USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison

[Weatherman2020]

Weights & Measures

Canada: Uses the metric system just like Communist Russia


USA: Measures everything in touchdowns per AR-15

Winner: USA

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Free Speech

Canada: Can be jailed for misgendering non-binary people such as Justin Trudeau

USA: Jailing people for political reasons? Ha, that will never happen here.

Winner: USA

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Healthcare

Canada: 7-month wait for free treatment, but unfortunately, the treatment is suicide

USA: 1-month wait to pay $500,000 so the doctor can give you an Advil

Winner: USA

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Hockey

Canada: Invented hockey and still basically never wins the Stanley Cup

USA: Stole hockey from Canada along with all the good hockey players

Winner: USA

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Leaders

Canada: Ruled by an oppressive dictator in blackface

USA: Ruled by an oppressive dictator with dementia

Winner: Draw

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French people

Canada: Lots

USA: Legally banned from entering the country

Winner: USA

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Weather

Canada: Cold

USA: Tornadoes, heat, hurricanes, cold, hot, whatever you like. A literal buffet of weather

Winner: USA

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Population Density

Canada: Most people try to live as close to the US as possible

USA: Most people try to live as far away from Canada as possible

Winner: USA

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Tourist Attractions

Canada: Snow?

USA: World's largest rocking chair in Casey, Illinois

Winner: USA

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Does your country have Texas?

Canada: No

USA: Yes

Winner: USA

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Guns

Canada: You can only have lame guns for hunting

USA: Yes

Winner: USA

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Food

Canada: Milk in a bag and deer jerky for every meal

USA: Milk in jugs as God intended, plus Golden Corral

Winner: USA

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Government

Canada: Socialist

USA: Not socialist for another five or six years at least

Winner: USA

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Well, there you have it. Looks like our fair and impartial analysis has definitively proved that the United States is better than Canada. Who knew?

USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison

Canada: it's that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let's take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two countries:

babylonbee.com

 

[shockedcanadian]

Meh. You simplify the complex into bite sized troupes. The differences between our nations most have to deal with accountable and transparent power.

Maybe the most sharp example I can provide is that the FBI and larger U.S police agencies consider it a badge of honor, a core mandate to go after the wealthy and powerful. I'm not referring to the political insults being pursued by certain states (cough, cough, New York), I mean going after real crimes committed by the powerful.

In Canada they like them young and poor, it is the sweet spot of these dishonourable agencies to manufacture threats particularly from this demographic and then justifying their persecution, often along caste lines. In the U.S cops generally go after powerful abusers and they know they will face consequences if they violate the U.S Constitution themselves.

Whatever, it's a U.S message board so I accept the audience. Find me a nice American woman from the south and you may earn another top notch Canadian before the summer is over. You know where to find me, pictures aren;t as important as character, though it couldn't hurt