Nosmo King
Gold Member
St. Patrick's Day is less than a week off and the Irish are all strutting in a more pronounced and banty way than usual. I'm an American Scot and don't begrudge the Irish a wee bit of fun. Like the way they invented Riverdance to take their minds off of starving to death. We Scots carry all the stigma of the Shanty Irish without the 'shanty' baggage.
There was a wee, feisty Irishman, Paddy Costello, who had never been in a church in his life. One rather non-descript Sunday, as he delivered the homily from the pulpit, the village priest recognized Paddy fidgeting in the back pew. After the service, the priest stood at the doorway of the chapel greeting parishioners as the made their way out and onto home. Then came Paddy, slinking out of the chapel, trying his damnedest to avoid eye contact with the priest.
"Hoy there Paddy me lad," called the priest, "A word, if you please."
Paddy stood embarrassed before the priest and twisted the toe of his well worn shoe into the dust while he peeked around for a quick exit point.
"Now then Paddy," began the priest "I've seen ya in the village, Lord knows I've seen ya in the pub, but I've yet to see ya in the church! I've known ya all me life, yet today you decided to come in and worship with us. Why today of all days? 'Tisn't Easter nor Christmas."
"Well Father I'll tell ya," answered Paddy, "I've come today to steal a hat! For ya see, I've misplaced me hat. But I know that O'Flynn has a hat just like the one I'd like to have for me self." Paddy was in full throat and proud as he could be. "I thought if I stayed in the back of the church, when O'Flynn arose to take the Holy Communion, out the door I'd dash, clutchin' O'Flynn's hat in me hand like a teef in the night. But 'twas yer sermon, Father! Yer sermon on the Ten Commandments that changed me mind!"
Paddy stood with an expression that said nothing other than 'that's my story and I'm sticking with it'. The priest, meanwhile, was blown away! He has Paddy Costello of all people in church! Paddy LISTENED TO THE HOMILY! He got the moral of it and was now practicing that moral. It's a major win for the priest!
Stroking his chin approvingly, the priest asked "Well then Paddy. That's a grand piece of thinkin'. You're telling me that when you heard me say the Word of The Lord says 'thou shalt not steal', you scraped the nefarious scheme o' swipin' O'Flynn's hat and ya decided to come around to the straight and narrow?!"
Paddy considered the question, rocked on his heels and formulated an answer.
"No, no, no. For 'twas when I heard ya say 'thou shalt not committ adultery'. Suddenly then I was able to recall where I had mislaid me hat!"
There was a wee, feisty Irishman, Paddy Costello, who had never been in a church in his life. One rather non-descript Sunday, as he delivered the homily from the pulpit, the village priest recognized Paddy fidgeting in the back pew. After the service, the priest stood at the doorway of the chapel greeting parishioners as the made their way out and onto home. Then came Paddy, slinking out of the chapel, trying his damnedest to avoid eye contact with the priest.
"Hoy there Paddy me lad," called the priest, "A word, if you please."
Paddy stood embarrassed before the priest and twisted the toe of his well worn shoe into the dust while he peeked around for a quick exit point.
"Now then Paddy," began the priest "I've seen ya in the village, Lord knows I've seen ya in the pub, but I've yet to see ya in the church! I've known ya all me life, yet today you decided to come in and worship with us. Why today of all days? 'Tisn't Easter nor Christmas."
"Well Father I'll tell ya," answered Paddy, "I've come today to steal a hat! For ya see, I've misplaced me hat. But I know that O'Flynn has a hat just like the one I'd like to have for me self." Paddy was in full throat and proud as he could be. "I thought if I stayed in the back of the church, when O'Flynn arose to take the Holy Communion, out the door I'd dash, clutchin' O'Flynn's hat in me hand like a teef in the night. But 'twas yer sermon, Father! Yer sermon on the Ten Commandments that changed me mind!"
Paddy stood with an expression that said nothing other than 'that's my story and I'm sticking with it'. The priest, meanwhile, was blown away! He has Paddy Costello of all people in church! Paddy LISTENED TO THE HOMILY! He got the moral of it and was now practicing that moral. It's a major win for the priest!
Stroking his chin approvingly, the priest asked "Well then Paddy. That's a grand piece of thinkin'. You're telling me that when you heard me say the Word of The Lord says 'thou shalt not steal', you scraped the nefarious scheme o' swipin' O'Flynn's hat and ya decided to come around to the straight and narrow?!"
Paddy considered the question, rocked on his heels and formulated an answer.
"No, no, no. For 'twas when I heard ya say 'thou shalt not committ adultery'. Suddenly then I was able to recall where I had mislaid me hat!"
