Ideas for help convincing someone I don't need pschological help with no financial cost

[ForumMember235167]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

 

[Lewdog]

Divorce.

 

[Asclepias]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

Self evaluation is typically the hardest for a person to do. If your significant other thinks you have an issue take her word for it and at least check it out. Pick your battles.
FYI. The IQ test has been proven to be a fraud.

 

[bgrouse]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

I guess your wife thinks she'd be happier with "average Joe Dumbass" who gets into drunken knife fights at the bar and beats her on weekends.

Don't worry about your kindergarten teacher. I know a rather successful teacher in real life and she's retarded.

 

[MarathonMike]

As a fellow software engineer, you sound like half of the guys I worked with throughout my career. What does your wife hope the outcome of a counselor will be for you?

 

[ForumMember235167]

As a fellow software engineer, you sound like half of the guys I worked with throughout my career. What does your wife hope the outcome of a counselor will be for you?

She thinks I have autism and need "help", despite the fact that the only agitation I ever experience seems to come from interacting with others. She doesn't understand my repetitive behaviors. They might seem weird, except they are healthy and I embrace them. Think about it, when chess players analyze a game, what do they do? They retreat from it all and shut out the rest of the world to re-create the game. They then model scenarios and experiment with various outcomes based on a starting position with established parameters. They play move after move, always returning to an agreed upon position to test different scenarios. It is a very clear, very pure form of analysis. It is like a mesmerizing spell that exhilarates and enlightens you. It energizes you and is extremely productive, you don't want to escape. It is your escape. Whether it is a book, a TV series, a computer game, an algorithm you are working on, it is more enticing than anything I can describe and I do not apologize. She wants me to leave work at the office, forego my hobbies and entertainment I've earned all week at work, and watch sitcoms with her and have casual conversations and hang out with her and her friends. I've tried interesting her in my books, games, movies, etc. She tries to show interest and form a bond, except we simply do not have the same hobbies. I think I need to be a bit more selfless and simply give the standard male response of going through the motions and giving the obligatory participation in "mutual" activities for the appropriate amount of time.

 

[bgrouse]

As a fellow software engineer, you sound like half of the guys I worked with throughout my career. What does your wife hope the outcome of a counselor will be for you?

She thinks I have autism and need "help", despite the fact that the only agitation I ever experience seems to come from interacting with others. She doesn't understand my repetitive behaviors. They might seem weird, except they are healthy and I embrace them. Think about it, when chess players analyze a game, what do they do? They retreat from it all and shut out the rest of the world to re-create the game. They then model scenarios and experiment with various outcomes based on a starting position with established parameters. They play move after move, always returning to an agreed upon position to test different scenarios. It is a very clear, very pure form of analysis. It is like a mesmerizing spell that exhilarates and enlightens you. It energizes you and is extremely productive, you don't want to escape. It is your escape. Whether it is a book, a TV series, a computer game, an algorithm you are working on, it is more enticing than anything I can describe and I do not apologize. She wants me to leave work at the office, forego my hobbies and entertainment I've earned all week at work, and watch sitcoms with her and have casual conversations and hang out with her and her friends. I've tried interesting her in my books, games, movies, etc. She tries to show interest and form a bond, except we simply do not have the same hobbies. I think I need to be a bit more selfless and simply give the standard male response of going through the motions and giving the obligatory participation in "mutual" activities for the appropriate amount of time.

Sitcoms? You mean garbage like Friends?

 

[ForumMember235167]

Self evaluation is typically the hardest for a person to do. If your significant other thinks you have an issue take her word for it and at least check it out. Pick your battles.
FYI. The IQ test has been proven to be a fraud.

The IQ test was given to me by a relative who works in the field of Psychiatry free of charge. To be clear, it was not designed by her. It is a respected, standardized test.

 

[MarathonMike]

Maybe try to find something neither of you do currently. If nothing else, she will appreciate that you are trying to find some common interest. And the other thing I've learned in being married for a long time is if she is talking to you, pay close attention even if it isn't interesting to you.

 

[bgrouse]

Self evaluation is typically the hardest for a person to do. If your significant other thinks you have an issue take her word for it and at least check it out. Pick your battles.
FYI. The IQ test has been proven to be a fraud.

The IQ test was given to me by a relative who works in the field of Psychiatry free of charge. To be clear, it was not designed by her. It is a respected, standardized test.

His kind doesn't do very well on those tests so he says it's a fraud.

 

[usmbguest5318]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

Why have you chosen here, in a forum of complete strangers who do not know you anywhere as well as your wife does, to raise this matter? That you have done should be sufficient to inspire you to at least consider heeding your wife's recommendation to seek professional help.

