Abishai100
VIP Member
- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,957
- 250
This is a TrumpUSA-parody (my last one) inspired by The Cable Guy.
Signing off (Good luck to Villanova in the NCAA Final Four!),
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After the Eagles Super Bowl victory-parade in Philadelphia (USA), everyone thought that Americans were in high-spirits under 'TrumpUSA.' However, a deranged psycho who considered himself an 'intellectual' anti-TrumpUSA 'prophet' started stalking the city streets of Boston, Massachusetts with an HDMI cable. He pretended to be a TV repair-man and obtained entry into peoples' houses and then strangled them to death with the thick HDMI cable before cooking them up and eating them. He was about to chase President Trump himself. The Eagles victory apparently had not healed all the 'metaphysical wounds' of TrumpUSA since 9/11 (or whenever!).
The psycho's name was Thomas and he left bizarre archaeological drawings/renditions of cannibals eating women. Thomas seemed to believe that everything about TrumpUSA was pure hypocrisy. The FBI declared him the most dangerous fugitive alive. Thomas's cannibal drawings were very eerie, and the FBI agents pursuing him (Scully and Mulder) believed he was nothing less than completely insane.
A bunch of cars were parked in D.C. on a certain lot one morning when Thomas struck again. This time, Thomas disabled the brake-systems of all the cars, so when the drivers re-entered and tried to drive them, they'd be in dangerous conditions. Two drivers were killed because of Thomas's odd 'prank.' Thomas sent a letter to the Washington Post which declared, "I am the AntiChrist of TrumpUSA."
President Trump and his family were immediately moved to a secure location until the FBI could restore order and sanity. Trump was told that the CIA had been working on a top-secret project involving a robot-replica of the President which would serve as a 'decoy' while Trump hid (in the event of a strange terrorism/stalking crisis such as the one involving the psychotic Thomas). Trump was very impressed with this 'replica-robot' and made a joke about the film Terminator 2: Judgment Day.
After two more months and two extra weeks of manhunting, FBI agents Scully and Mulder finally caught Thomas who was hiding in the Civil War Museum in Virginia. Thomas was dressed like a Union soldier and explained to Scully and Mulder that all he wanted to do was make people in 'TrumpUSA' appreciate the 'magic' and 'metaphysics' of HDMI cables (and TV stores and electronics-consumerism). Scully and Mulder immediately declared Thomas a 'TrumpUSA casualty.'
GOD: What do you make of this Thomas fellow?
SATAN: He's a real modern psycho...
GOD: Why was he a cannibal?
SATAN: He was obviously dissatisfied with Burger King and Planet Hollywood.
GOD: What's the significance of the television-cables used to strangle people?
SATAN: Thomas seemed to believe he was some kind of 'media-prophet.'
GOD: He'll be likened to the Unabomber.
SATAN: I think he might also be likened to the Son of Sam...
GOD: Isn't it strange how commerce/traffic 'breeds' psychos?
SATAN: Claustrophobia...
GOD: What's Thomas doing in his cell?
SATAN: In Arkham Asylum (criminal insanity center), Thomas draws.
GOD: What do his drawings represent?
SATAN: He draws strange robots resembling wolfish evildoers.
GOD: Evil wolfish robots...hmm...sounds like a real crazy.
SATAN: Thomas's drawing of a robot named Cyclonus stands out.
GOD: Why?
SATAN: It's both detailed and obviously anti-capitalist.
GOD: Does capitalism engender 'mischief imagination'?
SATAN: Why else do Americans celebrate movies like Disorderlies?
====
Signing off (Good luck to Villanova in the NCAA Final Four!),
====
After the Eagles Super Bowl victory-parade in Philadelphia (USA), everyone thought that Americans were in high-spirits under 'TrumpUSA.' However, a deranged psycho who considered himself an 'intellectual' anti-TrumpUSA 'prophet' started stalking the city streets of Boston, Massachusetts with an HDMI cable. He pretended to be a TV repair-man and obtained entry into peoples' houses and then strangled them to death with the thick HDMI cable before cooking them up and eating them. He was about to chase President Trump himself. The Eagles victory apparently had not healed all the 'metaphysical wounds' of TrumpUSA since 9/11 (or whenever!).
The psycho's name was Thomas and he left bizarre archaeological drawings/renditions of cannibals eating women. Thomas seemed to believe that everything about TrumpUSA was pure hypocrisy. The FBI declared him the most dangerous fugitive alive. Thomas's cannibal drawings were very eerie, and the FBI agents pursuing him (Scully and Mulder) believed he was nothing less than completely insane.
A bunch of cars were parked in D.C. on a certain lot one morning when Thomas struck again. This time, Thomas disabled the brake-systems of all the cars, so when the drivers re-entered and tried to drive them, they'd be in dangerous conditions. Two drivers were killed because of Thomas's odd 'prank.' Thomas sent a letter to the Washington Post which declared, "I am the AntiChrist of TrumpUSA."
President Trump and his family were immediately moved to a secure location until the FBI could restore order and sanity. Trump was told that the CIA had been working on a top-secret project involving a robot-replica of the President which would serve as a 'decoy' while Trump hid (in the event of a strange terrorism/stalking crisis such as the one involving the psychotic Thomas). Trump was very impressed with this 'replica-robot' and made a joke about the film Terminator 2: Judgment Day.
After two more months and two extra weeks of manhunting, FBI agents Scully and Mulder finally caught Thomas who was hiding in the Civil War Museum in Virginia. Thomas was dressed like a Union soldier and explained to Scully and Mulder that all he wanted to do was make people in 'TrumpUSA' appreciate the 'magic' and 'metaphysics' of HDMI cables (and TV stores and electronics-consumerism). Scully and Mulder immediately declared Thomas a 'TrumpUSA casualty.'
GOD: What do you make of this Thomas fellow?
SATAN: He's a real modern psycho...
GOD: Why was he a cannibal?
SATAN: He was obviously dissatisfied with Burger King and Planet Hollywood.
GOD: What's the significance of the television-cables used to strangle people?
SATAN: Thomas seemed to believe he was some kind of 'media-prophet.'
GOD: He'll be likened to the Unabomber.
SATAN: I think he might also be likened to the Son of Sam...
GOD: Isn't it strange how commerce/traffic 'breeds' psychos?
SATAN: Claustrophobia...
GOD: What's Thomas doing in his cell?
SATAN: In Arkham Asylum (criminal insanity center), Thomas draws.
GOD: What do his drawings represent?
SATAN: He draws strange robots resembling wolfish evildoers.
GOD: Evil wolfish robots...hmm...sounds like a real crazy.
SATAN: Thomas's drawing of a robot named Cyclonus stands out.
GOD: Why?
SATAN: It's both detailed and obviously anti-capitalist.
GOD: Does capitalism engender 'mischief imagination'?
SATAN: Why else do Americans celebrate movies like Disorderlies?
====
