Things that I would do differently if I could go back and do them, if I knew then what I know now.
1. I would stay in school, listen to the teacher, and pay attention.
I would have a lot better achievement than what I do have.
2. I would have treated my mom with a lot more respect, to say the least... you dont need to be reading what my relationship with her was like.
3. I would actually do what I was told to do by my parents, you don't need to know how severely that I wasn't listening to them.
Those are my scars... my pride hurt, my personal disgrace.
4. In summer camp, when I was offered affection by the female staff, I would have taken it...
That right there is a nice chunk of emotional and psychological development and rehabilitation and connectivity with other people gone, down the toilet... that I can't get now, obviously.
Today when women call me babycakes
or Sweety, or My love..... it feels like "Hello" (at best)...
There is no kind of connection, or attraction.
It means nothing to me.
And of course the consequence to me not accepting their affections, or their comfort offers... was that they had no emotional attachment to me either.
So the result is, They only had to treat me as well as the law says, which of course was broken on my last day there at that place when I was 8.
By an asshole who he himself wasn't qualified to work there.
5. I would have stayed in summer camp like my parents had the brains in their head to send me to, as opposed to saying "I'm 13, I get to stay home during the summer"..... on the streets of FUCKADELPHIA...
like a dumbass.
So just like the Scrooge's soul....
I built my chains link by link.
The problem I face now... is that nobody gives a fuck about a 30 year old enough to give him a key.
That's reality.
It doesn't matter much how much I can do now.... it just isn't worthy of respect, like it does out of a 6 or 7 year old.
And it won't have the desired effect for change in my direction.
Those days are just gone, and they're not coming back.
1. I would stay in school, listen to the teacher, and pay attention.
I would have a lot better achievement than what I do have.
2. I would have treated my mom with a lot more respect, to say the least... you dont need to be reading what my relationship with her was like.
3. I would actually do what I was told to do by my parents, you don't need to know how severely that I wasn't listening to them.
Those are my scars... my pride hurt, my personal disgrace.
4. In summer camp, when I was offered affection by the female staff, I would have taken it...
That right there is a nice chunk of emotional and psychological development and rehabilitation and connectivity with other people gone, down the toilet... that I can't get now, obviously.
Today when women call me babycakes
or Sweety, or My love..... it feels like "Hello" (at best)...There is no kind of connection, or attraction.
It means nothing to me.
And of course the consequence to me not accepting their affections, or their comfort offers... was that they had no emotional attachment to me either.
So the result is, They only had to treat me as well as the law says, which of course was broken on my last day there at that place when I was 8.
By an asshole who he himself wasn't qualified to work there.
5. I would have stayed in summer camp like my parents had the brains in their head to send me to, as opposed to saying "I'm 13, I get to stay home during the summer"..... on the streets of FUCKADELPHIA...
like a dumbass.
So just like the Scrooge's soul....
I built my chains link by link.
The problem I face now... is that nobody gives a fuck about a 30 year old enough to give him a key.
That's reality.
It doesn't matter much how much I can do now.... it just isn't worthy of respect, like it does out of a 6 or 7 year old.
And it won't have the desired effect for change in my direction.
Those days are just gone, and they're not coming back.
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