Is Anybody A Perfectionist When It Comes To Your Romantic Relationship?

[Road Runner]

I just realized that I've had many issues with that when it comes to my fiancée. We finally found a house that we want to move into together before we go forward with the wedding, but due to the fact that our relationship isn't one hundred percent perfect, I was wondering if we were ready for marriage.



That is until I looked at the bigger picture. Any issues we have had so far we've talked out, we have very good communication and understanding and we know how much we love each other. This romance between us is the only relationship that we've ever been in, but we already know that we don't have to have been in any others to know that we're perfectly made for each other. I guess partly my fear of tying the knot is that his parents are divorced so I sort of got a tad bit crazy with wanting us to have a flawless relationship and that's an understatement.

 

[Lord Long Rod]

First off, are you gay? I asked you this the other day but I do not believe you answered me. I am fine with it if you are. You do not seem like one of those militant gays that think they have to blow a load in your face in order to be acknowledged.

Second, why in the hell are you considering marriage? The other day you wrote some post about being anxious over mistakes. Dude, you need to learn to be 'outcome independent'. That is, you do not need to be attached to any one potential outcome of your life. You should only get married for 2 reasons: (1) To have someone to fuck; and (2) to make your life easier. If you are not getting your rocks off or if the wifey becomes a pain in the ass, then marriage has no value to you. In fact, it would have negative value.

Trust me, Road Runner. I am 52 fucking years old and have been married and divorced. Divorce absolutely fucking changed my life for the better. I support the institution of divorce whole heartedly. It was like having a rebirth. But I get wanting to dip the tip of your dick into the institution of marriage. But, seriously, you need to ask yourself this: will converting your relationship into a legally binding business contract with serious legal repercussions ... all that notwithstanding, is your partner still going to be getting your rocks off down the road, and will he or she still be making your life easy (cooking for you; contributing to the household finances; doing your laundry, etc...)? You need to be ready to effectuate consequences should he or she stop serving you in this way in the future.

Now, obviously, you do not tell your mate that he or she must cook and clean for you, and otherwise make your life easier. It is up to you get that ball rolling up to this point. I sincerely hope that you are getting something tangible out of the relationship; something other than nutting and the warm and fuzzy feelings and not feeling alone, because you don't have to get married to have those things. My ex made things easier for me in that she cooked, did my bookkeeping for my business, washed my clothes, etc... I benefitted her by letting her move into my house. She kept the jizz flowing up until the end. So it was a good deal up to the time it wasn't any longer. You, my friend, have got to ask yourself what material good are YOU getting out of this proposed union. Remember the criteria: (1) having someone to bang; (2) makes your life easier.

 

[Road Runner]

I am not gay. I am a woman engaged to a man and all of your opinions have been noted.

 

[jackflash]

I thought that romanticism was replaced by raw sex way back in the 60's just like Disney replaced Minnie/Micky & D. Duck with tube steaks & poke & stroke activity???

"Honestly, everyone of us in this asylum are perfectly normal people like just ask anyone of us incarcerated in here!"

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

What has ever given you the idea that marriage is "perfect"???
Especially when the USA is the Divorce Capital of the world?

If you guys think there are some things you need to hash out, then you can do one of two things.......if not both.
1. go to a marriage counselor.
2. go see your priest/preacher/minister for a pre-marital counseling.

More than likely you both just have "the jitters". But if it bothers you THAT much, go see some counselors.


As for me.......yes, I'm too much of a perfectionist when it comes to myself being attracted to someone else. I have specific items that must be, otherwise its a no go. I know myself too well, to ruin someone elses life, as well as mine, by ignoring certain things and not having defined boundaries for them.

Unfortunately, in the "gay world", the things I have chiseled in stone are not what gay guys want in a "relationship". So, I just don't bother.
And I'm more happy being alone and not having to deal with the crap, than I would be lying to myself and being in a lousy relationship.

 

[1srelluc]

Given your body of work here she should eject.

 

[Road Runner]

Given your body of work here she should eject.

What do you mean?

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

Given your body of work here she should eject.

 

[ABikerSailor]

There are only 3 rules that I follow for serious relationships, and since I've learned them, they have never failed me...................

1. A relationship is 1 plus 1 equaling 3. Yeah, I know, sounds like bad math, but it's not. I'm totally independent and can operate in the world all on my own. My partner needs to be the same way. (That's where the one plus one comes in), but together we create a third thing that cannot survive without the both of us, and that is the relationship, which is where one plus one equals three. Them, me, and the relationship makes three.

