Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
“Well, Sir, the stress of being a moonshiner/Sasquatch Hunter wuz a’startin’ to wear on your old Uncle Roy. I dee-cided it wuz plum time to up and have me one of them thar fancy vacations. So I booked me a cabin on the world famous luxury cruise line, Sasquatch Fiesta Cruises!”
“I was to board that thar boat in Jacksonville, Floridy. I knowed it would take fer fuckin’ ever to git down thar on my mule and wagon, so I rented me a BMW M Series fer the ride. I also decided I better git me sum new duds since I heard them thar cruise boats are pussy magnets, and I wuz aiming to git my old wang wet a time er two on the trip. So I bought me 3 brand new pair of overalls at the WalMart, and a fancy new pair of steel toed boots at the hardware store.”
“Now, I like to travel light. I had me one Glad Hefty bag filled with my new duds, a duffle bag full of guns and ammo, and my brief case filled with narcotics, ruffies, muscle relaxants, sum sweet H, and sum other assorted pharmaceuticals. Finally, I threw together a tackle box and grabbed a couple fishing rods cuz, ya know, I am gonna be on a boat. I wuz ready to rock!”
“I headed out the next morning. I headed east to I-95, then turned right. When I got down to Savannah, GA, I seen a billboard advertising nekkid titties. It wuz one of them thar stripper bars! And with a name like “The Bango Tango”, it twere jest too tantalizing not to stop!”
“So I wheeled into the parking lot. I noticed that this wuz a combo gas station-stripper hut. I thunk this made a helluva lot of good sense. Whoever thunk up this thing has Einstein-like genius in his old noggin! I filled up my ride with gas, then I went into the girlie bar.”
“Son, thar wuz titties and ass jest a jigglin’ in ever direction ya looked! I knew I didn’t have long a’fore I got ta git my ass back on the highway cuz I did not want to miss my boat. So I picked out the cutest little lass I seen in the place. Her name wuz Jiggles. I paid old Jiggles fer a couple dances. She wuz a real professional, telling me I was cute and hangin all over me. But I know’d better. She wuz jest doing her job of whoring as much cash outa me as she can. But I had the upper hand!”
“I leaned over and asked Jiggles if she would like a little taste while I tapped my nose with my finger. Jiggle’s eyes lit up like a child spying a shit-ton of presents under the tree on Christmas morn. I told her I had to depart on a trip to Jacksonville, and that if she wants she can tag along and we would have sum fun. Of course, I handed her 5 hundies fer her troubles and so she could get a ride back home.”
“Jiggles wanted to come with me, but she seemed a wee bit apprehensive. I pulled out a little baggie and gave her a taste of the white stuff. After that she wuz sitting on my lap and stroking my rod. I asked her if she was in on the deal. She sed ‘Let’s go, baby!’ So off we went.”
“We wasn’t a mile down the road before Jiggles buried her face in my old lap, blowing my old tallywacker. I gave her some more blow and told her I wanted to fuck her. She suggested we pull over on the side of the road. I told her no. I sed ‘I got a boat to catch in 2 hrs. to cruise to them thar Bahama Islands.’ She asked if she could come along. I sed ‘Well, shit fire, I only got one ticket. But If you can ball yerself up then I can prolly smuggle you onboard in one of my bags. Is you up fer that?’ Jiggles said she wuz.”
“Then I pulled old Jiggles over on top of me. I leaned to the left so I could see the road as I drove. Jiggles sat on my lap facing me. Then I slide my big old hog leg up into her poon hole and started thrusting! We fucked like that fer miles. Then she dismounted, got on her hands and knees, and finished me off. She swallowed it all, missin’ nary a drop of my seed. Good girl!”
“I kept Jiggles on the dope fer the rest of the drive while I listened to a Bill Monroe CD I dun did brung. It twernt long before we made it to Jacksonville, then found the docks. There wuz a bunch of ships thar. Finally I found mine. It had “Sasquatch Fiesta Cruises” written on the side in big letters. The name of this particular boat wuz ‘The Knock And Howl’. ‘Here we is’, I sed.”
“I found me an old burlap sack in a nearby dumpster and stuffed old Jiggles into it. She wuz completely unconscious, stoned out of her head. I boarded ok and got all my shit, including Jiggles, through security (it took a nice meaty bribe, but I needed my guns and high-supply so it were worth it.)”
“I got to my cabin. God, what a shitty little hole in the wall. But, at least I had me a window that looked out over the water. I put on my new snappy duds and headed to the bar fer a drink.”
“I bellied up to the bar and ordered me a glass of apricot brandy. No luck. Then I ordered sum Rye whiskey. Agin, no luck. Then I sed ‘Ah, hell, jest bring me a glass of Jack on the rocks. I scanned the room and saw nuthin but yuppie scum. When I got my Jack I turned it up. ‘PUSSY SHIT!’, I thought. I called the bartender over. He looked like sum tap-dancing faggot. I asked, ‘What the fuck you mean by watering down that whiskey, boy?!?’”
“The bartender claimed that he did not water it down. So I asked him what proof the liquor wuz. He sed it be 90 proof. I sed, ‘90 PROOF?!?! What kind of bullshit is THAT?!? I don’t drink nuthin less than 190 proof! BRING ME SUM REAL LIQUOR, YA PRISSY-ASS COCKSUCKER!!”
“The ding dong disappeared fer a moment. He reappeared with a couple security officers. One of the officers sed ‘Sir, I am going to ask you to leave the bar right now.’ I told ‘em both to get fucked. I sed I came here fer a drank, and I ain’t a’leavin before I git one, a REAL drink. That’s when the security guards put thar hands on me.”
“I spun around, easily away from them pussies. I kicked the first one in the balls then punched him in the throat. THUMP!! He hit the floor hard. I turned to find the other security flunky upholstering his taser. I yanked that contraption outa his hands, punched him square in the face, then watched him hit the ground. I then took this opportunity and tased the shit out of this dick-head’s nards. The little twat pissed all over his self.”
“Then I found the homo bartender. I yanked his ass outa that bar and dragged him to the deck. As we arrived on the deck I asked the little fucker ‘Has you ever been fucked by a North Carolina redneck?’ Sheepishly he sed ‘no’. I sed ‘Well, you have now!’ Then I picked up the twig boy and threw him over the side of the ship. He shrieked as he fell, then there wuz a ‘SPLASH!!’ Heh heh heh!! “
“I then decided to go back to my room to have a nip of shine from my own personal collection that I brung with me. I had not even had time to get settled in my room before people started banging on my door. It wuz the goddamn boat fuzz. They told me I wuz under house arrest and would be transferred to appropriate authorities at our next port. Until then, I had to stay in my room, which had 2 armed guards standing outside. ‘What kind of bullshit is this?’, I thought.”
