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The serenity prayer might be in order.
When it comes to family, you can't choose them, so you just accept them as they are, or you put them on ignore. It sounds to me like your brother has some serious hang-ups and is the one with the codependence problem, and you are the one who has broken free of some of it. Good for you.![]()
My brother calls me periodically. He means well, but he always ends up talking about my flipping ex(es). He always wants to talk about their sterling qualities, but doesn't want to hear anything I have to say, lectures me on how "useless" hatred is...
Which is true enough, but I'm sorry, if you talk to me about the good qualities of my fucking piece of shit ex, I'm going to feel compelled to say something. But he always wants to shut me down, while he waxes poetic. At the same time he is being "fair" by saying nice things about my ex, he strews little criticisms of me throughout...."you're not perfect" and "I'm sure you deserved it" ha, ha, funny dat, and "gosh you should have thought about that before you had two kids with him."
And he didn't even KNOW my ex. He met him a couple of times, and he wasn't impressed at the time. He just happened to run into the dickwad in a bar, and felt sorry for him because he was really nice.
Well yeah, he's always nice to men who can kick his ass. See what he's like when he's the toughest thing in the room. He's not nice at all. But of course, bro doesn't want to hear that sort of negativity.
Not that I want to talk about it, either, but I DIDN'T BRING IT UP. Repeatedly. Finally I became slightly irritated and offended my dear brother by saying if he expected me to heap praise upon my poor ex's head while he heaped coals upon mine, he was going to be disappointed.
It's like what the hell? I don't want to hear about what great chums you are with the douche and what a hag I am. Thanks, I left that behind.
I'm glad I have MY brother.![]()
yeah, I pretty much did. How much registered?
Probably a big, fat zero.
yeah, I pretty much did. How much registered?
Probably a big, fat zero.
This kinda reminds me of my sister and my X remaining friends after the divorce. I didn't consider it much of a problem until I re-married, then it was a problem for my wife.
My theory.. when you get a divorce you divorce the whole family... it works out better in the long run..
Sorry... your brothers a putz... accept it .. it's easier that way.. no guilt to carry around..
Hell he'd never spent an hour with the ex until he got blitzed with my ex and his ex's husband (who owns the bar, go figure).
Funny thing....both my ex and his ex's hubby are wife beaters. I saw that ass bash her while sitting across a table from me, and saw her black eyes.
Mine of course smashed my face into the wall and broke my foot....
But hey, they're really just nice guys. Why can't we all be friends?
I honestly could care less if he gets loaded with them once or twice in a lifetime, I'm not that unhinged...just please don't lay it in my lap and expect me to say "gosh that's GREAT! Yeah, they are really nice guys, so long as you're not a female and don't do anything to trigger them..."
Even that would bring "Why have you got to be so NEGATIVE" down on me.
Oh well.
If you have a salvagable relationship with a sibling, I say work on it. Sooner or later, all of us will face what I have...parents gone. Siblings can be a comfort when it happens.
allie, when he wants to talk about your ex(es), why don't you just say "why do you want to talk about them again?" it's water under the bridge?
then you don't have to talk about it at all.
o hell no!
each time he brings up the ex(es) *just curious how many ex(es) do you have?)
tell him you have to go and will call him back..then dont call back..simple as that....hell if he is hard headed just hang up the phone
Lol.
Trite but true...don't loan money to family unless you don't mind losing it.
allie, when he wants to talk about your ex(es), why don't you just say "why do you want to talk about them again?" it's water under the bridge?
then you don't have to talk about it at all.
Yeah, I tried that but he kept coming back to it until I was good and po'ed and got rather...snippy.
o hell no!
each time he brings up the ex(es) *just curious how many ex(es) do you have?)
tell him you have to go and will call him back..then dont call back..simple as that....hell if he is hard headed just hang up the phone
Since you are in a rural area, just say "oops, sorry, coyotes are raiding the henhouse" or whatever and hang up.
Sounds a wonderful dude. Is he a former client?
allie, when he wants to talk about your ex(es), why don't you just say "why do you want to talk about them again?" it's water under the bridge?
then you don't have to talk about it at all.
Yeah, I tried that but he kept coming back to it until I was good and po'ed and got rather...snippy.