The Ethics of Interpersonal Romantic Relationships

[DGS49]

Over the past year, I have heard a number of people - always women - complaining that their POSSLQ* was "cheating on them."

I call, "Bullshit."

The spectrum of commitment in romantic relationships runs from casual dating to marriage, with casual dating importing no commitment whatsoever and marriage demanding monogamy until the couple is separated by death. Literally all of these relationships are entered voluntarily. Or not.

As a couple "graduates" from casual dating to regular dating to exclusive dating to cohabiting to formal engagement to marriage, the level of commitment increases.

Except that it doesn't.

It only increases in the minds of (usually) the female partner. Until you get to formal engagement - including a WEDDING DATE - there is NO COMMITMENT from the male. The joint decision to "live together" is not a commitment. In fact, it is the OPPOSITE of a commitment. It is a choice by two consenting, legally capable adults NOT to become engaged or marry, while at the same time enjoying the "comforts" of marriage. It is at least one of them saying, "I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE A COMMITMENT (to you, at this time)," and for the other to presume otherwise is foolhardy.

The only thing that co-habiting does is, it makes withdrawing from the relationship potentially uncomfortable, if withdrawal is unilateral.

I submit that you cannot "cheat" against a co-habiting relationship. You can "cheat" if you are married or formally engaged, but unless there is an overt commitment to monogamy, dalliance is nothing more than dalliance. There is no implicit commitment with cohabiting. The male is simply happy to have a regular receptacle for his horny impulses. Sorry.

As for whether it is morally "wrong" to "cheat" against a relationship that is based in fornication, I figuratively laugh my ass off at the very thought. But that's just me.


_____________
* Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters

 

[Bo Didleysquat]

Over the past year, I have heard a number of people - always women - complaining that their POSSLQ* was "cheating on them."

I call, "Bullshit."

The spectrum of commitment in romantic relationships runs from casual dating to marriage, with casual dating importing no commitment whatsoever and marriage demanding monogamy until the couple is separated by death. Literally all of these relationships are entered voluntarily. Or not.

As a couple "graduates" from casual dating to regular dating to exclusive dating to cohabiting to formal engagement to marriage, the level of commitment increases.

Except that it doesn't.

It only increases in the minds of (usually) the female partner. Until you get to formal engagement - including a WEDDING DATE - there is NO COMMITMENT from the male. The joint decision to "live together" is not a commitment. In fact, it is the OPPOSITE of a commitment. It is a choice by two consenting, legally capable adults NOT to become engaged or marry, while at the same time enjoying the "comforts" of marriage. It is at least one of them saying, "I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE A COMMITMENT (to you, at this time)," and for the other to presume otherwise is foolhardy.

The only thing that co-habiting does is, it makes withdrawing from the relationship potentially uncomfortable, if withdrawal is unilateral.

I submit that you cannot "cheat" against a co-habiting relationship. You can "cheat" if you are married or formally engaged, but unless there is an overt commitment to monogamy, dalliance is nothing more than dalliance. There is no implicit commitment with cohabiting. The male is simply happy to have a regular receptacle for his horny impulses. Sorry.

As for whether it is morally "wrong" to "cheat" against a relationship that is based in fornication, I figuratively laugh my ass off at the very thought. But that's just me.


_____________
* Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters

Whenever I wish to know more about women, I go find some guy with and ax to grind with women.

 

[Care4all]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

I think you are right on one party not being ready to marry,

However, I think women view it as a test on commitment before sealing the deal with you or a man.... if he can't be faithful when you are living together and he is getting his daily waxing, how could he be faithful when married, kind of rational?

 

[Bo Didleysquat]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

I think you are right on one party not being ready to marry,

However, I think women view it as a test on commitment before sealing the deal with you or a man.... if he can't be faithful when you are living together and he is getting his daily waxing, how could he be faithful when married, kind of rational?

Rather than behaving presidentially?

 

[Dogmaphobe]

POSSLQ

I'm glad you explained that. I thought it might have meant "possible liquor" and was about to admonish you because in any relationship with me, liquor is a guarantee.

Speaking of guarantees, though, no relationship I have ever had has been just about sex, and living with somebody is a commitment to them. I am extremely loyal by nature.