“After a few more sips of hooch I decided I would try fishing. I got out my tackle and tied me an old curly tail crappie jig on my spinning rod. When I wuz ready, I walked over to the window. That motherfucker would not open. ‘SHIT!’, I thought. What kind of rat bastard puts a winder on a boat that ya can’t open? Well, they wuz not gonna stop me from getting in a little fishing! I went to my gun bag and pulled out my loaded .480 Ruger revolver. I unloaded it on that thar winder. BAM!! BAM!!BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!!!!”
“Well, Sir, That sure dun the trick! The whole fucking winder wuz gone. Now I could drop a line down the side of the boat and troll my jig! And I wuz about to do jest that when them 2 boat cops busted in to my room, telling me to drop my fishing rod and lie on the floor. They demanded to know what happened. Clearly they had heard the gunshots. Well, it took sum quick thinking, but I pulled it off.”
“I sed ‘It wuz PIRATES!! They wuz a boat of ‘em down below my window. I shot them fuckers my middle finger cuz this here is an American boat! I yelled down at them boys on their little skiff ‘We is the red, white and blue, which means FUCK YOU!’ I told the boat cops that the pirates were prolly still down thar. They both approached the broken winder, oblivious to the evidence suggesting the window wuz blown out from the inside. As those two nitwits stood in front of the broken window, I started running at ‘em and drop kicked both assholes out the winder, where they then fell several stories to the ocean below! Ha ha ha ha!!! Fuck ‘em.”
“I wuz gettin hungry and decided to go up and find me sum vittles. But with these boat fags running around all excited, I decided to arm myself fer this sojourn around the ship.”
“I found me a nice lil restaurant onboard. While I wus not exactly dressed to thar standards, the nice fella gave me a dinner jacket to wear, then showed me to my table. My waitress wuz a cute, and very tight, hottie named Sasha. She clearly had a Russian accent. I figured she wuz trying to earn money fer college er sumthang. She wuz a good girl too. I asked her to place my napkin across my lap. I had my hard wang a’hanging out and throbbing. She dun what she wuz told and did not skip a beat, except to say ‘Oh my!’”
“I had me a couple glasses of Scotch, neat, before dinner. I started off with a nice fish soup, followed by a tasty lil salad. Then Sonya served me the entre I ordered: a 16 ounce prime rib, rare, with a baked tater, and a bottle of Cabernet. I sunk my teeth inta that meat and I got to tell ya, it wuz fan-fucking-tastic. In fact, the entire meal wuz spectacular, the best I have had in ages.”
“I finished my dinner with a warm glass of brandy and a cigar, a Padron 1964 Maduro. THIS wuz the life! Old Sonya stopped by my table. She dropped a room key on my table and asked me to join her in 15 minutes. I smiled, then nodded. As she walked away she sed with a sexy Russian accent, ‘See you in a few, Roy.’ Her ass looked like 2 bald midgets making out under a blanket.”
“Then .... BOOM!!! My alarms went off. I never told Sonya my name. How does she know my name?!? Somethang is wrong. But, ya see, she wuz hot and I wanted to fuck her. In 15 minutes I picked up her door key, stood up, and walked out.”
“Now, this is a big assed ship. I am not too proud to admit that I got lost as hell. At one point I ended up in a dance contest in front of an INXS cover band. I admit that I had a couple more drinks and dry humped a couple drunk horny bitches while thar. Then I stopped into another restaurant and had me sum dessert, a Tiramisu, along with a couple glasses of wine. It wuz delicious!”
“After I wuz about 2 hours late fer my rendezvous with Sonya, I got me a mate to help me find her room, which we did. I hoped she would not be too pissed. I knew how to handle this sort of situation, however. I pulled my dick out and knocked on the door.”
“After a few moments the door opened. It wuz Sonya. She sed she thought I wuz not coming. I sed ‘Honey, we both is cumin’tonight!’, then I winked at her. She invited me into her cabin and locked the door behind us. Then, shit got REAL weird, REAL fast.”
“Sonya stood in front of me and sed ‘Roy, I am afraid I lured you here under false pretenses.’ The voice wuz different. It was not Sonya anymore. It wuz a MAN’s Voice! Then she removed her wig. IT WUZ A FUCKING DUDE!!!! Holy shit, I got Shanghaid by a triangular sexual pervert! I immediately pulled my FNX Tac .45 acp.”
“The man spoke with a heavy Russian accent. He sed ‘ROY! ROY!!! DON’T SHOOT!!!!! IT’S ME.....BORIS!!!!’ My Trijicon red dot sight wuz squarely on this fuckers’s forehead.”
“I knew that name, and it brings me no pleasure when I hear it. I paused as the man frantically removed his bitch makeup and eyelashes and such. When he wuz done it wuz clear who this were. It wuz old Boris.”
“You are already familiar with Old Boris from the Nephilim story. Boris lured me to Afghanistan under the pretext that I wuz gonna help him and the dirt rat-bassturd Soviets kill sum Nephilim monsters that had been decimating their troops. Only it turned out that Boris was a homosexual stalker who decided he wanted to murder yer old Uncle Roy once I made it clear that I wuz not gonna play “hide the salami”.
“I sed to Boris, ‘You degenerate tick-turd, the last time I seen you I had jest literally blown you to fucking pieces with the machine guns on that helicopter. Why ain’t you dead, asshole?’ Boris grinned like the cat that up and raped the canary. I sed ‘Wipe that stupid grin off yer face, you commie cocksucker. They ain’t no Soviet Union anymore. At best, Russia is just a Third World banana republic with leftover fissile material and a shit-head leader with a lot of penis envy. Now, explain yerself instanter or Ima gonna shred yer fucking brain with this here gun in my hand!’”
