Joke Thread?

[Gracie]

How to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars...watch 'em Slow Down!
2. On all your cheque stubs, write
' For Marijuana'!
3. Skip down the street
Rather Than Walk
and see how many looks you get.
4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
5. Sing Along At The Opera.
6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream
'I Won! I Won!'
7. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
8. Tell Your Children over dinner:
'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go...
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:
9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

 

[Gracie]

Traveling Through Transylvania

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling
through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a
traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the
hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about,
but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy
Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams
as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at
the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car you little shit!"