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress.

Have you truly considered that she may be right?

BTW, if she's right and you are "a little off" and she's not, it is not she who is causing the distress.

people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders

Which returns me to my opening comment. Why are you asking here where you are assured of neither getting responses from certified psychologists/psychiatrists (indeed such professionals won't deign to "diagnose" you here) nor are you going to get input from people who know you well? The conclusions about whether "something" is amiss in your psyche and that you receive here will be of even less value than is your non-psychologist wife's.

She thinks I have autism and need "help",

You might. There are plenty of folks who are "functioning autistics." She could also be incorrect,which does not mean that it's not something else "going on." That something could as well be in your head as it could be in hers. If your relationship with her matters to you, why not see a therapist and find out for sure?​

there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something".

Illogical. Your status as a software engineer has no bearing on whether you have a mental disorder. It has bearing only on your capacity to learn and practice the theory and techniques concomitant with your profession.

I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her.

Really? Such abstract actions are not going to convince a person who (presumably) lives with you and "knew you (or the 'you' you presented) when" and who also knows the "you" they now see.

She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

Well, no surprise that....

As a "highly successful Software Engineer," the cost of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist will not be prohibitive to you. At most, you'll have to pay the co-pay for your visit(s). Do you trust your wife's judgment and that she genuinely loves you? If so, try heeding her advice. The financial cost will, for you, be negligible and you'll either find out she is right and, in turn, commence on a regimen to ameliorate the problem(s) or you and she'll find out she was incorrect. Neither outcome is a bad thing for you, her and your relationship.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting.

Everyone, notwithstanding whatever mental malady they have or don't, can and will say exactly the same thing. That you feel that way is neither indicative nor probative of anything being amiss or not amiss.

I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing.

Judging by your description of yourself, you seem borderline misanthropic to me. Have you considered that maybe you shouldn't be married and that she shouldn't be married to you?

Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

So you're telling us that since your childhood, folks have recognized that something's "not quite" right and that therapists then determined that socialization would likely solve the problem, yet, by your own attestions (above), it did not, for you remain "asocial," and your wife is, apparently, now picking up on the same cues your childhood overseers did.....Yes, I think you should see a therapist.

Intellect is but one aspect of one's mental faculties. I doubt your wife thinks you're intellectually deficient (stupid); your being a "highly successful Software Engineer" surely convinces her of that. Far more likely is that she thinks you're some measure of "hot mess." It is very possible to be a "hot mess" and intelligent. That is thus possible is why there are therapists; it's very difficult for one to see one's own mental shortcomings that are not so easily tested as is brute intellect, which schools, universities, jobs and a host of other situations and activities quite effectively give one opportunities to demonstrate/confirm.

Good luck.

 

[ForumMember235167]

Maybe try to find something neither of you do currently. If nothing else, she will appreciate that you are trying to find some common interest. And the other thing I've learned in being married for a long time is if she is talking to you, pay close attention even if it isn't interesting to you.

I believe that your advice suggests the correct course of action, which I do intend to take. However, how is a human being capable of talking for an hour and 15 minutes straight during a car ride about things that no one could possibly summon the interest to actually care about? The most brutal aspect of the torture is the periodic expectation of coherent responses on my part. I love her and intend to always honor her, except why, if there is a God in this universe, did he ever create such a creature of such incoherent nagging persistence and wrap it in such a beautiful, compelling package that no man could ever resist?

 

[ForumMember235167]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

Why have you chosen here, in a forum of complete strangers who do not know you anywhere as well as your wife does, to raise this matter? That you have done should be sufficient to inspire you to at least consider heeding your wife's recommendation to seek professional help.

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress.

Have you truly considered that she may be right?

BTW, if she's right and you are "a little off" and she's not, it is not she who is causing the distress.

people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders

Which returns me to my opening comment. Why are you asking here where you are assured of neither getting responses from certified psychologists/psychiatrists (indeed such professionals won't deign to "diagnose" you here) nor are you going to get input from people who know you well? The conclusions about whether "something" is amiss in your psyche and that you receive here will be of even less value than is your non-psychologist wife's.

She thinks I have autism and need "help",

You might. There are plenty of folks who are "functioning autistics." She could also be incorrect,which does not mean that it's not something else "going on." That something could as well be in your head as it could be in hers. If your relationship with her matters to you, why not see a therapist and find out for sure?​

there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something".

Illogical. Your status as a software engineer has no bearing on whether you have a mental disorder. It has bearing only on your capacity to learn and practice the theory and techniques concomitant with your profession.

I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her.