“Old Boris sed, ‘OK, Roy, you win. Yes, you did shoot me and throw me out of that helicopter all those years ago in Afghanistan. But as you were up there in the air flying around and concentrating on the raging Nephilim, my comrades recovered my body and replaced it with another body...one of the soldiers you killed. Then, when you circled back around to take your vengeance on me with those cannons mounted on the helicopter, you had no idea that a switch had been made. You opened fire on a difference corpse, a nobody.’ I sed ‘Boris, you is one sneaky sack of dog shit. But, I double-tapped you with my pistol in the helicopter. How did you survive THAT?!?’ Boris responded, ‘Roy, those were shots from a .380. That’s PUSSY SHIT! I dug the slugs out of my head myself, with a pocket knife.’”
“Boris wuz right about that. But I wuz under duress and had to grab what I could. Then I sed to Boris ‘Well sir, this here shooting iron fires the good old USA, .45 ACP, 230 grain. So you is fucked. Bye bye, sweetheart!’ But before I could pull the trigger I heard a door open behind me, then a voice sed ‘DROP YOUR GUN, ROY!’ I looked over my should and almost passed out from fright and surprise: IT WUZ A FUCKING BIGFOOT!!!! And it had a gun pointed right at me!!!”
“I turned back to Boris with a look on my face that sed ‘WTF?!?!’. Boris smiled, then sed ‘Meet my associate, Roy. We call her ‘Bobo’. I sed ‘alright, what the fuck is going on here?!? That’s a goddamn Bigfoot, and it’s holding a gun and talking like a person.’ Boris jest laughed, and Bobo demanded that I drop my gun. I had to make a decisive move, and fast.”
“In a flash, I spun my body as I dropped to my knees. When I hit the floor I wuz facing Bobo. BAM!! BAM!!! I blasted both it’s kneecaps out, and it hit the floor with a thud. It wuz pure John Wick stuff, but in real life! I walked over and picked up Bobo’s gun and inspected it. It wuz a goddamned Hi Point. I wuz disgusted. I kicked Bobo hard in the head and called it a ni**er because of its cheap gun choice. Then I dropped the mag and brutally pistol whipped the beast.”
“Eventually, Boris’ cries and pleas for me to stop beating Bobo pierced my rage and I stopped. I looked at Boris and sed ‘I’m gonna cripple you fer this!’ Then Boris sed he would tell me what’s going on and that, if I still wanted to kill him after his story, then I could. I told old Boris that I did not need his permission fer anything, then busted him in the face with the butt of my gun. Blood gushed from his nose. Then I sed, ‘Git too it, asshole. Tell me yer fucking story!’”
“Boris looked at the blood on his hands and shirt, then he looked at me with acute disdain. I answered his malignant stare by saying ‘Fuck you, commie!’ Boris composed himself. He is, afterall, a fucking Soviet war criminal. Homo or not, he is a tough sumbitch. Boris motioned fer me to sit down, which I did. Boris did the same, then began telling me a story.”
“Boris began, saying “Roy, have you ever heard of “Project Twinkle Toes”, also known as PTT?’ I sed ‘fuck no. That sounds like faggot shit!’ Boris continued, ‘The project was named after one of your recent leaders.’ I responded, ‘Oh, you mean that rat-bastard, Obama?’ Boris sed ‘That is correct.’ Boris then got up, poured us some Scotch from the same bottle, and handed a half-full glass to me. Boris drank first, to indicate that the liquor was not drugged. Then Boris sat back down and continued.”
“Boris began again, ‘Roy, you know that Obama and Putin were in bed together. There was major collusion on Syria and Iran. For the most part we were satisfied with Obama’s work for the Kremlin. But then, toward the end of his second term, Obama started rigging the 2016 elections for Hillary, and against Trump. Putin was very displeased with this. Putin did not want anything to do with Hillary.’ I sed ‘Why not? Wuz Putin scared of that vile bitch, Hillary Clinton?’ Boris laughed. Then he sed ‘Hillary was in bed with the Saudis and would lose the election due to all the fraud and money laundering occurring through the phony Clinton Foundation. Plus, she was already Colluding with us through Fusion GPS. Hillary was in too deep. She needed to be put out of service. As such, it brought us great dismay when Putin puppet, Obama, began to affirmatively assist Hillary’s campaign by utilizing the vast resources of the American government to assist her by spying on the Trump Campaign.’ I asked ‘How does Bobo fit into all this?’”
“Boris continued, saying that Russia attempted to run a honey pot scam on Obama whereby one of their super hot spies would infiltrate the White House and then seduce Barack. With such blackmail material, Putin could destroy Barack if he refused to play ball.”
“Boris continued, ‘You see, Roy, we needed a spy that would appeal to Barack. We looked at Michelle Obama as a guideline. Unfortunately, we have no 7’ tall gorilla women in Russia. The only thing we had that closely resembles Michelle Obama is Sasquatch.’ I thought, ‘Hmmmmm. You make a good point.’ I nodded my head.”
“Boris sed ‘we captured a female Almasty, the Russian Bigfoot, and trained her to speak and act with human mannerisms. Our selected concubine is Bobo there, who you just knee-capped. Training Bobo was slow and laborious. We failed to meet our deadline, and then Obama left office. The matter became moot.’”
“Now, this was all interesting and such, but it really did not explain anything. I asked Boris what the hell he and Bobo are doing on this cruise ship. Essentially, when Project Twinkle Toes ended, Boris got stuck with Bobo. He was ordered to execute it. But Boris did not want to kill her. Instead, he defied orders and took Bobo.”
“I had to ask, ‘So what are you and Bobo doing on this here boat? Are you two dating? You know, are you boning that hairy bitch?’ Boris assured me he was not fucking Bobo. He was, however, tricking her out to Johns. I sed, ‘Boris, are you outa yer fucking mind? You is pimping out that dirty ape? Get the fuck outa here!’ Boris sed ‘Well, Yes, I was, until you crippled her, you fucking hillbilly maniac!’ I did not particularly like the dark look on Boris’ face when he sed that thar last part.”
“That’s when Boris dropped a bombshell on me. He sed ‘Roy, Bobo is your daughter.’ I responded with a ‘fuck you, Boris.’ Then Boris sed ‘It’s true, Roy. Remember that night at the whore house in Cambodia?’ I sed ‘Hell Yeah! We blew all those ching-chongs away then torched their hut!! Ha ha ha!!! The smoke from the fire smelled like Sesame Chicken!!’ But Boris shook his head.”
