The Trouble With TRUST

[Bonzi]

Even in anonymity, people in USMB don't "trust". Agree or disagree?

We're not anonymous online. Only the ignorant or naive think they're anonymous.

So, there is fear? or distrust? both?
So feeling like you can "act out" on here, without repercussion, an illusion?

Would say delusion not illusion. Everything we look at, every page we visit, everything we type, everythign we download has a record of it on your ISP's computer. Everything coming to your pc is going through their's. Via search warrant all of that can be learned of.

Trust is I think something that comes form ignorance or requires a fair bit of it. If we really trusted each other we wouldn't need login names and passwords. Be like the bank scene in the "The IVention of Lying" where the teller reports the guy's account is at zero and he says no that's a mistake I really have however much so she goes "oh our mistake!" and gives him the money he asked for.

It all depends on what you VALUE.
I value people more than my valuables, my identity or my life.

Me too. Bringing in groceries I prop my front door open to make it easier going back n forth. Am always thinking "if a neighbor steals groceries from another neighbor they must need it pretty bad, so that's ok." Just hope they don't take the beef jerky or other treats. Take the milk or eggs or something.

Or your ingredients for cookies. You are such a sick bastard...

 

[Asclepias]

I dont know any other way but to be me. I'm a take me or leave me kind of guy. If you decide to leave I would wish you good luck in finding what you really want.

Yet, people "hedge" - how much would you be willing to divulge about yourself on here?
100%
80%?

Oh you mean online? I thought you meant in a relationship. Not much.I would reveal about myself online. Only things that cannot be used to track me down.

People are people.
Relationships, as much time as people spend on here, are real.
Or, do you view this as a "game" - or, role play............

People are people but there is a lot to be said about body language and intimacy. In person I can quickly assess you to see if you are worth my time. Also even when I meet someone in person they not automatically invited to my inner circle.

I see this forum more as a place to voice your opinion. Its hard for me to form a relationship with someone I cant see.

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

We're not anonymous online. Only the ignorant or naive think they're anonymous.

So, there is fear? or distrust? both?
So feeling like you can "act out" on here, without repercussion, an illusion?

Would say delusion not illusion. Everything we look at, every page we visit, everything we type, everythign we download has a record of it on your ISP's computer. Everything coming to your pc is going through their's. Via search warrant all of that can be learned of.

Trust is I think something that comes form ignorance or requires a fair bit of it. If we really trusted each other we wouldn't need login names and passwords. Be like the bank scene in the "The IVention of Lying" where the teller reports the guy's account is at zero and he says no that's a mistake I really have however much so she goes "oh our mistake!" and gives him the money he asked for.

It all depends on what you VALUE.
I value people more than my valuables, my identity or my life.

Me too. Bringing in groceries I prop my front door open to make it easier going back n forth. Am always thinking "if a neighbor steals groceries from another neighbor they must need it pretty bad, so that's ok." Just hope they don't take the beef jerky or other treats. Take the milk or eggs or something.

Or your ingredients for cookies. You are such a sick bastard...

Ya right. I'm 'grooming' on the long-term plan where having been here 16 years now I'm setting children up so when they have children maybe they ask me to babysit. Then I play my real hand. (rolls eyes)

 

[Bonzi]

in person you have to pretend a LOT
because, if you are your REAL self in person, you will be eaten for lunch
it's all bullshit

 

[Syriusly]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

 

[Bonzi]

Yet, people "hedge" - how much would you be willing to divulge about yourself on here?
100%
80%?

Oh you mean online? I thought you meant in a relationship. Not much.I would reveal about myself online. Only things that cannot be used to track me down.

People are people.
Relationships, as much time as people spend on here, are real.
Or, do you view this as a "game" - or, role play............

People are people but there is a lot to be said about body language and intimacy. In person I can quickly assess you to see if you are worth my time. Also even when I meet someone in person they not automatically invited to my inner circle.

I see this forum more as a place to voice your opinion. Its hard for me to form a relationship with someone I cant see.

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

 

[Bonzi]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

 

[Asclepias]

in person you have to pretend a LOT
because, if you are your REAL self in person, you will be eaten for lunch
it's all bullshit

I've never had that problem. Its hard for me to pretend. I cant lie very well and I am pretty opinionated. Most people either like me or dislike me immediately.

 

[Bonzi]

So, there is fear? or distrust? both?
So feeling like you can "act out" on here, without repercussion, an illusion?

Would say delusion not illusion. Everything we look at, every page we visit, everything we type, everythign we download has a record of it on your ISP's computer. Everything coming to your pc is going through their's. Via search warrant all of that can be learned of.

Trust is I think something that comes form ignorance or requires a fair bit of it. If we really trusted each other we wouldn't need login names and passwords. Be like the bank scene in the "The IVention of Lying" where the teller reports the guy's account is at zero and he says no that's a mistake I really have however much so she goes "oh our mistake!" and gives him the money he asked for.

It all depends on what you VALUE.
I value people more than my valuables, my identity or my life.

Me too. Bringing in groceries I prop my front door open to make it easier going back n forth. Am always thinking "if a neighbor steals groceries from another neighbor they must need it pretty bad, so that's ok." Just hope they don't take the beef jerky or other treats. Take the milk or eggs or something.

Or your ingredients for cookies. You are such a sick bastard...

Ya right. I'm 'grooming' on the long-term plan where having been here 16 years now I'm setting children up so when they have children maybe they ask me to babysit. Then I play my real hand. (rolls eyes)

Maybe you should learn to concentrate your thoughts and desires on 18+ women. Ever think of that?

 

[Asclepias]

Oh you mean online? I thought you meant in a relationship. Not much.I would reveal about myself online. Only things that cannot be used to track me down.

