Kaddish - for USMB members who are mourning

[Statistikhengst]

We have had a number of members who have been in mourning in the last weeks. [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION], [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION], come immediately to mind. If I have forgotten someone, then my humble apologies, it is not intentional. This thread is for those who are suffering a loss and are mourning.

There is no way to remove their pain and certainly, people who care about them find ways to show that they care. Each person deals with loss in his or her own way.

So, I simply offer the prayer that Judaism has for those who are grieving.

There is a prayer called "Kaddish", based on the letters "K", "D" and "SH" in the hebrew alphabet. Any word comprised of those three letters in that order means something to do with "santification", "holy" or "holiness". That's a helpful clue to remember when reading the text of the Kaddish.

The KADDISH comes in five forms. One of those forms is commonly called the "Mourner's Kaddish" and it goes like this (a short but important explanation below the texts):

Judaism 101: Mourner's Kaddish
(hebrew characters at the website, I removed them for the sake of ease of reading on this thread: instead, an Aramaic/Hebrew transliteration)


Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba (Cong: Amein).
May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified (Cong: Amen.)


b'al'ma di v'ra khir'utei
in the world that He created as He willed.


v'yam'likh mal'khutei b'chayeikhon uv'yomeikhon
May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days,


uv'chayei d'khol beit yis'ra'eil
and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel,


ba'agala uviz'man kariv v'im'ru:
swiftly and soon. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein. Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varakh l'alam ul'al'mei al'maya
Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.


Yit'barakh v'yish'tabach v'yit'pa'ar v'yit'romam v'yit'nasei
Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,


v'yit'hadar v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei d'kud'sha
mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One

(Mourners and Congregation)
B'rikh hu.
Blessed is He.


l'eila min kol bir'khata v'shirata
beyond any blessing and song,


toosh'b'chatah v'nechematah, da'ameeran b'al'mah, v'eemru:
praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen


Y'hei sh'lama raba min sh'maya
May there be abundant peace from Heaven


v'chayim aleinu v'al kol yis'ra'eil v'im'ru
and life upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen


Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom
He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace,


aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru
upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen

------------------------------------------------------------------

More information on the Kaddish (which actually is in Aramaic, not in Hebrew):

Kaddish - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jews who mourn the loss of a loved one are required by Jewish Law (Halakha) to recite Kaddish every day for 11 months following the death date of a loved one/family member, and thereafter on the day and month of that person's death (called a "Jahrzeit"). When my Mom died in December 2012, I recited the prayer every day through the eleventh month, which was November 2013, and that last day happened to be my birthday as well. Strange convergence of events.

There are specific Synagogue services that also allow Kaddish to be spoken for all who have died. These services are called "Yizkor" services and I have found them to be very deeply moving.

Though it is not all that common, it is not forbidden in Judaism to say Kaddish for a non-Jew. In fact, in some cases, it has been considered a blessing. I have said Kaddish for non-Jewish loved ones.

The Kaddish, which I often half-humourously call the "grocery list of all things good about G-d", is unique in that there is not even one reference to death or dying in the prayer at all. So, even at a time of mourning and thinking about one who has passed into the next dimension, a Jew's eyes are still supposed to be focused on the Almighty. Scholars believe that the Kaddish is the prayer that is the basis for the Christian "Lords Prayer" and also for a good amount of the "Credo", which makes total sense. Doubtless, Jeshua also prayed Kaddish - or something very similar to it, since the Christian New Testmament reports that he preached in the Synagogue as a young man and was also addressed as "Rabbi". No one knows for sure how old this prayer is, but references to it go back as far as 200 AD.

Everytime I have shared this prayer with non-Jews, esp. Christians, they have been very grateful for the information. Some have even prayed it.

I have composed a number of Kaddishim (plural of Kaddish), you can find them over at the Jewish Music Thread. And lots and lots of others have composed Kaddishim.

There is a most amazing piece of Band Music, by William Francis Macbeth, called KADDISH; it is simply awesome and uses the Tympani to represent the human heart-beat. Take seven minutes of your life and reflect with this music:


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z_g40pfLxk]Kaddish By W. Francis McBeth - YouTube[/ame]


The Tympani motto used is an homage to Clifton Williams, who was Macbeth's composition teacher and mentor and is also a musical quote from from Williams' "Caccia and Chorale.". This Kaddish was premiered in Spring of 1976, at a major High School in Texas.

As you listen to the building of a dissonance (tones that collide with each other and do not make a chord) that suddenly expands into a beautiful major-chord, it's like you can hear all of the voices of mankind lifting their heads and singing Kaddish to G-d.

At some time, I will open another thread just about this work and my personal contact to it, but this particular Kaddish is one of the most powerful pieces of Wind Band repertoire ever composed.

