Abishai100
VIP Member
- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,957
- 250
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This consumer's lifestyle paranoia vignette about thermostats was inspired by the lifestyle-merchandising short-stories The Lightning-Rod Man (Herman Melville) and The Lawnmower Man (Stephen King) and reflects my interest in 'modernism-lifestyle' consciousness companies such as Fabletics and ADT.
Signing off,
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Samuels lived alone in his quiet and comfortable NYC loft which he often repainted to make himself feel alive. Samuels worked as a patent-clerk in Manhattan and rarely talked to people, though he did pick up a bottle of wine on the way home from work twice a week to unwind and feel more 'cheerful.' Samuels watched a lot of television and his favorite show In the Heat of the Night (about race-relations intrigue in an American area) aired reruns on a classic television network. Samuels was happy.
Samuels turned on the television one day in his loft after work with his glass of wine to watch his favorite show when he noticed a very strange ad. The spokesman for the ad was presenting all kinds of thermostats and temperature-regulators for modern NYC apartments, homes, and lofts. The company's name was Heat-Demand, and the spokesman introduced himself as Charles Grail, the executive vice-president of the company. According to Grail, any New Yorker who did not keep a professional temperature-regulator of some kind in his/her residence was simply 'culturally irresponsible.'
Samuels picked up the phone and called Heat-Demand, and to his surprise, Charles Grail was the one who answered the call. Grail told him that Heat-Demand would be happy to come to his loft and install a high-quality thermostat the following Saturday morning. Samuels told Grail that he liked to re-paint his loft every three months and wondered if Heat-Demand wouldn't mind sending a company-man to install a brand-new thermostat every time Samuels repainted his loft (every three months). Grail was thrilled and told Samuels that Heat-Demand would offer him a 'very special discount.'
Samuels opened the door the Saturday of the thermostat-installation appointment. A rather eccentric-looking Caucasian man with a long red beard greeted him and told him he was from Heat-Demand and was hand-picked by Charles Grail to install his brand new thermostat. Samuels had recently painted his loft orange, so the installation-man (his name was Ian) installed a nicely-fitting brand-new plastic-white thermostat. Three months later, Samuels painted his loft maize, so Ian installed a white thermostat with brown edges. Three months later, Samuels painted his loft cream and hung family photos, and Ian installed a black-and-white LCD-display thermostat!
Samuels went through numerous cycles of thermostats with Ian, and every time, he was pleased. Samuels felt like Ian was his best friend! Samuels even called Heat-Demand to thank them personally for outstanding service. Everything seemed to be going Samuels' way until one Saturday night, while Samuels was drinking wine and watching television, he felt his loft getting very very hot (uncomfortably!). As Samuels walked towards his newest thermostat, he thought he heard the sound of a person inside the loft running and the sound of an old woman giggling. Samuels got goosebumps and checked his thermostat, and it seemed to be malfunctioning, so he called Heat-Demand!
Samuels opened the door two mornings later, and Ian was there to check Samuels' newest thermostat. Ian informed Samuels that there was something very wrong with his thermostat and that someone had apparently tinkered with hit. Samuels told Ian he thought he heard someone (perhaps an old woman!) running by his loft, and Ian suggested it was a 'prankster.' Samuels told Ian he thought the old woman was a ghost, and then Ian suddenly and eerily turned to Samuels and said to him, "That 'ghost' is the witch sent by Heat-Demand to ensure that no obsessive customer (such as yourself) ever reports to Consumer Reports that he/she is a big big fan of our evangelical company." Samuels disappeared and was never heard from again.
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Signing off,
====
Samuels lived alone in his quiet and comfortable NYC loft which he often repainted to make himself feel alive. Samuels worked as a patent-clerk in Manhattan and rarely talked to people, though he did pick up a bottle of wine on the way home from work twice a week to unwind and feel more 'cheerful.' Samuels watched a lot of television and his favorite show In the Heat of the Night (about race-relations intrigue in an American area) aired reruns on a classic television network. Samuels was happy.
Samuels turned on the television one day in his loft after work with his glass of wine to watch his favorite show when he noticed a very strange ad. The spokesman for the ad was presenting all kinds of thermostats and temperature-regulators for modern NYC apartments, homes, and lofts. The company's name was Heat-Demand, and the spokesman introduced himself as Charles Grail, the executive vice-president of the company. According to Grail, any New Yorker who did not keep a professional temperature-regulator of some kind in his/her residence was simply 'culturally irresponsible.'
Samuels picked up the phone and called Heat-Demand, and to his surprise, Charles Grail was the one who answered the call. Grail told him that Heat-Demand would be happy to come to his loft and install a high-quality thermostat the following Saturday morning. Samuels told Grail that he liked to re-paint his loft every three months and wondered if Heat-Demand wouldn't mind sending a company-man to install a brand-new thermostat every time Samuels repainted his loft (every three months). Grail was thrilled and told Samuels that Heat-Demand would offer him a 'very special discount.'
Samuels opened the door the Saturday of the thermostat-installation appointment. A rather eccentric-looking Caucasian man with a long red beard greeted him and told him he was from Heat-Demand and was hand-picked by Charles Grail to install his brand new thermostat. Samuels had recently painted his loft orange, so the installation-man (his name was Ian) installed a nicely-fitting brand-new plastic-white thermostat. Three months later, Samuels painted his loft maize, so Ian installed a white thermostat with brown edges. Three months later, Samuels painted his loft cream and hung family photos, and Ian installed a black-and-white LCD-display thermostat!
Samuels went through numerous cycles of thermostats with Ian, and every time, he was pleased. Samuels felt like Ian was his best friend! Samuels even called Heat-Demand to thank them personally for outstanding service. Everything seemed to be going Samuels' way until one Saturday night, while Samuels was drinking wine and watching television, he felt his loft getting very very hot (uncomfortably!). As Samuels walked towards his newest thermostat, he thought he heard the sound of a person inside the loft running and the sound of an old woman giggling. Samuels got goosebumps and checked his thermostat, and it seemed to be malfunctioning, so he called Heat-Demand!
Samuels opened the door two mornings later, and Ian was there to check Samuels' newest thermostat. Ian informed Samuels that there was something very wrong with his thermostat and that someone had apparently tinkered with hit. Samuels told Ian he thought he heard someone (perhaps an old woman!) running by his loft, and Ian suggested it was a 'prankster.' Samuels told Ian he thought the old woman was a ghost, and then Ian suddenly and eerily turned to Samuels and said to him, "That 'ghost' is the witch sent by Heat-Demand to ensure that no obsessive customer (such as yourself) ever reports to Consumer Reports that he/she is a big big fan of our evangelical company." Samuels disappeared and was never heard from again.
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