People are people.
Relationships, as much time as people spend on here, are real.
Or, do you view this as a "game" - or, role play............

People are people but there is a lot to be said about body language and intimacy. In person I can quickly assess you to see if you are worth my time. Also even when I meet someone in person they not automatically invited to my inner circle.

I see this forum more as a place to voice your opinion. Its hard for me to form a relationship with someone I cant see.

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

 

[Bonzi]

in person you have to pretend a LOT
because, if you are your REAL self in person, you will be eaten for lunch
it's all bullshit

I've never had that problem. Its hard for me to pretend. I cant lie very well and I am pretty opinionated. Most people either like me or dislike me immediately.

I like you. Not that it likely matters to you..........

 

[Bonzi]

People are people.
Relationships, as much time as people spend on here, are real.
Or, do you view this as a "game" - or, role play............

People are people but there is a lot to be said about body language and intimacy. In person I can quickly assess you to see if you are worth my time. Also even when I meet someone in person they not automatically invited to my inner circle.

I see this forum more as a place to voice your opinion. Its hard for me to form a relationship with someone I cant see.

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

 

[defcon4]

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

No you are not...

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Would say delusion not illusion. Everything we look at, every page we visit, everything we type, everythign we download has a record of it on your ISP's computer. Everything coming to your pc is going through their's. Via search warrant all of that can be learned of.

Trust is I think something that comes form ignorance or requires a fair bit of it. If we really trusted each other we wouldn't need login names and passwords. Be like the bank scene in the "The IVention of Lying" where the teller reports the guy's account is at zero and he says no that's a mistake I really have however much so she goes "oh our mistake!" and gives him the money he asked for.

It all depends on what you VALUE.
I value people more than my valuables, my identity or my life.

Me too. Bringing in groceries I prop my front door open to make it easier going back n forth. Am always thinking "if a neighbor steals groceries from another neighbor they must need it pretty bad, so that's ok." Just hope they don't take the beef jerky or other treats. Take the milk or eggs or something.

Or your ingredients for cookies. You are such a sick bastard...

Ya right. I'm 'grooming' on the long-term plan where having been here 16 years now I'm setting children up so when they have children maybe they ask me to babysit. Then I play my real hand. (rolls eyes)

Maybe you should learn to concentrate your thoughts and desires on 18+ women. Ever think of that?

I have no desire for sex with other people whatsoever. Like the idea of sex but go years between sexual relationships. And I'm into older women. Just because I know about and write about legal issues and minors doesn't mean the two crossover in some hideous way. But I understand people not comfortable with sex make that leap as a coping mechanism.

 

[Asclepias]

in person you have to pretend a LOT
because, if you are your REAL self in person, you will be eaten for lunch
it's all bullshit

I've never had that problem. Its hard for me to pretend. I cant lie very well and I am pretty opinionated. Most people either like me or dislike me immediately.

I like you. Not that it likely matters to you..........

I like you too. Of course it matters. Being liked is a good thing.

 

[Asclepias]

People are people but there is a lot to be said about body language and intimacy. In person I can quickly assess you to see if you are worth my time. Also even when I meet someone in person they not automatically invited to my inner circle.

I see this forum more as a place to voice your opinion. Its hard for me to form a relationship with someone I cant see.

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

 

[Bonzi]

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

No you are not...

you know me better than I know myself... okay hun ... you are sweet. Love you

 

[Bonzi]

It all depends on what you VALUE.
I value people more than my valuables, my identity or my life.

Me too. Bringing in groceries I prop my front door open to make it easier going back n forth. Am always thinking "if a neighbor steals groceries from another neighbor they must need it pretty bad, so that's ok." Just hope they don't take the beef jerky or other treats. Take the milk or eggs or something.

Or your ingredients for cookies. You are such a sick bastard...

Ya right. I'm 'grooming' on the long-term plan where having been here 16 years now I'm setting children up so when they have children maybe they ask me to babysit. Then I play my real hand. (rolls eyes)

Maybe you should learn to concentrate your thoughts and desires on 18+ women. Ever think of that?

I have no desire for sex with other people whatsoever. Like the idea of sex but go years between sexual relationships. And I'm into older women. Just because I know about and write about legal issues and minors doesn't mean the two crossover in some hideous way. But I understand people not comfortable with sex make that leap as a coping mechanism.

I understand. If you say you are into older women, then, that is that.
You only have to answer to yourself (and ultimately, God, but I realize you do not believe that and I respect your right to NOT believe it).

 

[Bonzi]

It's easier for me - because in person you can pretty much tell all people suck
You can pretend they are not here... (or elsewhere on line) - until you get to know them anyway.......

There are varying degrees of suckiness in everyone. I remember I tried dating online a couple of times and was very disappointed when I met the people in person. Body language tells a lot and you cant really see that online.

I know I'm fucked up. If you want to deal with me it's at your own risk.
Gird your loins!

At least you know youre fucked up. Some people dont even know it. Now that you know you can do something about it unless you like being that way.

I'm too lazy to change. I don't like it, but, not willing to work at it.........

Most people are like that. I'm guessing you are no more fucked up than the average person.

I have no illusions of aggrandizement - but, may as well be real.....

 

[Syriusly]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement:

The benefits of closeness and intimacy are overshadowed by the possibility of pain and betrayal.

Nope.

explain. I actually agree with you Syriusly.

This really applies to everything in life.

IF worrying about the possibility of pain prevents you from doing anything- you will not do-or experience anything.

Sure you have to balance risk versus reward- eating raw fish has the possibility of reward, but I like the reward of the flavor of fish.

Same thing in relationships. Doesn't mean that I need to extend 'intimacy' to everyone I meet- but it does mean I should risk intimacy for those who I deem worth risking intimacy for.