Drugged, raped woman told to 'forgive her attacker'

[Crystalclear]

But why the hell would the husband rape the woman if he could have normal sex with her?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Meanwhile, he's free to rape her again.

If she eats or drinks anything he gives to her, it's her fault at that point. He's not a violent rapist. There was no force involved. She claims he drugged her. That's an easy rape to avoid.

It was rape but you say there was no force?

And you dare to pretend you're an attorney?

Hell, you even pretend to be an human being.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

WOW you are a really asshole! She was raped and it doesn't matter (at least in this case) that it was her husband. She was violated and it was taped. She is emotionally scarred and won't be as trusting of others. Her pain is real and only an asshole would make a comment like that.

Who are you to tell her to get on with it.

She is just going to have to get on with it. If she carts this around for very long it will only hurt her. She was raped while she was asleep by her husband. Hardly a traumatic experience. As far as trusting others, why would she be trusting anyone? While her pain is real it likely got a lot more painful in 2011 when she decided to get a divorce than it was in 2009 when it happened .

No that is not what happened.

She was raped after he drugged her and yes, that is damned traumatic.

Just cracks me up that you say you're an attorney. You're not even smart enough to shampoo dogs and I sure as hell don't want you anywhere near MY dog.

 

[wavingrl]

So they were married at the time ? Were they separated ? I'm trying to figure out why he would do such a thing, if they were already having a normal married couple's sexual relationship ?

Probably some complicated story? It doesn't sound anything close to normal. jmo. Abusive would be closer.

So---even though there are few resources for women in such situations--she should have left--allowed her husband to have their home and live on the street if that is all she could do.

She managed to get a divorce, get out and then too late tried to confront the issue.


Forgiveness may come later. She needs to think of herself --I've heard of the stages of grief--anger is maybe first--cannot recall.

Wouldn't waste a bullet on him. all I can say.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

I do wonder how he had sex with her and she didnt know the next day.

If a woman has been sexually active in the recent past, its very possible not to feel it the next day.

 

[Asclepias]

But why the hell would the husband rape the woman if he could have normal sex with her?

Some people are weird. i met a girl once that liked to be choked.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

So they were married at the time ? Were they separated ? I'm trying to figure out why he would do such a thing, if they were already having a normal married couple's sexual relationship ?

Probably some complicated story? It doesn't sound anything close to normal. jmo. Abusive would be closer.

So---even though there are few resources for women in such situations--she should have left--allowed her husband to have their home and live on the street if that is all she could do.

She managed to get a divorce, get out and then too late tried to confront the issue.


Forgiveness may come later. She needs to think of herself --I've heard of the stages of grief--anger is maybe first--cannot recall.

Wouldn't waste a bullet on him. all I can say.

And people SAY the wonder why abused women don't go public, don't go the law.

Who can blame them for keeping quiet? If they go public, they get blamed for accepting a cup of coffee form their ex. If they video a rape, he goes free.

 

[Asclepias]

I do wonder how he had sex with her and she didnt know the next day.

If a woman has been sexually active in the recent past, its very possible not to feel it the next day.

I never knew that. Every woman I have ever known has said they could tell the next day.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

But why the hell would the husband rape the woman if he could have normal sex with her?

Some people are weird. i met a girl once that liked to be choked.

But, if she had said no or if she had been drugged, it would have been rape and "he" should have gone to jail. Especially if she had video taped it.

 

[Katzndogz]

Meanwhile, he's free to rape her again.

If she eats or drinks anything he gives to her, it's her fault at that point. He's not a violent rapist. There was no force involved. She claims he drugged her. That's an easy rape to avoid.

It was rape but you say there was no force?

And you dare to pretend you're an attorney?

Hell, you even pretend to be an human being.

There was no force. Sorry but the closest kin is date rape. The use of the drug negates consent. It doesn't mean it's the same as holding a knife to her throat or beating her into unconsciousness. It is a non forcible rape. You may not like it but that's the way it is. She was raped. She was not forcibly raped.

 

[wavingrl]

So they were married at the time ? Were they separated ? I'm trying to figure out why he would do such a thing, if they were already having a normal married couple's sexual relationship ?

Probably some complicated story? It doesn't sound anything close to normal. jmo. Abusive would be closer.

So---even though there are few resources for women in such situations--she should have left--allowed her husband to have their home and live on the street if that is all she could do.

She managed to get a divorce, get out and then too late tried to confront the issue.


Forgiveness may come later. She needs to think of herself --I've heard of the stages of grief--anger is maybe first--cannot recall.

Wouldn't waste a bullet on him. all I can say.

And people SAY the wonder why abused women don't go public, don't go the law.

Who can blame them for keeping quiet? If they go public, they get blamed for accepting a cup of coffee form their ex. If they video a rape, he goes free.

