There's no accounting for the meanness. My mom did it to my sister who was her primary caretaker though the last stages of terminal cancer. Mom didn't even have the defense of dementia on her side, but my sister was selfish if she did anything for herself, if she was late getting to the hospital, if she arranged for the grandkids to check in on Mom while Sis got away for a weekend. I was the favored daughter, securely in another state where I could come only intermittently and didn't deal with it day in and day out. Yes, I felt guilty about that. Evenmoreso when Mom would tell older sister how much more I cared about her and how much better I would take care of her.
Then older Sis breaks a hip over Christmas, gets re-hooked on pain meds, and dishes out almost nonstop grief to her oldest daughter who was the one in Kentucky where Sis was visiting at the time. Sis is hell on wheels when she's under the influence of the pain meds--treated her younger daughters like dirt through earlier incidents--now those younger daughters were saints who truly loved her and older daughter was the wicked witch of the west who was inattentive, selfish, and didn't give a damn about her. Sis then feigns that she doesn't have any memory of all that. Maybe she doesn't. I don't know. But she sure doesn't relate any of it to how our Mom treated her.
You cope.
That doesn't make it any easier of course Bones. But maybe--I hope--it helps in a small way to know that others have been through something of what you're going through and do understand what you are feeling. And we aren't gonna tell you to hang tough either. It's impossible. Just hope that you will survive it. And this too shall pass.
Then older Sis breaks a hip over Christmas, gets re-hooked on pain meds, and dishes out almost nonstop grief to her oldest daughter who was the one in Kentucky where Sis was visiting at the time. Sis is hell on wheels when she's under the influence of the pain meds--treated her younger daughters like dirt through earlier incidents--now those younger daughters were saints who truly loved her and older daughter was the wicked witch of the west who was inattentive, selfish, and didn't give a damn about her. Sis then feigns that she doesn't have any memory of all that. Maybe she doesn't. I don't know. But she sure doesn't relate any of it to how our Mom treated her.
You cope.
That doesn't make it any easier of course Bones. But maybe--I hope--it helps in a small way to know that others have been through something of what you're going through and do understand what you are feeling. And we aren't gonna tell you to hang tough either. It's impossible. Just hope that you will survive it. And this too shall pass.