2. A relationship IS NOT a 50/50 proposition, but rather 2 people combining every day to make 100 percent. Some days, she (I'm hetero) is only able to contribute 20 percent because of being sick, work, etc. I need and have to be able to come up with the other 80 percent to keep the relationship whole. It doesn't matter who contributes more, just that you can make the 100 percent each day. Some days, the sides are reversed, and I'm not able to fully contribute "my share", so she's gotta be willing and able to make up the difference. If I keep it at a 50/50 standard, what happens if she gets seriously ill and isn't able to make her half? I get resentful, and start to hold back because she's not contributing enough in my mind. Same thing in reverse, because if I can't make my "fair share" because of life circumstances and she feels that I should, she will get resentful of me, and the relationship will fail.

3. A relationship can survive on a ratio of 51 percent love, and 49 percent lust. If the ratio hits 50 love/50 lust, or lowers below that (say 45 love/55 lust) then the relationship is in serious trouble. But, there needs to be a bit of lust, because there has to be something to attract you to them. And, if you want to know the difference between the two, ask yourself just one question and answer it honestly (and it's a bitch goddess of a question)..............do I truly enjoy the person, OR, do I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of that person. The first one is love, since I enjoy the person regardless. The second one is lust (enjoying myself through the instrumentality of that person). If I'm enjoying myself through the instrumentality of their money, then what happens if they go broke? I'm outta there because the money is gone. If I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of their looks, then what happens when they get old, or possibly have an accident and become disfigured? If I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of whatever it is they have, when it's gone, then so am I.

But................if I truly enjoy the person, then job or no job, looks or no looks, rich or poor, I enjoy the person regardless of what they have, because I'm not there for what they can give me, but rather there because I just enjoy being around them.

Whenever I start to get serious about being with someone, I check my relationship with them against those 3 rules to see if I'm serious about being with them. If it looks doable according to those rules, I go ahead. If not, then I don't.

 

[1srelluc]

What do you mean?

 

[Road Runner]

1srelluc still don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. This is a relationship, not a VCR or a DVD remote.

 

[Lord Long Rod]

I am not gay. I am a woman engaged to a man and all of your opinions have been noted.

Thanks, but there’s no need to be catty about it. I was just trying to help you. I mistakenly thought you are a guy.

Did you used to be a guy?

 

[Lord Long Rod]

What has ever given you the idea that marriage is "perfect"???
Especially when the USA is the Divorce Capital of the world?

If you guys think there are some things you need to hash out, then you can do one of two things.......if not both.
1. go to a marriage counselor.
2. go see your priest/preacher/minister for a pre-marital counseling.

More than likely you both just have "the jitters". But if it bothers you THAT much, go see some counselors.


As for me.......yes, I'm too much of a perfectionist when it comes to myself being attracted to someone else. I have specific items that must be, otherwise its a no go. I know myself too well, to ruin someone elses life, as well as mine, by ignoring certain things and not having defined boundaries for them.

Unfortunately, in the "gay world", the things I have chiseled in stone are not what gay guys want in a "relationship". So, I just don't bother.
And I'm more happy being alone and not having to deal with the crap, than I would be lying to myself and being in a lousy relationship.

She does not know shit.

 

[Road Runner]

Did you used to be a guy?

No. Oh and it didn't sound like you were trying to help me either.

 

[Lord Long Rod]

No. Oh and it didn't sound like you were trying to help me either.

I WAS trying to help you. If you were a guy, then what I said would have helped you. At the very least, it would have given you another perspective. Like I said, I didn't know you are a woman. I apologize.

 

[Road Runner]

I WAS trying to help you. If you were a guy, then what I said would have helped you. At the very least, it would have given you another perspective. Like I said, I didn't know you are a woman. I apologize.

It's alright then I guess.

 

[Toro]

I just realized that I've had many issues with that when it comes to my fiancée. We finally found a house that we want to move into together before we go forward with the wedding, but due to the fact that our relationship isn't one hundred percent perfect, I was wondering if we were ready for marriage.



That is until I looked at the bigger picture. Any issues we have had so far we've talked out, we have very good communication and understanding and we know how much we love each other. This romance between us is the only relationship that we've ever been in, but we already know that we don't have to have been in any others to know that we're perfectly made for each other. I guess partly my fear of tying the knot is that his parents are divorced so I sort of got a tad bit crazy with wanting us to have a flawless relationship and that's an understatement.

No such thing as a 100% perfect relationship