It has come to that. I knew of a woman who had issues in her marriage--was in counseling---they were 'working on' the issues. One night while she was sleeping---he did it again. She was devastated. Not sure what she ever did --but lots of depression and anxiety were involved. She loved him---wanted the marriage to work. He just wasn't the type of human who had any kind of respect for her---maybe for others in general.

The thinking now seems to be---whatever you have to do--don't accept that sort of a relationship. Very difficult for some women. That is not love---but an abusive relationship.

You are probably familiar with all of that. Law and Order SVU--plenty of cases---not entirely different from real life sometimes.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Is it any wonder why abused women keep quiet?

Its not like they're gonna get any help from the law.

No do lay people care.

There is no place an abused woman can go for help.

 

[wavingrl]

Is it any wonder why abused women keep quiet?

Its not like they're gonna get any help from the law.

No do lay people care.

There is no place an abused woman can go for help.

It does take a lot. There are a few resources, sometimes friends and family are supportive.

Not a lot --no.

One of my friends got involved with 'the scum of the earth'---she is feisty. Threw her stuff and her dog into the car and her sister's motherinlaw's home was vacant. Stayed there for a while and got herself together. Made some better choices. Very fortunate. It was a terrible situation----such a nice person and things beyond her control had occurred in her family----lots of guilt. It happens--money or no money--lots of things that should not happen.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

Why shouldn't she be consumed with rage? Sex is supposed to be consensual. Clearly this was not. She has a valid point.

So she says. I find it a little odd that she waited so long to bring this up.

 

[Katzndogz]

I've known many abused women. Most of them keep quiet because they know what will happen and don't want it to happen.

I've had clients horribly abused. After making error after error with women who want restraining orders I learned to ask the question. "Are you prepared to see your husband arrested? Are you prepared for him not to go to work or pick up the kids from school?" Mostly they aren't. They go back for more abuse.

That's why when the police show up to arrest an abuser, iit's the woman who invariably attacks the police. It's why shelters put women out on the street, kids and all, when she calls her abuser and tells him where she is.

In this case a woman was raped by use of drugs. She was photographed having sex with her husband and complained several years after discovery. She was apparently untroubled by any of it until she decided to get a divorce. Then she worked herself into a rage.

The relationship between an abuser and his victim is incredibly complex. I've seen women get killed rather than leave. I've also seen women who are just done. All they want is to be away.

Without knowing every fact, it can be determined that this woman's fury has little if anything to do with the old rape. That didn't trouble her for years. It was something else. Maybe he got a girlfriend.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

We dont even know if she was drugged at the time the videos were taken. This could all be an elaborate scheme to screw him over. Remember Tawana Bradly and Crystal Gail Mangum?
If she was so incensed she should have brought it up long before the divorce.
Hell, the guy may be the one taking the involuntary screwing here.
I can see why the judge decided how he did.

 

[wavingrl]

I've known many abused women. Most of them keep quiet because they know what will happen and don't want it to happen.

The relationship between an abuser and his victim is incredibly complex. I've seen women get killed rather than leave. I've also seen women who are just done. All they want is to be away.

Without knowing every fact, it can be determined that this woman's fury has little if anything to do with the old rape. That didn't trouble her for years. It was something else. Maybe he got a girlfriend.[/QUOTE]

 

[wavingrl]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

Why shouldn't she be consumed with rage? Sex is supposed to be consensual. Clearly this was not. She has a valid point.

So she says. I find it a little odd that she waited so long to bring this up.

I don't find it odd---perhaps heard too many odd stories.

I know I would want a lot more information before really making any judgment.

 

[JOSweetHeart]

If the woman's attacker isn't sorry for what they did to her, then to me, she has no one to forgive and that includes the brain dead judge if he isn't sorry for letting her attacker get away with their every move!!!

God bless you and that woman always!!!

Holly

 

[TemplarKormac]

Womans outrage after judge tells her to move on from husband raping her | Mail Online

An Indianapolis woman is outraged after her husband, who was sentenced Friday for drugging then raping her as she slept in her own bed, received no jail time.

Even more infuriating for Mandy Boardman were the words of Marion Superior Judge Kurt Eisgruber as he handed down a suspended prison sentence and eight years home detention.

'The judge looked at me before he gave the final decision,' Boardman told the IndyStar. 'I was told that I needed to forgive my attacker and move on.'

A jury convicted Wise last month of one count of rape and five counts of criminal deviate conduct — all felonies punishable by six to 20 years in prison.

Boardman testified that in 2008 she found three sex videos of her on Wise’s cellphone but didn’t remember the sex or consenting to the videos. She said she once woke up with a pill dissolving in her mouth.

Depraved: David Wise drugged and raped his wife in her own bed and was found out when she found videos of the attacks on his cell phone

Boardman, who was married to Wise for 12 years until their 2009 divorce, said she made a DVD copy of the videos and went to police with them in 2011.

Funny this thread. Where were you when this happened?

College women told to urinate or vomit to deter a rapist - CNN.com

Urinating on your rapist, Colorado's HB 1226, and the #LiberalTips2AvoidRape trend