Abishai100
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- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,957
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Here's a fictional crime-story I cooked up representative of modern-age fears regarding pedestrian cynicism towards our 'TrumpUSA' consumerism-culture which arguably clouds any spiritual appreciation of folklore-derived pedestrian revelry (e.g., Halloween/Samhain).
I wonder if President Trump eats Lucky Charms cereal...
This tale was inspired by the consumerism-criminality films 15 Minutes and Money Monster.
====
A mysterious stranger dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and gloves was strangling people to death every Halloween (in Virginia Beach) and cutting off their hands and leaving the hands at the footsteps of the police station. People started calling this serial killer the 'Handman,' after he killed 24 people over the course of three Halloween Eves and was planning more killings this upcoming Halloween (2017). Handman was being pursued by a special rookie-FBI agent named Hanratty who was very skilled at using psychology to track down serial killers.
Hanratty believed Handman had something specific to say about Halloween and Samhain, since the hands of the victims Handman left behind as signs/trophies of his murders sometimes had the word 'Samhain' printed on them with their own blood. Hanratty hypothesized that Handman was somehow disgusted at pedestrian callousness towards cultural rituals in this modern age of consumerism and TrumpUSA 'shallowness,' which is why Hanratty suspected Handman might try to attack the President himself someday. Hanratty decided to lure Handman into a 'camera-trap.'
The week before Halloween 2017, Hanratty posted a special notice in the Virginia newspapers and TV news programs, declaring, "If Handman shows up to talk to me or meet with me or call me for a psychiatric evaluation and possibly consider surrendering, I will assure him that I will do whatever it takes to provide him with the necessary psychological asylum for his legal incarceration, trial, and potential treatment. I will also personally deliver to his cell every Saturday morning a bowl of Frankenberry cereal, so he knows the police do not despise him for his anti-American 'deeds'!"
Handman read the notice and decided to turn himself in and seek treatment with Hanratty. When Handman was sitting in his cell in an insane asylum eating Frankenberry cereal one Saturday morning, Hanratty interviewed him and interrogated him about his motivations. Hanratty was shocked to discover that Handman was actually very depressed about consumerism-culture demoralization (and even wondered if he was pensive about his own criminal insanity towards 'capitalism disbelief').
HANRATTY: Why did you stalk people on Halloween Eve in Virginia Beach?
HANDMAN: Americans do not respect Samhain/Halloween.
HANRATTY: Are you Irish or a reverent of Samhain?
HANDMAN: I honor Irish traditions and general folklore, Officer Hanratty...
HANRATTY: Why did you cut off peoples' hands?
HANDMAN: I'm not a terrorist! I'm a prophet. Consumerism has jaded our religious sensibilities...
HANRATTY: So people do not fold their hands and pray in church or on Christmas (etc.)?
HANDMAN: Exactly. If Americans can not pray, then they should not clap...
HANRATTY: What do you think of your cell and your bowl of Frankenberry cereal?
HANDMAN: You kept your promise. I am feeling better about American anarchy. I like this cereal.
HANRATTY: Your victims will never get a chance to enjoy such amenities, Handman...
HANDMAN: I understand that, but perhaps my crimes will bring attention to consumerism apathies.
HANRATTY: I suppose Americans are more 'paranoid' about using their credit cards on Halloween!
HANDMAN: Americans in Virginia Beach at least; though I suspect they understand I simply gave up...
HANRATTY: In an odd way, I feel sorry for you. You felt there were no political avenues for normal protest.
HANDMAN: Don't pity me, Hanratty. What I did was for the sake of my own 'anti-American sanity.'
====
I wonder if President Trump eats Lucky Charms cereal...
This tale was inspired by the consumerism-criminality films 15 Minutes and Money Monster.
====
A mysterious stranger dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and gloves was strangling people to death every Halloween (in Virginia Beach) and cutting off their hands and leaving the hands at the footsteps of the police station. People started calling this serial killer the 'Handman,' after he killed 24 people over the course of three Halloween Eves and was planning more killings this upcoming Halloween (2017). Handman was being pursued by a special rookie-FBI agent named Hanratty who was very skilled at using psychology to track down serial killers.
Hanratty believed Handman had something specific to say about Halloween and Samhain, since the hands of the victims Handman left behind as signs/trophies of his murders sometimes had the word 'Samhain' printed on them with their own blood. Hanratty hypothesized that Handman was somehow disgusted at pedestrian callousness towards cultural rituals in this modern age of consumerism and TrumpUSA 'shallowness,' which is why Hanratty suspected Handman might try to attack the President himself someday. Hanratty decided to lure Handman into a 'camera-trap.'
The week before Halloween 2017, Hanratty posted a special notice in the Virginia newspapers and TV news programs, declaring, "If Handman shows up to talk to me or meet with me or call me for a psychiatric evaluation and possibly consider surrendering, I will assure him that I will do whatever it takes to provide him with the necessary psychological asylum for his legal incarceration, trial, and potential treatment. I will also personally deliver to his cell every Saturday morning a bowl of Frankenberry cereal, so he knows the police do not despise him for his anti-American 'deeds'!"
Handman read the notice and decided to turn himself in and seek treatment with Hanratty. When Handman was sitting in his cell in an insane asylum eating Frankenberry cereal one Saturday morning, Hanratty interviewed him and interrogated him about his motivations. Hanratty was shocked to discover that Handman was actually very depressed about consumerism-culture demoralization (and even wondered if he was pensive about his own criminal insanity towards 'capitalism disbelief').
HANRATTY: Why did you stalk people on Halloween Eve in Virginia Beach?
HANDMAN: Americans do not respect Samhain/Halloween.
HANRATTY: Are you Irish or a reverent of Samhain?
HANDMAN: I honor Irish traditions and general folklore, Officer Hanratty...
HANRATTY: Why did you cut off peoples' hands?
HANDMAN: I'm not a terrorist! I'm a prophet. Consumerism has jaded our religious sensibilities...
HANRATTY: So people do not fold their hands and pray in church or on Christmas (etc.)?
HANDMAN: Exactly. If Americans can not pray, then they should not clap...
HANRATTY: What do you think of your cell and your bowl of Frankenberry cereal?
HANDMAN: You kept your promise. I am feeling better about American anarchy. I like this cereal.
HANRATTY: Your victims will never get a chance to enjoy such amenities, Handman...
HANDMAN: I understand that, but perhaps my crimes will bring attention to consumerism apathies.
HANRATTY: I suppose Americans are more 'paranoid' about using their credit cards on Halloween!
HANDMAN: Americans in Virginia Beach at least; though I suspect they understand I simply gave up...
HANRATTY: In an odd way, I feel sorry for you. You felt there were no political avenues for normal protest.
HANDMAN: Don't pity me, Hanratty. What I did was for the sake of my own 'anti-American sanity.'
====
