Sorry Hillary, god told this guy to be the next prez

[Luddly Neddite]

Meet Future Theocratic President of the United States Darrell Trigg

Just in case you were worried that Hillary Clinton will march right into the White House without so much as a hilarious-but-super-scary contender to keep us on our toes during the primaries, out comes Darrell Trigg to out-fake-Christian the Christian Right. Oh heck, he’s running in the Christian Party. If you thought Steve Green and Hobby Lobby were off-base and unconstitutional in trying to incorporate a bible class into public schools (hint: They are!), President Trigg is gonna Blow. Your. Mind. You think Newt Gingrich had some weird plans? Or that Mike Huckabee and Sarah Palin are too socially conservative under the guise of Christianity? Check out Our Man Trigg!

Now, like Michele Bachmann, Darrell’s been talking to God. But the difference is that Trigg knows that he will be the next president. I want you to watch him announce that on his video. He’s dripping with charisma! George Clooney had a baby with Jesse Jackson and they said this white dude is gonna go back in time as the anti-homosexual 45th president of the United States!

Now, if you’re thinking Darrell’s gonna fit under the auspices of the Tea Party – or at least most of it – you’re wrong. The Tea Party would never allow a president of the US to implement bibles in the classroom raise all teachers’ salaries, basically call for Obamacare (without realizing it) and reduce publicly-traded officers’ salaries to $300,000 a year (yes, that’s more radical than Piketty’s proposal).

In most of Darrell Trigg’s proposals and policies, though, he may align with a number of at least stereotypical Tea Party activists and/or Religious Righters. Outlaw homosexuality? Check. Ban TV and movies that have or talk about sexy-time, homosexuality or OMGblasphemy? Check! Reduce abortions to extremely risky medical situations? Done. Anti-immigration enforcement? Oh yeah. Separation of Church and State? Turn that into a Marriage of Church and State! Speaking of marriage, divorce is only acceptable in cases of abuse and cheating. Abuse is heavily penalized – which sounds pretty cool until you realize that this isn’t a deterrent to domestic abuse and may encourage it.
- See more at: Meet Future Theocratic President of the United States Darrell Trigg

Plenty of room in the Repub Clown Car!

I tell ya, this is gonna be just as much fun as the last general election.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

My advice: Don't come to USMB for a month after Hillary drops out