Abishai100
VIP Member
- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,957
- 250
- 85
This capitalism-perspective vignette I cooked up was inspired by the Planet of the Apes film-franchise and is meant to poke fun at all the anti-Trump comments we see in the media regarding commerce-destructive myopia.
Since I'm retiring from Internet-blogging, I wanted to leave on a more optimistic note...
Plus, I'm excited about the new Planet of the Apes film!
====
President Trump was put aboard an escape shuttle to leave Earth during the nuclear holocaust of WWIII. He landed on a faraway planet, as the specially-designed shuttle by NASA went at great speeds sufficient to leave Earth's solar system. When he got out of this spacecraft, he was greeted by a super-intelligent humanoid ape named Cornwall. Cornwall explained to a stunned Donald Trump that he was on the planet Xavier which was ruled by apes.
Trump greeted the other members of Cornwall's tribe known as the Helmet Hearts who were warring against the rival ape tribe on Xavier known as the Spear Eyes. Trump met the leader of the Helmet Hearts, a ruthless but shrewd ape named Roth who explained to Trump that the Spear Eyes were cannibals and needed to be eradicated. Trump told Roth of Earth and how humanity destroyed itself with a nuclear war, forcing him to escape and that his entire family was killed during a terrorist bombing of the White House when the war began!
Roth felt deeply sorry for Trump and told him that he would keep him under his guard on Xavier and help him start a new life, if Trump promised to teach him about the history and art of the human species, and Trump gladly agreed. Trump asked Roth if the Spear Eyes tribe were always cannibals or if they adopted cannibalism as a 'war-strategy,' and Roth explained that the Spear Eyes believed cannibalism was a simple social 'scheme' to dominate another clan in the name of planetary rule. Roth told Trump that if the Spear Eyes were not destroyed, they would doom the planet.
Two weeks later, Trump was kidnapped by a member of the Spear Eyes after a Helmet Hearts traitor informed the rival tribe of the arrival and sanctuary of Trump by Roth. Trump was brought before the leader of the Spear Eyes, a vicious-looking ape named Grendel. Grendel explained to Trump that the Spear Eyes looked vicious and cunning but were secretly poets who sought to end the deception and dishonesty of the Helmet Hearts. To 'trick' Roth, Grendel had the Helmet Hearts believe that the Spear Eyes were cannibals! Trump suggested that this kind of 'war negotiation' seemed rather savage, but Grendel explained that this was the way of survival on Xavier.
One month later, the Spear Eyes were to meet the Helmet Hearts on a battlefield on Xavier where Grendel would once and for all come face-to-face with Roth in a special hand-to-hand combat. As Trump watched the two armies line up on horses and elephants (the only two animal species besides the apes on Xavier), he wondered if Earth's nuclear-war savagery and terrorism ugliness was comparable to the fatalistic warlike demeanor of the apes on Xavier. Trump said to himself, "If I get out of this alive and find my way back to Earth (for whatever reason!), the first thing I'll do is make my peace with all the Starbucks cynicism that led to the nuclear holocaust on my own planet!"
====
Since I'm retiring from Internet-blogging, I wanted to leave on a more optimistic note...
Plus, I'm excited about the new Planet of the Apes film!
====
President Trump was put aboard an escape shuttle to leave Earth during the nuclear holocaust of WWIII. He landed on a faraway planet, as the specially-designed shuttle by NASA went at great speeds sufficient to leave Earth's solar system. When he got out of this spacecraft, he was greeted by a super-intelligent humanoid ape named Cornwall. Cornwall explained to a stunned Donald Trump that he was on the planet Xavier which was ruled by apes.
Trump greeted the other members of Cornwall's tribe known as the Helmet Hearts who were warring against the rival ape tribe on Xavier known as the Spear Eyes. Trump met the leader of the Helmet Hearts, a ruthless but shrewd ape named Roth who explained to Trump that the Spear Eyes were cannibals and needed to be eradicated. Trump told Roth of Earth and how humanity destroyed itself with a nuclear war, forcing him to escape and that his entire family was killed during a terrorist bombing of the White House when the war began!
Roth felt deeply sorry for Trump and told him that he would keep him under his guard on Xavier and help him start a new life, if Trump promised to teach him about the history and art of the human species, and Trump gladly agreed. Trump asked Roth if the Spear Eyes tribe were always cannibals or if they adopted cannibalism as a 'war-strategy,' and Roth explained that the Spear Eyes believed cannibalism was a simple social 'scheme' to dominate another clan in the name of planetary rule. Roth told Trump that if the Spear Eyes were not destroyed, they would doom the planet.
Two weeks later, Trump was kidnapped by a member of the Spear Eyes after a Helmet Hearts traitor informed the rival tribe of the arrival and sanctuary of Trump by Roth. Trump was brought before the leader of the Spear Eyes, a vicious-looking ape named Grendel. Grendel explained to Trump that the Spear Eyes looked vicious and cunning but were secretly poets who sought to end the deception and dishonesty of the Helmet Hearts. To 'trick' Roth, Grendel had the Helmet Hearts believe that the Spear Eyes were cannibals! Trump suggested that this kind of 'war negotiation' seemed rather savage, but Grendel explained that this was the way of survival on Xavier.
One month later, the Spear Eyes were to meet the Helmet Hearts on a battlefield on Xavier where Grendel would once and for all come face-to-face with Roth in a special hand-to-hand combat. As Trump watched the two armies line up on horses and elephants (the only two animal species besides the apes on Xavier), he wondered if Earth's nuclear-war savagery and terrorism ugliness was comparable to the fatalistic warlike demeanor of the apes on Xavier. Trump said to himself, "If I get out of this alive and find my way back to Earth (for whatever reason!), the first thing I'll do is make my peace with all the Starbucks cynicism that led to the nuclear holocaust on my own planet!"
====
