Lawyer joke

[bill718]

Q: How do you tell the difference between a big dead rat on the road and a small dead lawyer on the road?
A: There were skid marks in front of the rat where the driver tried to stop!

 

[Votto]

So this lawyer is thinking about running for political office and in the middle of the night the devil appears in his bedroom as the lawyer is trying to figure a way of getting out of paying his taxes. So the devil said, "You know, if you win political office you will never have to pay taxes again, but you must run as a Democrat." The lawyer retorted, "It surely can't be that simple, what is the catch?" The devil said, "All you have to do is join the democrat party, prostate yourself on the floor to worship me, and then sign in blood your mortal soul away for all of eternity." "You won't even have to leave your home and could even campaign in your basement if you like." So the lawyer, looks around the room thoughtfully, and stares down the devil, which unnerved the devil and even gave him a cold chill down his back. Then the lawyer retorted, "Yea, yea, so I'll ask again, what is the catch?"

 

[Dale Smith]

What is an apt example of the definition of mixed emotions? A busload of lawyers go over a cliff but there was an empty seat......

 

[Dale Smith]

So this lawyer is thinking about running for political office and in the middle of the night the devil appears in his bedroom as the lawyer is trying to figure a way of getting out of paying his taxes. So the devil said, "You know, if you win political office you will never have to pay taxes again, but you must run as a Democrat." The lawyer retorted, "It surely can't be that simple, what is the catch?" The devil said, "All you have to do is join the democrat party, prostate yourself on the floor to worship me, and then sign in blood your mortal soul away for all of eternity." So the lawyer, looks around the room thoughtfully, and stares down the devil, which unnerved the devil and even gave him a cold chill down his back. Then the lawyer retorted, "Yea, yea, so I'll ask again, what is the catch?"

What do you call a thousand lawyers buried in sand with only their heads sticking out, close to an ant hill and their faces lathered in honey?

A good start......

 

[Votto]

What is the difference between a lawyer and a leach?

When you die, the leach stops sucking your blood.

 

[Votto]

What happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

 

[Votto]

What is the difference between God and a a lawyer?

God does not think he is a lawyer.

 

[Votto]

What do you call a lawyer with the IQ of 100?

A judge

What do you call a lawyer with the IQ of 50?

A Congressman.

 

[TheParser]

Seriously.

I understand that it was a BAD guy in that Shakespeare play who berated lawyers.

Let's face it: Human beings are awful creatures who are constantly trying to do in other human beings.

Our only protection against an arrogant government or unscrupulous private parties (such as those scam telephone calls scaring senior citizens into paying money or "going to jail") is LAWYERS.

Yes, not a few lawyers are dishonest and MANY are just incompetent.

But they are our only protection against our fellow man/woman.

I think that you can judge a society by the numbers of lawyers. I understand that Japan has very few lawyers. We have a huge number. Enough said.

 

[Cellblock2429]

Q: How do you tell the difference between a big dead rat on the road and a small dead lawyer on the road?
A: There were skid marks in front of the rat where the driver tried to stop!

/----/ There are no Lawyer jokes - they are all true stories.

 

[Votto]

Seriously.

I understand that it was a BAD guy in that Shakespeare play who berated lawyers.

Let's face it: Human beings are awful creatures who are constantly trying to do in other human beings.

Our only protection against an arrogant government or unscrupulous private parties (such as those scam telephone calls scaring senior citizens into paying money or "going to jail") is LAWYERS.

Yes, not a few lawyers are dishonest and MANY are just incompetent.

But they are our only protection against our fellow man/woman.

I think that you can judge a society by the numbers of lawyers. I understand that Japan has very few lawyers. We have a huge number. Enough said.

Lawyers

Only they are experts in everything, that way only they are the only ones qualified to run everything like healthcare, the economy, education, etc.

Did I mention they have ruined pretty much everything?

 

[Votto]

It's been said that the only good lawyer is a dead lawyer.

Trouble is, there are not good lawyers, so maybe that's why they never seem to die..............

 

[Uncensored2008]

Why can't you circumcise a lawyer?

There's just no end to those pricks...

 

[AFrench2]

Q: How do you tell the difference between a big dead rat on the road and a small dead lawyer on the road?
A: There were skid marks in front of the rat where the driver tried to stop!

XD