“Boris continued, ‘No, Roy. Before that. You and I were banging 2 whores in that dark room and you blew your load on me.’ I sed “oh hell, Boris, don’t bring yer damn homo fantasies back up. I already dun told ya that I don’t swing that way, you know...the fagula way.’ Then another dark look overtook Boris’ face, and he sed ‘I saved your seed, Roy. I preserved it. I thought it would provide an important DNA sample should the need arise.’ I sed ‘Horse shit! You saved it to drink it, you degenerate commie fuck!’ But Boris just shook his head.”
“Boris continued, ‘During Project Twinkle Toes we ran into problems. We could not train a genetically pure animal. The Almasty is just too willful and feral. So we genetically engineered a Bigfoot, and I used YOUR DNA from your semen.’ I had to think on this a moment. Most likely Boris is lying to me. That is how Russian intel guys operate. But, what if it is true?”
“I walked over to poor Bobo laying there in severe pain from the knee-capping I gave her. She was jest writhing in pain and whimpering. I stood thar fer a moment, jest pondering and gathering my thoughts. The wounded critter looked up at me, and in perfect English she sed ‘Father.’ Then I pulled out my pistol and put 2 bullets in Bobo’s Head. BAM!! BAM!!”
“Boris jumped to his feet and demanded to know why I killed Bobo. I turned to him and sed ‘Boris, you lyin rat-bastard, I don’t believe a word of yer shit. And even if I did, I don’t want no Bigfoot whore as a daughter. That’s fucked up!’”
“Well, right about then the goddamn boat police busted through the door, guns a’drawn and yelling fer everyone to get on the floor. Of course, in the fray that sneaky prick, Boris, snuck out of the cabin to make his getaway. The boat fuzz did not even notice cuz they wuz after me.”
“After I took care of them thar worthless boat cops, including throwin’ em out the window and into the sea, I took off after that rat-bastard, Boris. This here cruise wuz turning out to be a real pain in the rectum. But, if’n I could put a bullet in this dick’s head, then it would make the trip worthwhile.”
“I ran out the cabin, up sum stairs and ended up on deck. Thar wuz assholes milling around everywhere. I wuz a‘ brandishing my old .44 magum now, so all the pussy soy boys started freaking out. They wuz hootin and hollaring, sum even yelled that I wuz a terrorist.”
“As I ran down the rail on the deck this buff tuff guy jumped out in front of me. He wuz all pumped up, like sum sumbitchin’ body builder. He crouched in fighting position, like he wuz gonna try and be a hero. After I crushed his skull with the butt of my pistol, I grabbed him by the seat of his britches, before he hit the deck, and tossed his ass over the rail and into the ocean, several stories below deck. What a fucking asshole.”
“Even though these pussy city folk were scattering, there were still too many fer me to get a bead on Boris. Now I had my a little surprise. I wuz hiding a buzz gun in my overalls. It twere an Ingram M10 .45 ACP, fires 30 rounds a second. I whipped out that beauty and sprayed fire across the deck. Everyone wuz either hittin the deck or diving overboard!”
“Thar he wuz! It were Boris, about 50 yards ahead, standing by the put-put course. Boris is a dick, but he is a Russian dick, tough as nails. No buzz gun gonna make him hit the deck. Then Boris took evasive action, but I wuz Hot on his ass!”
“Just then I heard the unmistakable sound of chopper blades. Then, BOOM, there she wuz: a helicopter appeared out of nowhere. It wuz already lowering a ladder to the deck on the bow. I wuz runnin’ full steam, but I were too late. Boris wuz already being lifted off the boat. I had my .44, but thar wuz no point cuz the chopper wuz starting to move away.”
“I stood thar, watching the whirlybird heading away. Then sumthang crazy happened: the helicopter turned and started coming fer the boat. It wuz coming in low too. I knew what that meant. I meant they wuz in attack formation! It also meant that the aircraft wuz Armed!”
“I wuz fucked, cuz I wuz way out on the bow, in the open. I turned and headed fer what cover I could find. It wuz at that thar moment I began hearing the barking report of the machine guns. They wuz 20mms, serious shit. I managed to git my ass hid as the machine gun fire wuz literally chewing up the deck. By this time prolly half the passengers had jumped overboard. The chopper wuz moving fast and approaching my position.”
“When the chopper passed I peaked outa my hide to have a look. I almost shit myself cuz of what I dun seen. Piloting the helicopter wuz a huge, hulking hairy thang. It were so big it had to hunch over to fit in that craft. IT WUZ A GODDAMNED BIGFOOT!!! That rotten Boris has got him an entire special ops force of them thar critters!! What a fucking asshole!!”
“As I pondered this here predicament, I heard 2 very loud explosions in quick succession. The entire boat quivered and shook. That Russian asshole had dropped bombs on the ship! Then the boat suddenly listed violently port side. We were going down, and FAST! I don’t know what Boris hit us with, but they wuz sum potent shit!”
“Well, old Boris and his Sasquatch air crew took off, as evidenced by the receding sound of the chopper blades. But we wuz sinking. I remembered seeing sum life boats back at the spot where I threw that bodybuilder faggot overboard. So I hauled ass in that direction.”
“When I got thar only one life boat wuz left, and it were full with sum bitches and squalling brats. I told them bitches to get the fuck outa that thar boat. Well, the men helping them in the boat got all uppity, like they wuz white Knights er sumthang. Unfortunately fer them, their white knight armor wuz no match fer my .44 magum. After they wuz outa the picture, I hopped into the lifeboat and started throwing bitches overboard, into the ocean.”
“I managed to lower my boat into the sea, then cranked the outboard and headed away from the ship. I got away jest in the nick Of time too, cuz that ship suddenly went down, creating a horrific undertow that probably drowned a hundred people. Whew!!”
“So, I managed to find me another boat. It wuz one of them thar Sea Ray cruisers with all that nice teak wood in the cabin. I threw the fucking crew overboard, then plotted a course back to the dock on the chart plotter. In about an hour I wuz back at the dock in Jacksonville. Some of the security people started barking a lot of questions at me, but my .44 answered all of them. Also, there wuz talk of sum kind of disaster at sea, so everyone seemed preoccupied with that.”
“I made my way back to my rented Beamer, hotwired it, and took off. Once I wuz on I-95 headed north I decided I wanted to smoke me a cigar. I started lookin fer my torch lighter and found a pair of panties. I sniffed ‘em... they wuz fresh. At first I wuz puzzled. Then it dawned on me: JIGGLES!! Oh shit!!! I fergot all about that dumb bitch, Jiggles. I never even took her out of the bag I closed her up in to smuggle her onboard the ship. I wondered what had happened to that bitch. Then I started to laugh. Heh heh heh heh!!!”
