Drugged, raped woman told to 'forgive her attacker'

[wavingrl]

If the woman's attacker isn't sorry for what they did to her, then to me, she has no one to forgive and that includes the brain dead judge if he isn't sorry for letting her attacker get away with their every move!!!

God bless you and that woman always!!!

Holly

that's the truth. That is just something that is typically said. Might have well said--'I don't care--finished with my job'.

Something may be off about this case---difficult to tell. The law is not easy to understand.

Thinking about the case a few weeks ago---the judge only gave the guy community service or something---teenager had sex/raped a teenage girl. The jury convicted him of rape---she said 'there are different kinds of rape'. There was outrage and a new judge was assigned. He will be under strict guidelines and I forget what else was done.

Peculiar sort of situation--the girl had had a baby?--had consensual sex previously---???--the judge thought the guy was 'better'--in a nutshell.

Maybe that is not relevant to this.

It is often 'put back' on the victim. 'You should have'--there is still that.

So--pretty much the first time things seem to be going wrong in a relationship---it is totally the woman's responsibility to protect herself in every way? It would seem so.

So hard--so very hard.

I have often thought that law courses should be taught in high school. 'Know Your Rights' or something--maybe they are.

I would have to forgive myself for being a fool I suppose. Not easy.

 

[September]

That woman needs to get the hell over it.

 

[wavingrl]

That woman needs to get the hell over it.

just curious--how can you be so certain--based on the limited information provided?

I might agree or I might not. all I can say.

about this situation and others.

One of my aunts was in a bad marriage --a half century ago---divorce was unheard of then. She got a divorce any way. She apparently 'got the hell over it'----never said another word about the 'man'---he was never mentioned. I now have to admire her even more. My cousin was 2--my aunt had a high school education---my cousin lived on a farm with my grandparents during the week and saw her mother on weekends. My aunt remarried when she was 9. A very good man.

I know nothing of 'the problems'---assume it didn't take her long to determine they weren't right for each other.

Maybe I do agree with you---just thinking.

Know your limits --get the 'h' away from people who don't respect you. Old as time --that sort of advice. Maybe that is what the judge was saying. Hard to tell. sometimes.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Womans outrage after judge tells her to move on from husband raping her | Mail Online

An Indianapolis woman is outraged after her husband, who was sentenced Friday for drugging then raping her as she slept in her own bed, received no jail time.

Even more infuriating for Mandy Boardman were the words of Marion Superior Judge Kurt Eisgruber as he handed down a suspended prison sentence and eight years home detention.

'The judge looked at me before he gave the final decision,' Boardman told the IndyStar. 'I was told that I needed to forgive my attacker and move on.'

A jury convicted Wise last month of one count of rape and five counts of criminal deviate conduct — all felonies punishable by six to 20 years in prison.

Boardman testified that in 2008 she found three sex videos of her on Wise’s cellphone but didn’t remember the sex or consenting to the videos. She said she once woke up with a pill dissolving in her mouth.

Depraved: David Wise drugged and raped his wife in her own bed and was found out when she found videos of the attacks on his cell phone

Boardman, who was married to Wise for 12 years until their 2009 divorce, said she made a DVD copy of the videos and went to police with them in 2011.

Funny this thread. Where were you when this happened?

College women told to urinate or vomit to deter a rapist - CNN.com

Urinating on your rapist, Colorado's HB 1226, and the #LiberalTips2AvoidRape trend

Dumbest comment so far.

No, the thread is not funny. Rape is not funny. A rapist getting away with his crimes is not funny.

Also not funny to imply that I was somehow involved in a rape two years ago.

I wonder how you sicko creeps would react if it were your mother or sister who had been abused and raped. Would you still blame her or find it "funny"? Would you still have no objections to the rapist getting off?

 

[LockeJaw]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

Why shouldn't she be consumed with rage? Sex is supposed to be consensual. Clearly this was not. She has a valid point.

She has every right to be angry, but being consumed with rage doesn't help her in the end. I have forgiven a lot of people who've done me wrong, some I haven't...but it is better to move on than let yourself be "consumed with rage".

You know what being "consumed" with something means right?

 

[wavingrl]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

Why shouldn't she be consumed with rage? Sex is supposed to be consensual. Clearly this was not. She has a valid point.

She has every right to be angry, but being consumed with rage doesn't help her in the end. I have forgiven a lot of people who've done me wrong, some I haven't...but it is better to move on than let yourself be "consumed with rage".

You know what being "consumed" with something means right?

