Anyone of you old geezers have any stories about your colonoscopies?

[blastoff]

They probably tell raunchy jokes about the state of your anus.

Could be. All in all though for those folks it's just another day at the orifice.

 

[JoeMoma]

They probably tell raunchy jokes about the state of your anus.

Seems like several years ago, a doctor got sued over what she said during a man's colonoscopy. The man was unconscious, but his phone recorded what the doctor said, and it wasn't nice what she said.

 

[Bonzi]

I've been around folks that have had them. The treatment is bad if you have to "slow road" kind.

I need to have one but am avoiding it....

 

[Yousaidwhat]

Cologuard ladies and gentlemen.

Non evasive. 98% accurate.

No fuss. No mess.

Drop it and ship it UPS.

 

[TheParser]

I think everyone should consider getting a colonoscopy when your doctor feels that you should have one.

I have had two (in 2008 and in 2012).

I personally did not find the stuff that you have to drink that terrible.

I was wheeled into the operating room awake, but then I didn't remember anything until I woke up in the recovery room.

On each occasion, the doctor removed some polyps. I believe that is what they are looking for. Polyps can become cancerous.

Actually, the thing that worries me most is that an incompetent doctor can damage the colon. That is the biggest risk in the procedure. That is why I keep putting off getting another colonoscopy.

I am trying to get my weight down in case I decide to do so. Being overweight just makes the procedure more unpleasant for the patient -- and the doctor.

 

[WillMunny]

I've never had a colonoscopy myself. But in the various medical paperwork/filing jobs I've worked all my life I've worked for a gastroenterologist (glorified proctological asshole specialist) who performed so many daily, unnecessary colonoscopies I swear she sexually got off on it. I remember hearing her patient-victims moaning and groaning pain from the exam rooms constantly every single day. And get this: this woman's name was Dr. Skaar (pronounced "scar"). So at least she wasn't flying under false colors, her surname alone was truth in advertising.

 

[Hossfly]

Just wait until the prostate exam, don't get a woody...

You can always ask the doc for a reach-around.

Ha!

 

[Moonglow]

Just wait until the prostate exam, don't get a woody...

You can always ask the doc for a reach-around.

Ha!

You and I know to watch out for those Filipino doctors....

 

[Hossfly]

I've never had a colonoscopy myself. But in the various medical paperwork/filing jobs I've worked all my life I've worked for a gastroenterologist (glorified proctological asshole specialist) who performed so many daily, unnecessary colonoscopies I swear she sexually got off on it. I remember hearing her patient-victims moaning and groaning pain from the exam rooms constantly every single day. And get this: this woman's name was Dr. Skaar (pronounced "scar"). So at least she wasn't flying under false colors, her surname alone was truth in advertising.

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, this guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

What do you mean you want a divorce!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Dang! Page 47 of the manual is missi

 

[WillMunny]

I've never had a colonoscopy myself. But in the various medical paperwork/filing jobs I've worked all my life I've worked for a gastroenterologist (glorified proctological asshole specialist) who performed so many daily, unnecessary colonoscopies I swear she sexually got off on it. I remember hearing her patient-victims moaning and groaning pain from the exam rooms constantly every single day. And get this: this woman's name was Dr. Skaar (pronounced "scar"). So at least she wasn't flying under false colors, her surname alone was truth in advertising.

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, this guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

What do you mean you want a divorce!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Dang! Page 47 of the manual is missi

I don't know why docs don't put out patients with a general anesthetic for a colonoscopy. I've heard Dr. "Scar's" colonoscopy patients make so many painful, anguished, yowling noises the only humane way for such an asshole incursion to occur is if the patient/victim is unconscious. I say shoot the poor bastard with a Star Trek phaser on stun so he/she won't feel it. From their mewling, cat-in-heat, agonized noises I've heard, I suspect colonoscopy asshole-incursion victims would feel horrible regardless of the sentence they hard.

I suspect colonoscopies are so painful, the victim wouldn't even care if their girlfriend started lecturing them, "Oh, why PRETEND you're in any pain, you're just angry and want me to have an abortion!"

 

[WillMunny]

An hour or two before a colonoscopy, I believe doctors should be AT LEAST humane enough to give the poor bastard a couple of drinks with a romantically matching pair of Vicodins. You know, to help numb the physical horror of the greatest asshole incursion a human body can normally experience.

 

[rightwinger]

After it is over, your intestine is full of gas

You fart your brains out.....but there is no smell

 

[Borillar]

After it is over, your intestine is full of gas

You fart your brains out.....but there is no smell

After they get your butt sorted out, ask them to work on your sense of smell.

 

[WillMunny]

After it is over, your intestine is full of gas

You fart your brains out.....but there is no smell

Really? I never knew it had after-effects gifts that keep on giving. I always assumed that when the camera-tube and large intestine bid each other goodbye, it was completely over with. Yikes!