“I was to board that thar boat in Jacksonville, Floridy. I knowed it would take fer fuckin’ ever to git down thar on my mule and wagon, so I rented me a BMW M Series fer the ride. I also decided I better git me sum new duds since I heard them thar cruise boats are pussy magnets, and I wuz aiming to git my old wang wet a time er two on the trip. So I bought me 3 brand new pair of overalls at the WalMart, and a fancy new pair of steel toed boots at the hardware store.”
“Now, I like to travel light. I had me one Glad Hefty bag filled with my new duds, a duffle bag full of guns and ammo, and my brief case filled with narcotics, ruffies, muscle relaxants, sum sweet H, and sum other assorted pharmaceuticals. Finally, I threw together a tackle box and grabbed a couple fishing rods cuz, ya know, I am gonna be on a boat. I wuz ready to rock!”
“I headed out the next morning. I headed east to I-95, then turned right. When I got down to Savannah, GA, I seen a billboard advertising nekkid titties. It wuz one of them thar stripper bars! And with a name like “The Bango Tango”, it twere jest too tantalizing not to stop!”
“So I wheeled into the parking lot. I noticed that this wuz a combo gas station-stripper hut. I thunk this made a helluva lot of good sense. Whoever thunk up this thing has Einstein-like genius in his old noggin! I filled up my ride with gas, then I went into the girlie bar.”
“Son, thar wuz titties and ass jest a jigglin’ in ever direction ya looked! I knew I didn’t have long a’fore I got ta git my ass back on the highway cuz I did not want to miss my boat. So I picked out the cutest little lass I seen in the place. Her name wuz Jiggles. I paid old Jiggles fer a couple dances. She wuz a real professional, telling me I was cute and hangin all over me. But I know’d better. She wuz jest doing her job of whoring as much cash outa me as she can. But I had the upper hand!”
“I leaned over and asked Jiggles if she would like a little taste while I tapped my nose with my finger. Jiggle’s eyes lit up like a child spying a shit-ton of presents under the tree on Christmas morn. I told her I had to depart on a trip to Jacksonville, and that if she wants she can tag along and we would have sum fun. Of course, I handed her 5 hundies fer her troubles and so she could get a ride back home.”
“Jiggles wanted to come with me, but she seemed a wee bit apprehensive. I pulled out a little baggie and gave her a taste of the white stuff. After that she wuz sitting on my lap and stroking my rod. I asked her if she was in on the deal. She sed ‘Let’s go, baby!’ So off we went.”
“We wasn’t a mile down the road before Jiggles buried her face in my old lap, blowing my old tallywacker. I gave her some more blow and told her I wanted to fuck her. She suggested we pull over on the side of the road. I told her no. I sed ‘I got a boat to catch in 2 hrs. to cruise to them thar Bahama Islands.’ She asked if she could come along. I sed ‘Well, shit fire, I only got one ticket. But If you can ball yerself up then I can prolly smuggle you onboard in one of my bags. Is you up fer that?’ Jiggles said she wuz.”
“Then I pulled old Jiggles over on top of me. I leaned to the left so I could see the road as I drove. Jiggles sat on my lap facing me. Then I slide my big old hog leg up into her poon hole and started thrusting! We fucked like that fer miles. Then she dismounted, got on her hands and knees, and finished me off. She swallowed it all, missin’ nary a drop of my seed. Good girl!”
“I kept Jiggles on the dope fer the rest of the drive while I listened to a Bill Monroe CD I dun did brung. It twernt long before we made it to Jacksonville, then found the docks. There wuz a bunch of ships thar. Finally I found mine. It had “Sasquatch Fiesta Cruises” written on the side in big letters. The name of this particular boat wuz ‘The Knock And Howl’. ‘Here we is’, I sed.”
“I found me an old burlap sack in a nearby dumpster and stuffed old Jiggles into it. She wuz completely unconscious, stoned out of her head. I boarded ok and got all my shit, including Jiggles, through security (it took a nice meaty bribe, but I needed my guns and high-supply so it were worth it.)”
“I got to my cabin. God, what a shitty little hole in the wall. But, at least I had me a window that looked out over the water. I put on my new snappy duds and headed to the bar fer a drink.”
“I bellied up to the bar and ordered me a glass of apricot brandy. No luck. Then I ordered sum Rye whiskey. Agin, no luck. Then I sed ‘Ah, hell, jest bring me a glass of Jack on the rocks. I scanned the room and saw nuthin but yuppie scum. When I got my Jack I turned it up. ‘PUSSY SHIT!’, I thought. I called the bartender over. He looked like sum tap-dancing faggot. I asked, ‘What the fuck you mean by watering down that whiskey, boy?!?’”
“The bartender claimed that he did not water it down. So I asked him what proof the liquor wuz. He sed it be 90 proof. I sed, ‘90 PROOF?!?! What kind of bullshit is THAT?!? I don’t drink nuthin less than 190 proof! BRING ME SUM REAL LIQUOR, YA PRISSY-ASS COCKSUCKER!!”
“The ding dong disappeared fer a moment. He reappeared with a couple security officers. One of the officers sed ‘Sir, I am going to ask you to leave the bar right now.’ I told ‘em both to get fucked. I sed I came here fer a drank, and I ain’t a’leavin before I git one, a REAL drink. That’s when the security guards put thar hands on me.”
“I spun around, easily away from them pussies. I kicked the first one in the balls then punched him in the throat. THUMP!! He hit the floor hard. I turned to find the other security flunky upholstering his taser. I yanked that contraption outa his hands, punched him square in the face, then watched him hit the ground. I then took this opportunity and tased the shit out of this dick-head’s nards. The little twat pissed all over his self.”
“Then I found the homo bartender. I yanked his ass outa that bar and dragged him to the deck. As we arrived on the deck I asked the little fucker ‘Has you ever been fucked by a North Carolina redneck?’ Sheepishly he sed ‘no’. I sed ‘Well, you have now!’ Then I picked up the twig boy and threw him over the side of the ship. He shrieked as he fell, then there wuz a ‘SPLASH!!’ Heh heh heh!! “
“I then decided to go back to my room to have a nip of shine from my own personal collection that I brung with me. I had not even had time to get settled in my room before people started banging on my door. It wuz the goddamn boat fuzz. They told me I wuz under house arrest and would be transferred to appropriate authorities at our next port. Until then, I had to stay in my room, which had 2 armed guards standing outside. ‘What kind of bullshit is this?’, I thought.”
