rightwinger
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- Aug 4, 2009
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If they are jerking you aroundMorro Bay calif. Home. Actually, Los Osos, across the estuary.Gracie, Paradise is one of the areas I have on my to-visit list when I go back out on the road. I was heartbroken to hear of that fire, and now it sucks more knowing you and maybe somebody else I know was there and losing most everything, including dear friendsLove that story Pogo. I needed to hear it.
Today was my meltdown day. Been doing nothing but crying and sobbing and shaking and just a mess. Poor MrG was at a loss because I said to just leave me be, so he did. It was not pretty. I am an ugly crier, which is why I rarely cry and when I do, I usually find a hidey hole to do it in. Here in the motel...no place to hide.
Anyway...will try to describe all that was going thru my head and is STILL going thru my head so I can lance it and start fresh. I am still depressed and sad and whiney but not as bad as I have been all day to0day.
Everyone is gone. The people I grew close to...gone. Anne down south. RJ south too. Angie in Nevada. People I have hung out with since we first moved to Paradise are now scattered to the winds along with houses...except Angies. Still....I have been thinking about all I lost 2 years ago when we had to leave home and how we were burned by family and friends and hence wound up in a new town with new people who soon became like family. Still...it was a loss for us two. But I still had stuff I loved that fit in the van and we took with us. Stuff from our past. Pictures, a few gew gaws, personal things of ours we have been hauling around for over 30 years. Then we move to Paradise, settle in, get doctors we like, dentists we like, cozy up in two homes with the last one the best cuz I had my own porch and wild birdsd to feed and chickens to cluck to and had more stuff I slowly had been collecting..like my pashima shawls, the koi table I painted just for my room, my jewelry, my beading supplies to make sun catchers, my crystals and crystal balls I found at the many thrift stores there in Paradise....just stuff that I again loved as new things to be my very own.
Then the fire. Its all gone. Again. But this time...it was not my choice what to keep and what to get rid of. It was all taken. Gone. But I still had Anne. And RJ. and Casey the dog. And Baby Kitty. And was surrounded by folks from my new adopted town of Paradise. Many right here in this motel. Family. Now they are all gone. Poof. RJ got an apartment in Red Bluff...Anne went to her sisters. The motel is full every night with cars from Magalia and Paradise. But not now. Magalia can go back. Got word today. Right now? The parking lot has 6 cars in it. Everyone went back. Except Paradise folks. And Anne? I have not heard from her. RJ? He is safe in Red Bluff now in his new apartment he is now furnishing. Angie? She is in Nevada and CAN go back, but she said she won't until the end of the holidays..sometime in December. Blessings to her, because her house IS standing. No smoke damage. No looters. All is well. And the Save Mor I though tburned down? Nope. Its still there. And the post office. And a gas station. Magalia can continue on because it was LOWER Magalia and eastern Magalia that got damaged..not upper. Which is where Angies house is.
Some of you remember me talking about Angie. She is the one with the 10 dogs...11 now....and the pit bull. Anyway..she called me tonight and said if I wanted to rent her basement apartment..we are welcome to but it won't be until Jan 2019. Bless her for offering and I said I would consider it. Why would I consider it? Because I am not sure what Anne is doing. Thins happen, and things change, even the best laid plans. Finally Anne called tonight and said we would have to stay at the motel in Yuba City longer than she thought..that the duplex will NOT be ready on the 1st or even the 3rd of Dec...it will be ready, MAYBE on the 10th. Which means another week of motel stay more than we expected. Which is going to cost at least 800 bucks, give or take....more like take. Thats going to put a dent in everything..because not only do we have to pay the motel an extra week....we have to pay our part of the rent and deposit and utilities. Will this never end, I asked myself? Doesn't seem like it. Which brings me further down into the slumps. I didn't want all you guys help to go to a damn motel. It bothers me trememdously to accept help to begin with but I am so very eternally grateful but it seems like such a waste too, if a chunk of it goes to some motel room. I am going to try very hard to NOT let it go there but as far as I know, Anne may change her mind completely by the 10th and want to live on her own. Like I said..things change all the time. And she is very eccentric. When we moved in with her, she said it would be a 10 year lease if we wanted one. Then after we moved in, she balked and said a 1 year lease. I told her kindly that we would never have moved out of RJs house if she only offered a 1 year lease..we needed at least 1 and a half years maybe 2, or until home called. She then said fine...sighed...and said 2 year lease then but it was very uncomfortable for her to go back on what she offered AFTER we moved in. So what is to stop her from changing her mind again? Paranoia set in today...and it was because she has not been returning my calls since she left. Except she finally did call me about an hour ago so I am less destressed as I was. For the moment.