Really? Such abstract actions are not going to convince a person who (presumably) lives with you and "knew you (or the 'you' you presented) when" and who also knows the "you" they now see.

She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

Well, no surprise that....

As a "highly successful Software Engineer," the cost of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist will not be prohibitive to you. At most, you'll have to pay the co-pay for your visit(s). Do you trust your wife's judgment and that she genuinely loves you? If so, try heeding her advice. The financial cost will, for you, be negligible and you'll either find out she is right and, in turn, commence on a regimen to ameliorate the problem(s) or you and she'll find out she was incorrect. Neither outcome is a bad thing for you, her and your relationship.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting.

Everyone, notwithstanding whatever mental malady they have or don't, can and will say exactly the same thing. That you feel that way is neither indicative nor probative of anything being amiss or not amiss.

I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing.

Judging by your description of yourself, you seem borderline misanthropic to me. Have you considered that maybe you shouldn't be married and that she shouldn't be married to you?

Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

So you're telling us that since your childhood, folks have recognized that something's "not quite" right and that therapists then determined that socialization would likely solve the problem, yet, by your own attestions (above), it did not, for you remain "asocial," and your wife is, apparently, now picking up on the same cues your childhood overseers did.....Yes, I think you should see a therapist.

Intellect is but one aspect of one's mental faculties. I doubt your wife thinks you're intellectually deficient (stupid); your being a "highly successful Software Engineer" surely convinces her of that. Far more likely is that she thinks you're some measure of "hot mess." It is very possible to be a "hot mess" and intelligent. That is thus possible is why there are therapists; it's very difficult for one to see one's own mental shortcomings that are not so easily tested as is brute intellect, which schools, universities, jobs and a host of other situations and activities quite effectively give one opportunities to demonstrate/confirm.

Good luck.

As to why I have chosen here for feedback, I am not looking for a diagnosis. I am simply requesting advice on convincing someone I do not need a diagnosis. As far as the teacher who diagnosed me, she had a Master's degree in Psychology. That says something about the field of Psychology in my opinion. I scored in the high 80s on her initial IQ test, and within about 30 minutes with a specialist that had been called in and having the structure, rules, and expectations of the system explained I gained approximately 50 points on my IQ score on a test with different, except similarly structured questions. The questions were originally ambiguous in the context in which they were presented and it was impossible to determine with a reasonable degree of certainty what response they were looking for. In any case, 30 minutes of preparation should not produce an increase of 50 IQ points when different samples of the test are being administered. This puts the field of psychology in a bad light in my opinion. Being able to define a system with rigidly defined parameters that have demonstrably reliable and predictable results is kind of the basic definition of a worthwhile scientific endeavor. Anything else is a "hot mess".

 

[usmbguest5318]

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress. Now, she is not a Psychiatrist, yet she believes that I have a mental handicap or disorder or "something". Putting aside any personal offense and the fact that people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders, there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something". I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her. She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting. Most importantly, they are calming and productive. I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing. Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

Anyway, here are the results of my personality test and IQ test. Do these results suggest a person at the mercy of mental problems? Do they suggest an uncontrollable individual that is incapable of controlling his emotions through internal dialogue or do they, as I believe, suggest a calm, reasonable man fully capable of interacting with the world in a logical and constructive manner? Furthermore, what else can I possibly do to convince someone, specifically a woman, that I am healthy and normal?

You are more agreeable than 1 of 100 people
You are more compassionate than 0 of 100 people
You are more polite than 71 of 100 people

You are more conscientious than 28 of 100 people
You are more industrious than 50 of 100 people
You are more orderly than 16 of 100 people

You are more extraverted than 1 of 100 people
You are more enthusiastic than 1 of 100 people
You are more assertive than 4 of 100 people

You are higher in neuroticism than 16 of 100 people
You are higher in withdrawal than 67 of 100 people
You are more volatile than 1 of 100 people

You are higher in openness to experience than 87 of 100 people
You are higher in intellect than 97 of 100 people

IQ Test results: 139

Why have you chosen here, in a forum of complete strangers who do not know you anywhere as well as your wife does, to raise this matter? That you have done should be sufficient to inspire you to at least consider heeding your wife's recommendation to seek professional help.

My wife, being a woman, thinks there is something wrong with me and is causing distress.

Have you truly considered that she may be right?

BTW, if she's right and you are "a little off" and she's not, it is not she who is causing the distress.

people with no Psychology training should probably not be attempting to diagnose people with mental disorders

Which returns me to my opening comment. Why are you asking here where you are assured of neither getting responses from certified psychologists/psychiatrists (indeed such professionals won't deign to "diagnose" you here) nor are you going to get input from people who know you well? The conclusions about whether "something" is amiss in your psyche and that you receive here will be of even less value than is your non-psychologist wife's.