“After a few more sips of hooch I decided I would try fishing. I got out my tackle and tied me an old curly tail crappie jig on my spinning rod. When I wuz ready, I walked over to the window. That motherfucker would not open. ‘SHIT!’, I thought. What kind of rat bastard puts a winder on a boat that ya can’t open? Well, they wuz not gonna stop me from getting in a little fishing! I went to my gun bag and pulled out my loaded .480 Ruger revolver. I unloaded it on that thar winder. BAM!! BAM!!BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!!!!”
“Well, Sir, That sure dun the trick! The whole fucking winder wuz gone. Now I could drop a line down the side of the boat and troll my jig! And I wuz about to do jest that when them 2 boat cops busted in to my room, telling me to drop my fishing rod and lie on the floor. They demanded to know what happened. Clearly they had heard the gunshots. Well, it took sum quick thinking, but I pulled it off.”
“I sed ‘It wuz PIRATES!! They wuz a boat of ‘em down below my window. I shot them fuckers my middle finger cuz this here is an American boat! I yelled down at them boys on their little skiff ‘We is the red, white and blue, which means FUCK YOU!’ I told the boat cops that the pirates were prolly still down thar. They both approached the broken winder, oblivious to the evidence suggesting the window wuz blown out from the inside. As those two nitwits stood in front of the broken window, I started running at ‘em and drop kicked both assholes out the winder, where they then fell several stories to the ocean below! Ha ha ha ha!!! Fuck ‘em.”
“I wuz gettin hungry and decided to go up and find me sum vittles. But with these boat fags running around all excited, I decided to arm myself fer this sojourn around the ship.”
“I found me a nice lil restaurant onboard. While I wus not exactly dressed to thar standards, the nice fella gave me a dinner jacket to wear, then showed me to my table. My waitress wuz a cute, and very tight, hottie named Sasha. She clearly had a Russian accent. I figured she wuz trying to earn money fer college er sumthang. She wuz a good girl too. I asked her to place my napkin across my lap. I had my hard wang a’hanging out and throbbing. She dun what she wuz told and did not skip a beat, except to say ‘Oh my!’”
“I had me a couple glasses of Scotch, neat, before dinner. I started off with a nice fish soup, followed by a tasty lil salad. Then Sonya served me the entre I ordered: a 16 ounce prime rib, rare, with a baked tater, and a bottle of Cabernet. I sunk my teeth inta that meat and I got to tell ya, it wuz fan-fucking-tastic. In fact, the entire meal wuz spectacular, the best I have had in ages.”
“I finished my dinner with a warm glass of brandy and a cigar, a Padron 1964 Maduro. THIS wuz the life! Old Sonya stopped by my table. She dropped a room key on my table and asked me to join her in 15 minutes. I smiled, then nodded. As she walked away she sed with a sexy Russian accent, ‘See you in a few, Roy.’ Her ass looked like 2 bald midgets making out under a blanket.”
“Then .... BOOM!!! My alarms went off. I never told Sonya my name. How does she know my name?!? Somethang is wrong. But, ya see, she wuz hot and I wanted to fuck her. In 15 minutes I picked up her door key, stood up, and walked out.”
“Now, this is a big assed ship. I am not too proud to admit that I got lost as hell. At one point I ended up in a dance contest in front of an INXS cover band. I admit that I had a couple more drinks and dry humped a couple drunk horny bitches while thar. Then I stopped into another restaurant and had me sum dessert, a Tiramisu, along with a couple glasses of wine. It wuz delicious!”
“After I wuz about 2 hours late fer my rendezvous with Sonya, I got me a mate to help me find her room, which we did. I hoped she would not be too pissed. I knew how to handle this sort of situation, however. I pulled my dick out and knocked on the door.”
“After a few moments the door opened. It wuz Sonya. She sed she thought I wuz not coming. I sed ‘Honey, we both is cumin’tonight!’, then I winked at her. She invited me into her cabin and locked the door behind us. Then, shit got REAL weird, REAL fast.”
“Sonya stood in front of me and sed ‘Roy, I am afraid I lured you here under false pretenses.’ The voice wuz different. It was not Sonya anymore. It wuz a MAN’s Voice! Then she removed her wig. IT WUZ A FUCKING DUDE!!!! Holy shit, I got Shanghaid by a triangular sexual pervert! I immediately pulled my FNX Tac .45 acp.”
“The man spoke with a heavy Russian accent. He sed ‘ROY! ROY!!! DON’T SHOOT!!!!! IT’S ME.....BORIS!!!!’ My Trijicon red dot sight wuz squarely on this fuckers’s forehead.”
“I knew that name, and it brings me no pleasure when I hear it. I paused as the man frantically removed his bitch makeup and eyelashes and such. When he wuz done it wuz clear who this were. It wuz old Boris.”
“You are already familiar with Old Boris from the Nephilim story. Boris lured me to Afghanistan under the pretext that I wuz gonna help him and the dirt rat-bassturd Soviets kill sum Nephilim monsters that had been decimating their troops. Only it turned out that Boris was a homosexual stalker who decided he wanted to murder yer old Uncle Roy once I made it clear that I wuz not gonna play “hide the salami”.
“I sed to Boris, ‘You degenerate tick-turd, the last time I seen you I had jest literally blown you to fucking pieces with the machine guns on that helicopter. Why ain’t you dead, asshole?’ Boris grinned like the cat that up and raped the canary. I sed ‘Wipe that stupid grin off yer face, you commie cocksucker. They ain’t no Soviet Union anymore. At best, Russia is just a Third World banana republic with leftover fissile material and a shit-head leader with a lot of penis envy. Now, explain yerself instanter or Ima gonna shred yer fucking brain with this here gun in my hand!’”
“Old Boris sed, ‘OK, Roy, you win. Yes, you did shoot me and throw me out of that helicopter all those years ago in Afghanistan. But as you were up there in the air flying around and concentrating on the raging Nephilim, my comrades recovered my body and replaced it with another body...one of the soldiers you killed. Then, when you circled back around to take your vengeance on me with those cannons mounted on the helicopter, you had no idea that a switch had been made. You opened fire on a difference corpse, a nobody.’ I sed ‘Boris, you is one sneaky sack of dog shit. But, I double-tapped you with my pistol in the helicopter. How did you survive THAT?!?’ Boris responded, ‘Roy, those were shots from a .380. That’s PUSSY SHIT! I dug the slugs out of my head myself, with a pocket knife.’”
