Last night was hard, like being in a waking nightmare with no way out. While I'm not sucidal I now know why some people take their lives or just give up and lock themselves away. I did two things that helped, started a grief journal and took a couple of Lorazepam to help sleep and help it did. I slept for about 9 hours straight and only a call at noon from the hospice bereavement counselor woke me up or I would have slept longer. The drawback to taking the Lorazepam is I'm now dealing with a mental and visual fog, can't wait for this shit to wear off and probably won't take it again unless my grief becomes overwealming again.