I don't think my aunt worried about forgiving her ex. Very good Christian woman. He was wrong. Sometimes there is that.

It is a complex matter. Clear your head and your heart. and for some--turn it over to a Higher Power--release it into the Universe--whatever.

Nelson Mandela might be able to explain---I cannot.

 

[Noomi]

This woman is apparently consumed with rage and hate over three (or more) attacks that did her no physical harm and that she did not even remember.

Forgiveness is an individual thing and nobody can be told to forgive someone else for anything, but it does sound to me like this woman needs to get on with her life.

It doesn't matter if she suffered no physical harm. Her husband drugged her and had sex with her without her permission. That is illegal.

 

[hazlnut]

All rape counselors tell the victim to forgive the attacker.

Fuck off you ignorant twit.

They do NOT.

 

[wavingrl]

All rape counselors tell the victim to forgive the attacker.

Fuck off you ignorant twit.

They do NOT.

The word 'forgive'-------------complex process.

'Love the sinner, not the sin'--that was not clear to me for a long, long time.

12 step programs---much is said about that---often mocked. A means to 'acceptance'/part of forgive. not all. and I 'know'--to s

ome there is no Higher Power, if you are offended---know that was not my intent. I should add that to every post??????? we all should?????

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html

~~~~
one thing I have learned--continue to learn-- be kind to yourself.

Before 9AM---CNN had 2 segments in which 'these issues' were discussed. to synthesize--'cruelty/injustice'---of all kinds. The full Pandora's Box. I could share--feel I have 'shared enough'--some understand 'all of this'--others trying--some don't care. Do not cast 'Pearls before swine'---that is sometimes how it has to be. The government cannot provide everything---that has been said a few times on this board. Live in the world and know your purpose---very very clearly. Help as you can. 'We, the People'----individuals ---that is the system upon which nation was founded. ---Societies----interesting--studied that a bit--studied 'life' a bit. 'Judge not'---another complex idea that is incorporated into being human. Doesn't mean never make any judgment----not at all. my mind is wandering---too much thinking. back to England now--'A rose is just a rose'.

sorry to be cryptic. Memorial Day weekend---my brother died---many have died for this country--as to why I am not 'on task'--and don't much care.

Go placidly--if only for today. I have to. Kind words often do unbelievable good. 'Tolerance'--yes, there is a need for that. 'Abraham, Martin and John'/Dion--old 60's tune. I like things like that--but that is not all that I like. fwiw.

sigh--the result of living over half a century in the ATL. perfectionistic people of all kinds---I got 'a little bit of that'---maybe get some more. lol---Newt Gingrich's first wife taught at my high school. Newt himself started teaching at my alma mater---I didn't have him--sort of wish I had. Jimmy Carter---well respected by members of my family. Interesting family gatherings---'Southern'--if that matters. We have to work pretty hard to agree to disagree. 'nuff said. We all agree that crime is bad and needs to stop. Grateful for that.

 

[GHook93]

Judges have zero liability for any of there miscarrying of justice or choices they make (unless there was bribery or fraud involved). All too often judges ignore the law and legislate or make decisions in contradiction to the law for whatever they please. There have immunity a civil lawsuit and any criminal prosecution. They get free reign to make horrendous and contradictory decisions. Attorney (defense or prosecutors) are open to criminal and ethic violations for being incompetent, making careless errors or miscarrying of justice. Hence see the Duke LaCrosse prosecutor!

I am not for civil liability, but I think an AG, special prosecutor etc should be able to bring ethics sanctions or criminal charges if the judge clearly violated the law on the books!

A judge in Santa Clara just released a serial rapist. The last time a judge felt sorry for the man after raping 32 women was in 1979 when he was released and went on to rape 15 more women.

Judges seem to have a sympathy bump for rapists.

Judges have too much leniency for miscarries of justice or simply ignoring the law. I don't want to open judges to civil lawsuits, because that is a bad slippery slope. However, there should be some consequences when they knowingly defy the law in an egregious way!

Absent fraud or bribery there are few legal repercussions against judges. Judges have literally admitted to not reading briefs, not knowing or understanding the governing laws in a case, willfully ignoring a law or legal precedent, because they personally disagreed with it, admitting to personal biases for or against certain lawyers and some have admitted to not paying attention during the trial! None of this actionable minus fraud or bribery.

The Judicial branch was never meant to be a legislative arm. Through upholding the constitution and making judgements on conflicts in law, they sometimes have to. However, all too often they toss out their primary responsibility and decide to legislate from the bench. Whether they legislate from the right or the left it is always the same. The balance of runs askew and it's WRONG!

 

[dr.d]