“Boris wuz right about that. But I wuz under duress and had to grab what I could. Then I sed to Boris ‘Well sir, this here shooting iron fires the good old USA, .45 ACP, 230 grain. So you is fucked. Bye bye, sweetheart!’ But before I could pull the trigger I heard a door open behind me, then a voice sed ‘DROP YOUR GUN, ROY!’ I looked over my should and almost passed out from fright and surprise: IT WUZ A FUCKING BIGFOOT!!!! And it had a gun pointed right at me!!!”
“I turned back to Boris with a look on my face that sed ‘WTF?!?!’. Boris smiled, then sed ‘Meet my associate, Roy. We call her ‘Bobo’. I sed ‘alright, what the fuck is going on here?!? That’s a goddamn Bigfoot, and it’s holding a gun and talking like a person.’ Boris jest laughed, and Bobo demanded that I drop my gun. I had to make a decisive move, and fast.”
“In a flash, I spun my body as I dropped to my knees. When I hit the floor I wuz facing Bobo. BAM!! BAM!!! I blasted both it’s kneecaps out, and it hit the floor with a thud. It wuz pure John Wick stuff, but in real life! I walked over and picked up Bobo’s gun and inspected it. It wuz a goddamned Hi Point. I wuz disgusted. I kicked Bobo hard in the head and called it a ni**er because of its cheap gun choice. Then I dropped the mag and brutally pistol whipped the beast.”
“Eventually, Boris’ cries and pleas for me to stop beating Bobo pierced my rage and I stopped. I looked at Boris and sed ‘I’m gonna cripple you fer this!’ Then Boris sed he would tell me what’s going on and that, if I still wanted to kill him after his story, then I could. I told old Boris that I did not need his permission fer anything, then busted him in the face with the butt of my gun. Blood gushed from his nose. Then I sed, ‘Git too it, asshole. Tell me yer fucking story!’”
“Boris looked at the blood on his hands and shirt, then he looked at me with acute disdain. I answered his malignant stare by saying ‘Fuck you, commie!’ Boris composed himself. He is, afterall, a fucking Soviet war criminal. Homo or not, he is a tough sumbitch. Boris motioned fer me to sit down, which I did. Boris did the same, then began telling me a story.”
“Boris began, saying “Roy, have you ever heard of “Project Twinkle Toes”, also known as PTT?’ I sed ‘fuck no. That sounds like faggot shit!’ Boris continued, ‘The project was named after one of your recent leaders.’ I responded, ‘Oh, you mean that rat-bastard, Obama?’ Boris sed ‘That is correct.’ Boris then got up, poured us some Scotch from the same bottle, and handed a half-full glass to me. Boris drank first, to indicate that the liquor was not drugged. Then Boris sat back down and continued.”
“Boris began again, ‘Roy, you know that Obama and Putin were in bed together. There was major collusion on Syria and Iran. For the most part we were satisfied with Obama’s work for the Kremlin. But then, toward the end of his second term, Obama started rigging the 2016 elections for Hillary, and against Trump. Putin was very displeased with this. Putin did not want anything to do with Hillary.’ I sed ‘Why not? Wuz Putin scared of that vile bitch, Hillary Clinton?’ Boris laughed. Then he sed ‘Hillary was in bed with the Saudis and would lose the election due to all the fraud and money laundering occurring through the phony Clinton Foundation. Plus, she was already Colluding with us through Fusion GPS. Hillary was in too deep. She needed to be put out of service. As such, it brought us great dismay when Putin puppet, Obama, began to affirmatively assist Hillary’s campaign by utilizing the vast resources of the American government to assist her by spying on the Trump Campaign.’ I asked ‘How does Bobo fit into all this?’”
“Boris continued, saying that Russia attempted to run a honey pot scam on Obama whereby one of their super hot spies would infiltrate the White House and then seduce Barack. With such blackmail material, Putin could destroy Barack if he refused to play ball.”
“Boris continued, ‘You see, Roy, we needed a spy that would appeal to Barack. We looked at Michelle Obama as a guideline. Unfortunately, we have no 7’ tall gorilla women in Russia. The only thing we had that closely resembles Michelle Obama is Sasquatch.’ I thought, ‘Hmmmmm. You make a good point.’ I nodded my head.”
“Boris sed ‘we captured a female Almasty, the Russian Bigfoot, and trained her to speak and act with human mannerisms. Our selected concubine is Bobo there, who you just knee-capped. Training Bobo was slow and laborious. We failed to meet our deadline, and then Obama left office. The matter became moot.’”
“Now, this was all interesting and such, but it really did not explain anything. I asked Boris what the hell he and Bobo are doing on this cruise ship. Essentially, when Project Twinkle Toes ended, Boris got stuck with Bobo. He was ordered to execute it. But Boris did not want to kill her. Instead, he defied orders and took Bobo.”
“I had to ask, ‘So what are you and Bobo doing on this here boat? Are you two dating? You know, are you boning that hairy bitch?’ Boris assured me he was not fucking Bobo. He was, however, tricking her out to Johns. I sed, ‘Boris, are you outa yer fucking mind? You is pimping out that dirty ape? Get the fuck outa here!’ Boris sed ‘Well, Yes, I was, until you crippled her, you fucking hillbilly maniac!’ I did not particularly like the dark look on Boris’ face when he sed that thar last part.”
“That’s when Boris dropped a bombshell on me. He sed ‘Roy, Bobo is your daughter.’ I responded with a ‘fuck you, Boris.’ Then Boris sed ‘It’s true, Roy. Remember that night at the whore house in Cambodia?’ I sed ‘Hell Yeah! We blew all those ching-chongs away then torched their hut!! Ha ha ha!!! The smoke from the fire smelled like Sesame Chicken!!’ But Boris shook his head.”
“Boris continued, ‘No, Roy. Before that. You and I were banging 2 whores in that dark room and you blew your load on me.’ I sed “oh hell, Boris, don’t bring yer damn homo fantasies back up. I already dun told ya that I don’t swing that way, you know...the fagula way.’ Then another dark look overtook Boris’ face, and he sed ‘I saved your seed, Roy. I preserved it. I thought it would provide an important DNA sample should the need arise.’ I sed ‘Horse shit! You saved it to drink it, you degenerate commie fuck!’ But Boris just shook his head.”