 

[Statistikhengst]

[MENTION=44172]Sweet_Caroline[/MENTION] [MENTION=36154]Roudy[/MENTION] [MENTION=25505]Jroc[/MENTION] [MENTION=48060]guno[/MENTION] [MENTION=3135]jillian[/MENTION] [MENTION=42916]Derideo_Te[/MENTION] [MENTION=43625]Mertex[/MENTION] [MENTION=42649]Gracie[/MENTION] [MENTION=45164]pacer[/MENTION] [MENTION=20450]MarcATL[/MENTION] [MENTION=29697]freedombecki[/MENTION] [MENTION=6847]Foxfyre[/MENTION] [MENTION=40845]Jeremiah[/MENTION] [MENTION=41303]katsteve2012[/MENTION] [MENTION=20112]bodecea[/MENTION] [MENTION=26838]Ropey[/MENTION]- just to name a few who might enjoy this thread. Spread the word...

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Very thoughtful, Stat.

 

[freedombecki]

I, too, wish comfort on all those who mourn and am so sorry you lost your mother, Stats. I still love and miss my mother who died 40 years ago. I so relied on her wisdom and unconditional love before I knew what either was.

 

[Derideo_Te]

We all mourn our losses. Sharing them helps because we can reach out and touch each other, albeit virtually. Personally I find that contemplating water always helps me achieve peace of mind.

 

[pacer]

Thank you for the prayers, Stats. Very kind of you.

 

[Statistikhengst]

I, too, wish comfort on all those who mourn and am so sorry you lost your mother, Stats. I still love and miss my mother who died 40 years ago. I so relied on her wisdom and unconditional love before I knew what either was.

That is truly kind of you.

We all mourn our losses. Sharing them helps because we can reach out and touch each other, albeit virtually. Personally I find that contemplating water always helps me achieve peace of mind.

That is an awe-inspiring picture.

Thank you for the prayers, Stats. Very kind of you.

Kindness knows kindness. You just proved it.

 

[Mertex]

Thank you Stat....it means a lot to a person in mourning for others to acknowledge and recognize their grief. And, like you said, everyone grieves in their own way. My prayer is that the pain when remembering the loved one that is no longer here will soon turn into joy....joy in remembering the great memories left behind by that loved one. That instead of tears when one remembers that loved one, a smile takes its place.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Thank you Stat....it means a lot to a person in mourning for others to acknowledge and recognize their grief. And, like you said, everyone grieves in their own way. My prayer is that the pain when remembering the loved one that is no longer here will soon turn into joy....joy in remembering the great memories left behind by that loved one. That instead of tears when one remembers that loved one, a smile takes its place.

Wonderful.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

7 losses. I don't know if I could handle 7 losses in one year. 1 or 2 is hard enough for me. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick when they come.

My heart goes out to you and to your family.

 

[MarcATL]

We have had a number of members who have been in mourning in the last weeks. [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION], [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION], come immediately to mind. If I have forgotten someone, then my humble apologies, it is not intentional. This thread is for those who are suffering a loss and are mourning.

There is no way to remove their pain and certainly, people who care about them find ways to show that they care. Each person deals with loss in his or her own way.

So, I simply offer the prayer that Judaism has for those who are grieving.

There is a prayer called "Kaddish", based on the letters "K", "D" and "SH" in the hebrew alphabet. Any word comprised of those three letters in that order means something to do with "santification", "holy" or "holiness". That's a helpful clue to remember when reading the text of the Kaddish.

The KADDISH comes in five forms. One of those forms is commonly called the "Mourner's Kaddish" and it goes like this (a short but important explanation below the texts):

Judaism 101: Mourner's Kaddish
(hebrew characters at the website, I removed them for the sake of ease of reading on this thread: instead, an Aramaic/Hebrew transliteration)


Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba (Cong: Amein).
May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified (Cong: Amen.)


b'al'ma di v'ra khir'utei
in the world that He created as He willed.


v'yam'likh mal'khutei b'chayeikhon uv'yomeikhon
May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days,


uv'chayei d'khol beit yis'ra'eil
and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel,


ba'agala uviz'man kariv v'im'ru:
swiftly and soon. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein. Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varakh l'alam ul'al'mei al'maya
Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.


