn't that silly?

No.

Because everyone understands that a bedtime is a necessary rule for the right time. And then you don't need it anymore.

Same idea. Got anything in response?

the letter is for a certain Laura.
Not for you.

 

[Zebra]

It's not, for the very reasons I stated.

It would be like crowing about the fact that parents set a 7:30 bedtime for you when you were 5, and now you no longer have to abide by it. Hahaha isn't that silly?

No.

Because everyone understands that a bedtime is a necessary rule for the right time. And then you don't need it anymore.

Same idea. Got anything in response?

No not the same idea.

 

[luiza]

The letter is not clever and it's not new.

Of course it is not clever , but surely it is just banter . Misplaced perhaps but hardly worth any fuss . Jesus loved a good laugh . Look how he fooled them all with that crucifixion gag .

 

[SweetSue92]

No not the same idea.

It's exactly the same idea. It's like giving your kids these rules:

--Go to bed at 9:00
--Homework must be done by 8:30
--Tell the truth

Which one is pertinent into adulthood?

 

[Zebra]

Are there any Canadians here?

 

[norwegen]

Are there any Canadians here?

No, they're in my back yard planting a garden.

Worth every penny, I must say.

 

[Zebra]

The letter is not clever and it's not new. It's just another take on people's vast misunderstanding of the OT. The OT laws were written for ancient Israelites and can be broken into three categories:

--Ceremonial
--Civil
--Moral

Christians do not have use of ceremonial laws as we do not worship at the Tabernacle or Temple. We have no use of the civil laws as we are not the nation of Israel.

The Moral Laws--those outlined in the Ten Commandments for example--remain.

the letter is clever and amusing