“Boris continued, ‘During Project Twinkle Toes we ran into problems. We could not train a genetically pure animal. The Almasty is just too willful and feral. So we genetically engineered a Bigfoot, and I used YOUR DNA from your semen.’ I had to think on this a moment. Most likely Boris is lying to me. That is how Russian intel guys operate. But, what if it is true?”
“I walked over to poor Bobo laying there in severe pain from the knee-capping I gave her. She was jest writhing in pain and whimpering. I stood thar fer a moment, jest pondering and gathering my thoughts. The wounded critter looked up at me, and in perfect English she sed ‘Father.’ Then I pulled out my pistol and put 2 bullets in Bobo’s Head. BAM!! BAM!!”
“Boris jumped to his feet and demanded to know why I killed Bobo. I turned to him and sed ‘Boris, you lyin rat-bastard, I don’t believe a word of yer shit. And even if I did, I don’t want no Bigfoot whore as a daughter. That’s fucked up!’”
“Well, right about then the goddamn boat police busted through the door, guns a’drawn and yelling fer everyone to get on the floor. Of course, in the fray that sneaky prick, Boris, snuck out of the cabin to make his getaway. The boat fuzz did not even notice cuz they wuz after me.”
“After I took care of them thar worthless boat cops, including throwin’ em out the window and into the sea, I took off after that rat-bastard, Boris. This here cruise wuz turning out to be a real pain in the rectum. But, if’n I could put a bullet in this dick’s head, then it would make the trip worthwhile.”
“I ran out the cabin, up sum stairs and ended up on deck. Thar wuz assholes milling around everywhere. I wuz a‘ brandishing my old .44 magum now, so all the pussy soy boys started freaking out. They wuz hootin and hollaring, sum even yelled that I wuz a terrorist.”
“As I ran down the rail on the deck this buff tuff guy jumped out in front of me. He wuz all pumped up, like sum sumbitchin’ body builder. He crouched in fighting position, like he wuz gonna try and be a hero. After I crushed his skull with the butt of my pistol, I grabbed him by the seat of his britches, before he hit the deck, and tossed his ass over the rail and into the ocean, several stories below deck. What a fucking asshole.”
“Even though these pussy city folk were scattering, there were still too many fer me to get a bead on Boris. Now I had my a little surprise. I wuz hiding a buzz gun in my overalls. It twere an Ingram M10 .45 ACP, fires 30 rounds a second. I whipped out that beauty and sprayed fire across the deck. Everyone wuz either hittin the deck or diving overboard!”
“Thar he wuz! It were Boris, about 50 yards ahead, standing by the put-put course. Boris is a dick, but he is a Russian dick, tough as nails. No buzz gun gonna make him hit the deck. Then Boris took evasive action, but I wuz Hot on his ass!”
“Just then I heard the unmistakable sound of chopper blades. Then, BOOM, there she wuz: a helicopter appeared out of nowhere. It wuz already lowering a ladder to the deck on the bow. I wuz runnin’ full steam, but I were too late. Boris wuz already being lifted off the boat. I had my .44, but thar wuz no point cuz the chopper wuz starting to move away.”
“I stood thar, watching the whirlybird heading away. Then sumthang crazy happened: the helicopter turned and started coming fer the boat. It wuz coming in low too. I knew what that meant. I meant they wuz in attack formation! It also meant that the aircraft wuz Armed!”
“I wuz fucked, cuz I wuz way out on the bow, in the open. I turned and headed fer what cover I could find. It wuz at that thar moment I began hearing the barking report of the machine guns. They wuz 20mms, serious shit. I managed to git my ass hid as the machine gun fire wuz literally chewing up the deck. By this time prolly half the passengers had jumped overboard. The chopper wuz moving fast and approaching my position.”
“When the chopper passed I peaked outa my hide to have a look. I almost shit myself cuz of what I dun seen. Piloting the helicopter wuz a huge, hulking hairy thang. It were so big it had to hunch over to fit in that craft. IT WUZ A GODDAMNED BIGFOOT!!! That rotten Boris has got him an entire special ops force of them thar critters!! What a fucking asshole!!”
“As I pondered this here predicament, I heard 2 very loud explosions in quick succession. The entire boat quivered and shook. That Russian asshole had dropped bombs on the ship! Then the boat suddenly listed violently port side. We were going down, and FAST! I don’t know what Boris hit us with, but they wuz sum potent shit!”
“Well, old Boris and his Sasquatch air crew took off, as evidenced by the receding sound of the chopper blades. But we wuz sinking. I remembered seeing sum life boats back at the spot where I threw that bodybuilder faggot overboard. So I hauled ass in that direction.”
“When I got thar only one life boat wuz left, and it were full with sum bitches and squalling brats. I told them bitches to get the fuck outa that thar boat. Well, the men helping them in the boat got all uppity, like they wuz white Knights er sumthang. Unfortunately fer them, their white knight armor wuz no match fer my .44 magum. After they wuz outa the picture, I hopped into the lifeboat and started throwing bitches overboard, into the ocean.”
“I managed to lower my boat into the sea, then cranked the outboard and headed away from the ship. I got away jest in the nick Of time too, cuz that ship suddenly went down, creating a horrific undertow that probably drowned a hundred people. Whew!!”
“So, I managed to find me another boat. It wuz one of them thar Sea Ray cruisers with all that nice teak wood in the cabin. I threw the fucking crew overboard, then plotted a course back to the dock on the chart plotter. In about an hour I wuz back at the dock in Jacksonville. Some of the security people started barking a lot of questions at me, but my .44 answered all of them. Also, there wuz talk of sum kind of disaster at sea, so everyone seemed preoccupied with that.”
“I made my way back to my rented Beamer, hotwired it, and took off. Once I wuz on I-95 headed north I decided I wanted to smoke me a cigar. I started lookin fer my torch lighter and found a pair of panties. I sniffed ‘em... they wuz fresh. At first I wuz puzzled. Then it dawned on me: JIGGLES!! Oh shit!!! I fergot all about that dumb bitch, Jiggles. I never even took her out of the bag I closed her up in to smuggle her onboard the ship. I wondered what had happened to that bitch. Then I started to laugh. Heh heh heh heh!!!”
