JimBowie1958
Old Fogey
- Sep 25, 2011
- 63,590
- 16,767
(a take off on a similar email a friend sent me)
What would happen if Congress decided to change a light bulb?
1) First the Democrats in the Senate and House will have to figure out why it's George W. Bushes fault the old light bulb burned out.
2) A panel will be convened to study the short and long term effects of changing or not changing the light bulb. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans are opposed to any wasteful spending on new light bulbs.
3) An environmental impact group will examine the correct wattage for the proposed bulb so that it complies with low carbon foot-print Global Warming standards.
4) The Congressional Black Caucus will call a press conference and protest because all the light bulbs will be white. They will slip in an amendment that 12% of all light bulbs included in any future light bulb installation be black light bulbs. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans support any and all light bulbs to be installed that truly want to be installed.
5) The government will begin to change the light bulb, hiring contractors and funding the logistical infrastructure to change future light bulbs. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans fully support the efforts to keep America well lit.
6) They will find out that some enterprising citizen already changed the light bulb five years before when the light bulb first went out. He will be arrested for violations of EPA regulations, his taxes audited, and the legality of any political campaign donations he has made will be investigated. There will be public hearings inviting anyone forward to testify if the offender has ever made any racist, sexist or other discriminatory statements in his life time. He will plead down to mere EPA violations, time served, and forced to remove the offending light bulb at his own cost by court order.
7) Four years later after strikes, budget over-runs, billions of dollars of pork and five bridges to nowhere later, the light bulb will have been replaced. Congressional leaders will then vote themselves all a pay raise. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans only reluctantly support a pay raise for themselves but had to vote for it to allow them to implement vital legislation.
8) The lawyers for the Association for the Protection of Electronics will win a lawsuit to remove the light bulb because no light bulb should be forced to change if it doesn't want to. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans were opposed to this reckless and discriminatory effort from day one.
9) Someone will wait till all the press leaves and stays gone then quietly put in a light bulb and sneak away in the middle of the night.
What would happen if Congress decided to change a light bulb?
1) First the Democrats in the Senate and House will have to figure out why it's George W. Bushes fault the old light bulb burned out.
2) A panel will be convened to study the short and long term effects of changing or not changing the light bulb. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans are opposed to any wasteful spending on new light bulbs.
3) An environmental impact group will examine the correct wattage for the proposed bulb so that it complies with low carbon foot-print Global Warming standards.
4) The Congressional Black Caucus will call a press conference and protest because all the light bulbs will be white. They will slip in an amendment that 12% of all light bulbs included in any future light bulb installation be black light bulbs. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans support any and all light bulbs to be installed that truly want to be installed.
5) The government will begin to change the light bulb, hiring contractors and funding the logistical infrastructure to change future light bulbs. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans fully support the efforts to keep America well lit.
6) They will find out that some enterprising citizen already changed the light bulb five years before when the light bulb first went out. He will be arrested for violations of EPA regulations, his taxes audited, and the legality of any political campaign donations he has made will be investigated. There will be public hearings inviting anyone forward to testify if the offender has ever made any racist, sexist or other discriminatory statements in his life time. He will plead down to mere EPA violations, time served, and forced to remove the offending light bulb at his own cost by court order.
7) Four years later after strikes, budget over-runs, billions of dollars of pork and five bridges to nowhere later, the light bulb will have been replaced. Congressional leaders will then vote themselves all a pay raise. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans only reluctantly support a pay raise for themselves but had to vote for it to allow them to implement vital legislation.
8) The lawyers for the Association for the Protection of Electronics will win a lawsuit to remove the light bulb because no light bulb should be forced to change if it doesn't want to. Speaker Boehner will announce that the Republicans were opposed to this reckless and discriminatory effort from day one.
9) Someone will wait till all the press leaves and stays gone then quietly put in a light bulb and sneak away in the middle of the night.
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