BluePhantom
Educator (of liberals)
I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.
In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.
After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.
The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.
I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.
So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.
I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.
I welcome your thoughts.
In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.
After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.
The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.
I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.
So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.
I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.
I welcome your thoughts.