Want to Talk about Stuff?

[App'z]

A promontory on the pacific coast is where my life took a bad turn. I had just finished checking out this deep freshwater pond situated just inland from the Cove. I’m not sure that pond has an official name but people in the area call it The Hole. Some guys working there thought we were going to dive it and asked if we had a permit, which we didn’t but that wasn’t the plan anyway, so we crossed the peninsula over to the west shore and that’s where it happened. I stepped out onto a sturdy rocky shelf to find the best way down to the shoreline and saw it would be a tricky hike, I stepped back out even farther just to check again which was really stupid, there was strong gusty wind up there, and that was literally my downfall.

So anyway, I had a few fractures, and bone shards got stuck in some lumbar and thoracic nerve roots, and my spine shifted out of alignment a few degrees here and there. Moreover, my liver was busted up a bit and some of the contents of my stomach splashed out onto the rock I landed on. They told me it's not good scene. I had surgery and that fixed me up adequately and I healed fast and went back to work in less than 2 years but I had to take it easy for couple of years! But decades later, I started having severe back pain & my new doctor saw bone shards still in there, along with the misalignment having increased by a significant degree. But I didn’t have the second surgery until about 70 years of age. I now have a very comfortable Power Chair and often think of diving off of that cliff.!
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[Toro]

No

 

[App'z]

I'm asking myself, "Did the University of Michigan throw their National Championship coach Under the Bus?"

 

[App'z]

No

I often wonder what if, a right turn over the obvious left might create.

 

[whitehall]

Watched one of those "true accounts" of survival the other day. I can't remember what channel but the story was about a young woman and her dog Jogging along a canyon cliff. She slipped and fell and shattered her pelvis and laid on the canyon floor in below freezing temps for three days while she bled internally. When all seemed lost she made eye contact with her dog and told it to go for help and the dog went back to her truck and led rescuers back to her. She didn't whine about the unfairness of it all but endured several operations, got on her feet and went back to jogging.

 

[App'z]

Dear Husband, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’

Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So, when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So, take care. Signed,
................................................................................................................................................................................................. Rich as Hell & Free! Gissel

.................... P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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[App'z]

After 37 years in Wedded Bliss we have begun Bedroom Roll Playing.
She believes She is a Liberian and I have to lie there quietly while
She reads a book. …..…some things about life are truly important!
I used to read a book in bed, but she got mad at me! ….
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Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty.
I don’t really want to do it but know I got to. I've been told to dress as a
1930's gangster and wear 'That Period of Dress Clothing;' I'm 6'6" an
where can I find the Tux, Vest, Tie and Shirt & Tux plus take the speech
lessons to Act and Talk the Talk at the toast.
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Ever driven by a graveyard late at night?
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Think Shotgun wedding. I don't wanna go as Huck Finn Look. Plus,
I need a 36 sedan for the thugs to ride on with their heat at the ready.
I guess the Grooms Life Sentence is worth it! ..........
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Two blondes are on the road along a wheat field, they see a blonde in the middle of the field
rowing a rowboat. The driver turns to her blonde friend and says, "You know - it's what blonds
like that, you know it's, -- what -they-are -doing, that give us a bad name!" .....

The other blonde passenger says, "I know, if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her how dumb she is!"
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1st Adam stays out very late for a few nights. 1st Eve gets upset. "You're running around with other women," she says.
"Eve, my darling, you're being unreasonable," 1st Adam responds. "You know, you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continues and 1st Adam falls asleep but is awakened by a horrible pain in his chest. It's his darling
Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What are you doing?" Adam demands.
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"Counting your ribs," says Eve.
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I spent the afternoon emptying the freezer in the basement, looking for a good steak!
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[App'z]

A friend in need is a pest.
The fool and his money stabilize the economy......

....................................................................................................A donkey is a horse designed by a Commitee's study team.

A day without sunshine is like night. The disagreeable task is its own reward. The fellow is not drunk as long as he doesn't fall off.
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Don't use up all your cellular Data watching it! I went out back and banged my head against a corner post of the Gate.
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[App'z]

Hello! Pizza Hut? - No sir it's Google's pizza. - So it's a wrong number? Sorry - No sir, Google bought it!. - OK. Take my order please - Well sir, you want the usual? - The usual? You know me? - According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust. - OK! This is it ... - May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.? - What? I hate vegetables. - Your cholesterol is not good, sir. - How do you know? - We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

- Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine ... -Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network. - I bought more from another drugstore. - It's not showing on your credit card statement - I paid in cash - But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement - I have have other source of cash - This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.

-WHAT THE HELL? - I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you. - Enough! I'm sick of google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me.
I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago.
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"I talked with a couple of Elders at the Family get together yesterday and they spoke about Ai with a veiled mysterious chuckle !"

 

[App'z]

Guy's sitting at the bar having a few drinks & he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.
He asks the bartender over and says, "whatever she's drinking, I'll buy her another one ." The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that." It's OK, "Send her the drink!" "O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea." "Why?" asks the Guy. The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian." "I don't care, give her the drink." Then he casually strolls down to the other end of the bar, sits down next to her and asks, "so what part of Lesbia are you from?"
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[App'z]

Induction is when you add a duck into the pond.
Deduction is when you take a duck out of the pond.

 

[App'z]

The difference between a man of action and a man of few words is the Man of Action listens to few words.

 

[App'z]

The Youth is sitting at the LR study doing his English Language homework. He looks over at his dad and says,
Dad I need the definition of two words, "Potential and Reality". His dad says, "Ill do better than that, and give you an example." "Go to your mother and asked her if for a million bucks, she'd sleep with Robert Redford, and then go to your sisters room and ask her for a million bucks, would she sleep with Brad Pitt?"

The youngster not knowing what dad was up to did as he was told. He goes to his mommy and asks, "Mommy for a million bucks would you sleep with Robert Redford?" Mom blushes and in a hushed voice says, "Yes, yes I would."

So, he than he goes to his sister's room and asks, "Sis, for a million bucks would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
Sis looks at him and says, "Yes, yes I would."

The kid then goes back into the living room and says, "Dad I think I get it. We are potentially sitting on a couple million bucks, but in reality, we're living with a couple of S***s !"
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