She thinks I have autism and need "help",

You might. There are plenty of folks who are "functioning autistics." She could also be incorrect,which does not mean that it's not something else "going on." That something could as well be in your head as it could be in hers. If your relationship with her matters to you, why not see a therapist and find out for sure?​

there is the fact that I am a highly successful Software Engineer. This alone should dispel notions of me being mentally handicapped or "something".

Illogical. Your status as a software engineer has no bearing on whether you have a mental disorder. It has bearing only on your capacity to learn and practice the theory and techniques concomitant with your profession.

I have even gone to the lengths of taking a general purpose personality test as well as an IQ test to attempt to convince her.

Really? Such abstract actions are not going to convince a person who (presumably) lives with you and "knew you (or the 'you' you presented) when" and who also knows the "you" they now see.

She is still unconvinced and is becoming increasingly insistent that I spend money on a psychiatrist.

Well, no surprise that....

As a "highly successful Software Engineer," the cost of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist will not be prohibitive to you. At most, you'll have to pay the co-pay for your visit(s). Do you trust your wife's judgment and that she genuinely loves you? If so, try heeding her advice. The financial cost will, for you, be negligible and you'll either find out she is right and, in turn, commence on a regimen to ameliorate the problem(s) or you and she'll find out she was incorrect. Neither outcome is a bad thing for you, her and your relationship.

I admit that I do have unique behaviors, except I find them helpful and comforting.

Everyone, notwithstanding whatever mental malady they have or don't, can and will say exactly the same thing. That you feel that way is neither indicative nor probative of anything being amiss or not amiss.

I am also not anti-social like she thinks, simply politely asocial and somewhat indifferent. I consider isolating myself from the rest of the world and thinking about things that interest me to be not only the most enjoyable way to spend most of my time, except the most productive and most energizing.

Judging by your description of yourself, you seem borderline misanthropic to me. Have you considered that maybe you shouldn't be married and that she shouldn't be married to you?

Her reaction reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, another woman. She told my parents that I should not attend regular school because I was mentally retarded. A specialist was called in. He assessed me as being a "very bright boy, not a genius, except certainly not mentally retarded" and advised that I should stay in school with normal kids.

So you're telling us that since your childhood, folks have recognized that something's "not quite" right and that therapists then determined that socialization would likely solve the problem, yet, by your own attestions (above), it did not, for you remain "asocial," and your wife is, apparently, now picking up on the same cues your childhood overseers did.....Yes, I think you should see a therapist.

Intellect is but one aspect of one's mental faculties. I doubt your wife thinks you're intellectually deficient (stupid); your being a "highly successful Software Engineer" surely convinces her of that. Far more likely is that she thinks you're some measure of "hot mess." It is very possible to be a "hot mess" and intelligent. That is thus possible is why there are therapists; it's very difficult for one to see one's own mental shortcomings that are not so easily tested as is brute intellect, which schools, universities, jobs and a host of other situations and activities quite effectively give one opportunities to demonstrate/confirm.

Good luck.

As to why I have chosen here for feedback, I am not looking for a diagnosis. I am simply requesting advice on convincing someone I do not need a diagnosis. As far as the teacher who diagnosed me, she had a Master's degree in Psychology. That says something about the field of Psychology in my opinion. I scored in the high 80s on her initial IQ test, and within about 30 minutes with a specialist that had been called in and having the structure, rules, and expectations of the system explained I gained approximately 50 points on my IQ score on a test with different, except similarly structured questions. The questions were originally ambiguous in the context in which they were presented and it was impossible to determine with a reasonable degree of certainty what response they were looking for. In any case, 30 minutes of preparation should not produce an increase of 50 IQ points when different samples of the test are being administered. This puts the field of psychology in a bad light in my opinion. Being able to define a system with rigidly defined parameters that have demonstrably reliable and predictable results is kind of the basic definition of a worthwhile scientific endeavor. Anything else is a "hot mess".

I am simply requesting advice on convincing someone I do not need a diagnosis.

Well, as I said, not knowing you as well as does your wife, it'd be reckless for us to do so. How the hell, no knowing you well, are we supposed to know that you do or do not need a formal diagnosis? What is there to lose by obtaining a legitimate professional diagnosis? Has it occurred to you that a psychologist/psychiatrist may well diagnose that there is nothing amiss? That would be a diagnosis that would suit both you and your wife. If, on the other hand, something is amiss, is there ever a bad time to commence the journey of self-improvement?

