Anything Goes Humor

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Si, Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?” “Sand,” says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.
Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. “Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?” Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles…”
 
With Tax Returns due in near future, please rest assured that the IRS auditors are sharpening their pencils.

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Not for the overly sensitive...

HOW TO AVOID A SPEEDING TICKET IN MISSISSIPPI


 
We want to believe the Bible is perfect, but there are a few plot holes in there that have always bugged us. Here are the nine most glaring plot holes:


  • Adam and Eve never exchange pronouns. Adam and Eve seem to get along fine, but the author forgot to include a scene where they exchange pronouns. How did they know how to refer to one another?
  • It's totally unrealistic that Noah would have let geese on the ark. And cats, for that matter.
  • Why didn't Mary and Joseph just ride the Eagles into Bethlehem? They go on this long journey when Gandalf could have just summoned the Eagles.
  • Why do the Israelites lead the Nazis right to the Ark of the Covenant? This has bugged us since our first readthrough.
  • Why was the Melchizedek plotline never wrapped up? Who's writing this, JJ Abrams? Such a red herring.
  • How did King Solomon survive so long having 1000 women, assuming all their periods were synced up? This just goes beyond the realm of credulity to lazy writing.
  • Jesus comes back from the dead like it's nothing -- a major deus ex machina. Just out of nowhere, He's back at the last minute to save the day, right when He's needed to help win the Battle of Helm's Deep.
  • Why is John a bitter old man living on an island milking aliens by the time he wrote Revelation? This really felt like too much subversion.
  • Why does God send His Son to save humanity when humanity is literally just the worst? The motive was never really clear here. Did the author expect us to believe God loved the world so much that He sent His Son to die for us? Come on!
What plot holes have you noticed in the Scriptures? Let us know in the comments! Unless you're poor, because then you're not a Bee subscriber.

 
Hellmann's Mayonnaise




Most people don't know that back in
1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was
manufactured in England. In fact,
the Titanic was carrying 12,000
jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico,
which was to be the next port of call
for the great ship after its stop in
New York. This would have been
the largest single shipment of
mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico

... But as we know, the great ship
did not make it to New York. The
ship hit an iceberg and sank. The
people of Mexico, who were crazy
about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate
at the loss. Their anguish was so
great, that they declared a National
Day of Mourning.
The National Day of Mourning occurs
each year on May 5 and is known,
of course, as - Sinko De Mayo.

WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
You need a shot of Tequila.
 
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