All rape counselors tell the victim to forgive the attacker. Otherwise, the victims simply are driven insane by the force of their own hate. Personally I'm not much in the forgiveness department. Revenge is so much better. But, the court system does not incorporate revenge into the system.

Her husband has previous misdemeanor convictions for intoxication, public indecency and battery. She was married to him for 12 years so she must have known of the acts that led to these convictions and bears some responsibility for what happened to her. She said she once woke up with a pill dissolving in her mouth. After that what did she do? Apparently nothing until she saw the videos on her husband's cell phone. Was she angry at having had unknowing sex or that the acts were in video on her husband's cell phone?

Where did u get that idea?
No qualified rape counselor would tell every victim to "forgive" their rapist..Forgiveness is a very personal initiative and can never be mandated or demanded for it to be authentic.
Most significantly...the objective of therapy for rape survivors is healing...and that may not involve "forgiveness" at all...
Regarding the issue of "physical damage"...unwanted penetration can not only result in significant tearing and bodily trauma...the psychological damage can last a lifetime and be far more destructive...
On the side: If the judge involved was raped up the ass when caught sleeping...how would he feel if told to "forgive his attacker"?


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[JOSweetHeart]

All rape counselors tell the victim to forgive the attacker.

If that is true, then in my opinion, they are getting paid too much.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I believe that there is no one to forgive until the guilty person asks for the forgiveness.

 

[SmedlyButler]

of really dumb posters that I've seen for quite a while, and that's saying something. You guys who try to demonize the victim should be slipped a date rape drug and be fucked up the ass a few times, on camera.

You ladies who can't see the black and white morality told in this story, where have you been for the last fifty years or more while your sisters won the battles that protect females from being treated as no more that a male's "property", to be used however he saw fit?

 

[wavingrl]

of really dumb posters that I've seen for quite a while, and that's saying something. You guys who try to demonize the victim should be slipped a date rape drug and be fucked up the ass a few times, on camera.

You ladies who can't see the black and white morality told in this story, where have you been for the last fifty years or more while your sisters won the battles that protect females from being treated as no more that a male's "property", to be used however he saw fit?

I agree with that--just the part in bold to be specific. cough. some words are more effective with me than others.

??Since the Beginning--men and women. we would really need to go back that far.

Would it surprise you to know---that in the most affluent homes---best of the best --the issues are still the same. I might ask--where have you been???

'Some' women take their marriage vows perhaps too seriously--if a vow can be taken too seriously. Thinking of my aunt--in the mid 40's--grew up on a farm --married for life --had a child ---realized that whatever she had to do----she would not allow her child or herself to 'be around' what she could not condone. My grandparents--depression era---had raised children---high school graduates and then with a tiny bit of assistance from the government---had saved enough to provide the girl's a year each of business school.

My aunt--rode a greyhound bus every day--M-F to the city---no car. tiny house that my grandfather helped her buy when she got married. tiny, tiny, tiny house. That was it---herself upon which to rely. My cousin stayed M-F with my grandparents---Granddaddy brought her into town on Friday's when he went to get the groceries. She saw her Mother until suppertime on Sunday. By golly--my cousin turned out well. Her mother remarried a really good man--2 kids and then took care of my grandmother--diabetes--she suffered a lot. 5 adults/near adults in that tiny house. Difficult--life is difficult. They made it work.

Women's Movement---unheard of at the time. I suppose it has its place in history. Not what I 'go by'----some good songs. In my disco days---'I will Survive' --good for aerobic exercise class--fun for a few evenings. None of that is what really 'guides' my life my choices. My family--some real heroes there.

cough--I hear a lot of negative things about Feminists---some of them are valid. Maybe it was absolutely what was needed---turn of the century---women couldn't vote, couldn't make decisions about how many children to have--so many other things. Originated --iirc in New England--immigrants working for pennies a day in factories. There was outrage---somebody did what they perceived to be moral. Cannot condemn that.

Different approaches to the same problem. 'To the left, to the left'----I agree with that. Thought of it myself --quite some time ago. :> Started in college---first love--a guy in military school. Yes, he became a well respected officer---imo, never a gentleman. Making a lot of money now--2nd career. Found me on FB and shared this with me. His ex---glad it was her and not me. Not sure he is very close to his son--who adores his mother. His daughter will always adore him. Something like the Clintons. ??? I think so.

The family. the critical unit of society. jmo.