The Trouble With TRUST

[Bonzi]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

 

[Asclepias]

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

 

[Syriusly]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

 

[Bonzi]

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

 

[Bonzi]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

 

[Asclepias]

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

 

[Asclepias]

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

You should never compromise. You will always wish you hadnt.

 

[Bonzi]

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

 

[Bonzi]

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

You should never compromise. You will always wish you hadnt.

some people are stronger than others. It's just a fact of life
you have to work with the cards that you are dealt... not a "whine" just a fact.

 

[Asclepias]

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

If youre married you have to compromise if you want it to work.

 

[Bonzi]

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

If youre married you have to compromise if you want it to work.

I'd rather die

 

[Asclepias]

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

You should never compromise. You will always wish you hadnt.

some people are stronger than others. It's just a fact of life
you have to work with the cards that you are dealt... not a "whine" just a fact.

I agree. Once you make that promise you are there for the long haul. I both parties are willing to grow you can grow together.

 

[Asclepias]

I dont think you aggrandizing but humans are known to make more of their perceived flaws than necessary. Youre humility is sexy though.

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

If youre married you have to compromise if you want it to work.

I'd rather die

You'd rather die than compromise or make it work?

 

[Bonzi]

It depends on results.
at 51, results, not so good...
So, I'm relegated to temporal "fits" of happiness, because, it's not available to me long term...

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

You should never compromise. You will always wish you hadnt.

some people are stronger than others. It's just a fact of life
you have to work with the cards that you are dealt... not a "whine" just a fact.

I agree. Once you make that promise you are there for the long haul. I both parties are willing to grow you can grow together.

there are sometimes extenuating circumstances. You are looking at it from a "best case" scenario

 

[Asclepias]

I am sorry that is your experience. I am a few years older than you, and I still believe it is all possible.

Partially was coming to terms with expectations for me.

that's the dysfunction. I'm not willing to compromise. My choice, and I do accept that.

You should never compromise. You will always wish you hadnt.

some people are stronger than others. It's just a fact of life
you have to work with the cards that you are dealt... not a "whine" just a fact.

I agree. Once you make that promise you are there for the long haul. I both parties are willing to grow you can grow together.

there are sometimes extenuating circumstances. You are looking at it from a "best case" scenario

Gotcha.

 

[Bonzi]

Yeah well that wears off.. I have found out...

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

If youre married you have to compromise if you want it to work.

I'd rather die

You'd rather die than compromise or make it work?

I want what I want, or, die or just live a life of existence. yes. No settling.

 

[defcon4]

I'd rather die

Now...hold on with that honey....we all made compromises one time or another to make things work...bringing things to neutral ground...

 

[Bonzi]

I'd rather die

Now...hold on with that honey....we all made compromises one time or another to make things work...bringing things to neutral ground...

give an example.

 

[Asclepias]

Their loss. Someone elses gain.

Not very likely (someone else's gain) I am quite committed to my marriage. For good or bad....

If youre married you have to compromise if you want it to work.

I'd rather die

You'd rather die than compromise or make it work?

I want what I want, or, die or just live a life of existence. yes. No settling.

So you are aware that there is a big possibility it wont work with that stance right?

 

[defcon4]

Uh..nothing earth shattering. When compromise is done before things are really out of hand then you cannot even remember... Simple example.. I wanted a smaller house w/larger land...she wanted a big house with less land... we met on the middle... large house...decent residential property...