Yit'barakh v'yish'tabach v'yit'pa'ar v'yit'romam v'yit'nasei
Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,


v'yit'hadar v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei d'kud'sha
mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One

(Mourners and Congregation)
B'rikh hu.
Blessed is He.


l'eila min kol bir'khata v'shirata
beyond any blessing and song,


toosh'b'chatah v'nechematah, da'ameeran b'al'mah, v'eemru:
praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen


Y'hei sh'lama raba min sh'maya
May there be abundant peace from Heaven


v'chayim aleinu v'al kol yis'ra'eil v'im'ru
and life upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen


Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom
He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace,


aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru
upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation)
Amein
Amen

------------------------------------------------------------------

More information on the Kaddish (which actually is in Aramaic, not in Hebrew):

Kaddish - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jews who mourn the loss of a loved one are required by Jewish Law (Halakha) to recite Kaddish every day for 11 months following the death date of a loved one/family member, and thereafter on the day and month of that person's death (called a "Jahrzeit"). When my Mom died in December 2012, I recited the prayer every day through the eleventh month, which was November 2013, and that last day happened to be my birthday as well. Strange convergence of events.

There are specific Synagogue services that also allow Kaddish to be spoken for all who have died. These services are called "Yizkor" services and I have found them to be very deeply moving.

Though it is not all that common, it is not forbidden in Judaism to say Kaddish for a non-Jew. In fact, in some cases, it has been considered a blessing. I have said Kaddish for non-Jewish loved ones.

The Kaddish, which I often half-humourously call the "grocery list of all things good about G-d", is unique in that there is not even one reference to death or dying in the prayer at all. So, even at a time of mourning and thinking about one who has passed into the next dimension, a Jew's eyes are still supposed to be focused on the Almighty. Scholars believe that the Kaddish is the prayer that is the basis for the Christian "Lords Prayer" and also for a good amount of the "Credo", which makes total sense. Doubtless, Jeshua also prayed Kaddish - or something very similar to it, since the Christian New Testmament reports that he preached in the Synagogue as a young man and was also addressed as "Rabbi". No one knows for sure how old this prayer is, but references to it go back as far as 200 AD.

Everytime I have shared this prayer with non-Jews, esp. Christians, they have been very grateful for the information. Some have even prayed it.

I have composed a number of Kaddishim (plural of Kaddish), you can find them over at the Jewish Music Thread. And lots and lots of others have composed Kaddishim.

There is a most amazing piece of Band Music, by William Francis Macbeth, called KADDISH; it is simply awesome and uses the Tympani to represent the human heart-beat. Take seven minutes of your life and reflect with this music:


Kaddish By W. Francis McBeth - YouTube


The Tympani motto used is an homage to Clifton Williams, who was Macbeth's composition teacher and mentor and is also a musical quote from from Williams' "Caccia and Chorale.". This Kaddish was premiered in Spring of 1976, at a major High School in Texas.

As you listen to the building of a dissonance (tones that collide with each other and do not make a chord) that suddenly expands into a beautiful major-chord, it's like you can hear all of the voices of mankind lifting their heads and singing Kaddish to G-d.

At some time, I will open another thread just about this work and my personal contact to it, but this particular Kaddish is one of the most powerful pieces of Wind Band repertoire ever composed.

That was really nice Stat.

Music soothes the soul.

My sincerest condolences to all of us who are in mourning.

 

[Noomi]

Thank you very much for posting this for us, Stat. Its beautiful.

 

[SFC Ollie]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

I've had pretty bad year so far...I have lost
1. A former brother in law who even though I divorced his siter 32 years ago still called me brother.
2. A half brother that I had only met 18 months ago.
3. A cousin 49 years old
4. My Mother in Law
5. And today I am debating attending calling hours for a girl who I basically grew up with. Though she was one of the youngest of the group i knew her family well, very well........

 

[Zoom-boing]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

I've had pretty bad year so far...I have lost
1. A former brother in law who even though I divorced his siter 32 years ago still called me brother.
2. A half brother that I had only met 18 months ago.
3. A cousin 49 years old
4. My Mother in Law
5. And today I am debating attending calling hours for a girl who I basically grew up with. Though she was one of the youngest of the group i knew her family well, very well........

I am so very sorry for your many losses, Ollie. It's hard enough to deal with death but when it comes in so many waves in such a short amount of time, it can be totally overwhelming. I lost my sil 5/20, aunt (mom's sister) 5//28, dad 5/30, mom 6/10. Since those four happened in such a short time span ... it's almost like I can't divvy up my grief right. I mean, I'm sad they're all gone but to be truthful my mom and dad are the ones I am mourning the most. And going one step more ... I miss my mom most of all. Kind feel like I"m gypping the others or something.

I can only speak from my own experience but let the grief run its own course, no matter how strange that course might get. Last year there was a big chunk of time where I simply wasn't home, for weeks on end, everyday. Eventually that stopped and then ... I can't remember doing anything, there were so many many days where sitting and not doing anything was all I could manage. And that's ok.

This was given to my brother at ... well, at one of the many funerals last year, don't remember which one. Hope it helps those who are going through this process.

The Mourner's Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.

No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.


2. You have the right to talk about your grief.

Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.


3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.

Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.


4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.


5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” <--- this, holy cow, THIS.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.


6. You have the right to make use of ritual.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.


7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.


8. You have the right to search for meaning.

You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.


9. You have the right to treasure your memories.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.


10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

 

[Mertex]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

I've had pretty bad year so far...I have lost
1. A former brother in law who even though I divorced his siter 32 years ago still called me brother.
2. A half brother that I had only met 18 months ago.
3. A cousin 49 years old
4. My Mother in Law
5. And today I am debating attending calling hours for a girl who I basically grew up with. Though she was one of the youngest of the group i knew her family well, very well........

I am so very sorry for your many losses, Ollie. It's hard enough to deal with death but when it comes in so many waves in such a short amount of time, it can be totally overwhelming. I lost my sil 5/20, aunt (mom's sister) 5//28, dad 5/30, mom 6/10. Since those four happened in such a short time span ... it's almost like I can't divvy up my grief right. I mean, I'm sad they're all gone but to be truthful my mom and dad are the ones I am mourning the most. And going one step more ... I miss my mom most of all. Kind feel like I"m gypping the others or something.

I can only speak from my own experience but let the grief run its own course, no matter how strange that course might get. Last year there was a big chunk of time where I simply wasn't home, for weeks on end, everyday. Eventually that stopped and then ... I can't remember doing anything, there were so many many days where sitting and not doing anything was all I could manage. And that's ok.

This was given to my brother at ... well, at one of the many funerals last year, don't remember which one. Hope it helps those who are going through this process.

The Mourner's Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.

No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.


2. You have the right to talk about your grief.

Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.


3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.

Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.


4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.


5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” <--- this, holy cow, THIS.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.


6. You have the right to make use of ritual.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.


7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.


8. You have the right to search for meaning.

You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.


9. You have the right to treasure your memories.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.


10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

Thank you for sharing such an insightful piece of information.....

 

[Statistikhengst]

Stat, thank you for your prayer and the video. The music is beautiful.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mom was one of seven losses for me last year (11 days after my dad). It isn't easy.

So many have suffered recent losses and I do take a measure of comfort in knowing that you all understand. And for those whose losses are not so recent it helps me to hear from you how your loss affected you and how it is after more time has passed.

I didn't know that [MENTION=21357]SFC Ollie[/MENTION] , [MENTION=36767]Bloodrock44[/MENTION] and [MENTION=38085]Noomi[/MENTION] suffered recent losses. I am so sorry and they have my deepest condolences.

I've had pretty bad year so far...I have lost
1. A former brother in law who even though I divorced his siter 32 years ago still called me brother.
2. A half brother that I had only met 18 months ago.
3. A cousin 49 years old
4. My Mother in Law
5. And today I am debating attending calling hours for a girl who I basically grew up with. Though she was one of the youngest of the group i knew her family well, very well........

I am so very sorry for your many losses, Ollie. It's hard enough to deal with death but when it comes in so many waves in such a short amount of time, it can be totally overwhelming. I lost my sil 5/20, aunt (mom's sister) 5//28, dad 5/30, mom 6/10. Since those four happened in such a short time span ... it's almost like I can't divvy up my grief right. I mean, I'm sad they're all gone but to be truthful my mom and dad are the ones I am mourning the most. And going one step more ... I miss my mom most of all. Kind feel like I"m gypping the others or something.

I can only speak from my own experience but let the grief run its own course, no matter how strange that course might get. Last year there was a big chunk of time where I simply wasn't home, for weeks on end, everyday. Eventually that stopped and then ... I can't remember doing anything, there were so many many days where sitting and not doing anything was all I could manage. And that's ok.

This was given to my brother at ... well, at one of the many funerals last year, don't remember which one. Hope it helps those who are going through this process.

The Mourner's Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.

No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.


2. You have the right to talk about your grief.

Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.


3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.

Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.


4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.


5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” <--- this, holy cow, THIS.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.


6. You have the right to make use of ritual.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.


7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.


8. You have the right to search for meaning.

You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.


9. You have the right to treasure your memories.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.


10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

That was awesome. And inspiring.

[MENTION=13669]Zoom-boing[/MENTION], I thank you for that writing. Wow.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Just to be clear, I didn't write 'The Mourner's Bill of Rights'. Someone gave my brother a copy of it at a funeral.

Hope it helps. I read it often.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Just to be clear, I didn't write 'The Mourner's Bill of Rights'. Someone gave my brother a copy of it at a funeral.

Hope it helps. I read it often.

It is outstanding.

 

[cereal_killer]

Stat you're a fantastic human being. I've gotten to know you via our PM exchanges about life, friendships etc and I have to say your one hell of a person. Glad to know you.

Thank you for doing this for complete strangers. It speaks volumes of the person you are.