If you are living with somebody and AREN'T telling them they are just for sex, I would say you are misleading them. If you are having sex or emotional involvement with others, you are cheating on them unless you have both made it clear that those are the terms of your relationship.

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

I think you are right on one party not being ready to marry,

However, I think women view it as a test on commitment before sealing the deal with you or a man.... if he can't be faithful when you are living together and he is getting his daily waxing, how could he be faithful when married, kind of rational?

Rather than behaving presidentially?

Why do you people with extremely low IQs try to make everything so partisan?

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

SOME men think that way.

Do you want to be portrayed as a weak, helpless creature who gets up on a chair and shrieks for a man to help when you see a little mouse scurrying across the floor? If not, you should not painting men with a broad brush just as sexist.

 

[rightwinger]

If you are living with someone, you are committing to a monogamous relationship

You do not get to say......See ya, got a date tonight

 

[Care4all]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

SOME men think that way.

Do you want to be portrayed as a weak, helpless creature who gets up on a chair and shrieks for a man to help when you see a little mouse scurrying across the floor? If not, you should not painting men with a broad brush just as sexist.

Did not mean to imply such..... my husband is a very good person who honors commitment, not because he has to because of some rule, but because he wants to, because he loves me, as I, do him.

 

[Toro]

I'd like to know what the OP's reaction would be if he came home and found his live-in banging the pizza guy.

"Oh, no problem honey! Is your friend staying for dinner?"



I think not.

 

[Bo Didleysquat]

Just proves men are from Mars and women are from Venus.....


Though I suppose, I can see your point of view.... And my mom would have warned me, that this is how men think, so you have her support....

SOME men think that way.

Do you want to be portrayed as a weak, helpless creature who gets up on a chair and shrieks for a man to help when you see a little mouse scurrying across the floor? If not, you should not painting men with a broad brush just as sexist.

See the OP, he's the one who needs your little sermon here.

 

[Bo Didleysquat]

I'd like to know what the OP's reaction would be if he came home and found his live-in banging the pizza guy.

"Oh, no problem honey! Is your friend staying for dinner?"



I think not.

Has he ever had a live-in?

 

[Dogmaphobe]

I'd like to know what the OP's reaction would be if he came home and found his live-in banging the pizza guy.

"Oh, no problem honey! Is your friend staying for dinner?"



I think not.

oh, come now, Toro! That is just ridiculous.

DGS lives in a rough neighborhood. it's too dangerous for the pizza places to send out just ONE guy on deliveries.

 

[Questioner]

Over the past year, I have heard a number of people - always women - complaining that their POSSLQ* was "cheating on them."

I call, "Bullshit."

The spectrum of commitment in romantic relationships runs from casual dating to marriage, with casual dating importing no commitment whatsoever and marriage demanding monogamy until the couple is separated by death. Literally all of these relationships are entered voluntarily. Or not.

As a couple "graduates" from casual dating to regular dating to exclusive dating to cohabiting to formal engagement to marriage, the level of commitment increases.

Except that it doesn't.

It only increases in the minds of (usually) the female partner. Until you get to formal engagement - including a WEDDING DATE - there is NO COMMITMENT from the male. The joint decision to "live together" is not a commitment. In fact, it is the OPPOSITE of a commitment. It is a choice by two consenting, legally capable adults NOT to become engaged or marry, while at the same time enjoying the "comforts" of marriage. It is at least one of them saying, "I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE A COMMITMENT (to you, at this time)," and for the other to presume otherwise is foolhardy.

The only thing that co-habiting does is, it makes withdrawing from the relationship potentially uncomfortable, if withdrawal is unilateral.

I submit that you cannot "cheat" against a co-habiting relationship. You can "cheat" if you are married or formally engaged, but unless there is an overt commitment to monogamy, dalliance is nothing more than dalliance. There is no implicit commitment with cohabiting. The male is simply happy to have a regular receptacle for his horny impulses. Sorry.

As for whether it is morally "wrong" to "cheat" against a relationship that is based in fornication, I figuratively laugh my ass off at the very thought. But that's just me.


_____________
* Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters

That's your problem, can't deal with the reality of the drama of such and apartment, find a better hobby. You're clearly blind to human nature.

By the same token then, no if the woman had another boyfriend on the side, it wouldn't be "cheating".