Anyway..today I told myself I needed a plan B and plan C. Plan B was to go to Angies house in magalia. Plan C was to head to arizona to MrGs brothers dinky little mobile home which is the worst plan ever but it beats living in the van. I think. Personally, I would rather live in the van but MrG says he can't do that again..it will kill him. And it probably would. UNLESS I have a plan D..which is to agree to go to his brothers house and once I get him there...I say I can't handle it and go back home to live on the beach like a beach bum and leave him there at his brothers. So tentatively, I have a plan D that MrG doesn't know about.
Tomorrow is another day like Scarlett said to Rhett Butler. Maybe it will be better and my brain won't be in over load and I won't be a blubbering mess and regret typing all this out but....for right now? I need to share my woes. So...I am sharing with people who don't even know us that well that opened their hearts to us in our time of need and give support even in prayers or with donations..both of which are gratefully received.
I'm not a praying man, but I will keep you in my thoughts.
love
Me and all my identities all over the web, from years gone by
ps, which beach? "say I can't handle it and go back home to live on the beach like a beach bum" I may eventually do same. (long story, but...)
I have not read this thread since I poured out my misery, but I CAN say that i am semi over my funk. Got sick again yesterday and stayed close to home except to get MrG a coat now that its raining and colder.
I did hear from Anne last night. She is off to Berkley to spend Thanksgiving with her family, cousins, etc. She said they are lifting the ban on returning to Paradise in certain zones only (we were zone 2) for 8 hours maximum and will give a 24 hour notice so those in the open zones can go back to see if their house is standing or to dig for salvage items. We know our house is burned down...but something may have survived so when we are allowed to return, we will for those few hours to dig. Once we do that..I am ready to walk (run) away from our life there and try to start a new one..wherever.
Currently we are still stuck in this horrid motel. NEVER stay at a motel 6 if you can avoid it. We couldn't due to the circumstances but if given a choice...and not having MrG with me, I would have stayed in the van. NOISY, heater doesn't work half the time, everyone seems determined to stand in front of our door and yell and get drunk and be horribly noisy at all hours. We won't be able to leave until the 27th and so far, we are bound for Marysville Travel Lodge. Its supposed to be better than the motel 6's there. I hope so. And now, Anne says it won't be until Dec 10th that we can get in the duplex but even that is an iffy thing now. The management company that her sister uses for that place wants us to fill out applications and sign a lease. Not sure we want to do that because IF home does call..we want to be able to leave and get our permanent apartment back in Los Osos. So even that option is now up in the air.
We decided to take it one day at a time. Less stress and worry, supposedly. I thought when we reached our latter years, we would be at peace with the world and just hang out on our porch until we gasp our last. Turns out it didn't happen that way. But..enough with woeing about what was lost and what is beyond my power and concentrate on the future. At least thats what I tell myself.
MrG and I were talking about how wonderful it is for folks to help us out like they are. Its amazing and ever so humbling as well as ever so helpful in getting us from then...to now...to tomorrow.
Y'all havea great Thanksgiving and know that we give Thanks every day for you guys.
Gracie and MrG.
Why not use your time to find other options