As far as the teacher who diagnosed me, she had a Master's degree in Psychology. That says something about the field of Psychology in my opinion. I scored in the high 80s on her initial IQ test, and within about 30 minutes with a specialist that had been called in and having the structure, rules, and expectations of the system explained I gained approximately 50 points on my IQ score on a test with different, except similarly structured questions. The questions were originally ambiguous in the context in which they were presented and it was impossible to determine with a reasonable degree of certainty what response they were looking for. In any case, 30 minutes of preparation should not produce an increase of 50 IQ points when different samples of the test are being administered. This puts the field of psychology in a bad light in my opinion. Being able to define a system with rigidly defined parameters that have demonstrably reliable and predictable results is kind of the basic definition of a worthwhile scientific endeavor. Anything else is a "hot mess".

As alluded to in my initial post, the problem, if there is one, is almost certainly not your intellect, but rather something else.

 

[Lewdog]

OP I think it is important for you to know that mental illness isn't ruled out because of IQ. The Unibomber Ted Kaczynski had an IQ of 167. That's just one example.

Also apparently they can test a person's DNA for Asperger's and Autism. They recently took DNA from famous philosopher Jeremy Bentham to test for it.

Jeremy Bentham's Head Is Coming Out of Its Box and Under the Microscope

 

[WinterBorn]

OP I think it is important for you to know that mental illness isn't ruled out because of IQ. The Unibomber Ted Kaczynski had an IQ of 167. That's just one example.

Also apparently they can test a person's DNA for Asperger's and Autism. They recently took DNA from famous philosopher Jeremy Bentham to test for it.

Jeremy Bentham's Head Is Coming Out of Its Box and Under the Microscope

I agree. And it sounds as though the OP could be on the spectrum for Aspergers.

 

[charwin95]

OP. How many times have you heard a straight A student do stupid and horrible things?
Your can be intellectually very smart but socially idiot.

About 15 years ago or so I have an employee with couple of PHDs in engineering from MIT. So far he is the best engineer I ever met. He got paid very well. Sometimes I played chess with him but can’t stand his smell, attitude and mannerisms.
He has no friends, talking to his plants, smells, bad breath, very annoying etc etc etc. He is just a not normal, lasted less than a year and last time I heard he is homeless.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Asclepias]

Self evaluation is typically the hardest for a person to do. If your significant other thinks you have an issue take her word for it and at least check it out. Pick your battles.
FYI. The IQ test has been proven to be a fraud.

The IQ test was given to me by a relative who works in the field of Psychiatry free of charge. To be clear, it was not designed by her. It is a respected, standardized test.

It cant be a respected standardized test. Its a known fact your IQ cant be measured by one test. I honestly dont get why you think your intelligence has anything to do with it anyway. Lots of whack jobs turned out to be smart.

 

[Asclepias]

Maybe try to find something neither of you do currently. If nothing else, she will appreciate that you are trying to find some common interest. And the other thing I've learned in being married for a long time is if she is talking to you, pay close attention even if it isn't interesting to you.

I believe that your advice suggests the correct course of action, which I do intend to take. However, how is a human being capable of talking for an hour and 15 minutes straight during a car ride about things that no one could possibly summon the interest to actually care about? The most brutal aspect of the torture is the periodic expectation of coherent responses on my part. I love her and intend to always honor her, except why, if there is a God in this universe, did he ever create such a creature of such incoherent nagging persistence and wrap it in such a beautiful, compelling package that no man could ever resist?

From your post you exhibit something I have heard of before. You appear to be very anti social and borderline narcissistic. Possibly a sociopath. You definitely should do what your wife suggests and see someone. What could it possibly hurt?

 

[MarathonMike]

Maybe try to find something neither of you do currently. If nothing else, she will appreciate that you are trying to find some common interest. And the other thing I've learned in being married for a long time is if she is talking to you, pay close attention even if it isn't interesting to you.

I believe that your advice suggests the correct course of action, which I do intend to take. However, how is a human being capable of talking for an hour and 15 minutes straight during a car ride about things that no one could possibly summon the interest to actually care about? The most brutal aspect of the torture is the periodic expectation of coherent responses on my part. I love her and intend to always honor her, except why, if there is a God in this universe, did he ever create such a creature of such incoherent nagging persistence and wrap it in such a beautiful, compelling package that no man could ever resist?

lol I get it. There are women who just love to hear themselves talk. I had a girlfriend back in the day who would call me on the phone and literally for an hour I could barely get in a 'uh huh'. But to be fair there are men who are like that. My former business partner would talk so long and fast I would have to just cut him off with something like "Dude how do do that without ever taking a breath?"